


Severus Snape - A magical muggle

by ScorpyR



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Alan Rickman Tribute, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Character Death, Cruciatus, Danger, Death, Death Eaters, Developing Relationship, Drama & Romance, Emotions, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Falling In Love, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Good Albus Dumbledore, Good Weasley Family (Harry Potter), Hand Jobs, Harry Potter - Freeform, Hogsmeade, Hogwarts, Loss of Control, Love, Lucius Malfoy - Freeform, Magic, Mental Control, Mentor Severus Snape, Mind Control, Ministry of Magic (Harry Potter), Nagini - Freeform, Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, Order of the Phoenix - Freeform, Pain, Past Relationship(s), Post-Second War with Voldemort, Potions Masters (Harry Potter), Professors, Second War with Voldemort, Severus - Freeform, Severus Snape - Freeform, Severus Snape Has a Heart, Severus Snape Lives, Sex, Sexual Content, Smutt, Spinner's End, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Visions, dumbledore - Freeform, love hate relationship, muggle, potions master, snape - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2020-03-05 11:47:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 49
Words: 122,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18828076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScorpyR/pseuds/ScorpyR
Summary: Love can be found at the most unexpected places at the most random times. And Severus Snape never thought he would find it in a Muggle, not after Lily. Not after all the sacrifices, and the pain, and the grief. Ana, a peculiar Muggle with abilities beyond his own, entered his life unexpectantly, and as much as he tried to fight it, the feelings ignited he night he met me. On my 18th birthday.I have abilities. Strange ones. And over the years I keep discovering more about them.  And that made me enter a world I wasn't prepared for. Made me join a battle that wasn't mine to fight for.  I couldn't be more thankful.





	1. Chapter 1

I was only 10 years old when strange things started to happen to me. I couldn't understand what it was, or why it happened, but after that first time, I was involved in something that I had no explanation for.

It was Christmas' eve, my favorite night of the year. My parents and I were gathered in the living room, sitting by the Christmas' tree, opening our gifts. The clock marked midnight, classical music was playing in the background, the champagne was bubbling in my parent's glasses, and the room was pleasantly warm by the small fireplace burning.

"Well, open it, sweety." My mother handed me a gift.

I rolled my eyes. "I can't believe aunt Mary gave me another pair of socks. With Mickey Mouse pattern. Uh, I'm not a little baby anymore!" I protested and my parents' expressions turned into angry ones.

"Ana! I can't believe you saw your Christmas' presents!"

"I'm joking! But she really gave another pair of socks? With Mickey Mouse on them?" I unwrapped my aunt's present and there they were, just as I imagined them. I looked at my parents with a confused expression on my face. "I swear I didn't see it!"

"Ana, don't lie." My mother tried to talk calmly, but my dad was already red with anger. They're usually like this: my mother always tries to take care of things calmly and my dad would always be the deranged one. But he's not a bad father, he's just... too nervous about everything. I think it's because of his job, he's a very important businessman in his company.

"I'm lying. I swear... I just... Guessed it!"

"Ok, honey. It's ok." My mother answered.

My father got up quickly, pushing all the gifts he received off of his lap and to the floor. My mother closed her eyes and took a deep breath as my father started grumbling.

"She's going to be a spoiled kid if you keep on believing on everything she says! She's a liar and you're just feeding her insolence."

They kept on arguing with each other as I slowly was taken away from the real world, to my own world, where my thoughts are alive and I can get away from the unsafe and saddening reality of our lives. Then, much to my parents' surprise, I got up from the floor, as if some unseen force was controlling me and picked up the phone.

"What do you think you're doing?" My father yelled.

"Calling 9-1-1."

"And why is that?" He asked, already snapping the phone out of my hand.

"Because of the accident outside."

My parents froze staring at me in a mix of shock and confusion. They didn't hear anything - well, probably because they were arguing in the middle of Christmas' eve - so they both opened the front door to check outside. It was calm as it would be expected. No one was on the streets and there was no sign of an accident. When my father turned to me to yell and even lifted a hand to hit me, we all jumped back, startled with the big explosion coming from the house on the other side of the street.

My parents looked at me in horror.

When I was a few years older, the future wasn't the only thing I was able to see. I started looking to the past too, which scared my parents the most. I started with small things, like things that happened to my parents hours or days before. Then it was random things, about random people. But then I was able to see the more distant past. Like past diseases and which members of my family died with those conditions, or things about the life of random people that lived hundreds of years ago.

It was infuriating how my parents have gotten into several fights over the years because of my condition, or ability. I would lock myself in my room at night after dinner hearing them arguing, but then I would escape through the window and would always go to the same place, over and over again. The coffee shop in King's Cross' station.

"Another fight, uh?" Melanie asked when she served me some hot chocolate.

"Yes, another stupid fight about me and I didn't even do anything this time."

"I hate when parents do this to their own families. Anyway, you can always come here, you know that. And if anything happens, I'm here for you." She smiled and approached an old man sitting on another table reading his newspaper.

Melanie was 25, 5 years older than me and since I was there every time my parents fought (which were a lot) she made conversation with me over the years and we are something resembling best friends.

I was reading my book about Norse Mythology when my eyes scanned the old man in front of me. Something about his newspaper caught my eye. It's not that I don't think that I'm not crazy - I mean, I see shit that happened and that will happen, that is crazy - but I swear I saw a picture moving.

The man sensed my eyes and put the paper down just enough to look at me and smile. It was a kind smile, warm even.

I smiled back and turned my attention back to the book. I love reading about the audacious Loki and how he's always in the middle of trouble. It always makes me laugh in the hardest moments like I was going through that night.

"Nice choice for a book. You seem a very young girl to even like to read a book." An old man's voice was heard, and it made me look up to find a pair of shiny blue eyes staring at me with a lovely look.

"I like fantasies and legends. And I also like Loki." I answered.

The man laughed. "Oh, the God of Mischief and Lies. One must ask you not to follow his teachings."

"Oh, no. I don't like to lie. I don't even remember lying to anyone." I laughed but then became serious. "Maybe that's my problem."

The old man furrowed his brows. "Lying is never the answer to anything, little one. Sometimes it is just the simplest way, but never the answer." I glanced at him with a bewildered look and he chuckled.

After that conversation, whenever I went to that coffee shop, Albus Dumbledore was there, reading his peculiar newspaper. I never once asked him what was that paper that he reads so much about, I think he would never answer me. Our conversations became deeper every time we met. I tell him about my parent's discussions about my life, my dreams, and expectations and he always has sweet words to say to me, intriguing sometimes, but sweet anyway. He was becoming a friendly figure, something resembling a grandparent that you can always run to whenever you need help or feel hopeless.

On my 18th birthday, I sneaked after dinner to the King's Cross Station to find Albus. I wanted to celebrate my birthday with him and Melanie. But on my way there, something strange happened.

It was like I was sleeping; like I was dreaming. I felt my body lighter - like I was floating in the air -, and then I started to fall fast to the ground, only to stop abruptly in a dark alley. In front of me was a man, trembling, crying, and begging for mercy. It felt like I was not in my own body, nor my own mind. It felt like I was in somebody's mind.

"Please, my Lord, have mercy on me." The man pleaded.

My vision glanced to the night sky, filled with stars and illuminated by the full moon. Then I closed them and looked back to the man. Someone's voice could be heard from within me. It was a male's voice. Harsh, hoarse, and vixenish.

"I had mercy on you already. But not after failing on me as you did, my friend Samuel."

The men widened his teary eyes and opened his mouth to speak, but after two words being pronounced and someone waved some kind of stick or wand in the air, a green light stole his life away and he fell limp on the floor.

I wanted to scream or to cry, but my throat wasn't mine, my body wasn't mine, and I was stuck there, watching that lifeless body in front of me.

By some divine action, I was back to myself like I fell from the sky again. I touched my body and my face to confirm I was in my own body and I sighed in relief. For a second I thought  _I was crazy_ , but then I looked up at the clear sky and the full moon illuminating the night, and I ran to King's Cross Station the faster I could.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" I asked myself out loud while I walked through the empty streets of London, where only a few people were walking at that time of night, totally unaware of my situation.

Before I knew it, another vision overwhelmed me, and the trance state took over me, taking me to another place. This time, I was on the floor, like I was crawling in an s-line. It was a little stranger this time (as if this kind of visions weren't strange already), I felt like I wasn't human. And for a moment, the direction of my vision changed as I looked up after hearing the same evil voice as before.

"Nagini," the voice said, and I saw his face. It was like I saw death itself. Pale, vicious blue eyes, no nose, no hair and wrinkles all over his face. "Go to the dungeons and eat."

And as if by magic, in a snap of a finger, I was in a dark room, where a beaten man was lying on the floor, almost lifeless. I crawled toward him, creating a cleaner path as I slid through the dusty stones of the floor. On my left side, I saw rusty metal bars, as if it was a prison cell, a dark prison cell; there was also a mattress on the floor, serving as a bed, and a bowl with rotting food, feeding some lucky flies and bugs. The man in front of me was shaking, but his body wasn't moving like he was paralyzed, and his eyes were widened as I slowly approached him; on my right side I saw something that made my heart race like it never did before: a mirror and its reflection. My reflection. A horrifying snake, large and long, with two killing and hungry eyes, ready for its feast.

The last thing I saw and heard before feeling my real body hitting against something was the man's screams as I launched my body quickly towards him.

"Watch where you're going." A deep, sultry growl came from a man in front of me.

My eyes started processing the images of the real world, and I finally arrived at my destiny: King's Cross Station.

I bumped against a tall man dressed in black robes that dragged through the floor but were inexplicably clean. His face was stern as if he was upset with me, but his dark brown eyes were shiny and mystic as if they held too many secrets. His hair was sleek and dark as a raven, falling on his shoulder in a wavy way.

He looked at me from above, waiting for an apology, and even though I was too troubled with my new freaky moments, I was still able to be polite.

"I'm truly sorry, Sir." Then, I clean out of the way to let him pass through. He looked at me with a haughty look and started walking towards the Coffee Shop.

"Insolent Muggles." He whined and since I was still in a strange state I demurred, making him turn around shocked and speechless.

"I apologized, there's no need to be rude!" Then I passed by him and entered the shop, seeing Albus sitting on his usual spot.

He smiled and waved at me, and I relaxed for a while, walking to his table. Once I sat on the red cushioned seat, Melanie poured me some coffee.

"Happy birthday, Ana." She kissed me on the head and offered me a little cake, leaving me alone with Albus. 

"Harry birthday, little one," Albus said, smiling warmly behind his long beard. I never really asked him why he never shaves his beard, nor why he dresses so funny, but after seeing that black raven just outside the coffee shop, I never going to find his clothes unusual. Albus furrowed his brows in suspicion, even though I faked a smile. "What it's wrong? You seem troubled."

I was about to answer when the man with black robes stood just by our side. I looked at him and rolled my eyes.

"What now?" I asked, "I already apologized, Jeez!"

Albus looked at me and to Severus and ignored my comment.

"Severus, my friend, please, join us."

I looked at Albus with confusion and the man named Severus sat by my side hesitantly.

"Ana, this is Severus Snape, a trustworthy friend of mine," he then turned to Severus, "Ana here is a dear friend of mine, I'm sure you remember her from our conversations. Today it's her 18th birthday, a very special date for her."

I faked a smile, fumbled and ashamed for my previous aggressive behavior and said a shyly hi. Severus just nodded and ignored me, looking at Albus as he started talking.

"So, Ana you were trying to tell me something. You seemed troubled when you walked in here."

"Oh, yeah, yeah... It has been a very... strange day." I stared outside, remembering every detail of my visions. I had told Albus about my  _abilities_ before. He insisted with me one time when I walked by him with tearful eyes. 

 _"_ You would think I'm  crazy   or   worse , a  liar ," I  told  him after he  made  me  sit  on a  bench , next to the  trains '  line . We  stood   there  in  silence ,  watching  as people got in and out of the  trains , focused on their  own   lives .

"If you  lived  as  long  as I have,  or   knew  as  much  as I know, nothing would surprise you by now.  Every   person  has a  different   reality  in their  lives . They  suffer  their  own   pains , they live their  own  stories, and when  something   goes   out of the  ordinary , they get  scared .  Only  because they are  afraid  of the  unknown . But just because there's  something  that other people  can't   perceive , it  doesn't   mean  you're the one  who's   insane ."

That  evening  I  told  him  everything  about my...  abilities . Like I can see the  past   or   predict  the future. About my  crazy   nightmares  and the out of body  occurrences  that  I've  been  experiencing . 

He said nothing, just entered in a  contemplative   mode , as if he was lost in his  own   thoughts .

Then,  every  time  something  out of the  ordinary   happened , I  told  him and he would help me understand it.  Together  we even  translated   dreams   into   rational   explanations  and  stopped   several   accidents  from  happening .

"You can talk. Severus is also an understandable man as I am."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, right."

Severus looked at me with a lifted brow and, hesitantly, I looked him in the eyes. For a fraction of second, I was lost in his dark eyes like I was leaving my body again, but this time I was in the same spot. I was interrupted by Albus.

"Tell me what happened."

I sighed and started telling everything since the beginning of my journey to King's Cross. I even told them that I was still walking to my destiny, even though my mind was far away. That's why I bumped to Severus and was snapped out of my trance.

Once I was finished, Albus was looking at me with his usual kind eyes, but there was something else there. Something resembling contentment. Severus, on the other hand, stopped in time, as if he had seen a ghost.

"So, Severus, what do you think?" Albus asked, interrupting the man's thoughts.

Without taking his eyes off of me, Severus started asking questions.

"Do you know the man's name? The one that killed the first man of your visions?"

"No, as you can imagine, there was not a lot of talking. It was something quick. But he said two words before the man died." Severus waited for an answer, his eyes burning deep in mine. "I think it was  _ava.. avada kedrava_?"

Severus gasped but continued asking questions.

"And on the second vision? Describe the snake you saw."

I furrowed a brow, but never took my eyes off him. Albus, on the other side of the table, watched the two of us attentively,  with a smiling and playful expression on his face.

"I told you. It was dark, you couldn't see properly. But it was long and fat, I think. Light Brown and dark green, with dark patterns." I tried to remember something else and it felt like something important occurred in my mind. "AH!!! There was something else. It's' name. Nagini."

Severus gasped again and remained silent, watching me while I continued my conversation with Albus. He was intrigued by me. A non-magical being with powers beyond the limits of his own abilities. Someone who can see the past, predict the future and even see what's happening through someone else's eyes. It was like Legitimacy. But better. More powerful.

He noticed that I wasn't afraid of that ability. He noticed that even though I was surprised with my visions, I embraced them and actually tried to understand them. Something that the common Muggle wouldn't do. The ones he knew (including his own father) were despicable, puny and repellent. But he noticed that he didn't feel any of that coming from me.

And as he heard me talking with Albus, he wondered what else could I be able to do. What more fascinating characteristic could I have.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, I'm trying to take things slow in this one. I hope you like it :)  
> Please leave kudos and comment. All your comments are welcome !

Inexplicably my next days at home were peaceful. My parents' discussions were almost non-existent, it almost seemed like they didn't care about anything. In school, people stopped mocking me for being a loner.  I never was one to have friends nor go to parties. I would focus on my studies since I wanted to be a doctor. Then I applied for university and got in, which aggravated my nerdiness. But I don't mind, though. Kids can be mean to each other, so I assumed I was better off without friends.

Until, of course, I met Melanie and Albus Dumbledore.

After my 18th birthday, I started taking walks with Albus and his strange friend, Severus. He was a mystery to me. He rarely talked and when he did, it seemed like I had offended him. Even if I was quiet the whole time.

They have been helping me with my abilities. I don't know why, nor what's in for them. But every weekend we meet at the central park at night, where no one can see us. And we practice.

"You need to think about what you feel when your visions are taking over you," Albus said with his lovely voice. We were sitting on the grass, in the middle of the forest, with a small bonfire in front of us. It was actually cozy and relaxing.

I looked at him, not knowing what to say and Severus talked for the first time since we arrived at the park.

"We want to try a different approach since we've been failing with the other ones. Something triggers your visions, that is certain. You must find a pattern. A feeling, a memory, anything that tingles your mind."

"Well, every time something like that happens I'm either too happy or too angry."

Severus pressed his lips in a thin line, thinking about what I said as if he was trying to connect the dots. Albus took the lead and started talking about the power of our emotions. How it can move the immovables objects, cross space and time and affect our choices in the most sage ways.

"Maybe a memory of those moments can put you in a trance." Albus looked at Severus and nodded his head. Severus knew exactly what he wanted him to do but he thought it was too soon. Either way, he did as instructed.

"Look at me," Severus ordered.

My eyes left the fire slowly burning in front of me and lost themselves in Severus'. That image never left my mind: the red and orange flames illuminating his pale face, shining through his eyes. It seemed like he was made from heaven, even though he resembled more a dark angel.

What felt like hours of deep gazing was disrupted when Severus brows were furrowed and he moved uncomfortably on the floor. He focused himself again and looked at me more intensively but his face turned to a perplexed expression.

"What is it, Severus?" Albus asked in a low voice.

"I-- " He gasped slightly. "I can't read her."

"She's an Occlumens?" I was confused about their strange conversation.

"No. Her mind is fully accessible. But it's all... blank."

Albus looked at me with his smiley face, but an intrigued look behind his shiny eyes. It was like he was a scientist experimenting with something that came out with a different output than he was expecting. Different but still interesting.

"Uh, what the hell are you doing?" I asked with a furrowed brow.

Severus looked at Albus with a questioning look, probably not knowing what to answer and Albus just smiled warmly.

"You will be told soon, my dear." He exchanged looks with Severus and proceeded with the session. He asked me to think about the last thing I was thinking before the last vision. Of course, the reason why I am always so upset was is because of my parents' wrecking marriage. I was completely ignorant about why the hell they were still together if their marriage is a complete failure.

I lowered my eyes to the ground and thought about it for a while.

Nothing occurred.

I tried again.

And once again, nothing happened.

"It's ok, my dear. We have all the time in the world." Albus sweet voice took me back to the real world.

"It's frustrating. It feels like this thing have its own will -- like it happens when I don't want to."

"That  _thing_  is part of you.  You only need to find out how to trigger it and control it." He tried to make me relax but that only made me more bothered. 

Severus just looked at us in silence, still surprised about the peek he had in my mind. He was one of the best Legilimens he ever knew. He even fooled the Dark Lord, for Merlin's sake! He had to invade thousands of minds without authorization and hide his own thoughts from everyone around him. But then, he meets a young woman like me with this kind of abilities that confuses him. I'm not a magical wizard, but I'm also not a total muggle. I am... hybrid. And that confused him too much. He's been having meetings with Dumbledore, to talk about me. They have been talking with the members of the Order of the Phoenix and even the Ministry of Magic itself to let me into their magical world. Something that was proving hard, but that they were confident about. But first, I had to show them what I can do.

Albus was rambling about his infinite knowledge about life and I was listening to him as I always do. He decided to end the session for today, so we stayed a little while talking about me. That of course until my phone started ringing in my pocket. On the ID was my father, so I picked it up immediately.

"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?" He yelled and I even had to deviate the phone from my ear.

"With friends, why?" I gulped. Albus was looking at me with a sad smile, but Severus seemed confused behind his tough mask.

"GET YOUR ASS HOME RIGHT NOW! YOU CAN BE AN ADULT NOW BUT YOU LIVE UNDER MY ROOF AND ACCORDING TO MY RULES!" I heard my mother on the background crying and asking him to stop, but after a noisy sound, I heard her screaming.

"What did you do???" I heard my mother yelling for him to stop and to give up on whatever he wanted to do, and I yelled at him. "STOP!!! IF YOU HURT HER, I SWEAR TO GOD..."

I got up from the floor, ready to run back home to help my mother. My father hung up the phone and for some reason, I started trembling, my belly started hurting and my heart was beating at a quick pace. It felt like I was having a bad dream and hoped to wake up any minute. But it didn't happen.

Albus' warm smile left his face and a serious expression turned his frame a little darker. He was worried. Not only about what he heard on the phone (he knew about my parent's issues) but because he feared what could happen to me if I go alone.

"Wait!" He called me and I looked back, just after getting up and leave. "We're coming with you."

"We are?" Severus asked confused. Albus looked at him with a grave expression and he didn't say anything else.

I didn't even answer. Just nodded and turned around, walking at a fast pace.

My house is a couple of blocks away. Maybe ten-fifteen minutes away. Sometimes when I need to be really alone, I walk through the park, by the lake in the central area, but mainly I lay down in the grass, between the dense trees of the forest, where the only thing you hear are the animals making sure their presence is felt.

Quickly, I arrived home and tried to open the door with my key. I was shivering, so it was hard to do it. But as soon as I walked in, there was only silence and darkness. There were no noises, no yelling, nothing. If it wasn't for the fallen chairs and the lifted corner of the carpet you could say no one was at home.

"Severus," Albus whispered. "Get ready for any mishap."

Severus nodded and landed his hand on his pocket, grabbing his wand, just in case he needs to draw it.

I turned on every light in the house, looking for my parents in the kitchen, the living, and dining room, but there were no signs of them. I took a deep breath and decided to go upstairs, hand gripping hard the wooden handrail, followed by Albus and Severus.

I searched for my parents in their bedroom for any clue about where they could be. But it was empty. They were not in their bathroom either, so I searched for the rest of the house until I opened my bedroom door. 

My room was dark and quiet. The window was slightly open allowing the summer breeze to warm me up. I felt a shiver down my spine as my eyes fell on the letter with my name on it, placed on my white beauty table. Everything in my room was untouched, except that letter that didn't belong there.

I opened the envelope, sat on the edge of my bed and read the letter.

Severus' eyes scanned the room. His hand was still gripping his wand on his pocket, alerted for any unpleasant encounter, but nothing happened. The room was clean white. He expected it to be covered with posters as all the young muggles my age do, but there was none. Instead, one of the walls was filled with books, carefully placed in shelves. Muggle books, of course, but still, he couldn't help but notice how well organized they were. The white table where the letter was placed, had a round mirror with led lights, and there was makeup and hair tools spread all over it, but oddly arranged. He could perceive that I was meticulously organized, I like to have everything in its place. He even noticed the desk on the corner of the room, filled with notebooks and pencils. It seemed like I was a reader and studious. A dedicated learned. Something he values very much.

Then, his eyes laid on me and for a moment he was expecting me to fall on the floor, lifeless. I was pale, tears running down my face, eyes red (he couldn't decide if it was from the crying or just anger) and my fists were clenched on my knees. The letter seemed to have horrible news, and it was long as well.

Once I finished the letter, all I wanted to do was to scream and cry, and break things. I was shaking. Hard. I couldn't hear Albus' voice asking me to calm down.

I got up from the bed, determined to break everything in their bedroom, so I stormed out of mine and headed for my destination. 

In the middle of my way out, it happened again. The visions.

I leaned against the wall, breathing heavy as I was having flashes of someone in my house, talking to my parents. My mother was on the floor, hair all messed up, red face and red eyes; my father was talking to a mysterious man covered in black ropes. I couldn't see his face, it was like I was too afraid to look at him, but soon after, the man was gone and my parents were rushing upstairs, gathering some clothes in a bag. While my father finished the bag, my mother wrote the letter and placed it in my room, running out of the house.

"Ana?" I barely heard Albus calling out my name, everything was a blur. "Ana."

Many other visions took over me at the same time, not leaving enough time for me to breathe. My parents were running for something or someone; the devil-faced man continued torturing and killing people with no mercy; it was like I was part of a totally different world from what I'm used to. I couldn't grab a thought - a vision - and focus on it. 

It was too much for me to bear.

The last thing I saw before finally closing my eyes was Severus' arms around me as my body fell on the floor.


	3. Chapter 3

A sweet smell of a baked cake springled my senses. I didn't even know I was waking up when that heavenly smell was felt. My eyes had a hard time adjusting to the light, but they were snapped open as I remembered last night events and didn't recognize where I was.

I was laying in an unknown bed, in an unknown bedroom. There were three more beds there, two wardrobes and three windows where the intense light was coming from. It seemed like I was in an old house since the floor was covered in dark wood and the walls were grey and had this old wallpaper threatening to fall down.

I got up from the bed quickly but had to sit down again. I was dizzy and weak, and my eyes were sore - not sure if they were sore because of the light or for crying too hard last night.

When I felt good to go, I walked out of the room, finding a dark corridor and some stairs. I could hear people talking - a woman, some kids, and Severus. I could recognize his voice. I felt safer.

Once I appeared in the room they were in, I was surprised to see a long table full of people that I didn't even know. Severus was sitting there and once his eyes fell on me, he got up and walked to my side.

"You shouldn't be out of bed." He said with his harsh tone.

"I don't usually stay in someone else's bed without knowing where the hell I am." I raised a brow at him and he made me take a seat on the table.

"Dumbledore will be here any minute and he'll talk to you."

"About what?" I asked as a smiling woman put some warm bread and butter in front of me, along with a cup of orange juice. I thanked her and started eating. I didn't even know I was this hungry.

Severus didn't answer.  _Brat_. Instead, he rolled his eyes, relaxed on his chair and stayed mute the rest of the time. People inside the room introduced themselves to me with curious smiles on their faces.

"I'm Sirius Black, this is my house. Albus' friends are always welcome here. Please, feel free to stay here as long as you need."

"Thank you." Sirius was an older man but still had some charm. His black curly hair was perfectly combed; his clear blue eyes were shining in expectation and at the same time were welcoming; and his purple suit made him look like a gentleman.

"I'm Molly Weasley, and this is my husband, Arthur." The ginger lady said. "This is my daughter Ginny and this is -- Ron will you stop eating and say hi to our guest? - This is my son, Ron."

"It's nice to meet you. I'm Anna. You're all Albus' friends?" They all nodded their heads but Ron tried to talk with his mouth full of food.

"I Ahm-- not usghhh - he's the headmaster of our school." 

"School's headmaster? Albus? He never said he was headmaster of anything." 

Molly hit Ron in the head with a newspaper and scolded him for not knowing how to stay silent. Sirius laughed and I looked at him, confused with the kids' answer, but happy for being in the middle of a lovely family. 

Sirius smiled at me and I smiled back, both of us staring at each other until Albus interrupted the scolding of Ron with his lovely presence.

"Aw, Anna, I see you already met everyone. And I'm glad to see you well."

"I feel better now, thank you. But, why am I here, Albus? What happened?"

Albus looked at the expectant room and decided that it should be better if we talk in private. So he took me back to the bedroom I woke up in, and we both sat on the edge of my bed. He stared at the wall as if he was trying to find the right words to start a very confusing conversation. I waited for him to start, something I learned to do since the moment we met: wait for his kind and smart words.

"First, I must apologize to you. I haven't been honest with you since the very first time we met." He continued staring at the wall, focused on his speech. "There are things about me, about all of these people you met today, that are a secret very well kept for centuries. And in order to tell you that, I needed authorization from higher... people." 

I looked at him with a confused smile on his lips. I wanted to make jokes about him being part of a secret organization, like a super-spy, but as I watched his serious look I thought better of it.

"You are a very special girl, Ana. Your abilities aren't a punishment or a curse. They are a gift given to you. And by embracing that gift I believe you can do great things."

He got up, still not looking at me, and started walking from one side of the room to the other, with his hands connected behind his back.

"I must tell you, you're not the only being with great abilities. There is another whole world of people different and much like you. They are wizardkind, wizards and witches spread all around the world, living under the shadow, in secret." He paused his walking and stared at me from the other side of the room. "They grow up much like the non-magical beings, or muggles as we call them. They go to pre-school, to learn how to read, how to write, and how to count. Then, they go to a school of witchcraft and magic, like Hogwarts, where I'm headmaster."

He looked at me waiting for a reaction. Albus was expecting something like a laugh or me calling him crazy, but my face was serious and concentrated in his speech.

"The magical community and the muggles are separated through the use of charms, spells and all kinds of secrecy. You can imagine the turmoil it would cause if the muggles knew about our existence. Wizards are forbidden to reveal themselves to the Muggle society without authorization due to the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy. Each country has some form of government much like yours. Here, in England, we have the Ministry of Magic to oversee magical affairs."

My brows were furrowed and Albus was confused because I was not simply reacting. He smiled and approached me.

"I was expecting some kind of reaction from your part. Maybe a joke or something."

"Well..." I gulped. "At first I thought you were joking, but your face said it all."

"And do you believe in what I just told you? Just like that?" He asked curious about my strange mind.

"Uh, as you can see... I have abilities that are not normal for humans. I don't think I can be surprised by anything else. So if you're telling me that wizards and witches do exists, why not believe in you?" He nodded his head in agreement. "Besides, I knew you are a special person who dresses and talk funny, and now I know why."

Albus took a wand from his pocket and waved it in the air, creating snowflakes that fell on my body and disappeared. I was shocked, with my mouth opened. Then he waved his wand in the air and said:  _Expecto Patronum._

And a beautiful bird made of light came out of his wand and flew all around us, creating a spectacle of light, involving me in that magical moment.

"Ok, now I believe you even more," I whispered astonished. "And all of the people downstairs are wizards like you?"

Albus nodded his head.

"Severus too?"

He nodded his head again.

"Wow. You really are good at hiding your secret society." Part of me totally believed in him, even more after seeing that show. But the other part was shocked and was considering that I went mad for good and this was all a hallucination.

"Now. About you. The Ministry of Magic agreed to tell you about our world if you show us your abilities. Then, they will choose a mentor for you, to help you with your training and achieving your true potential."

"You told them about me?" 

"I had to. Your abilities are great, but can also be a threat. You could be in danger and put others around you in danger if you do not know how to control them." He smiled. "I am certain that all will turn out well."

"But, what about my life? My -- parents??" Somehow calling them that name twisted my stomach and I wanted to vomit. I haven't told him about the content of the letter, nor wanted to tell him, but he noticed my change of mood.

"I am trying to track your parents. But somehow it seemed like they vanished. Until then, you are welcome to stay here as long as you need."

"I don't know if  _as long as I need_  isn't like -- forever." I lowered my gaze to the floor and whispered. "I don't think they'll come back for me. I... I think they left me."

"Why do you say that?" He asked, but he knew I wasn't going to answer him, so he put a hand on my shoulder and caressed me with love. "You will feel at home here, I'll make sure of it. I'll take care of you. And everyone on this house. You must have faith."

I muffled a laugh, but then a realization hit me.

"And my studies? Oh, God... I'll never become a doctor."

"How come?" 

"My parents left me. I don't know if they left me any money. And... oh, what am I going to do with my life?" I buried my face in my hands and for the first time since I woke up, I started sobbing. Albus gave me some time before he decided what to say. So, he grabbed both my hands and made me look at him, at his beautiful and shiny blue eyes.

"You won't give up on your studies. You will become a doctor. You have my word." I furrowed my brows in confusion and he smiled. "I'll pay for your university. I'll give you the money." I was about to protest when he held a hand in the air to shush me and continued. "If... you accept a mission."

"What mission?" I wiped my tears and listened to his request.

"First, you will come with me to the Ministry of Magic. Once a mentor his assigned to you, you will follow his instructions and practice with him with determination to develop your abilities. Then there's a mission for you. It will be hard. Probably even dangerous."

His face was serious at that moment; he was pale and his eyes were dark. 

"How dangerous?"

He closed his eyes and looked outside the window, taking a deep breath. Then he looked at me and smiled warmly again.

"For now, I think that's enough. I told you too much already. You need time to process this information."

"Okay... Albus, what about me? What am I? A -- muggle or a witch?" 

"Honestly? We have no idea." He smiled. "You're a mystery to us. But we will find out soon enough if we work together." Then he clapped his hands together and smiled. "Maybe you'd like to join us downstairs and talk to them, to meet them really."

I nodded my head and followed him to the room filled with wizards and witches. Even though I met them just an hour ago, I was looking at them differently. All my life people made sure to be far away from me. They knew I was different from them, so they called me all kinds of names. Like freak. I felt like I didn't belong in this world. It was painful growing up like that. So, I never had friends nor someone to talk to.

Now, as I hear these new people talking, as I hear them talking about their world, I felt... home. I felt like finding where I belong to. Call me crazy if you like, but there was something about these family that I wished it was mine.

So I smiled at them, asked them questions and answered everything they wanted to know about me, completely forgetting about my life's situation; my parents abandoning me; and the burning pain in my heart.

On the other side of the room, there was Severus, pretending he was reading a book, unaware of my presence there, when, in fact, he was listening every word I said.


	4. Chapter 4

The week went by really fast and every morning when I woke up I thought of myself like a crazy person for dreaming about a secret wizarding world concealed behind my own. But once I opened my eyes I was proven that it wasn't a dream.

"Good morning, Ana!" I often woke up with a beautiful red-haired girl, Ginny Weasley, smiling with a wide smile on her lips, waiting for me to wake up by my bedside.

"Good morning, Ginny." I rubbed my eyes and tried hard to get up. Lately, I've been feeling exhausted more than usual and my morning mood was decaying day by day.

Then I would go downstairs to get my first meal of the day, where I would help Molly in the kitchen, much to her disapproval. She would say  _I wish my kids were like you, - helpful -, but they only want to sleep, prank each other or just being annoying._

I would answer her:  _You love them no less for that._  And she would smile at me.

That morning Severus and Albus were there, waiting for me in the dining table. The breakfast was already served and I attacked it with hunger after greeting the two visitors.

"Today is the big day, Ana. The Ministry of Magic waits for you." Albus said.

I almost choked on my food and Severus lifted a brow. Somehow I got nervous for no reason. 

The past week, I've been training with them almost every evening, and apparently, I started controlling something. It's no big deal, really. At first, Albus asked me to try to see the past of Ron Weasley (Ron and Harry were with us in the room, so since Harry's past is too tragic, I think Ron was the best idea). It was very hard. Really, really hard. But after a few hours of training, I saw something that resembled Ron a few years ago, sitting on a chair, facing several kids sitting in front of long tables, staring at him. A woman placed an old hat on his head and it yelled  _Gryffindor!!!_

"You saw the first time Ron was in Hogwarts. Well done, Ana! Let's try again."

Then I could see Ron Weasley, Harry Potter, and Hermione Granger playing a big chess game. Ron was on top of a rock-horse, and the pawns were moving by themselves. I guess this kind of things shouldn't surprise me, but once the vision was over, I was crazy about that game.

Severus huffed at my enthusiasm and I rolled my eyes playfully. I was getting used to his typical shadowy and annoyed mood, so I just overlook it.

"You shall now attempt to see something you desire to see. Let's try Ron's today's' morning routine. Try to see what he did when he woke up." Albus suggested.

And this went on for the whole week. I was tired, moody, and exasperated that I had no time left to study hard as I was used to. Albus assured me that that week would be arduous, but after the Ministry decide what to do with me, I would be free to rest and to study.

So once Albus told me I was about to go to the Ministry of Magic, I was relieved but apprehensive. He noticed my tiredness, and how gloomy I was. Something that wasn't usual in me. Severus himself was admired with my endeavor, even if he only shared that to himself.

"What will I have to do?" I asked as we prepared to leave 12 Grimmauld Place.

Severus was the one to talk with a voice smoother than usual.

"What we've been training you to do."

"Just that?" I was nabbed by how simple it was. Severus stared at me with a raised brow, not knowing exactly where I was getting to.

"What exactly did you think you were going to do?" He hissed and Albus chuckled.

"Severus, let's not forget Ana lived, - after all - as a muggle, and for that, she has no knowledge about our world. The wizarding world is more discerning than you might presume, dear Ana. But perhaps we shall leave now and you will see for yourself." He eyed Severus for a while, and he seemed to relax. The tension hovering the room ceased and we were left with a sweet smile from Albus, indicating us to leave the house.

***

I thought the session with the Ministry of Magic would turn out to be eerie - It was worse.

When we first got there, it was crowded; there were people everywhere, rushing to their own destinations, not bothered with the visitors. Some looked at me by the corner of their eyes but didn't say a word: by their facial expressions, they were aware that I am not like them.

"Don't fret my dear," Albus soft voice interrupted my admiration for the place. "You are going to do well. I know you and your capabilities."

I muttered  _thanks_ before two guards opened two big doors for us. 

There was a huge room, resembling a normal courtroom. But it was all black and creepy.  _More like a dungeon._

A man was sitting in the middle (probably a judge), and there was a jury filling the rest of the seats. In the middle, there was a chair - which I assumed was for me -, and the rest of the room was vacant.

Albus gestured me to take the seat, as he and Severus stood by my side.

The  _judge_ hit his hammer on the table and started talking.

"Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, you requested an audience for an unnatural muggle that you claim to have magical skills. Is this the muggle you are referring to?" 

"Yes, Cornelius. Her name is Ana Gamp, daughter of Amelia Gamp and Christopher Gamp. She is muggle-born, but - as I told you before - has abilities beyond her origins."

"Care to speak of them?" Cornelius spoke to me and I gazed at Albus, who gave me a reassuring smile and nodded to encourage me to speak.

"Uh -- Hi, I'm... Ana. I was born on December 4th, 1977. Since I was little, there was something different about me. I could feel and sense things that normal peo-- muggles doesn't --. Things like knowing stuff that was going to happen."

Cornelius furrowed his brows and leaned over to listen more thoughtfully.

"When I get mad, things tend to broke easily, and my-- m--ind, uh, has its own life..." I stammered.

"How so?" A young blond woman, with beautiful blue eyes, asked from the jury. Sensing my anxiety, she smiled warmly and I smiled back.

"When I'm mad, or distressed, I start seeing things. Visions. Glimpses of past or future actions, or of things that are happening somewhere else in the planet."

"Were your parents aware of your... ability?" A man asked. This one didn't sound nice at all.

"Yes. But my parents were never interested in discovering what was making me see those things. In fact, they seemed repulsed by them." I looked down, as a mix of sadness and anger for being left behind took over me. I was able to conceal tears - can you imagine the humiliation if I cried in front of that many people?

The next question made it almost impossible.

"-- and where are your parents, exactly?"

I lifted my head and looked him in the eyes, focusing only on him. If felt like he was mocking me, or worse, had something personal against me. His eyes were penetrating mine as if he was trying to read my mind, but - as we all know - he can't. So his confused expression was priceless. I could even feel Severus wanting to smirk, but he didn't react.

"Her parents left. With no explanation. I took her under my wing." Albus replied. He looked at me and then back to Cornelius. "It is a painful subject for Ana, I appreciate if you stick to the primary matter in discussion."

"Of course," Cornelius answered. "Tell me, Ana. What can you do?"

"Well, Albus and Severus have been testing me. At first, I could only have visions whenever I'm mad. Emotions take the best of me." I weakly smiled.

"I think it takes the best of us all," Cornelius answered and his stern face finally fell and a smile appeared on his lips. Something tells me the man doesn't usually smile because it was fucking creepy.

"Yes... Anyway, whenever I was anger - which was happening a lot - I had random visions. Past, present or future. Then Albus and Severus helped me and started teaching to control my emotions - therefore - my ability. For now, I can see the past of each of you in this room if I focus enough." Some of them moved uncomfortably, which didn't go unnoticed by my two companions. "I started by trying to see the morning routine of our friends. Then I was able to see the most important happenings in some people's life. It's something gradual, but I think we're getting somewhere."

"Well, let's test those abilities, shall we?" Cornelius nodded to the guard, that disappeared and reappeared with a man in chains. They approached us. "We know this man made a horrible act in his past and was condemned by it. For his atrocity, we locked him deep down, where no one can find him, talk to him, or even know his name. There are no registries of his existence, so there is no possibility of you knowing this man."

I locked my eyes with the man and for a moment there was a sting in my heart.

"And what should I do?"

Cornelius smiled again.

"Show us how much you can discover."

I furrowed my brows at him and directed my attention to the man. It was hard to pass by his dark crazy eyes. He looked like he was mocking me, laughing at a joke only he knew. After getting through that discomfort, I felt myself being pulled to a parallel universe.

 

_The little boy was playing on his sandbox, built by his dad. He loves his dad, he loves his mother, he loves his sister, and he loves his grandmother. All of them sitting on the porch, watching him play happily. Who he didn't love was his father's best friend, Archie. He was mean and did things to him that really hurt._

_"It's our little secret." He would tell him._ _"Don't be such a baby. Your parents want me to make a man out of you." And other times he would just threat him. "I will hurt your sister if you tell this to anyone."_

_Then, he was quiet about it and suffered in silence._

 

_Then, I saw the little boy being bullied in school, his head being drowned in a filthy toilet, while a bunch of stupid kids was laughing and kicking him in the butt._

 

_Then, he was older. A man, almost. And his sister was arguing with him. She herself grew up, becoming a beautiful young woman. She found out that her brother had killed her owl by experimenting with dark magic. And she was arguing with him, hard._

_He was not paying attention to her until she spilled his ink all over his drawings._

_"You ruined them!!!" He said in anger._

_"And you killed my owl!!! What is wrong with you?" She punched him in the shoulders and that was it. That was enough to make him mad for the rest of his life. He threw her against the wall and kicked her head. And as if it wasn't enough, he hit her with a Cruciatus Curse. But she didn't react: she was dead._

_He got downstairs, ignoring his parent's questions about the shouting they heard. His father grabbed him by the shoulders and stopped him from leaving the house._

_"What happened?"_

_"I killed her owl, and then I killed her. And if you don't want the same faith, let go of me."_

_The horror in his parents' eyes was terrifying, and they ran to their daughter's aid, even though anything they did to bring her back was in vain._

_The next years were of pure agony and terror. He killed many who crossed paths with him. Even an unfortunate kid who managed to throw a ball to his garden. Then he met Tom Riddle, also known as Voldemort. And the number of atrocious killings escalated. Horrible, horrible tortures and deaths._

_H_ _e even came back to kill his own parents. He didn't have to kill his grandmother, though._

_She died of grief._

 

"Oh, God... Oh, God... so many people..." I whispered, not being able to conceal the tears. "So many children..."

Albus rushed to my side, watching me as I seemed like I was going to collapse.

"What did you see?" Cornelius interrupted my trance.

I cried and stammered, but told him every single detail. He was shocked, not for what I told him - he knew every single thing that happened to that man -, but because I was surely able to see the past.

"- and his name is... Gibbon."

And Cornelius gasped.

"A normal person would do to test her. Why would you do it with such dreadful visions that put her under this distress?" Severus spoked for the first time, approaching the minister.

"I didn't believe she could actually do it... But I would rather make her see your own past if you're so bothered," Cornelius answered with venom in his words. "-- Severus."

Any person would shut up or be angry with the intentions behind the man's words, but Severus didn't. Instead, with the same tranquillity and arrogance he usually applies in his behavior, he spoke again.

"I let her try it on me already. She can't. She neither can see my past, present or future."

"And why is that?" He insisted.

"If I knew, I would have already told you," he finished all matter-of-factly. 

Cornelius didn't say anything, he just turned to me and apologized for the choice of strategy. I just nodded, still gathering forces from the intense feelings the criminal provoked. Cornelius nodded the guard to lock him away again, but before getting out, the man roared.

"HE'S COMING FOR YOU!!! YOU'LL KNOW THE TRUTH SOON ENOUGH!!! HE'S COMING FOR YOU."

I opened my mouth in shock, confused with his words. He was speaking to me. He was looking at me, and I didn't understand why.

"I apologize, once again. Now..." he looked at me. "What should we do with you?"

Albus was about to answer, but I interrupted him.

"Please, I... these abilities always made me think of myself as... a freak. No one was able to do it, but me. Then I met Albus and Severus, and your secret world. And I knew that I was no freak. The outside world? The muggle world? That's freaky! Not you. None of you. I feel like this is where I belong. -- I may not be able to do magic, wave wands, and do spells, but I can do other things you can't. And I know -- I KNOW -- that I can do so much more. I need your help to discover what I'm able to do. And if you let me, I could even be useful to you."

Cornelius seemed - in fact - astonished with my boldness and my way with words. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it immediately because no words would come out.

Someone in the jury spoke.

"And who would teach and train such abilities? Albus Dumbledore has a school to run, among other things. And you cannot be taught in Hogwarts, or can you?"

I looked at Albus, who was about to answer. But once again, he was interrupted. Not by me, but by Severus.

"I shall be her mentor. I am a Legilimens and I am experienced with beings with a complex set of abilities."

I was mouth-opened, staring at him. First, he defended me, now he wanted to be my mentor?  _Is this the end of the world as we know it?_ Albus himself was socked with his friend's reaction but didn't say a word.

Severus could feel my piercing gaze behind his back, as he faced the Minister himself. 

And before I could speak, Cornelius hit his hammer in his table and spoke loud and clear.

"Ana Gamp, you are allowed to enter our magical community, under our own laws. Severus Tobias Snape may be your mentor, taking responsibilities for your actions and your behavior. We expect to be informed of your training and your advances. End of session. You are all dismissed."

Without saying anything, I got up from my chair and turned around to leave.

"-- and, Ana?" I turned to Cornelius. "Welcome."


	5. Chapter 5

The three of us went back to 12 Grimmauld Place in complete silence. 

Albus was smiling kindly, as usual.

Severus had his severe but concentrated face, as usual.

And was too busy processing all that happened during that session; all that I saw; all that I have been told. But the most intriguing thing was Severus offering himself as my mentor. Was it good or bad? I don't know. What I do know is that it's going to be hard, so I better make a double effort to fall in his good graces.

"Ana, the day isn't over yet. Since the Ministry has cordially accepted you in our world, there are many things you need to know about." Albus crashed my thoughts, interrupting the silence.

"Like what? The dangerous mission you asked me to do?"

"That too," he smiled, satisfied to know that I pay attention to what he says. "Unlike what you might think, not everything about our world is a bed of roses, my dear."

"It never is."

"Yes. And you will learn all about it, once we arrive home. You will meet more trustworthy people this evening." Albus said, but I saw Severus rolling his eyes.

I gazed at Severus and remained quiet until we got home. As soon as Severus opened the door, I could hear people talking, laughing, arguing, and most of the voices I wasn't familiar with. I could certainly hear Sirius, Molly, and Arthur, but the rest of them were unknown to me. And I was right: the dining room was filled with people I never met in my life -  _wizards_ _and_ _witches_ _._

"So, how was it?" Molly asked as soon as we entered the full room.

I smiled at her and she understood exactly how it went, so she just hugged me tightly. At that moment, my heart skipped a beat.  _My mother never_ _hugged_ _me this way._

"The Minister kindly accepted our request. He tested her abilities and was convinced that she belongs to our world." Albus said but dismissed the tons of questions asked all over the room. "Please, let's leave this conversation for later. We have other matters to discuss."

The whole room went silent and everyone sat on the table, with serious expressions, some staring at me, others waiting for Albus to start talking.

"Dear Ana," he got my attention. "We need to tell you a story about a person. A bad wizard who was tempted by the dark arts and terrified both muggle and the wizarding world for years. His real name is Tom Riddle, but as the years have passed and the horrors of his actions were famous, the dark lord named himself as Voldemort."

Everyone in the room either gasped, huffed or moved uncomfortably on their seats.

"Was he that bad?" I innocently asked, receiving some unreadable looks from the people in the room.

Albus smiled sadly and proceeded to tell me about the little kid he met years and years ago and how he turned to the Dark Arts, the First War, and the Death Eaters until he told the story of Harry Potter. I was shocked since he started talking, but when he talked about how Harry's parents really died, I was trembling. Sure, I knew he lost his parents and was living with the despicable Dursleys; but I never knew how he lost them.

"-- and now that he is back, the Ministry of Magic thinks this is a conspiracy, a made-up story, for Albus to take over the Ministry." The man that introduced himself as Remus Lupin said.

I looked at Albus shocked and he smiled.

"I must not blame them. Fear makes people do terrible things. My only hope is that when they believe in us it is not too late to do anything."

I was fidgeting my fingers, stroking nervously the edge of my shirt. As Albus said before  _it was no_ _bed_ _of roses_. No. It was worse than that. And that poor Harry Potter. The grief and sorrow he went through... I can't even imagine. My parents are not parenting example to anyone, but at least I have them --  _had_.

"This is..." I could find no words to describe how horrendous all of that was. Albus' hand landed on mine as a way to give me the courage to say what was on my mind. "... What can I do to help you?"

That simple question was enough to make the whole room smile at me. I raised a brow at them as if I was asking  _what?_ and then, Albus started talking about the Order of Phoenix and why it was formed years ago, and why they were reunited after many years.

"We need as many people in this fight as possible. And we want you to join us - to be a member of the Order, I mean," Albus finished his conversation.

"Well, I'll do my best to help you, really -- but... how can I help you?" I was still very confused.

Severus spoke for the first time after two hours of conversations.

"I must help you improve your abilities. And you shall use them to aid us whenever it's necessary." He tried not to sound too rude, - but, let's face it, it's impossible. I looked at him, ready to speak again, but Albus decided to interrupt our conversation.

"Remember the man you saw a couple of months ago in your vision, killing another person?" He asked and I nodded, not knowing if I wanted him to finish the question. "That is Voldemort."  _I was right, he_ _shouldn't_ _have_ _finished_ _that_ _sentence_ _. Shit._

I widened my eyes.

"We need you to work on your abilities to know what he's doing; what he's thinking; what he is planning; we need to be a step ahead. Can you try?" Albus asked.

"I will do my best, I can promise you that."

The rest of the members just smiled and after a while, the reunion was over and they left the house, only remaining the residents of the house, Severus, and Albus. Molly invited them to have dinner with us and they accepted (well, Albus accepted; Severus was forced by Albus to stay).

"Dear Molly, may I give you a hand in the kitchen? I've always loved the smell of the cooking process." Albus spoke, following Molly to the kitchen. 

Arthur Weasley was reading the newspaper (funny: the pictures move by themselves); the kids were playing upstairs; Sirius was sleeping on the couch (and snoring here and there); and only Severus and I were left in the room. I decided to talk to him about the future lessons.

"So, Severus, what should I do today? What are your plans for our training?"

He seemed bothered for my question, but he forced himself to answer politely.

"Today you shall rest."

"After everything you told me, I think there is no time for me to rest."

He eyed me for a while, lost in his own thoughts, and after some seconds he opened his mouth to speak.

"Are you fond of reading?"

"Yes, very much!" I said proudly and he lifted a brow.

"Good. I was planning on giving you some books. Before anything else you should learn about our world, the types of magic, including visions and predictions."

"Nice... I still have some time before dinner. Can I start then?"

He huffed.

"I believe I told you to rest."

"Yes, and I told you that I won't," I answered him immediately and his expression shifted to an angry one. Something tells me he is not used to being talked back. "Look, I have to study for med school. But before dinner, I can spend time with my first readings. Besides, I really -  _really_ \- want to know more about your world."

He scanned the sincerity behind my words and sighed.

"Tomorrow I'll give you the books. They are home; some in Hogwarts. But I can start by telling you the story about our world. If. You. Insist."

"Yes, please!" I sounded too excited and listened to him very carefully, word by word. He was not very fond of conversations - especially with strangers;  _especially with Muggles_ ; especially with  _women_ \- but he always liked the Wizarding World Story. He was particularly impressed with my interest and how committed I seemed. I asked him lots of questions, and for a while, he wished that his students were that dedicated and that they were interested in learning as I was.

Soon the dinner was served and you could almost forget the tension and the fear involving Voldemort's return until Arthur brought the matter to discussion once again.

"-- My informers have told me that he is... reluctant. As if he is waiting for something or planning something in secret." Albus said. Apparently, Voldemort was restraining himself - he's not using his powers to kill as he usually did in the past. "We think he may be after something before starting his agenda."

"Like what?" I asked.

"That's why we need you." He smiled. "My informers said he even seems like he's without his powers."

I furrowed my brows at Albus' statement and remained quiet until the end of the diner when everyone was starting to yawn. I excused myself, saying that I wanted to study a couple of hours before going to bed. Molly asked me to rest, but I smiled and told her that my commitment is not only to them but also to myself.

And that's what I did. I sat on my desk, happy with the fact that I had the room all to myself - Ginny was sleeping at Hermione's - and tried to focus on my studies, even though all I could think about was all the information I received that day: the session with the Ministry of Magic; Voldemort; the Order of Phoenix; my mission; Severus --  _what?_

***

There was a light knock on my door. I answered it and soon after, Severus was entering my room with several books in his hands. He stood quiet once he saw me involved in a mass pile of books and papers, concentrated on my studies. A small smirk appeared on the corner of his lips but he made sure he put on the harshest face he had.

"I think you should start by reading these." He handed me the books and I turned around to face him, rubbing my eyes. I looked at my clock and it was 7 A.M. in the morning.  _Damn, I've been_ _studying_ _all night???_   _How's_ _that even_ _possible_ _?_

"Thank you. I'll read them right away." I told him, thinking about having breakfast and start my readings.  _Who_ _needs_ _to_ _sleep_ _anyway_ _?_

Severus didn't say anything. He just turned around and left the room, taking a brief second to look at me by the corner of his eyes just before closing the door. He was indeed fascinated with my endeavor. Usually "kids" my age do not care about their education and their future, nor do they have any life goals. But I wasn't exactly a kid, right?

The books Severus gave me were for beginners. Easy and quick to read. It's not hard to understand:  _Occlumency_ is an act where you magically close your mind against any external magical penetration, most commonly  _Legilimency_ , who are able to penetrate other people's mind.

The books said that " _Legilimens_ _is the incantation of the_ _spell_ _. The_ _etymology_ _of it is_ _pretty_ _straightforward_ _. It is a_ _compound_ _of the_ _Latin_ _"_ _legere_ _",_ _meaning_ _'to read' and "_ _mens_ _",_ _meaning_ _'mind'. The_ _spell_ _itself_ _can be_ _performed_ _in_ _many_ _ways_ _, with a_ _wand_ _and incantation said_ _aloud_ _,_ _or_ _nonverbally_ _, as well as_ _wandlessly_ _, though the_ _latter_ _is_ _significantly_ _harder_ _to do. When a target is not_ _adept_ _at_ _Occlumency_ _,_ _upon_ _invading_ _their mind,_ _Legilimens_ _will be able to_ _detect_ _if they are_ _lying_ _, as well as access their_ _thoughts_ _,_ _emotions_ _, and_ _memories_ _,_ _bringing_ _them_ _to the_ _forth_ _of the_ _target's_ _mind. Some_ _highly_ _skilled_ _Legilimens_ _can also_ _plant_ _false_ _memories_ _and_ _visions_ _inside_ _a_ _person's_ _mind_ _or_ _to_ _temporarily_ _possess_ _their body._ _While_ _eye_ _contact_ _makes it_ _easier_ _to_ _perform_ _Legilimency_ _, it is not_ _necessary_."

For what I read, it is not an easy skill to learn. Also, they don't teach it in their magical school, because it invades human rights, especially rights to privacy.

I read the books in two days. Severus showed up sooner than he said he would but he seemed surprised when I asked him for more books. He wasn't expecting me to already have them all read by now.

Two weeks have passed and apparently, I read all the books Severus was planning. So, soon after, the physical training began.

"You will practice what you've learned until now: the past."

"Ok, when do we start?"

Severus sat in front of me in the Living Room in 12 Grimmauld Place and showed me some pictures: Molly and Arthur's wedding, Fred and George's birth, and random pictures of people that I didn't know of.

"I want you to search the memories of the day these pictures were taken and ask questions Molly and Arthur about the images you see."

I raised my left brow.

"How am I supposed to do that?"

He raised his right brow and I knew I wasn't going to have an answer.

***  
Since the school year had already begun, 12 Grimmauld Place became dumb and empty. The kids were at school, Severus and Albus didn't hang out so regularly, and most of the time my company was Molly, Sirius, and the insufferable Kreacher. 

Kreacher was a creature that I could not understand or tolerate. He hated me for being a muggle and was always cursing everyone for inviting 'mudbloods' and muggles to their  _respectful_ family house. I swear the creature plotted to kill me several times or push me off the stairs.

"Kreacher!!! Stop spreading your venom. This is the last time you talk to Miss Gamp without my authorization." Sirius deranged voice startled both of me and Kreacher. 

I was walking down the stairs when I heard something falling down in one of the closed rooms. The door was opened so I peeked inside to see Kreacher trying to hang some pictures. As soon as he saw me, he started yelling, calling me names, cursing me, and trying to get me out of the room. If it wasn't for Sirius' intervention I would probably stumble and fall back as the house elf approached me dangerously.

"I'm sorry for him. He is amiable as he is beautiful." Sirius smiled, entering the room. I followed him, curious about that part of the house. It was an empty room, with pictures hanged in one side of the wall, and a burned genealogical tree on the other wall. Sirius noticed my curiosity and told me about his family.

Suddenly I felt no longer depressed over my situation.  _Sirius' family was much worse than mine._

"It must have been horrible. 12 years of your life wasted." I muttered.

"Yes, but knowing that I was innocent and that I had my godson out there kept me sane. And besides, I managed to make some friends in the process." He smiled, remembering how well Molly, Arthur, Remus, and Dumbledore received him once they knew about his innocence.

"Indeed," I smiled back. "I can only wish to help to clear your name."

"That is not the most important thing at the moment." He smiled sadly. "Voldemort is planning a war, and when he's ready, I fear it will be left not many people to clear my name to."

I eyed him for a while and sighed, diverting my eyes to the genealogical tree. My attention fell  _Sirius Black III_  name, with a burning spot just where his picture should have been.

"My mother's doing after running from home."

Without hearing his explanation, I touched it very, very gently, stroking the tip of my fingers in the burned and rough wall. Some fresh sensation entered my veins, all the way up to my head, where I could see images of the moment when a deranged black-haired woman burned several names in that wall. 

_Walburga Black was her name_. 

_She married Orion Black, her second cousin, conceiving two children: Sirius and Regulus. Regulus was their favorites, following his family's beliefs and becoming a Death Eaters years later. When he wanted to quit, he was killed. Sirius ran away when he was sixteen. With Sirius in prison and Regulus dead, as long with his father Orion, Walburga was left to leave alone with Kreacher in 12 Grimmauld Place until she died 4 years after Voldemort was defeated for the first time._

"She once wondered if she did the right thing when she erased you from her life," I said in a low voice, after the flashback visions I just saw. "Then she punished herself for thinking like that as if Voldemort could hear her thoughts, even after his death."

Sirius gasped silently.

"Deep, deep down, she loved you. In her own way. But her beliefs bedazzled her heart."

"How --" Sirius muttered but couldn't finish the question.

"I don't know. I'm discovering new things about these powers, step-by-step. Severus can be a lot of things, but he is a good teacher." I smiled and Sirius tried to reciprocate it but was too flabbergasted to even pronounce a word.

He left me alone in the room, claiming he needed to rest (even though I knew he only wanted to conceal the burning tears behind his beautiful grey eyes), and I thought that wall would be a good training spot for me.

So I stayed alone inside the room for hours, training, and very proud of my new accomplishments. And for some odd reason, I couldn't wait to share them with Severus.


	6. Chapter 6

The day I actually started getting visions from the future was very eerie. It was like getting glimpses of images of things that would happen in front of me just a few minutes later. At first, it felt like  _Deja Vú_ , but then I was sure that it wasn't.

I was studying in my room when I heard Albus' voice. It's been three weeks since I last saw him, so I really wanted to be with him. He's the only one with enough power in his words to make me strong enough to endure this new chapter of my life - this really weird chapter of my life. I opened my bedroom' door and went downstairs as fast as I could with the biggest smile on my lips, but once I arrived at the dining room, only Molly was there cleaning some pans.

"Where's he?" I asked, searching for the grey-bearded man I was so eager to see. Inexplicably, the room was empty.

"Who?" She asked without taking her eyes off her work.

"Albus. I heard him."

She then eyed me thoughtfully, like I was some demented person.

"Honey, there's no one here. We're not expecting Albus for the next two weeks, he's away doing... some Order's works."

"But... I thought --" I rubbed my hands in my face, realizing that I was probably just too tired and imagining things in my head.

"You should get some rest, darling," Molly said, herself recognizing how exhausted I was. "Have a seat, I'm going to make you some tea and then you're going to sleep before dinner." I opened my mouth to object and she raised a hand in the air. "No arguing."

I smiled weakly and agreed.

She sat by my side, forgetting her previous work with the pans and prattled with me. She started by asking me about med school and how I was holding on with everything that was happening in my personal life.

That was the first time I really sat down and reflected my situation for a while. I tried not to do it, and it was more manageable that way. But I knew it it would happen eventually. The thing is - I'm not sad about the turn of events. I felt different all my life, I knew I was different. I never thought I would be in that situation, but I wasn't sad for how my life turned a 180º turn. There was only one thing in the back of my mind that left me uneased every day.  _The letter_  my  _parents_ left me. 

"Molly... Please tell me the truth." She eyed me expectantly, surprised with the change of subject, even though part of her knew what I've been dying to ask. "Have you found out anything about my parents? It-- feels like either you forgot about that -- because you don't talk about it at all --, or you know things and you don't want me to know about them.

Her expression softened for a while, and her natural motherly-eyes were now analyzing my morose face. After all, even though they left me with no  _good reason_ , they raised me and I just wanted to know what happened to them.

"Oh honey, we would never forget about that! Albus himself is taking care of that, but - I must be honest with you - it seems like they vanished from Earth. Albus can't find them anywhere." She rested her hand on mine on top of the table, as a way of showing her support. "He's not going to stop until he finds out what happened, rest assured."

"I trust him, but --" I sighed and mentally cursed myself for behind such a whining brat. There were certainly more people with a lot of problems worse than mine. I lost my parents ( _like, literally lost them. I don't know where the hell they are_ ) but at least I got another family and made friends for the first time in my entire life. People that would die to protect each other. To protect me. That must mean something, right?

When Molly was about to speak, we both fell silent as we heard the main door being unlocked. We exchanged curious looks since we weren't expecting anyone so soon (it was school year and the kids and professors were in Hogwarts; Arthur was working late that day; and certainly Sirius wouldn't go out of the house). We waited for a few seconds before the long purple ropes from my favorite headmaster appeared inside 12 Grimmauld Place.

I ran to him and caught him off guard with a tight hug. He was surprised at first but melted into the hug after.

"We weren't expecting you for the next couple of weeks," Molly said surprised.

"Yes, but I got my answers sooner than I anticipated." He patted my head and sat on the table.

"I had a feeling you would come today," I said and Albus raised his brow in a playful way. "More an  _I had a vision that you would come today_  feeling."

Albus smiled happily.

"Isn't that wonderful? You have made remarkable progress. How are your studies?" I started talking about the lessons with Severus and how many advancements we achieved in the past three weeks. "No, darling. I meant, med school. How are you holding up with everything that is happening to you?"

"I think I'm doing better than expected, actually."

And for a couple of hours, the three of us talked about everything, not mentioning just once Voldemort nor the war we were approaching. It was like all of that disappeared and there was nothing wrong with the world. Even Sirius joined us and talked about his adventures with The Marauders. 

After dinner, Arthur was home, much to Molly pleasure. _I wonder if I will ever find love, as those two had found on each other._

"How was work?" Molly asked, helping her husband taking his coat off. 

"Rough. Do I have to go back tomorrow? I mean, it's weekend -- I need to rest, I'm not getting younger," He asked playfully and she hit him in his chest laughing.

I was tired, so at the same time, I decided to go upstairs to get some sleep. I was in no condition to study - muggle or wizarding stuff.

"Well, I think I'll go get some rest. Have a good night. By the way, Arthur, tomorrow you shall want to reanalyze reports from last month about the hard case you were dealing today. It might give you some answers if you compare it with what you discovered today." I winked at him and disappeared, leaving Arthur with a confused expression on his face.

The night was long for me. I overslept, but since it was weekend, I didn't mind though. I was actually craving for a good night of sleep. I had dreams - _lots of dreams_ \- but couldn't remember a thing about them. Somehow I knew it was better this way. Lately, I've been having nothing but nightmares.

Horrible, horrible nightmares.

Anyway, that morning I woke up in a good mood. Those days when the birds sing lovely melodies in the trees, our surrounding is more colorful, and you even stop to appreciate the beauty of those spiders in the corner of your room - Not the case,  _I_  hate spiders. But you get what I mean.

After a long shower, I decided to make my presence felt in the living room. Everyone was awake, but there was tension hovering the room - we were having an out of ordinary reunion with the other members of the Order - That means there is new information to be shared.

"Hey there, fabulous people!" I greeted everyone in the living room. The ambiance shifted with my happy mood. Molly was getting lunch ready, Sirius was reading the newspaper, and Mad-eye Moody was talking with Remus and Nymphadora (who, by the way, started dating a few days ago in secret. Not for me, though. They knew I knew, I wiggled my brows at them without anyone noticing it and Remus facepalmed himself. In a discreet way, I crossed my fingers in front of my lips and kissed them, as a sign of a promise to keep their secret. They just smiled and nodded).

"Good morning, sweetie. You're in a good mood today." Molly said.

"I'm always in a good mood." I joke while I took a bite in a red apple I stole from the kitchen.  _Sweet as sugar._

"Uh, yes. Except for... every day." Sirius mocked me and I opened my mouth, faking shock.

I ignored his comment and turned to the rest of the people in the living room.

"Who let the dog in?"

Everyone started laughing, much to Sirius displeasure and they were joined by Albus' laugh. He and Severus had just arrived and caught our little conversation. I approached Albus and kissed him in the cheek, stroked my hand in Severus' arm as a way to welcome him, and took my sit on the table.

"Severus and I have been investigating. For what we learned, the Dark Lord is gathering an army, just like the last time. He's been hiding, trying not to draw attention, restraining his power for whatever reason." Albus started the meeting immediately.

"An army?" I interrupted him. "What kind of army?"

"All the creatures he can convert into his cause," Sirius answered. "Not only wizards. Trolls, giants, any magical leaving being you can imagine."

"And why are we stopping him?"

"It's not that easy, darling," Molly said. "The Ministry still doesn't believe You-Know-Who is back. Fear and corruption are ruining the Ministry, I fear."

"That's so absurd... We -- should do the same. Gather an army, I mean. Recruit people to help us if -- when he attacks." I said, earning everyone's attention. "I can help with that. I can point you who is more prone to join us. I mean -- I can try to use my abilities."

Albus smiled. 

"That is precisely what I intended to propose in this reunion. I, myself have some wizards and witches in my mind, but your help shall be vital."

"Of course." I opened my mouth to speak something that went through my mind, something that I was battling with but shut it before any words came out. Albus noticed that and glanced at me as the reunion proceeded. I remained mute until the end.

After the reunion, I helped Molly with lunch but tried to ignore Albus' gaze. He knew something was eating me inside but had no intentions of asking me. I was the one who should be ready to tell him, he didn't want me to feel pressed into anything. But yes, he was curious.

Once we ate and the lunch was finished, I moved to the couch to read the newspaper. It was a way to know more about the Wizarding World, and every time I learned something new, part of me rejuvenated and I felt more  _home_.

Obviously, I fell asleep, even though the dining room was filled with conversations, making it impossible to have a minute of silence. Still, me being me, I managed to fall asleep.

_The blond man was scared and his hands were shaking. There was nothing he could do about it, the Dark Lord is an intimidating wizard and Lucius knew that he was aware of his fear. It was all over his face, and even if he was indeed able to control his trembling hands, the Dark Lords smells fear. In fact - he feeds on it._

_"Lucius, my friend, this task is the only way to prove you are still adequated to the future I am seeking. The Dark Lord does not give second chances to anyone, you shall consider yourself lucky." The hoarse but faint voice of Voldemort could be heard._

_"Yes, my Lord. I shall fulfill your task and prove to you that I am worthy of this quest. I will not fail you." Lucius answered, getting on his knees and bowing his head._

_"Go, now. And come back only once you retrieved the prophecy. Do whatever must be done. But do not touch Harry Potter. He is mine to kill."_

This dream wasn't enough to wake me up, but the next images were. What I saw was unexplainable - it was a set of images, passing by at the speed of light, where I could perceive many known faces suffering. I could see Harry, with his eyes reddened, his usually green eyes, were a frosted blue as he squirmed on the floor; I could see Albus falling down from a tower; I could see lots and lots of people being chased by Death Eaters and even murdered in cold blood. I wanted to get away from those images, but more and more could be seen and I tried to scream, to ask for help. I tried to scream Albus' name; then Severus'. 

But no one could help me.

Sirius noticed my distressed sleeping expression. He even noticed a drop of sweat strolling down my forehead. I was in agony, and he decided to wake me up. Severus followed his worried gaze, and his eyes fell on me, perceiving that same distress.

But Sirius' body froze in place, once I moved in my seat and opened my eyes.

Something was wrong.

Severus got up from the chair quickly but didn't dare to move.

My eyes were white. Like the surface of a frozen lake, with all the cracks that can collapse at any instant and expose the cold water that is trapped underneath, begging for its freedom. My skin was also pale as if all the blood left my body.

"Ana?" 

Severus dared to call my name. I didn't answer. In my mind, I was still dreaming, seeing those awful images over and over again, faster and faster every minute, so unaware that my body was not mine to control at that moment. 

 _"In mense autem quinto, est penult anno in millennii parte prophetiae petieris, impetrabis. Et filia in tenebris Dominus et dimisit a se vivere, et sui patre ejus cum adhuc oriri."_ They heard me saying. Not all of them understood what I just said, except for Severus, and Lupin. Albus had left moments before, so no one else understood what was happening.

_"Filia moriatur: patri, et resurget."_

Severus approached me slowly, step by step, with his wand on his hand.

 _"Filia moriatur: patri, et resurget."_ I repeated.

Once he was able to reach me, I turned my head to him and said the same words. Then I returned to the couch, leaned my head back to the pillow and closed my eyes. I stirred in my sleep and finally opened them again, exposing my light brown eyes. The first thing I saw was Severus' figure in front of me with the most inquisitive expression, then I noticed everyone in the room staring at me with widened eyes.

I rubbed my face with my hands, still dizzy from the amazing  _siesta_ , totally unaware of what just happened.

They kept staring at me.

And I had to ask.

"What? Did I snored or something?"

 

____________

PS: translation of the nonsense words Ana said:

"In the fifth month, of the penultimate year of the millennium, the prophecy shall be fulfilled. And the daughter of the dark lord will be released from her life so that her father shall rise once again."

"The daughter dies: the father rises."


	7. Chapter 7

Two weeks have passed since the weird zombie-state thing that happened to me. Severus was oddly concerned with that, he even insisted on spending the night in 12 Grimmauld Place, in the room next door, in case something similar happened - which I refused, saying that I was feeling well and I had lots of people in the house with me. So for the rest of the week, he would often visit me to check on me, or talk to me through the fireplace -  _which_ _it was_ _kinda_ _cool._

One morning, there was a knock on my door, which made me divert my attention from my books. Albus and Severus were there and I didn't like their guilty faces at all.

"Hey, you!" I greeted them.

"Hi, darling," Albus smiled and Severus muttered something under his breath.

"So, what's up?" I crossed my legs under me, ready to hear the reason why they were both there to see me.

"We just wanted to see how you were doing," Albus said and I raised my brow.

"Still talking English and my eyes are still brown. Thank you for your concern." Severus huffed and I rolled my eyes.  _Can't he just relax and_ _enjoy_ _a_ _little_ _,_ _harmless_ _joke_ _?_  At least Albus chuckled. "I'm fine, really. Ready for my next lesson, mentor." It turned to Severus.

"As a matter of fact, we are here to tell you that you will have a break for the next couple of weeks. You shall rest." Severus informed me, knowing full well that I was going to protest.

"What--"

"We think we're pushing you too hard. It is in your best interest." Albus said slowly, expecting an outburst.

"No way! I'm not stopping." Severus opened his mouth to speak but, obviously, I didn't let him. "I have to continue. We were making some great advances, weren't we? Besides, does Voldemort rests? He doesn't. We can't stop now."

Albus smiled but Severus had a shocked expression, brows furrowed but still, he was taken aback by my words.

"Please. I can't even believe you thought about doing something like this."

"Severus was only worried about your wellbeing, honey." Albus Said and I glared at Severus.

"Well, after all these months Severus should know me better by now. I'm not taking a break. I will continue training unless he doesn't want to be my mentor anymore." I lifted a brow, my stomach twisting inexplicably at this possibility.

Albus got up from my bed and walked to the door.

"I think this conversation is not addressed to me now. I shall leave you to it. I only wished to see how you were doing, I must go now, Molly is waiting for me with her chocolate chips cookies. You should come down soon and try them."

I turned to Severus that was now watching me with an offended expression.

"So?" I crossed my arms.

"I have nothing else to say to you."

"Cut the shit, Severus. Why do you want me to stop?" I interrupted his arrogance.

"I -- I have told you."

I rolled my eyes at him.

"Ok, get out then. I'm sparing you to the talk. If you don't want to be my mentor anymore, just go."

He didn't move an inch. I got up from my seat and started walking to the door, _cookies sound good_. And in an instant, Severus' hand grabbed my wrist to stop me from walking away. My words caused a turmoil of unexplainable emotions inside his head and he had to stop me from going away like that. The moment he saw my surprised look and glanced down to where his hand landed, he took it back immediately.

"No, you foolish woman! If being your mentor wasn't what I wanted, I would have not offered myself."

"So, why do you want me to take a break? And please, don't lie to me."

"You did not see you the way I did. Everyone in that in that room saw you in that state. But I tried to enter your mind and -- I was able to do it --" I furrowed my brows. "... Because it wasn't yours! I fear that someone might know about your ability and somehow managed to get to you. The worst scenario is if that someone is the dark lord himself."

I blinked several times processing what he just told me and sat on the edge of my bed with my head down, looking to the floor. Silence fell upon us and after a moment I felt Severus sitting right beside me.

"At least, a week-break," He finally spoke and I just nodded after a few seconds without looking at him.

Then he got up from the bed and walked to the door, not saying one more word. 

"Severus.." I called and he looked back to me. My eyes met his and I smiled weakly. "Thank you for your concern. I really appreciate it."

He nodded and got out of the room. For a moment he just stood outside my bedroom's door, calming himself. For some reason, that closeness was making him apprehensive. Severus was trying to put himself together before someone else saw him that way. If I was another person, he wouldn't even explain his decisions about wanting me to have the break. But he behaves differently when it comes to me. Severus didn't understand why, though. It's probably for the same reason everyone else enjoyed my company because I'm... me. But there was something else to it, he knew it.

With his severe mask back to his face, he got downstairs and out of the house. He had to get away from that place for a while, away from me.

At least, that was what he intended to do. Until Albus asked him to accompany him. He was meeting some people important and needed Severus by his side. Nothing unusual. But then he wanted to check on me and dragged Severus with him.

"Albus, what a lovely surprise." Molly greeted him and he just stayed there making conversation, while Severus was asking himself why he let the man always get the best of him and convince him to do anything. He knew he was about to get bored with their conversation for Merlin's know how long. But then, a beautiful melody entered his ears. Someone was playing the piano in the house.

His attention was now fully on the melody, ignoring Albus and Molly's conversation.

As by themselves, his feet started moving towards the source of the sound. He couldn't believe Sirius was the one responsible for that beautiful sound. He just knew it.

Severus turned right after leaving the dining room, crossed a dark corridor under the stairs and that's when the sound became more audible. He kept walking until he reached for a door opened ajar and stood there wondering if he should open it fully or not. So he just listened:

Then, the song was over and another as beautiful as the last started being played.

Severus' hand landed on the door and slowly pushed it back, revealing me playing the piano - as he expected - and Sirius sitting on a couch, eyes closed, listening to the songs.

I was feeling bored inside that house. Besides my training, I was on med school break too. So, I decided to take a walk through the house, opening the doors I never opened before. I was living in the house for almost a year and never took the liberty to explore it. Until that day. 

Under the stairs, I found another corridor with some doors. Most of them led to empty rooms or rooms with almost no furniture. But there was this one with a big black piano in the middle, lots of music books on shelves and a small couch on the other side.

Hoping that it was still tuned, I tested it. It wasn't tuned at all. Probably no one used it for too many years. I decided to open it and take a look. I had piano lessons since I was a little girl, and that piano didn't seem different from the  _muggle_  ones. So I could be able to fix it. Besides, it was a shame for such a beautiful piano to be left deteriorating like that.

"It was my grandma's piano. She was in love with it. But after Voldemort's first rise, no one was willing to waste time on it." Sirius' voice startled me and he smiled. "It's ok. I rather have you using it than throwing it away. Can you fix it?"

His gorgeous grey eyes were sparkling expectantly at me.

"I'll try. But I'm going to need your help. And a few tools." 

Sirius looked like he was thinking about something when he started looking for that something on the shelves. He retrieved a box and opened it, exposing the tools I needed for fixing the piano, it was an amazingly complete piano kit. 

"Nice! Now, let's get to work."

And after hours of testing keynotes and tune them until they reached the desired pitch, I was playing everything I remembered from my childhood. And Sirius was leaning on the couch, relaxing, while I showed him some muggle children's songs. When I looked at him, I smiled. He was asleep.

My eyes immediately diverted their attention to the one who opened the door, without messing the song. I smiled at Severus curious look but raised my finger to my mouth, pointing to Sirius sleeping on the couch. Severus followed the direction of my finger and rolled his eyes. I just chuckled silently.

I finished the last song slowly so that I didn't wake Sirius with a sudden stop. 

Gesturing Severus to leave the room, I closed the door behind me and whispered.

"Molly said you wouldn't be able to come here at least for a week. Is everything alright?"

"Yes -- yes, it is. Albus wanted to see how you are doing." He simply replied.

"I'm feeling fine. But --" I groaned. "I'm so bored that I spent three hours fixing Black's one hundred years old piano. I mean, I did a pretty good job, but still-- bored."

Severus seemed like he was considering something and was battling himself if he should say it out loud.

"You could go for a walk."

"I wanted to go out but Molly advised me not to go out without going with someone who could protect me, just in case." I sighed, but smiled at him, trying to change the subject. "Well, it's ok, I'll get something to entertain myself with. I'll say hello to Albus."

When I turned around to go to the dining room, Severus grabbed my arm, releasing it immediately. He was doing that a lot. He didn't like it one bit. But he couldn't help it.

"Tomorrow I have a business to attend to in Diagon-Alley. IF -- you desire to leave the house for a couple of hours... I could take you with me."

I widened my eyes and smiled at him, so happy with his proposition. I would accept anything to get me out of the house harmlessly, and even better if it was with Severus. I mean -- he was the best qualified to protect me from any harm, obviously.

"I would love to! Thank you." And before he knew it, I put my arms around him and gave him a firm hug, making him tense up in shock. Then, I let go and walked to the dining room, leaving Severus speechless in the corridor.


	8. Chapter 8

"So, what are you two having?" A young waitress approached us with a welcoming smile. I looked at Severus, waiting for him to talk first and he eyed me, thinking about something for a moment. Then he shifted his attention to the waitress.

"We'll have two butter beers."

She nodded and left.

"Butterbeer? What's that?" I asked, and Severus looked at me as if I was some kind of alien creature. Then he remembered that I was  _just_  a muggle. The fact that I was in his life made him overlook that I wasn't like him. I definitely was special.

"It's a traditional wizarding beverage that tastes like a little bit like less-sickly butterscotch and has a very slight alcoholic content. It is good, I think you might enjoy it."

"I'm not much into alcohol. Good things never come out when I drink alcohol." I shyly admitted after remembering the first time I got drunk and ended up swimming in the city fountain. What can I say? I tried to mix up with the  _cool_  guys from high school and went to a party.

Soon after, the waitress bought us the drinks and I widened my eyes. The cups were huge, I didn't think I would be able to drink all of it, but once my lips touched the white thick layer of foam and felt the cold liquid down my throat, I couldn't think when was the last time I tasted something different this delicious.

Severus observed me as I drank until the last drop and noticing my contentment, he asked for another for both of us.

"So..." I started talking, in an attempt to end the awkward silence installed between us. "I don't know much about you. All I know is that you are my mentor and you are a teacher in Hogwarts."

"And is that a problem?" I didn't let his ungracious voice intimidate me.

"Yes. I would like to know more about you. I mean, I spend to much time with you, I think I should know you better than your first and last name." There was a long silence after my sentence. Severus seemed lost in his thoughts, probably thinking if either he should tell me to mind my own business or if he should tell something about himself. He decided on the last option.

After a long and uncomfortable silence, Severus spoke.

"Tobias." I frowned, looking and me, and he diverted his gaze to the rest of the bar. "It's my middle name."

"Severus Tobias Snape." I thought about it for a second. "It is an uncommon name. I like it."

Severus looked at me nonchalantly and didn't answer me. Establishing a conversation with the man was one of the hardest things I had to do in my entire life. But I didn't give up just yet. It seemed to me that he wasn't used to talking to anyone. Probably just with Albus. The rest was just an obligation.

And after another long moment of silence, he spoke again - much against his logical reasoning.

"And I teach Potions at Hogwarts."

"Potions? As in... mixing thing in a cauldron and make... things, like -- potions?" I asked surprised. I'm still discovering things about their world, there are no stupid questions. Right?

"Exactly." He simply put.

"I guess... nothing should surprise me anymore." I looked at my third cup of Butter Beer that the waitress brought to our table. Severus had ordered another in the middle of our awkward conversation. "And what can you do with potions?"

"Practically everything I desire to do."

"Wow. Nice." Then another question popped into my head. "What about hobbies beside Hogwarts? What do you like to do?"

"Books." He was trying to shut up, but he couldn't help himself. I asked a question and he automatically answered without thinking.

"Me too. Since I was a little girl. My -- grandma made me fall in love with books before she died. She wanted me to have her personal collection. She had very valuable books but didn't want them to be sold and lost for random people. So she gave them to me before dying." I sighed and lowered my voice. "She was the only one that was always there for me. When she died, that's when... strange things started to happen to me. Huh, my abilities, I mean."

Severus gaze was now focused on me, with an unreadable expression. He was quiet, but somehow I knew he was just expecting me to continue.

"I tried to talk to my parents, but whenever I tried to, they looked at me like I was some kind of freak. For a moment -- I thought they would send me to an asylum. They tried to avoid me every time I tried to talk about what happens to me." I took a sip from my drink, but it was so good that I just drank it until the last drop.

"They never wanted to find out about why you were like that? " I nodded. "Muggles usually take different people to doctors to see if they are insane when that kind of matter arise."

"Not my..." I gulped. "parents."

He lifted a brow and stared at me, analyzing my behavior. I tried to avoid his look and the conversation, so I changed the course of that conversation.

"When will we be able to get back to training?"

"I never saw someone so annoyingly eager to learn as you." He said with an arrogant tone.

"Not even Hermione?" I joked, and he looked at me with a lifted brow, thinking about my suggestion.

"Point taken." He said and I chuckled.

"Well, at least you can't take points from me whenever I annoy you." He furrowed at me, trying to understand how I learned about that. I rolled my eyes. "What? People talk about that kind of stuff."

"Good to know that."

I sighed and got back to my serious expression, thinking about what Severus told me about the possibility of someone knowing about my skills. And about the possibility of being Voldemort himself. Oddly, I wasn't scared of it. The fear I felt when he told me that could not compare to how much I want to explore my  _powers_  - if I can even call them that. 

"What is it?" Severus caught the change of humor in my eyes, knowing that I was thinking about something serious as I became silent so suddenly.

I opened my mouth to speak but closed it immediately. Then I forced myself to speak at last.

"I want to know how far I can go. I want to know the limits of my powers. I'm afraid of what I might find out, though. I... I'm so scared of losing myself. Losing everything that I fought to have." He eyed me confused with my words. "I fought hard to get to university. My parents weren't convinced to pay for my studies. I managed to convince them. For years I tried and I'm pursuing that opportunity as hard as I can. I'm just... afraid that I lose myself on the way due to my... difference."

"You have friends, now. And Albus. They wouldn't let that happen." Severus felt some twist in his stomach, something tightening him from inside. He tried to make it go away, but as words came out of my mouth, he found that very hard to achieve. And once the next words came out of my mouth, his inopportune self spoke what he never thought he would.

"Somehow I don't think that will be enough." I was fidgeting nervously the edge of my left sleeve, not daring to look at Severus' eyes. He went silent for a while, and I was afraid that I might have disappointed him with my confession and thought of me as a spoiled girl, afraid of life battles. I was wrong.

"You also have me. I wouldn't let that happen." He widened his eyes the moment he said that and cursed himself for allowing his heart to open up that much to someone he didn't truly know. I lifted my eyes at him in an instant, a little shocked with his words, but I was also comforted.

Severus spoke nothing more and got up to leave the place called "The Leaky Cauldron". He paid for the drinks and left. Once outside he started walking away, intending to take me back to 12 Grimmauld Place. But something in the back of his head convinced him otherwise, as he had an inner battle, deciding if he should get away from me after speaking too much.

He lost the battle. And all I could hear as a growl. An actual growl. As if he was some kind of animal.

"You said you like books." He said as an affirmation and not as a question. I didn't find the need to answer since he didn't even look in my direction.

I just followed him as he entered a store. I stopped and looked at the sign in the front that said "Flourish & Blotts" and saw books on the showcase. So I smiled and followed Severus.

It was a two floors book store, filled with shelves stacked to the ceiling with books from different sizes and colors. There were people entering and exiting the doors, hands filled with books and smiles on their faces. I couldn't help but study my surrounding, taking in every corner of the store, and memorizing the smells I could feel. There was definitely the smell of new books, but there was also the scent of those books older than you that you wonder how many people read those books. I can't actually say which one I prefer, though.

There was this particular shelf that caught my attention as I approached it as if an invisible force was commanding me. The store was full, no more books could be fit in the shelves. However, there was a particular shelf that had no books on it. It was empty.

I furrowed my brows.

Then I heard a hoarse and deep voice behind me that I recognized immediately.

"The Invisible Book of Invisibility."

I turned around, surprised with that odd name. Severus' eyes were locked in the place where the books  _were_.

"How can you read one of this?" Severus didn't answer. Instead, he raised a brow and his mind went someplace else, leaving and contemplative expression on his face. I muffled a laugh that ceased in my throat with the shock I felt that moment. "Are you kidding me? Who even make things like this if you can read it?"

I scanned the rest of the store with my eyes, not leaving the shelves of that strange book. 

"Why are we here, Severus?"

He seemed taken aback with my question but returned to his usual impartial mask. Annoying even. After a moment - that seemed like he was thinking about the right answer - he replied with a nonchalant voice that bothered me for some reason.

"I need to find a book. It was convenient."

I just nodded my head and followed him silently for the rest of his journey. What irked me, even more, was the fact that we left the store and Severus hadn't actually purchased any book.


	9. Chapter 9

"So, how are you doing today?" Sirius asked me once I sat at the dining table. I spent half of the day in classes, and the other half on the hospital, as a trainee at the psychiatric ward. It's a little depressing in there, but you always end up with funny stories to tell.

"I'm fine, why do you ask?" 

Sirius eyed me for a moment. He knew what it feels like to be locked inside a house, with no place to go. At first, you accept your faith because you know that it is the safest thing to do. But after some time, you start to lose your mind if you don't go out. Of course, I go to classes and to the hospital almost every day, but that's only because I have a protection charm cast by Albus himself, but apart from than that, I cannot go out without someone to protect me. That's as worse as being locked up in Azkaban, he thought.

"You were so bored that you even went on a little date with Snilvellus." I could sense some venom behind his words. I still want so badly to know what could have possibly happened between them. The tension between them is so destructive that if someone asked me to be in the same room with them both, or with Hitler, I think I would prefer the second one. 

I rolled my eyes at him and threw him a peanut at his face.

"His name is Severus, and it was no date. He had important things to handle and I just glued myself to him. Nothing else." Then I lifted my brow in a playful manner. "Why? Are you jealous?"

I swear I could see his face reddening a little before he stood up on his chair and walked to the kitchen, grumbling something under his breath. I chuckled and he glared back at me, keeping his eyes on me for a while before being interrupted by Molly and Arthur that just walked in.

I furrowed my brows at his childish behavior, but since we were talking about Severus I considered it "normal". My attention was diverted to Arthur that sat by my side in an accomplice style and when Molly went to the kitchen he whispered to me.

"I need help. Can you distract Molly so I can sneak out? I left her gift in the office and I need to get it. Today is our wedding anniversary," he seemed too nervous and was fidgeting with the edge of his jacket, talking without taking a break to breathe. "And I forgot the gift on my desk, I'm so, so stupid. She's gonna kill me if I d--"

"Hey," I put my hand on his shoulder. "She's gonna suspect if you leave alone. Tell her that we're going for a walk because I'm feeling down and you want me to get some fresh air."

He muffled a laugh, relaxing a bit more, knowing that I help him.

"Besides, I really need to get some fresh air again. Being locked up in the psychiatric ward was no good for my sanity." I joked, earning another chuckle from Arthur. He patted my back and got up, walking to the kitchen to find his wife. 

They both appeared back in the dining room, Arthur with a proud look on his eyes, and Molly with a cleary concerned gaze locked in me. She was dying inside to ask me what was wrong, but Arthur must have advised her not to. Instead, she smiled weakly at me a gave her husband a _see you later_  kiss. That simple gesture made me smile. It is always so heartwarming seeing those two so in love even after so many years, so many children and so many difficulties. I guess, true love really exists if you pay attention to the way they act with each other.

"Let's go, Ana. We'll be back soon, darling." Arthur said, gesturing me to walk in front of him outside. 

As soon as we exited 12 Grimmauld Place, he sighed in relief, because he wouldn't have his neck on the line later. We walked for a moment, to get to someplace hidden so that Arthur could disapparate to his office in the Ministry of Magic.

"What's your job?" I asked curiously.

"After I graduated from Hogwarts, I started working for the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office in the Ministry of Magic. I've always been fascinated with your world, so you can say I love what I do." He said proudly and I smiled. "I purchased a Muggle car, a Ford Anglia, and bewitched it to make it fly." 

"What? You have a flying car?" I asked excited and he laughed.

"I was not supposed to. But..." he paused as we arrived his office. Then he muttered with a wicked but shy smile. "In order to do so, I made sure to include a loophole in law I wrote for the Ministry: as long as I was not intending to fly the car, it would be legal."

I started laughing out loud. What a sly man he is, I always thought of him as a saint. Who would have known?

"I have no idea how muggles can live their lives normally without magic." He zoned out, thinking out loud while he opened his desk's drawer to reveal a red velvet box with a silver bow on top. He smiled and opened the box, exposing an exquisite but simple silver necklace with a light pink heart pendant. "She loves this stone, it's actually the same stone as the ring I asked her to marry me with."

"It's lovely, Arthur. She's a lucky woman."

"No. I am the lucky one." He smiled with his flustered cheeks, but he quickly closed the box and put it in his pocket. "But, really, how do you do it?"

"You really are a fanatic, aren't you?" I laughed.

"I have a collection of plugs and batteries and other stuff on my shed. I'll show you sometime, if you want to, of course."

"I would love to." I smiled at him. "But it's not that hard to live without magic. Of course, it would be awesome to have some of your abilities, but I guess the biggest difference is that we have to do everything manually. I mean -- Molly's spell for dishwashing? That would be very handy!"

He chuckled. 

"But you invent machines that do that for you." He stated.

"Yes, but we spend too many years investigating and failing and never achieve perfection. Molly's spell? The damn glasses end up brighter than my future!!!"

He laughed and put an arm around my shoulders, pulling closer as we walked through the streets. He thought our little _lie_  would be more credible if we spend more time outside, so we decided to walk back home and get me some fresh air.

"You know? You're a good person, Ana. I could see it even before I met you when Albus told us about you. And now that I really know you, I have no doubts. I know you don't have a pleasant past, but I assure you that have found friends in our home. Family, even. Do not forget that."

I gulped, processing his kind words. My mouth became dry, but my eyes were threatening to show how overwhelmed and how moved his words make me. He sensed that and shook my shoulders a little with a low chuckle.

"Besides, I think Molly believes she won another family' member. She already sees you as her daughter. As I do."

And that was enough - I started crying.


	10. Chapter 10

Severus appeared on 12 Grimmauld Place. The Order had a meeting scheduled, but he decided to show up earlier just to know how my training was going. He gave a little more freedom to practice while he was away since he a lot of work to do in Hogwarts lately.

He didn't even need to ask Molly where I was, she indicated him my bedroom without saying a word and he slowly went upstairs, observing the darkness hovering those halls. He was used to that darkness, though. His house at Spinner's End was just like it, depressing, lonely, and sullen. He lived there his whole life but even though he had almost no good memory from his childhood there, he couldn't get rid of the house. He didn't know why.

Without understanding why Severus hesitated before knocking on my bedroom door. He sighed when he heard me allowing him to come in and he opened the door, furrowing his brows when he saw me on the carpet, lying on my stomach, colored pencils spread in front of me and me concentrated on the drawing I was working on.

"What are you doing?" He couldn't fight the urge to ask as he approached me and sat on the bed.

I smiled at him and told him the truth.

"I kinda like to draw. And I know Albus' birthday is in two months, so I'm making him a draw. It's no big deal. We took a picture at King Cross, even before I met you and I'm making a drawing of it." Severus nodded his head, his eyes locked on the stretch book I was painting before. I bit my lower lip. "Do you want to see it?"

He just nodded and I saw the surprise on his face - a good surprise expression. He was actually taken aback with how good it was. For a moment he was about to say that I was a truly astonishing girl - I was studious, loved books, play piano and can draw. It's hard to find a girl like me nowadays, but he decided to keep those inconvenient thoughts for himself.

"Do you think he'll like it?" I interrupted his thoughts. He swallowed hard before forcing himself to make an audible sound.

"Yes."

I bit my lower lip once again, hesitating before opening again my drawings book.

"You can see the other drawings if you like." Without saying another word, he scanned page by page, every drawing I've been making through the years. He could see that the drawings improved on each page, so it was a continuous process. And as he continued through the book his amazed face grew.

"What do you think?"

"They are... good."

I smiled, feeling my cheeks flush. That was the best compliment I could receive from Severus' mouth, so I really enjoyed it.

"I -- never show my drawings to anyone," I admitted and he stopped looking at my drawings, lifting his face to look me in the eyes.

"Why?"

"Well, I never trusted anyone enough to know they wouldn't point a finger and criticize, so..." I shrugged, too embarrassed to continued talking. Severus felt some weird tension in the air and diverted his attention back to my sketches, stopping when he saw one of my drawings. Probably his favorite: it was a charcoal drawing of a unicorn under the moonlight. And he just stared at it.

He didn't know what kind of energy that drawing was transmitting, but he really liked it. And it showed. For the first time in this one year and a half I've known him, I saw him smile. A genuine smile. Severus himself didn't remember when was the last time he smiled. Probably, in years. Probably when he was with Lily...

Severus rose up abruptly, placing the book on my bed, ignoring my confused look. And without saying anything else, he left me alone in the bedroom. I found that behavior was so odd, but didn't ask him anything about it while we were at the Order's reunion. Severus is a very confusing man, and if I complain that I never know what's going on Albus' mind, I think I have the worst puzzle to solve when it comes to Severus.

Occasionally, I would look at him during the reunion, in hope that I find him looking at me and having an idea of what might have happened before, in my bedroom, but he didn't look at me once. In fact, he didn't even open his mouth during the meeting, not even when Sirius insulted him. He was drowning in his own thoughts, neglecting the world around him. Being around me was changing something inside of him, something he buried with Lily years and years ago. His heart.

That couldn't happen. First of all, he was my mentor. He had a responsibility with me and crossing that line was a no turn back. Second, he was a Death Eater and a spy, I would be in more danger if he let me near him. Third, I was too young, he was too old, and his past was plentiful with mistakes - unforgivable mistakes. And last, but not least, a strong person like myself would never see him differently. It was just impossible.

And for that, he had to get away from me. As much as he can. He has to fight those thoughts.

When the meeting was over, I raised from the chair to ask Severus to speak with me, but he stormed out of the house immediately, not giving me a chance to call for him.

For a few days, I didn't hear anything from him. He didn't appear on the Order's headquarters nor sent me any message. I focused on my studies in the meantime, not knowing what my next training would be like.

This morning, he showed up really soon, but luckily I was already awake, dressed up and eating breakfast with Molly in the dining table.

"Good morning, Severus," Molly spoke once she saw him entering the room.

He muttered an answer under his breath and I turned around to face him. His expression was harder than usual, obviously, something was wrong with him. I wondered if it had anything to do with whatever happened a few days ago in my bedroom.

"Training session today?" I questioned.

He turned to me and nodded, no words coming out of his mouth. Instead, he stood at the door, waiting for me to finish my food and when I finally did, he walked away to the front door without even telling me to follow him.

Molly exchanged a confused look with me and I just shrugged my shoulders, saying my goodbyes before disappearing after Severus. She just stopped me before I walked out of the house and handed me a bag with food, so I would have a snack during the morning lesson. With a humble smile, I took the bag and thanked her, picking up my long black woolen jacket to protect me from the cold morning outside.

As soon as we were outside, Severus placed a hand on my shoulder and disapparated to King Cross's station' entry. There were hundreds of people walking in and out of the station, rushing to get to their destinations. I noticed a homeless man sleeping on a bench, covered only with some cardboard boxes to block the morning cold air that was actually very chilling. I shivered slightly and turned to Severus who was walking in silence, a thin line on his lips as he was pressing them together.

"What are we doing here?" I asked.

"You'll try to see the past of random people walking by. Reduce the noise in your head by focusing on one thought at a time." No more words could be heard from Severus's mouth all morning. He wouldn't even look at me. Instead, he had an annoyed expression as if I was the most boring person in the whole world. _Damn him._

I focused on my task for the day, but it was really hard. First, because I didn't have a clear mind to do it, my thoughts always running back to Severus' behavior. Then, because there were too many people in there to even concentrate. The kids were playing near the fountain, running and chasing each other around, laughing and making loud noises. People were sitting at the tables, chatting, being louder than the kids, totally unaware of the strange girl that was trying to unlock their minds and see their history.

I couldn't do it. I just couldn't.

So I started walking on my own, while Severus was staying behind, walking slowly. I took a walk around the park, and I stopped once my eyes landed on the homeless man I saw earlier that morning.

Something drew me to him. I couldn't quite understand what.

Then, when I focused on the man, I started sensing things, feelings, like the small autumn breeze that makes you shiver. The feeling of the summer being over and the leaves start falling, as the days start getting smaller and more greyish. Then I had several flashes on my mind of a small boy crying at his father's legs, his arms wrapped around his jeans in an attempt to stop him from going. I could also hear a woman's voice screaming and breaking things, ordering the man to disappear from her life, forcing him to leave with no more than the clothes on his body. And that wasn't the only thing I saw.

Before he knew it, Severus noticed that I was walking towards the man. He wanted to stop me, but he decided to watch me from afar.

"Sir?" I asked, and the man stirred in his sleep. I called him again and his dark blue eyes snapped open - they were actually beautiful. The man had a huge uncleaned beard and his hair was gray and greasy. Life has been no good to the man. And he had made that bench, under the huge tree, as his home for the past couple of months.

He looked at me with an intrigued expression, getting up to a sitting position. I watched as the cupboards fell on the floor and I immediately grabbed them and gave them back to the man.

"Thank you." He said.

I took the bag Molly gave me that morning and offered it to the homeless man. He took it, with a suspicious look on his face and opened the bag, his face brightening up as he saw the delicious snack inside. He looked at me with the most grateful expression and immediately took a bite in the red apple.

Without saying anything, I turned around to leave, but another feeling from that man took over me. A chill ran down my spine and I just closed my eyes and sighed. Then, I approached the man again, took off my oversized warm jacket and handed it to him.

"No, no. It's too much!" He said, nodding his head to me.

"It's not. Take it, please. You need it more than I do." I pleaded, remembering the freezing feeling that I felt just moments ago. "Please." I insisted.

Severus stood quiet on the street, watching the whole scene in front of him. Part of him didn't believe that I was capable of facing one of the coldest days of winter just for an unknown, filthy homeless man. He wouldn't do it, obviously and none of the people he knew would do it, certainly.

When I got back to his side, Severus tried to hide his melted expression, returning to the ungracious behavior. He still had to push me away from his, as much as this mentor relationship allowed him. He cursed himself for offering himself to be my mentor, but then he cursed himself even more for thinking such atrocity.

Still, back to austerity we were.

With a more relaxed mind of myself, I was able to penetrate more people's mind and access their past memories. It was getting easier by the minute, and very often, some of the visions were funny and a chuckle escaped my mouth. But even with my success, I couldn't obtain the smallest reaction from Severus, not even a huff, or a scold. He acted as if he was indifferent; as if I wasn't there. And for some odd reason, it hurt.

The first time he spoke to me, we were at the Order's headquarters again and he left me at the main door, making sure I got in. He turned around to leave but I called him.

"Severus. When will be the next training?"

He seemed annoyed by the sound of my voice itself.

"I can't be here for the next week. You'll do the same was you did today."

"You mean... I can go out alone to train?" I asked, trying to hide the excitement behind my voice. I didn't care that Severus was holding some unexplainable grudge against me, I was getting a free pass to get out whenever I want. _To train, of course._

He didn't answer at all. He just disapparated, leaving me speechless at the front door, looking at the empty stairs for a while, processing how strange he was acting. I wondered I did to make him behave that way...


	11. Chapter 11

I only saw Severus again in the next meeting. Apparently, Albus decided to be distant from Harry, hoping that Voldemort wouldn't use their connection to get to him. It was making things harder for the boy - especially since the Ministry was vilifying Harry's and Albus' image -, but he asserted it was the right thing to do at the moment.

Within two months, the school year will be over, and the 12 Grimmauld Place, Black's house, will be full again, just like everyone enjoys it. After all the stupid incident at the beginning of the year with Harry and the Dementors, I asked if Harry would have to go back to that awful family.

"No way on Earth he will!" Sirius protested when Albus made a sad face. They are his legal tutors after all, and there was nothing we could do to change it, not until he's 18 at least. 

"Albus, isn't there anything we can do?" I asked concerned.

"I'm afraid it isn't. I believe he is as safe there as he is here." He answered knowing I wouldn't be happy with his answer. Sirius huffed and muttered something under his voice. I ignored him and turned to Albus.

"You know this is not about safety."

He nodded, but his answer didn't change, so I just stopped asking. We will find another way to get him out of there. Besides, his godfather was here to take him in, - a wanted criminal, alright, but he is innocent and is the one Lily and James trust their little boy with. That must mean something, right?

As soon as the meeting was over, most of them stood up to leave, as Severus did. I looked at him, my brows furrowed as I realized that he didn't even acknowledge my presence, not even when I spoke about my progress. 

Molly noticed it too - of course. So she called him.

"Wouldn't you like to stay for dinner?"

He looked her in the eyes, a harsher expression appearing on his face and just said "I can't" before leaving the house for good. 

And that went on for the next weeks. Even when we scheduled a training session he kept his inexplicable distance, his cold eyes rarely looking at mine and when they did, I felt like I was the worst person in the world and all I wanted to do was that the floor under my feet cracked open and swallowed me.

He must be pissed off by something. Probably something I did or said, but when I thought about the last time he actually had a tolerable behavior around me, there was nothing that could possibly make him angry at me.

Once I actually verbalized the questions in my head. But it was as if I hadn't. I remained ignorant all the same.

"Are you mad about something?"

He narrowed his eyes at me.

"No."

"Well, it doesn't seem like it," I admitted, analyzing the park around me. He took me to a new place, a big park with lots of trees, flowers, grass, and a huge lake in the middle. It was actually beautiful and peaceful.

"It is none of your concern. Focus on what you're doing and stop messing with other people's problems." He said with a rude tone. He thought that with that I would stop talking, but the minute he said it he knew I trapped him.

"Ha-Ha! So there is a problem!"

If the look he gave me could kill, I would be lying on a casket, eyes closed, hands on my chest. _I wonder who would be at my funeral..._

Anyway, I bit my lower lip, smothering my thoughts and the need to talk back, and actually focused on what I was doing. That morning, Severus said that I had to change the aim of my visions. He said I needed to start to actually penetrate people's minds and see whatever I want to see, feel whatever I want to feel and hear whatever I want to her. What he asked was actually violating human rights, but, hey, whatever - he's responsible for me.

I tried hard. I really did. But all I could see was people's past, get some feelings from the moment, but nothing else. No mind was read, nothing was done. And I couldn't be more disappointed, especially because I knew he was.

As if it couldn't get worse, I started having more vivid nightmares. The ones that make you wake up in the middle of the night, sweating and panting, heart racing and head dizzy. 

One of those nights, I saw my parents. Dying at my feet. _I saw the way a man waved his wand and their bodies fell limp on the floor. My mother had the beads bracelet I made her one year on mother's day and was wearing the necklace my father and I gave her on her birthday many many years ago when I still was a little girl and our family actually felt like one._

I woke up screaming and Molly, Arthur and Sirius entered my room moments after, wands in their hands. But once they saw me on the bed, swollen eyes from crying and a scared look on my face, they sighed in relief. Molly sat on the edge of my bed and placed her hand on my trembling and cold hands.

"Another nightmare, honey?"

I nodded and gulped.

"Yes, I saw my parents..."

She pulled me to a hug and I started sobbing. Arthur and Sirius left the room, very concerned, but they knew Molly would take care of me.

"You have been having these often now..." Molly said. "I can ask Severus for a potion for a dreamless night, darling."

"No! There's no need for that. I'll be fine. It's just a phase."

"You haven't' slept properly in weeks! It is not just a phase." She protested.

"I just don't want to pester him with these things, please. If these nightmares don't stop, I'll talk to him, I promise, but I don't want to talk about it with him, for now."

"So talk to me instead. Tell me your nightmares, maybe I can help you. Do you want some hot tea to warm you up? You look cold." She took my robe and covered my back, forcing me out of the bed and leaving me no chance to protest. I smiled at her motherly-behavior and felt better at the same time. We spent some hours talking about the nightmares, especially about the one from that night. By the end of the conversation, I was more at ease, but there were lots of questions in my head that I needed answered. I decided to ask them at last, hoping that my mind became clearer.

The next day, I had to go to university sooner than usual for a project with a colleague. Severus was there since he had an appointment with Arthur in the Ministry of Magic and Arthur asked him to meet him at 12 Grimmauld Place.

"Good morning," I muttered once I arrived at the dining table. Severus and Molly were there talking, but they became silent once I entered.

"How are you feeling, darling?" She asked, pouring some coffee in a mug for me. I shrugged my shoulders and started eating, ignoring Severus' confused face. For the fraction of second, I looked him in the eyes, there was concern behind them. He saw me enter the room with my eyes swollen, dark circles under them, and my face was paler than usual. He shook all those feelings away when I turned to him.

"I need to ask you something." 

He didn't answer, but at the same time, it was as if he said _go ahead_. Molly went to the kitchen to give us some privacy. But I knew very well she would be listening to every word we say in the dining room.

"It's about my parents. I need to know what you know about them. No one tells me a thing, I think that as my mentor, you could have information that I am not aware of." I swallowed hard.

He lifted a brow.

"And how is that important at this moment?"

I sighed. 

"I need to know."

"What you need is to focus on your mission. Nothing else is important at a time like this."

The way he could say such cold words shocked me and hurt me more than anything in this life. But I knew this wasn't his worse. I just knew it.

"How can I focus on this _mission_  if I can't even have a proper night of sleep? I have horrible nightmares every night, and tonight was the worst I've ever dreamt with. So, would you stop being an asshole with me and tell me the truth?" Before I could stop myself, I already said those words and his eyes were red with rage.

He wanted to go away, leave me alone without saying anything. But he had to keep going, he had to push me as away as he could. So he spoke as poisonous as possible, regretting his words as soon as he saw the broken look in my eyes.

"You want the truth? Do you think you can handle it??? Your parents left you probably because you are too whiny that they had no other solution but to let you stay behind." I gasped, taken aback with his horrible words. I couldn't actually believe he was saying such things. "Guess what? The world does not revolve around you. There are more important things so you should stop pitty yourself and do something bloody useful for once!"

I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me crying, but the tears stinging behind my eyes were too much to contain, so without saying a word, I turned around and left the house running. Before shutting the main door behind me, I heard Molly yelling at Severus, criticizing him for such behavior. Then, I heard Arthur entering the room to check on why she was so distressed and the last thing I caught was her pissed off voice.

"Arthur, take this disgusting man out of my sight."

I took the BUS to the university as I usually do. It was the longest ride of my life and as much as I tried to stop the tears, I couldn't. I had to, though. I was about to meet my partner for a school project and first impressions are the most important.

Why Severus was acting so unfriendly I wasn't sure, but his words hurt me more than I expected. If someone else said them, I wouldn't care so much, but it wasn't someone else - it was Severus - and for some reason, it hurts even more.

"Are you Ana?" I heard an unfamiliar voice ask behind me. I was sitting at the library's stairs, waiting for my partner, but I wasn't actually paying attention to whoever passed by me.

I turned around and I could swear my jaw dropped. A gorgeous blond guy, with the greenest eyes I've ever seen was staring at me with a lovely smile.

"I'm Liam, it seems like we're partners"

"Uh... Yeah." _Say_ _something_ _, you_ _stupid_ _shithead_ _!_ "I'm Ana." _Not_ _that!!!_

"Yes, I'm aware of that." He said, smiling at my reddened cheeks. Then his smile faded away a little, and he seemed worried. "Is this a bad time? Are you alright?"

"Yes, I am" I answered forcing a smile on my lips.

"Are you sure? Because either you're on drugs or you have been crying" He weakly smiled, barely concealing his worried expression.

I stared at him for a while and ended up sighing in defeat.

"I'll be ok. Let's go?"

We ended up spending the whole day together and I almost forgot how Severus hurt me that day. If it wasn't the constant pain in my chest, I can say that I haven't had that much fun in a while.


	12. Chapter 12

When I went home, there were no signs that I cried that day. My eyes were back to normal, my heart even though it still hurt, was no longer beating fast, and there was even a smile on my face. I could feel the concerned looks from Arthur and Molly during dinner but tried my best to ignore them until it was time to sleep.

I really needed to get some sleep because I would be meeting Liam in the library the next morning. The way we worked together was actually very appropriate and efficient, so we want to keep it up.

Once my head rested on my pillow and I finally released a breath I was holding the whole day, I heard a knock on my door and knew who it was from.

"Come in," I said.

The door opened and Molly entered the room, sitting on the edge of my bed with a hand on my leg.

"How are you, darling?"

"I'm fine," well, I wasn't actually lying, I was fine, hurt, but fine.

She narrowed her eyes and sighed.

"Don't you listen to him, sweet girl. No one thinks that way about you, not even that deranged man. I don't even know why he said those things. I don't think he's a bad person, you see? But he is not the most pleasant human being on this planet, either." She smiled and I smiled back.

"Tell me about it."

"I just want you to know that none of his words are true. None. Don't let him get to you, Ana. It's not worth it." She sent me a sad smile, and I knew the honesty behind her words.

"I know..." I admitted. "But it still hurt. And he can't just go around do that to people. People that are close to him, it's not fair. Why would he say those things?"

"I have no idea what's going on in that man's head. No one knows I guess."

"Yeah..."

She stroked my cheek in the most gentle way and kissed my temples.

"Don't think about that now, go to sleep. Have a good night, Ana."

"Thank you, Molly. Really. Goodnight."

She left the room and I intended to do what she told me to, but as much as I tried to contradict my mind, it would go back to Severus' words and how they shook me to my core. It felt like someone pulled the carpet underneath my feet and I lost balance; it felt like I fell on a bathtub filled with ice. And as much as I tried to tell myself that he didn't mean it, I wanted to know why he said it with all my strength. Have I done something that horrible to him that he had to hurt me that way? I couldn't understand why, but I wanted. And that night that I was supposed to sleep well and work hard in the morning was down the drain.

When I woke the next morning, I was a mess. Probably fell asleep for two hours or so, and I felt like I was hit by a bus. The shower was good enough to wake me up and be presentable to the outside world, but I was actually dying inside.

"You look like shit," Liam said with a grin on his lips. I rolled my eyes and passed by him, crashing against his shoulder on purpose.

"Are you going to start working or you're going to continue to admire my morning beauty?" I put my bags on my the table and took the books out.

He chuckled but mimicked my actions, and the morning went by really fast until we had to go to classes. Liam was actually a nice guy, and talkable too. Of course, I couldn't tell him what was going on in my life for real, but I could tell he was a trustworthy person. The next few days, I scheduled work sessions with him and before I knew it, he was sitting by my side in every class.

Friday, before the end of the day, he handed me a paper during class that made me freeze in my seat.

_Would like to have lunch with me one of these days?_

I looked at him and rolled my eyes since he was giving me a playful smile. I put the paper down and wrote my answer, keeping it with me until the bell rang. I collected my things, handed him the paper and walked away immediately.

Liam opened the paper with a huge grin on his lips that faded away almost instantly.

_In your dreams._

_***_

Severus fought hard the need to go back to 12 Grimmauld Place, but as my mentor, he had to check on me every once in a while. There's no way he would let his stupid thoughts and feelings spoil my training. Sure he was too hard with me for the last couple of weeks, and he spoke words that he never thought of speaking, but it was necessary. Well, at least it was what he was trying to convince himself of.

"Uh, I thought she was with you," Molly said when he asked her where I was. "She said she was going out and I asked her where she was going. She said she was going to train, and left. There was something wrong with her, she was... troubled. Not angry. More like, sad. If it's still because of your crazy behavior, you're a dead man!" She threatened him.

Severus nodded his head, knowing full well he was the cause of that sorrow. He felt his heart tightening at the thought but preserved his posture.

"You think she's in danger? I mean -- she couldn't defend herself if something happened. And the way she left after lunch made me so worried." Molly admitted.

Severus didn't answer her but stood there in the dining room waiting for me. He waited for hours, the whole evening, wondering what the bloody hell could I be doing. What if Molly was right and I was in danger? After what happened during my sleep, weeks ago, he couldn't help but worry that someone was really after me. But the truth is that nothing else happened since then, so he eased his mind and waited.

It was almost dinner time when they heard the front door opening. Arthur and Sirius had joined Molly and Severus in the meantime and all of them were worried. I never disappear like that, especially without telling exactly where I was going.

When I walked past the dining room' door, I heard Molly calling my name. I turned around and faced the people in the living room.

"Where have you been, sweetie. I was worried about you." I remained silent, just smiling weakly at her, the smiling not reaching my eyes. "Dinner will be served in 5 minutes."

"I'm not hungry," I spoke, feeling my throat dry.

"You can't skip dinner. Eat something, please." She asked me.

I nodded, entered the kitchen, stole a red apple from the fruit bowl, took a bite, showed it to Molly and went upstairs back to my room. For the short time I talked to Molly, I ignored the other people in the room, especially Severus. I didn't even look at him to see the dark look in his eyes.

As soon as I entered my room, I put my sketchbook on the mattress and started taking my shoes and my coat off. I was needing a bath so badly and that's what I intended to do when my door was opened abruptly.

"Where the hell have you been?" Severus hissed angrily.

"Around."

"Around?" He huffed. "Without telling anyone where you were going nor when you were intending to come back?"

"Last time I checked, I was an adult. Besides, I've been training. And drawing. Here, take this." I angrily looked for a paper I wrote, where I reported everything I did and saw during my training session. I opened my sketchbook, took the report out and handed it to him. Severus ignored the paper and stared at a peculiar drawing: a dark corridor with lots of shelves with glass balls in them. All of them had tags, but only one was visible. It said, _Harry Potter._

I closed my book immediately, as soon as I saw Severus' eyes on it. Somehow I was not comfortable anymore with him to allow him to see my drawings. They were too personal, too intimate to let him see them.

That gesture didn't go unnoticed by Severus and his heart skipped a beat, knowing that my trust in him changed. He saw more meaning in that gesture than I even considered.

"Could you leave, please? I need to take a shower and study." I asked, but he didn't even move. There was no expression on his face as he just kept staring at me. "I'm going to undress, can you please go?"

Again, he didn't move. Instead, he narrowed his eyes as if he was trying to read something from my eyes. I sighed, diverting the look to the wall.

"What did I do wrong, Severus?"

This question snapped him out of his thoughts, a confused look on his face.

"You are distant from me. I must have made some mistake to provoke this behavior change. And I want to fix it... I'll put more effort into anything you ask me to do, but I need to know what I did wrong. I need to have you by my side, not mad with me for some reason I'm unaware of."

"I am not mad with you." He said, making me look him in the eyes again, confused with his answer. He is not mad, I did nothing wrong, that means that he is just a frustrated asshole who spends his time hurting and pushing away people that actually care about him, that lookout for him. That's how jerks work. The angrier part of my subconscious took over my thoughts and I muffled a laugh that I tried to contain immediately. It was too late. "What is it?" He asked.

"Nothing." I shrugged, turning my back to him. I opened my drawers to take some clean clothes. I was still craving for my relaxing hot shower.

"Tell me." He insisted and I turned around to face him.

"Do you really want to know? Do you worry that much?" He furrowed his brows and I sighed. "It's not important. I have things to do. Go."

After a few seconds, Severus decided to nod and do as I asked him. He turned around slowly, his heart beating faster than it ever did before, a deep heavy feeling inside his heart as if all the weight of the world was on his shoulders. He walked to the door and I watched him step by step, biting my tongue to keep my saucy self from talking. Like many times throughout my life, my attempt failed.

"Why would you say something like that? What was your goal?" He turned around, his expression revealing that he knew exactly what I was talking about. He cursed himself for saying those venomous words that were not true, but what was done, was done. "... Hurt me?" He didn't say anything. His eyes became darker and glossy as if he was trying to talk through them. "Well, congrat-fucking-lations. You, more than anyone else in my life that ever tried, managed to do it. I hope you are happy now."

I turned around, not able to look at him anymore. That last thing I saw was his expression melting, his eyes filled with sadness and guilt, as he felt the sincerity behind my words. He couldn't help but walk towards me, he wanted to tell me how much he was sorry for letting his darkness take over and hurt me the only way he knew I would never forgive him for. But as he took the first step I spoke loud and clear, making him freeze in place.

"GET OUT!"

All I needed was to be away from him. Every time I looked him in the eyes I remembered his words and how his eyes were mirroring some kind of rage feeling towards me. I couldn't quite understand why, though. What have I done to him? What is he doing to me?


	13. Chapter 13

The next weeks Severus would only go to 12 Grimmauld Place for the meetings and we barely talked. It was actually getting harder to work with him and I couldn't let that happen. There were more important things than our problems. It was time to forget personal affairs and move on, be professional. We owe that to everyone around us. At first, I expected him to come to me and apologize or at least talk about it. But, come one, it's Severus. He would never apologize to anyone. So, I decided that I was the one that would have to swallow my pride and force this communication. 

 _Eventually_.

One morning, Albus was there with Severus when I appeared in the dining room. They were sitting on the table and I arrived just in time to hear them accepting Molly's invitation for lunch.

"Good morning," Molly said and I replied.

"Good morning. I won't have lunch today, Molly. Is that ok?" She smiled, knowing where I was going. Lately, I've been talking to her about my life. I found out that she had really good advice to share.

Just out of curiosity, Albus asked me where I was going to have lunch.

"I'll have lunch with a friend from university."

Albus raised his brow in a playful manner.

"A boy, friend?" I nodded. "Hmm... What's his name?"

"Uh, Liam. He's also studying medicine." I replied, part of me praying that I wouldn't blush with the questions.

"You never told me about that Liam," Albus said, in a mocking tone, implying something behind his words. I rolled my eyes at him and smiled.

"We are partners in a project and we got close the last couple of weeks and he asked me to have lunch with him today. Is the questioning over? Can I go now?"

Albus chuckled and Molly smiled.

"Go, honey. Enjoy your life." She said and I left the house, ignoring Severus' glare burning in me. 

For the next weeks, Severus and I had quick training sessions. He just wanted to know how my personal training was going, because - according to him - he has been too busy with Hogwarts and Order's tasks to take care of. Obviously, it was not just an excuse to keep our encounters short. It was funny at first, you could see the regret in his eyes, even though he tried to hide it. He was feeling bad for what he said but was too proud to say anything. And the worst part was that I wasn't making it easy for him. I avoided words. He talked to me and I made him taste his own venom: silence, occasional mutters, and nods. And I could see him frustrated each day.

Meanwhile, the med school was going very well. Since I met Liam, working on projects and studying was actually easier. We would always work together, schedule hours to meet up at the library and study for exams. We were actually getting closer than I intended. Meeting someone like him was not something I was planning. I didn't even think about him that way until that time we went out.

Having my abilities always made me draw a line in front of any kind of relationship I could have with a boy. But Liam was no boy, he was actually too wise for a young man. Which didn't help at all.

"You are always so mysterious about your life. What are you hiding?" He would ask me when I had excuses about anything weird about me.

"I am not hiding anything," I lied.

"I know you are. And I know you don't like to share too much. I respect that. Just want to let you know that you can count on me, whenever you need me to." He eyed me for a while, a million thoughts going to his mind. He wanted to open up and tell me what was going on inside his head and his heart, but he wasn't sure how I would react. "Is there someone in your life?"

"Uh?" I turned my attention to him. I was watching a family playing with their dogs in the park, while we were sitting on a bench, eating junk food.

"A boyfriend? Or someone on your heart. I mean, it has to be, you're always so distant from me." Liam approached me, sitting closer to me on the bench. My heart was pounding really fast inside my chest and I couldn't help but stay frozen in my place.

"I -- I'm having trouble with someone." The first thing that crosse my mind was actually Severus. I've been trying to figure out why I felt so strange around him, but I was also trying not to give in to those thoughts. There was no remote possibility of having more than friendly feelings towards the brooded man. He is my mentor and much older than me - I think.  With Liam is different. I love his company, but I often find myself thinking about what kind of future could we have. Certainly, I couldn't tell him my secret, nor about the wizarding world. But whenever I was with him, I felt normal... Wanted. And he didn't judge me for being different like I have been all my life. Moreover, he said he liked the fact I am that mysterious.

"A lover?" He was really insistent.

"No! Not at all, but... it's a strange relationship. He is really important to me, but he said stupid things to me and it hurt really. I don't really want to talk about it..." I admitted.

"If he hurt you like that, he's an asshole, really." He said and I looked at him with a smile on my lips. "No one in their right mind would hurt someone like you. I don't know if he has seen you the way I am, but you are an amazing woman, Ana. I never met anyone like you." _You can bet you haven't_. 

I turned my head down, blushing really hard. Almost immediately he put his finger under my chin and made me look in his eyes. We were so close, I could feel his fresh breath on me. I prayed he couldn't hear, but my heart was beating so fast inside my chest. He leaned in slowly and planted a soft kiss on my lips. Then, he pushed away, grinning at my bedazzled expression.

"I am not expecting anything back. I don't know that much about your personal life, and I know you don't want to share it, so I respect it. But I ask you to at least try with me. I like you, Ana. I really, really like you. And I understand if you don't want anything, I'll always be your friend. There will be no awkwardness between us, I promise that. But please, think about it."

And after that, we just went home.

He was right, there was no awkwardness between us, at least from his side. I was always so self-absorbed about my life and my training and school that I never really understood that Liam developed feelings for me. And what was I going to do about it? I had no idea, but before I knew it I was drowning in my thoughts every moment.

"Hey," I was snapped back to the world by Tonks, who was waving her hand in front of my eyes trying to get my attention. "You spaced-out. Are you thinking about that blondie with green eyes I saw you with at the park?"

I was taken aback with her question but nodded. By the look in her eyes, she must have seen the kiss or any intimate moment. She smiled at my embarrassment as everyone turned their heads to pay attention to what she was saying.

"Well, I must tell you that he is a hottie for sure. You have good taste, Ana. And you two surely look well together." She finished her conversation, and by that time I was blushing like a hot pepper.

"Are you dating Liam?" Albus asked suddenly, making me turn my head to him without knowing what to say.

"It's complicated." I left my mouth open to speak further, but once I noticed how everyone in that room was staring at me, waiting to hear about my personal life, I closed it and narrowed my eyes. "I'm not talking about my love life with all this audience!"

"Honey, no one knows him, this wouldn't go out of this walls. This is a safe environment and we just want to know if you're happy. You only talk about what you're comfortable with. I just want to know if he treats you right." Molly said and I couldn't help but smile at her words.

"Yes... He treats me like I'm the most precious thing in the world..." I admitted, rolling my eyes when Tonks sighed dramatically with a hand on her chest. This earned a laugh from Albus. But he continued asking questions. I don't know if he was just worried or if he was trying to get to something. Well, it's Albus, you'll never know.

"Do you like him?"

"Of course, I'll wouldn't go out with him if I didn't," I said. But Albus nodded his head, he had something else on his mind, so he changed his question, making Severus lift his head from the newspaper for the first time since the meeting was over.

"No. I wanted to know if you love him."

I widened my eyes, surprised with his question. I hadn't had too much time to actually analyze the whole situation and achieve a conclusion about the whole Liam thing. He was sweet, sure, and he treated me so well. I feel so good with him, that I almost forget about Voldemort and everything associated. I love to spend my time with him and we make such a good partnership. But love? I don't know.

"It's too soon to say that... Besides -- how can I know if I love someone or not since I never loved anyone?"

Albus narrowed his eyes, analyzing the best way to answer my question, but Molly was faster than he was and gave the best answer possible.

"Well, you will know when you fall in love. There is no way you couldn't acknowledge it once you feel it. You'll just know, don't worry."

I nodded and tried to get away from that conversation by excusing myself, saying that I really needed to work in some project. Once I closed my bedroom door behind me, I took a deep breath and let myself fall against the wooden door, until I sat on the floor. Albus' question echoed through my mind and even hours later when I tried to sleep, I couldn't stop thinking about what the right answer was.


	14. Chapter 14

The next day, Severus was back to the house without a prior announcement. He was clearly nervous about something, which was odd - he's never nervous. Or, at least, he conceals it very well. He showed up at the door when I was about to leave.

"Are you ok?" I asked once I saw his pale face and saw him fidgeting the edge of one of his sleeves.

"Yes. I came here to train with you."

"Oh -- " I said with a disappointed face. "I was just going out to study."

"Can't you do it later?" He insisted. Severus intended to take me to Diagon-Alley and offer me butterbeer while he apologized for his words. He acknowledged that he hadn't even asked for forgiveness since it happened - five weeks ago. And - much to his surprise - he felt bad for it.

"I'm going to study with Liam in the university's library."

His pale face was now red with unexplainable anger. So, he gritted his teeth and hissed.

"That boy, Liam, is a distraction."

"That's none of your business," I answered immediately, starting to get pissed off by his stupid and childish behavior.

"I am your mentor." He said with such a bitter tone on his voice and I had enough. I pointed a finger at him fiercely and poked his chest.

"Exactly! Mentor! You are not my father, nor my brother, nor my boyfriend, and not even my friend! A friend would never say anything on purpose that he knew it would hurt me badly without feeling any regret!" 

I intended to walk away and leave him alone on the doorstep, walking around him to the open door. But before I was able to take a step out of the house, he took a few steps and grabbed my shoulder.

"I was out of my place when I spoke those words. My head was a mess and you were the most convenient target. I am truly sorry, Ana. I didn't mean any of them."

Then he let go of my shoulder and I sighed, looking him in the eyes. To make an apology like that must have taken every strength of his being, or he was just drunk and it was easier that way. He did actually sip two cups of whiskey before he disapparated to 12 Grimmauld Place, just to make sure he was warm inside for such words come out of his mouth. Sharing a piece of his mind was a hard task for him, but for some reason his brain couldn't decypher, he had to ask for forgiveness to ease his mind. He had enough of rolling around in his bed at night and walking back and forth in his chambers.

His sincere apologies actually took me by surprise. I wanted him to apologize, I really did, but I never thought he would go for it.

"I will doubly make it up to you for not being able to train with you today. You just need to tell me whenever you want."

"Tomorrow." He simply said and I agreed.

I turned around to leave, but - obviously - I had more things to say. So I looked him in his dark and shiny eyes before leaving him bewildered in the doorstep.

"I hope you solve whatever is on your mind quickly. Most of the times, the solutions to our problems is simpler than we expect, and better even, it's right in front of our eyes; but we are just so blind that we can't see it, or just refuse to see it because of our stubbornness."

Just before I walked away for good, I heard him say under his breath, something barely audible but that I managed to perceive.

"You are right."

 

***

 

In the next morning, Severus was there as he said he would. I couldn't help but smile, feeling that somehow our relationship would go back to how it was. I missed our training sessions where Severus would say more than a few murmurs. Sometimes it was like walking alone through the street, for a moment you actually forget about his presence for how quiet he is.

"Let's go?" I asked him and he nodded. Before leaving, I looked at Molly by the corner of my eye and she smiled at me, nodding her head in a comforting manner. "So, what are we doing today?"

"We will continue your training. But the main focus is penetrating minds." He gave me a lecture about how he does Legitimens and Oclumency and how the mysteries of our minds work. He said that time and space matter in magic and most of the people need to be near the person whose mind they wanted to invade in order to read it. But that does not apply to everyone and since I am not a Legitimens, the rules should not apply to me. Probably. But for now, I would be trying to read the minds of people near me.

"Alright. I'll try." I said, focusing on random people passing by.

We walked in silence until I decided to sit on a bench. Walking and training wasn't working at all, so why don't try another approach? I focused on the people sitting on the other side of the sidewalk and people sitting on another bench, unaware of my intense gaze.

"You're not getting anything are you?" Severus broke my concentration after an hour of total silence.

I sighed in despair.

"Nope. Nothing at all. I tried to see what I usually see -- ya know, the past stuff like that. And use it as a way to enter their minds. But I'm sailing unknown waters here. I don't even know if I am able to _read_ minds." He raised a brow at me. "Yeah, I'm sorry, I'm just frustrated. I am trying really really hard not to disappoint you all. And I get pissed off when I don't manage to do the things you ask me."

"You probably haven't found your own way yet," Severus said. "Maybe we should finish today."

My disappointed face was clear to him. I didn't want to go home yet, I wanted to stay outside, with my mentor who has been acting like a shithead for the last couple of weeks. Severus is unpredictable sometimes, so I just wanted to enjoy while he was in a good mood - I think.

"Come, let's go somewhere." Severus disrupted my thoughts, getting up from the bench and staring at me expectantly.

I got up and put a hand on the arm he offered to me, making us disapparate in that instant. 

After the cold sensation that always comes up when I travel with him like this, I opened my eyes and gasped once I realized where we were. _Diagon-Alley_.

I looked at Severus confused and he spoke in an indifferent manner.

"I owe you a butterbeer."

"Why?"

"You know why." He rolled his eyes and started walking, leaving me speechless staring at him. Eventually, I was snapped out of my trance and followed him to the Leaky Cauldron. I wasn't expecting him to be so committed to making up to me, and for some reason, I liked the idea. I just wanted to see how far he was willing to go. It was going to be fun.

"So..." I said in the most serious manner, even though I was dying inside for a good laugh. Severus looked at me and diverted his look somewhere else, taking a sip of his butterbeer. "You brought me here for a reason. I'm all ears."

He rolled his eyes in frustration and took a deep breath, biting his own tongue in order to stop himself for his usual unrequired and unpleasant remarks.

"I have told you before that I apologize for saying those horrible words. I didn't mean any of them."

"So why did you say them, then? All I wanted was your help, I looked at you as someone that I could rely on." I sighed, finally letting go of my intention of mocking his attempt to apologize so that I could speak from my heart.

"I... I don't know." He closed his lips in a thin line.

"You don't know..." I muttered, muffling a laugh. "Yet, you hurt me."

"I am sorry." He looked around him as if he was trying to find a way to get away from that hard conversation. He was never good at doing these kinds of personal talks. 

"Don't hurt me again," I said with a weak smile on my face. "Not like you did."

"I won't. I promise you." He was shocked by his words as much as I was. He was promising me something; he was promising he would never hurt me again and I didn't know how much he was able to keep it. I really don't know, but for now, that was enough. "You told me friends don't say those things without feeling remorse. And, for the first time in many, many years, I regretted my words."

I sighed and looked down at my drink that was already finishing, feeling my cheeks burning slightly.

"Friends, uh? That's what we are?" I asked.

"If that is what you desire." He simply said, moving uncomfortably in his seat.

"With one condition." I looked at him with a serious expression and he raised his brow, apprehensive about what I was about to ask him. I couldn't hold my smile any longer and my lips curled slightly and my face lightened up, making his heart feel warmer inside his chest. "You pay me all the butterbeer I desire from now on."

He widened his eyes, actually expecting something serious coming out of my mouth.

"What? You the one that got me addicted to this beverage in the first place. Now deal with it!" I said smiling and - for a moment - I could swear I saw him mimicking my expression. Severus was a confusing and eerie man, but if you care enough to explore him without him noticing, you can perceive that it is all a mask and that he has a good heart. Even though life is not the best at the moment and you can't trust easily on people, Severus was one of those people that you can trust your life with, you just need to pass through that shell of his. And I want to do it.

He just needs to let me in.


	15. Chapter 15

Today I woke up soon, took a bath, grabbed one of the books Severus lend me the week before and headed for breakfast. Downstairs was Remus Lupin, Molly and her husband, along with Severus. The kids appeared soon after, they were spending the weekend home since it was Ron's birthday. The Weasleys doesn't have a lot of possessions, nor money, but they always try to keep their family together, no matter what.

"Good morning," I greeted with a smile on my lips. For some divine reason, I woke up in a good mood and Molly's face illuminated when she saw my warm smile.

"Good morning, my dear," she said, "would like some coffee?"

"Yes, please! I'll pour it myself, thank you."

I walked over the balcony, grabbed a mug and served me some heavenly coffee. Everyone continued their conversations, and I sat by Severus' side on the dining table.

"Hey there, Mentor." I put the emphasis on the mentor part in a joking tone.

Severus rolled his eyes but answered me anyway.

"Good morning, Ana."

We were actually getting on good terms after our conversation last week. Our training was getting better and his ability to talk too; I tried to open up to him more, in an attempt to encourage him to do the same. Every now and then I was able to get something from him, even just for a second before he shut down his heart again, but I was happy for it anyway.

There was just something off with him, whenever I talked about Liam or when I went out with him, he would be harsher. He also told me that dating at a time like this was recklessness, even though I assured him we weren't dating, nor anything. I had a conversation with Liam and told him part of the truth: my life had no space for a relationship with him. As much as I liked him and enjoyed spending time with him, it would be unfair. I told him there were things about my life that I wasn't comfortable talking about and that I didn't want a relationship based on secrets, so my answer was no. The most interesting part was that Liam accepted it so well and we continued friends. I catch him staring deeply at me sometimes, though. And there is always shine behind his eyes whenever I'm near him. I guess I just need to learn to live with it.

"So... What's my lesson today?" I asked, attacking the fruit.

"Actually I was planning on giving you a day off." I dropped my apple on the table and left my mouth open. "Don't look at me like that or I might revise my decision."

I gesticulated with my hand that my mouth was sealed and spent the rest of the morning reading the book he gave me about feeling other people's feelings. After telling him about how I felt on the train station (when he was still mad at me for some reason), how I felt the homeless' man feelings and sensations, Severus wanted me to pursue that. Feel other people.

The kids went out for a walk and the rest of the grownups continued talking, as they usually do on Saturdays' mornings.

In the middle of the morning, Nymphadora Tonks decided to show up. But apparently, something happened between her and Remus since they did nothing but argue all morning about everything. I (and I guess everyone in that room) felt a tension between them. I saw a glimpse of a kiss between them a few weeks ago, and I knew they were dating in secret. And as my abilities were improving, I knew why they didn't want anyone to know. We were on the brink of war, there was no time for distractions. At least that was what they thought. They were afraid of what the others might say. Stupid reason, if you ask me.

But for some reason, they were mad at each other.

"Well, if you weren't so self-absorbed you would have noticed that!" Tonks yelled at him. I don't even know what they were arguing about, but something was off, something was happening to me. It was like I was hearing their conversation and their own thoughts. It was so confusing at first but I soon realized what was happening. I unlocked some part of me that I wasn't aware of.

"You think you're so smart! If you came all way up here to insult people, you can go."  _Why are you so stupid and hard-headed?_  That's what I heard from Remus' own private thoughts.

Tonks just groaned and took a seat on the table without saying anything else audible.  _If you weren't so beautiful I would have cursed you already._

I widened my eyes and looked at her with a mocking expression. Since no one else reacted to her words, I confirmed that I was the only one able to hear their thoughts and leaned on my chair, hearing them arguing with each other, even though they had other desires.

I walked to the couch and stayed there all morning, occasionally hearing more than I should. But after a while, I was so focused on the book that I forgot the outside world. I only stopped reading the book when Molly called us to have lunch. I must admit, Severus does really know how to pick up a book. I always find them interesting.

Sirius Black finally showed up at the table, much to Severus' displeasure. Clearly, these two don't get along and I wanted to know why. If I asked Severus, he would probably roll his eyes or scold me for intruding other people's troubles. And I bet Sirius would dodge the question as he does with everything I ask him these days. I wonder why...

So I was totally not paying attention to the people around me, while I was lost in my own reflections, studying what could be the reasons why they didn't get along.

"Damn it, I think I left the stove on." I heard Molly say.

"Oh, I turned it off for you," I said casually, focused on my plate, still lost in my thoughts.

Molly stopped eating and stared at me. "I didn't say anything."

I widened my eyes and looked up from my food,  _I was caught,_ was my first thought. But as I opened my mouth to speak, Severus interrupted me.

"She was talking to me." Before Molly could protest, Severus turned to me. "I changed my mind. Will you come with me?" He got up from the table and walked out of the dining room, leaving everyone looking at us with furrowed brows.

He walked upstairs and opened my bedroom door, where he knew no one would listen to us.

"When did you start reading minds?" He suddenly asked.

"I-- Uh..." I stammered, "this morning. I was trying to understand what was happening. And I wasn't doing it on purpose if that's what you think! I... it was random. I'm sorry, I couldn't control it."

Severus got quiet for a moment, thinking with his buttons. He started walking from one side of the room to the other, much like Albus usually does. And after some moments he approached me again.

"Next lesson: go downstairs and try to control it. Try to enter people's mind. Do not answer to anything, don't even talk, you might reveal your new... skill. Just sit, focus, and listen."

"Isn't that violating their rights?" I asked, raising a brow.

Severus looked at me with his stern look, but with a kind of devilish glow on his dark eyes. "Not if they don't know."

I mischievously smiled at him, my eyes shining at him. It's good to know this side of Severus, I bet he snoops around people's mind often without them allowing or even knowing. That must be an advantage in many, many scenarios.

"Sometimes I think you are the wisest person I've ever met. Besides Albus, of course." I pat him on the back and left the room, leaving him speechless staring at an empty wall. I decided to go downstairs for dessert. I needed to be relaxed to try this new skill, I usually get really tired every time I try something new, so I inhaled and exhaled slowly a couple of times before re-entering the dining room.

I sat at the table and focused my brain. But when I came back I couldn't hear anything as I did before, so I continued trying for an hour before having my first successful mind reading. What I was doing wrong was my focus. I was focusing on hearing thoughts, but I didn't pick who I was using as a lab rat. Then I was able to focus on one person only: Ron Weasley.

Why? Because it's obvious he would be having the funniest thoughts from all the people in that room. And I must say, I wasn't wrong at all and, most importantly, I found out that - deep down - he has some unsolved feelings for his best friend Hermione.

So I just moved to the couch and leaned back, pulling the book up to hide my face as I laughed quietly at the funny thoughts of Ron, Ginny, Tonks, and Lupin. I understand why Severus likes this thing so much, knowing people's deepest secrets, true desires... I know it is wrong, but I couldn't help - it was too funny.

Severus was observant. He was watching me all evening, and by my facial expression, he knew I was able to control the mind-reading quickly. For a moment, he even felt a tip of pride for me but shook it away from his mind. He wanted so badly to know what was going on inside my own mind, he was craving for it. It was becoming unbearable how much he wanted to know what I was thinking about sometimes... All these years he could read anyone's mind. Sometimes even Dumbledore's (even if just when Dumbledore allowed him). And then, I showed up and he couldn't read me. Not at all. It was infuriating. And interesting at the same time.

And as he saw me laughing in secret behind my books, he couldn't help but form a smile on his lips. He fought it, but he wasn't able to do it. So he got up, said his goodbyes the faster he could and left 12 Grimmauld Place.


	16. Chapter 16

After learning and training how to read minds of people staying near me, Severus craved to explore it even further. First, he made me walk through King's Cross Station, where a lot of people were walking by, worried about their own lives, lost in their own line of thoughts. It would be a hard mission for me that day: focus on someone and read their minds; know what they are thinking; know their darkest secrets and their deepest desires.

Obviously, I didn't succeed at first. I practiced the new ability several days until I was able to disregard the unwanted noise from every person around me and divert my attention to someone randomly. Then I was able to do it without even trying too hard. 

I could say that Severus was truly satisfied with my progress. He didn't say out loud - and I think he never will - but I can see it in his eyes when he's pressing his lips in a thin line so he can keep up with his mask. But I started to see right through him - he knows it and he hates it.

Severus wasn't supposed to be with me that day. He said he had a business to take care of and didn't know if he was going to be able to guide me through the lesson. After much insistence of my own, he decided to take me with him.

And the destination? Diagon-Alley.

He said he needed to negotiate with a man some rare products for his potions, something about a new potion that Albus requested. I tried to find out what kind of potion he was talking about, but Severus just rolled his eyes and I knew I wasn't going to get anything.

We stayed for two hours inside of a store on the darkest corner of Diagon-Alley. The kind of place no one in their right mind would go or probably would, if had a death wish. There were drunk people everywhere, with ragged clothes, and I could feel wicked eyes following me as I walked by. Just thinking about that place makes me feel shivers down my spine.

I was with Severus and I knew I was safe from any harm. But still, the kind of dark emotions I was receiving and assimilating from that place from the moment I arrived was not the best. It was horrible to feel like that, I felt nausea and my heart was racing.

"We shall go back to Grimmauld Place now," Severus said after a long period of time of just walking. I kept my head down, avoiding to look to those decaying streets, but Severus was walking with his eyes scanning everything around us.

I just nodded, without questioning. Severus found it unusual and raised his brow. Normally, I would try to talk him into drinking a couple of cups of Butterbeer (it's his fault really, he was the one who introduced it to me), but not that day. So he knew something was wrong.

He was right.

Ever since we left the odd ingredient's store, I felt flooded with a deranged feeling, transmitted by someone else with harmful intentions. I've dealt with lots of dark feelings from people surrounding me, but not like that one. That one was nasty and thirsty. Thirsty for vengeance. Thirsty for blood.

"Ana?" I heard Severus' voice trying to take me back to the real world. He even placed his hands on my shoulders when he saw how pale I was.

I looked at him with such scared eyes that he even felt the same fear I was feeling. But then, I started looking around us, trying to find what was causing it. Knowing that I needed to find the source of those feelings, he let go of me and tried to follow my lead through those dark alleys. He had to wave his wand a couple of times to push away malicious men that tried to approach me.

"It's here somewhere," I said, confused with the puzzling and tight streets that had almost no light to show me which was the right way.

I leaned against the wall, the feeling of imminent death taking over me and started having difficulties in breathing. It felt like the height of the whole world was on me, like I wasn't able to handle it and at any moment my heart would give in. It felt like that was the end -- like I was actually dying. Deep inside me was the acknowledge of the reality of what was happening: I was having a panic attack and it was fucking horrible.

Not knowing what to do exactly, Severus cupped my face and forced me to look at him in the eyes.

"Breath, Ana. Look me in the eyes and forget everything around us. Focus your mind and you will find what you're looking for."

My eyes refused to land on his, but once he forced my chin up, I stopped, staring at him, gazing at the most profound point of his soul. It was calm and quiet and warm. It was like I was back home, by the fireplace, watching as the kids played with each other and I was relaxing on the couch with one of Severus' worn-out books in my hand.

Suddenly, I was back to Diagon-Alley with Severus' unquestionably concerned eyes staring at me. The last few weeks we've been closer to each other, and occasionally he lets his emotions show through his dark brown eyes -- like he was doing at that moment.

He noticed that I calmed down and let go of me again. He also noticed how his heart was oddly tight inside his chest, beating faster than ever, and how my fruity perfume was all over his warm hands. It was irritatingly delightful.

I restarted my search, slowly this time, feeling the source of those evil thoughts closer and closer at every step I took. And once I turned around in a dark corner, I gasped: there was a bloody pregnant woman on the floor and a man on top of her, strangling her.

Severus seized my arm and positioned himself in front of me in a protecting demeanor. Then he waved his wand.

" _Sectumsempra!"_ And the man fell limp on the floor, howling in pain.

I ran to the woman's aid, but luckily she was still breathing and apparently the blood on her body was coming for the man.

"Thank you! Thank you!" The woman said. "I thought I was going to die! My child!" I rested my hand on her big belly bump, trying to feel her baby. After moments of panic in her face, she finally showed some relief as I felt her baby moving and sighed.

"You need to go to the hospital either way," I told her. 

I looked at Severus who also threw the man a petrifying spell to make sure he wouldn't try to run. He already sent a message to the Ministry of Magic through his magic, and soon after there were Aurors surrounding us and taking the criminal with them. As for myself, I refused to leave the woman alone and even went with her to the hospital.

Severus didn't argue with that and accompanied us in silence, providing aid every time it was necessary and by the end of the day, we were both back to 12 Grimmauld Place.

Albus was there, waiting for us. He was already aware of what happened - God knows how. I wasn't able to speak, so I just excused myself and decided to take a long shower. As soon as I shut my bedroom door behind me, I burst out in tears, letting all the frustration leave my body.

Downstairs, Albus, Severus, and Molly were talking about what happened, and the worried Molly wanted to talk to me, to make sure I was fine, but for all of their surprise (even for himself), Severus stopped her.

"No. I will make sure she is well." And he turned his back to a surprised Molly and a beaming Albus.

I was sitting on the floor, leaning against my bed, with my hands embracing my knees as I cried between them when I heard a knock on the door. I muttered something similar to a "yes?" and the door was snapped open. Severus approached me slowly, cursing himself for wanting to comfort me. He didn't know what to say, nor how to act before this kind of situation.

He sat by my side, on the floor but I didn't dare to take my head off my knees.

For a couple of minutes, we stayed silent. _Thank God, that's' what I needed_. But Severus wasn't actually certain of what to say first. So, as if it had its own will, my mouth started moving.

"You know what's harder? It's not knowing about this stuff or feeling bad things happening. The worst thing is that I always feel like the person that is doing those things feels." I raised my head a little, only being able to look at Severus' shoes and his black robes. I sighed. "I felt like I needed to kill... Like... I was hungry for blood spilling. I -- I was angry and... and mad. It's this suffocating feeling of evilness that you can't run away from. I wanted to kill her. Whoever she was."

"If it wasn't for you, that woman would be dead. Horribly slaughtered." Severus spoke at last. He had to force his throat to look strong, but it came out weaker than he intended.

"And that is how I don't get crazy with these abilities. Because I can help people with them, no matter how overwhelming or painful they are. That's what keeps me going every day now."

Severus admired how I was always so optimist and how I could see the bright side of everything. A foolish thing to do and only a foolish person would think like that, but still, it is the hardest thing to do. And he admired that resilience in me. And the next thing I did and said threatened to tear his long-lasting walls around his heart down.

I smiled warmly at him, cleaning the tears with my hands.

"Besides, I have a great mentor that motivates me." And I rested my head on his shoulder with that same smile. 

He tensed up at first, not knowing what to do. He was not expecting that. Not at all. He felt his heart speed up and swallowed hard. "Hey! I just remembered something! We went to Diagon-Alley and you didn't give me Butterbeer, I'm disappointed. I thought we had a deal."

Severus' body finally relaxed and he wanted to laugh. _He wanted to laugh_. For the first time in years, he wanted to laugh out loud. 

But instead of letting all his emotions explode, he just curled up the corner of his lips and said with the firmest tone possible.

"If you had not asked me that by now I would be certain that there was something horribly wrong with you."

"Well, I'm me," I looked up at him with a smile on my lips, "There will always be something wrong with me."

And we remained quiet for a long time, my head peacefully resting against his shoulders. A rare moment I wanted to enjoy and savor as long as possible. And a moment Severus was confessing to himself that it was one of the best he ever had with me.


	17. Chapter 17

After our conversation and after being in total silence for so long, my head resting peacefully on my shoulder as I calmed down the turmoil inside my mind, Severus got up to leave and I got up to study once he was sure I was able to be alone after what happened. I sat on my desk and took my medicine books out. That made him stop and approach me.

"You are exhausted! You should rest before doing anything."

"I can't. I need to study. I'm trying to balance things, and right now I need to study." I said, opening the books.

"I must insist. This drains too much energy from the human body. Even from myself and have years of experience. And especially after what happened today, you should rest for a while, Ana."

This caused me to look at him in the eyes. "I have to work hard. I always wanted to become a doctor. I want to help people, to save lives." He looked at me as if he was about to protest but I interrupted him. "Look ... I grew up with these skills, I do not know why. My parents never tried to know why. I've been alone all my life, no friends, and practically no parents. So this ability was what kept me sane and taught me not to give up. But when I tried to go further, something was blocked. It was as if I was incomplete. So I decided that using this gift to help people was the best I could do and the best way to make me fill that incompleteness. And I presumed I have these powers for some reason. Therefore I see them as a gift. And I could use them to help other people. I want to help you defeat this Voldemort guy, I'm committed with this. But I cannot forget my goals, I have to fight for myself. So, thank you for your concern, Severus, but even though I am exhausted, I will dedicate myself to my studies for a few more hours and then, yes, I will have a well-deserved rest."

Severus was out of words. He wasn't expecting that. At all.

So he just nodded and left me in the room to study, his mind trying to understand what I just said. He didn't understand how I could have such wise reasoning in such a young age. Was he becoming old, and kids were not kids anymore? No, I was different from the other people my age, he knew that.

And if he thought that would be the last time I surprised him, he was wrong.

Later that day, Molly invited him for dinner and after much insistence from her, he accepted. She also asked him to go to my room and ask me to join them for dinner.

He knocked slowly on my door, but I didn't answer. He tried again, and since no sound could be heard, Severus decided to enter anyway. Once his eyes fell on me, his heart melted. I was sleeping with my head on top of my books, clearly exhausted and he couldn't help but feel a tightness inside his chest and a knot in his throat.

I fell asleep two hours after starting my studies. I fought hard not to, but it was stronger than me. And since then, I was having strange dreams involving my parents and unusual people that I have never met in my entire life. They were trying to tell me something but I couldn't quite understand what.

Severus called my name in a low, velvety voice as he had no intentions of scaring me. And since I didn't wake up, he decided to approach me. He noticed how my hair was covering my face and was urged to put it behind my ear. He tried to be as soft as he could, watching me in my peaceful sleep state, unaware of all the troubles that were to come. But his touch as enough to snap me from my dreams and put me in an alert state.

I woke up suddenly, feeling someone's presence by my side and if by instinct I grabbed that someone's arm at the same time I opened my eyes and that's when I saw Severus' dark orbs staring right at me.

At that moment something happened.

It was as if my entire body was sucked to another dimension where I was seeing lots of images in the speed of light. Flashes of what appeared to be Severus' memories. _There was a red-haired female, growing from a little girl to a beautiful woman. I saw her with Severus when she was a kid, but then I saw her in older age, dancing with another man. There were several painful moments to watch, where Severus was being bullied and tortured by mean kids. I knew them from somewhere, but I could not say from exactly. Then I could feel pain, anguish, disgust, anger, and lots and lots of dark feelings that became a lump in my throat. I wanted to cry, I wanted it to end. But it got worse when I started seeing images of the man and that woman dead on the floor. Then I saw Severus crying, hugging her dead body as a little boy was _crying_ in the crib. That baby... That scar...   
_

I wanted to breathe, but the air was no longer in my lungs, my vision was blurred and all I could see and feel was his emotions. A tip of jealousy was rising at the bottom of my heart - he felt so strongly about that woman that he was still griefing her death.

But then, I started to see how he has been really feeling all these years, after losing the love of his life.

_Severus had his heart frozen with rage and sadness. Guilt also. Lots of guilt._

_He didn't know how to live after what happened, so he thought being close was the best option. Stop feeling was the best option. But coiled deep inside of him was the need to get rid of those harmful feelings, the need to find a way to make up for everything he did wrong. So he's been punishing himself over the years, alone, no friends - besides Albus that basically forced him to be his friend - and he was doing well until a year ago._

Everything was hitting me at the speed of light. All his feelings, his memories, his thoughts. I though that I might faint at any moment, but I never did. I even felt dizzy, almost blacking out due to the speed of those images, but I never got to do it.

_Instead, everything started slowing down and suddenly stopped at the moment I hit against him at King's Cross Station, when we first met, and when he looked me in the eyes for the first time. Albus told him about me, about my abilities, about my potencial, and about my heart. And when I bumped against him, he saw that in my eyes. He saw the purity behind them, but he forced his harsh mask in his face, to conceal his thoughts._

Then, the memories started again flashing slowly in my mind. Images of me like I never saw before. He watched me. Whenever I wasn't looking, Severus admired me. _He admired the way I curl my lip when I'm concentrated; how I sigh in disappointment when I don't achieve my goals; when I furrow my brows when I'm reading his books and get lost in my own world; he admired how I smile and how positive I am, even knowing that my parents abandoned me, and I had anormal abilities that stops me from having a "normal" life with "normal" friends.  
_

_Then, I felt something. A turmoil of powerful feelings that I didn't understand. Feelings so good, that Severus tried to block, conceal and eliminate. But he wasn't handling it very well. It was a constant fight. Suffocating even.  
_

_I saw him at home, drinking, reading, walking back and forth with his hands behind his back. I saw him punching a wall. I saw him looking himself in the mirror, facing a man that was feeling things that wasn't suppose to come out. He was losing a battle with himself._

At the same time, Severus was finally able to enter my own mind. It was a two-way opening. And he saw the reality of my life, the things that I told no one. Things that happened to me and that I was too ashamed to share. _Like how I used to be bullied at school for being so different and for strange things happening whenever I was around. He saw my nightmares, where my parents are murdered, like everyone else I love - he saw that they happened everytime I close my eyes and I hide them for everyone else with a smile on my lips.  
_

 _He saw when Liam kissed me and admitted he had feelings for me, which made his heart twist in pain. Then, he saw when he told me those horrible things weeks ago and how I cried so much after that. He felt my pain, my feelings_ _of insignificance and of neglection. He felt how betrayed I was, how lost I was. He felt how my heart twitched and skipped a beat evertime his eyes stared at mine, and how disappointed I felt when there was nothing back.  
_

But as quick as it started, it ended and I fell back on my chair, breathing heavy, heart-pounding fast inside of my chest. Severus, on the other hand, was taken aback, his face was pale, and he was shocked as if he saw a ghost.

"What the hell was that???" I asked and he stood there, quiet. My hand landed on my chest, massaging it. "So much pain, so much loss... So much sacrifice." I started sobbing with no reason, nor control. "What was that? Why do I feel so anguished?"

Severus tried to understand what just happened. _This wasn't Occlumency. It was something else._ I could feel his pain, and he could feel mine as if we lived each other memories. For a moment, he tried to read my mind again, but he couldn't, as usual. So that was something else entirely different. The only thing that occurred his mind was _Soul Projection._ He had read some books about it, but never really interested him, but now he cursed himself for that. It's not something that normal beings can do, nor has ever existed someone who mastered it. It was something very unique, rare, special, that connects two souls that are fit to each other. A mother with her child; a sister to a brother; _a man to a woman_. 

I was sobbing, trying to handle all the foreign emotions I was feeling. I tried to stop crying, but I couldn't; it was too much for me to bear. _How could he handle it all by himself all his life? I_ was sorry for him, but I admired him even more. But I couldn't stop sobbing with that suffocating feeling, tightening inside my chest.

"Ana..." Severus whispered, but I continued crying, burying my face in my hands.

He approached me slowly and kneeled in front of me. If it was any other time, or if I was another person, he would have _Obliviated_ me by now. But something made him contradict the innermost part of your being, and he took my hands in his, making me look him in the eyes and see how overwhelmed he was.

"Do it again," he asked in a low whisper. He was craving to know what was going on inside my mind as he does with everyone around him. No one could possibly hide secrets from him - except for Albus and the Dark Lord. And when I showed up in his life, he was frustrated because he couldn't enter my mind. Not even for a second. He was craving for it, like and addicted man that craved for drugs during a hangover. And finally, he was able to see evertyhing - my thoughts, my memories, my feelings. And he wanted more. He _needed_ more.

Hesitantly, I looked at our hands and closed my eyes, trying to make contact with his mind again. But after a few seconds of trying, I opened my eyes and looked at him with a disappointed expression.

"It's alright..." He said, trying to ease my feelings of guilt and incapability.

Then, for some reason, I decided to get down of my seat, kneel in front of Severus and let go of his hands. 

Severus was eyeing me carefully, analyzing my every movement. He flinched once I took a step closer to him and cupped his face with my hands. And as soon as I felt his skin between my two hands, I felt it again. 

All of him. 

And felt all of me.


	18. Chapter 18

Severus and I chose to keep doing our training sessions normally as if anything never happened. If I didn't know any better, I think Severus either regretted what happened or is ashamed. 

Anyway, obviously, we needed to inform Albus about what it happened, he just needs to know.  Severus explained to me how this whole _Soul Projection_ worked and why it is so important. We were both panting hard, sitting on the floor of my silent bedroom in 12 Grimmauld Place. None of us dared to look at each other since we were still processing everything that we just saw.

"What happened?" I whispered, my hand resting on top of my chest as I felt my heart threatening to come out through my mouth.

"I -- I think this was... something different from what I'm used to," he said, and for the first time in, like, 15 minutes, I looked at him with my eyes furrowed. "I must be mistaken... It cannot be."

"Please tell me."

"I think this was a Soul Projection," he sighed. Severus was 99% sure of what it was, although he didn't want to believe. It was the first time he came across someone with this kind of powers. He even thought they were just myths. "When you can share a piece of your soul to someone else -- like sharing your inner being. All your emotions, your thoughts, your memories, your feelings -- everything that defines you now lives in the back of my mind, and vice-versa."

"What does that mean?"

Severus looked at me in the eyes for the first time.

"There's a connection between our souls now."

"Ok... whatever that means..."

He rolled his eyes. _There he is_.

"It means that someone with these kinds of powers has the power to do so much more. Even, having total control over someone's mind, body, and soul. It opens door to everything you can imagine..."

"Shit..." I muttered.

"Yeah..." Severus whispered under his breath. "This is truly rare... You're special -- Uh, I mean, you have a unique ability."

More silence fell upon us at that moment. None of us moved or talked for 10 minutes until Severus decided to get up to leave. He said that he needed to talk with Albus about what happened because he wasn't sure if sharing my new ability with the Ministry of Magic is the right thing to do at the moment. God knows how many Death Eaters have infiltrated the Ministry by now.

I stopped Severus before he even left the room.

"Are you going to tell everything that happened to Albus?" I asked, afraid that he might share what he saw in my mind.

"It's irrelevant the content of the visions. Only that it happened." 

"Uh -- sure... sure..." I sighed, biting my lower lip. I wanted to talk about it with him... I saw so many things that left me so confused...

"Say it," Severus said as he noticed my reaction. I narrowed my eyes, not expecting him to notice it. "What's on your mind?"

"I... It's..." I groaned it was getting harder to talk to him about stuff... "You've seen personal things of mine and I've seen personal things of you... I don't know. Maybe we should talk about. Maybe not."

"Ana, I don't think we should." That was all Severus said before going out of my room. And that was all that I talked about it with Severus. 

We continued our training but never once we mentioned what happened. It was as if it didn't even happen - which was hardest than I thought it would be.

Albus talked to me about it, though. He didn't pry about what I saw in Severus' mind or what he saw in mine. He did warn me to take care and be careful with that kind of power because even the purest being in the universe can be corrupted if dwelling with such powerful abilities. Obviously, I would never dwell with anything. I just want to know what I'm capable of and how can I help them.

Meanwhile, everything went normally. I was back to med school, after having holidays, and I had, once again, to conciliate school, internship, and training with Severus, while my non-existent social life continued non-existent.

"See that man over there?" I asked Severus when we were having a training session through random streets of London. Severus only hummed, as a way to tell me that he was listening to me. "He's waiting for a woman. A blonde woman. A lover -- a -- a side chick, I think. He's about to end their affair. But she's pregnant, she just doesn't know it."

Severus furrowed his brows.

"Have you seen their future?"

"No. I felt their emotions, and she's about to show up... So I can feel her presence, and the life inside her."

His expression showed surprise, but as much as he tried to mask it, he couldn't. He was getting swept off his feet every time he's with me. After the Soul Projection thing, his weird feelings were getting the best of him. He wasn't able to conceal his emotions anymore, let alone control his feelings. And when he saw a young man approaching me with a smile on his lips, his blood started boiling inside.

"Ana?" I heard a familiar voice calling out for me. I turned around and there was a smiling Liam with his open arms approaching me.

"Liam!"

Severus' heart skipped a beat as he watched the boy embracing me in a hug and planting a kiss at the top of my head. We seemed to close to each other, too intimate. He didn't enjoy that sight. Not. One. Bit.

"You disappeared and then we went on holidays mode and I didn't see you anymore. How are you?"

Liam kept his hand on my shoulder, brushing his thumb on my t-shirt.

"I'm fine, as you can see," I smiled. "How's school going?"

"It's going well. I had such a good note on the project we worked on... I really have to thank you for it."

"It was teamwork, Liam."

"Yeah, I know. But I was hoping to get an excuse to take out one of these days. Maybe for a coffee?"

"Uh -- yeah, sure... I just... have been pretty busy with... stuff." 

I was stumbling in my words, not knowing how to act since Severus was listening to everything. By the way, he doesn't know what privacy means, right? I encountered a friend in the street that stopped to talk to me, and Severus stood there, near me, listening to every word.

Liam laughed and snapped me out of my thoughts.

"You're always so mysterious, Ana. Since the beginning. And that's probably why I like you so much." 

I blushed so hard with his remark and when I heard Severus puffing and walking away with his grumbling behavior, I blushed even harder. 

Both Liam and I looked at Severus to see what was happening and I lifted a brow.

"You better cease the flirt and hurry. We have better things to do."

I looked at Liam with an apologetic look in my eyes and he smiled, telling me that it was ok to go with Severus. I kissed him goodbye in his cheek and rushed my pace to catch Severus. He was walking fast, with a furious posture and an angry expression across his face.

He wasn't able to conceal it anymore, so why bother?

"Hey!" I called him, but he didn't stop. He didn't even look at me or slow down. It was as if I wasn't even there.

"Severus, wait!" I called again, racing to his side. "What's wrong?"

He showed me his pissed off face and I was taken aback. Could it be possible that he was mad because I stopped to talk with Liam, or was he mad about the conversation? 

"Why are you being like this? Can't you tell me what's wrong instead of giving me that enraged face?"

"No," He simply said, rushing his pace.

"Is it because of Lia--" 

"How well do you know him? You should stay away from him -- he is not a person to be trusted."

"Why? He never gave me any reasons not to trust him, nor he was disrespectful to me. So why do you act this way whenever I talk about him?" I insisted, blocking his way. Severus was walking to a quieter place so he could disapparate without being seen. And since I interrupted him, he rolled his eyes, but when he saw how close I was, and how well he could look me in the eyes, it was as if time itself stopped. 

"It is none of your business, Ana. I do not trust the boy. End of conversation." He said sternly, trying to continue walking, but I stopped him again, gently pushing him against a tree. He was surprised ( _as I was_ ) with my behavior, but I tried not to show that I didn't even know what I was doing.

"Are you a coward, Severus?" He narrowed his eyes at me and I placed both my hands on his chest to stop him from trying to leave. "You're not a coward. I've seen how brave you are. I've seen much more about you than anyone on this earth. So grow some balls and tell me: why does Liam bother you that much? I won't ask any more questions if you answer this honestly."

Severus studied the truth behind my words, but he never had any reason to doubt me, so he closed his eyes and swallowed hard, slowly hitting his head against the tree as if he was trying to contain his mind. Then he sighed and looked at me with his big black eyes glistering with something unknown to me.

"I don't like to see you around him or talk about him. It... bothers me... deeply and more than it should."

Then he got rid of my grip and continued walking to where he was heading before. Instead of following him, I just stood there, looking at the tree with my eyes widened, trying to process his words and the reason attached to them.

"Are you coming or should I go alone?" Severus said with his usual stern voice masking how nervous he was and how he was cursing himself inside for having his heart open like that. He looked at my pale face and my widened eyes as I walked closer to him in utter silence. For a moment he thought I was broken for good. Did he break me with his words?

Since I didn't react when I reached the spot he chose, he had to grab my arm in order to take me with him back to Grimmauld Place. Then, he had to take me inside the house because I didn't move when we arrived. It's shocking to me how well I was accustomed to these kinds of travels with Severus. It's not easy to disapparate with him, it's violent and cold, and unexpected. But I was already used to it, and the nausea I felt the first times it's no longer perceptible.

I went upstairs in silence, Severus was the one pushing me to enter my room.

"Ana..." He said in a low voice, causing me to break whatever kind of trance I was in and look him in the eyes. I was sitting on the edge of my bed and he was kneeled in front of me, starting to get worried about me and about my odd reaction. "Are you alright?"

I nodded, swallowing hard.

"Training today tired me too much... My head and my eyes hurt -- I think I am going to lie down in complete darkness until dinner time..." I said, looking at the open curtains that were letting all the light come in. Suddenly the curtains were closed and the only source of light was the small chandelier in the ceiling. "Thank you..." I said before laying back down on the bed. I felt like I was hit by a train, it was strange. At first, I was just processing what Severus said, but now I know that something else was wrong.

Severus didn't move. He usually lets me rest in peace.

"It wasn't me." He said, making me open my eyes and look at him.

"They wouldn't just close by themselves," I said, muffling a laugh but ceasing it immediately as soon as I noticed Severus' perplexed expression. He was being serious - he didn't do anything.

"There's no one else in this room, Ana. Just you and me. I did not close the curtains. I can only see one explanation."

I raised a brow at him and nodded my head as I returned to my sitting position.

"You're saying that I can move things now? That's... crazy... it would be nice, but that's just crazy."

"Try to open them again."

"I don't want to, I need to sleep. Light is hurting my eyes, Severus. Besides, how can I even do it?" As soon as I saw the bored expression that Severus was showing, I sighed in defeat and concentrated. Severus got up from his kneeling position and looked at me and at the curtains several times, trying to feel any kind of energy or magic or anything that could be flowing from me to the curtains. But he couldn't feel anything.

I focused on what he asked me to do. _He was getting crazy for sure. First, Severus tells me things that shook me to the core - he was bothered by my closeness with Liam. The only reason I see why that could happen is totally impossible, so why would he feel that way? And second, he thinks I move things with my mind. That's crazy, isn't it? I mean, it's crazy already that I can see things, like the past and the future and read minds, and even have Soul Projections, but move things? Control other objects? What about people? Would I be able to control people? That's crazy... I would never even be able to open those curtains._

That moment, the curtains snapped open and the light was again illuminating the room. I widened my eyes in disbelief, mimicking Severus' shock. I covered my open mouth with my hand and focused on closing them again - which they did - and opened them again, only to close them for good.

"What the bloody hell???" I yelled in shock. Severus looked at me with a shocked but amused look on his face. He was sailing in totally unknown waters, but he was surely enjoying what he was discovering with me. I watched his masked proud face and started smiling until I was giggling and jumping up and down like a kid. "I did it!"

Then I looked at my closed closet and focused enough so the doors opened too. Then I looked at my closed books on top of my desk and they opened too.

I was too euphoric with my achievement.

"You were right! It's me!" I admitted, chuckling.

"Obviously," Severus said slowly, with the most neutral posture, even though he was excited inside.

I continued making things move inside my room and Severus was just observing me like he uses to do. I was so amazed by that new skill that I didn't realize what I ended up doing. I was so happy that I ran to Severus side and hugged him. He's the reason I am developing all my powers and discovering new ones. He is THE reason. 

At first, Severus tensed up but immediately melted when heard me talking in a low and tender voice.

"You make me surprise myself even when I thought I was reaching my limits. Having you as my mentor and my friend is the best I could ever have. Thank you."

Severus fought hard with himself, but he lost, and his arms were soon embracing me for the first time.


	19. Chapter 19

After our first visits to the Ministry of Magic, a blonde woman with the clearest blue eyes I've ever seen was attributed to me. She would be the one to keep track of my achievements and she would be the one to test me and check if my abilities truly evolved. I know it's just some sort of control because they don't even know what I am. Well, not even I know what I am.

So, a week after discovering my new ability to move things with my mind, Severus took me to the Ministry of Magic.

Lately, 12 Grimmauld Place has been empty. The Order has been recruiting wizards and magical creatures to join our cause; The Ministry of Magic has been denying Voldemort's return and has been discrediting Harry and Albus. Luckily, they left me out of those discussions and supported my training with Severus since the beginning.

"Severus." An ill-bred blonde man called Lucius Malfoy approached us, greeting Severus with a mocking and superior tone.

"Lucius," Severus answered with the same tone, but clearly bothered by the interaction.

Lucius Malfoy turned his attention to me, a soft smile appearing on his lips as his eyes started glistering. He nodded his head, greeting me, but then he grabbed my hand and pulled it to kiss me in the knuckles. If it wasn't for his repugnant behavior, I would find that very polite, but he is just despicable.

But, without any intention, something happened inside my mind when I felt his touch.

_It was faster than the speed of light, but I could see him all dress in black with a white mask covering his pale face, gathered with other people dressed just like him. They were all sitting on a long table, deadly quiet, hearing someone with a faint and hoarse voice speak. They all seemed to tremble in fear. Lucius was fidgeting under the table as if he was being scolded. His head was down, his eyes ashamed._

_"Lucius..." The hoarse-voiced man called him. "Lucius... Look. At. Me."_

_Trembling, Lucius looked up, at the end of the table and I saw him: Voldemort._

I jumped back frightened, pulling my hand off his hands. Lucius furrowed his brows at my behavior but made no mention of it: he just bowed and walked away.

"What is it?" I was pale as a wall, eyes widened looking at the blonde man disappearing in front of me. I looked at Severus that was clearly concerned with me (for a moment his harsh mask fell  - he was really worried).

"Lucius... He's a Death Eater." I whispered so that only Severus could hear me. Imagine the chaos if someone heard me saying this in the Ministry of Magic.  _It would be funny, though._

Severus sighed - as a sign of relief - and put a hand behind my back to make me resume my walk with him. Then he explained that they knew about it, but since there was no concrete proof, no one could do a thing about it. Besides, Malfoys are rich and have a great influence on the Ministry, so, any accusation would be in vain at that moment.

It only made me hate the man even more.

We continued our walk to Melinda's office, but the Ministry of Magic is just huge. And the worse part: there are people everywhere. You could ask:  _what's the matter with that?_  And I would say: I don't fucking know, but I could hear everyone's thoughts!!! I wasn't able to control it like I used to. Severus trained me very well because he knows how hard is to focus your mind when there's a crowd around me.

I grabbed my head and whined as I felt a sharp pain on the right side of my brain.

"Are you feeling ill?" I heard Severus' voice.  _No genius, I'm dying here._

"I'm ok." I lied, and he knew it, but he didn't ask anything else.

We walked a little more and I tried to shove those thoughts away, clearing my head of all the feelings I was sensing that moment. Life doesn't always go as we expect it to go, so as you can imagine I wasn't able to do a thing to make it stop.

Considering my failure, I decided to open up my mind even more and pay attention to the louder thoughts I was hearing: someone was really happy, a woman just found out she was having a baby; a man was asking himself if it wasn't better for him to kill himself ( **it never is** ); there was a woman with naughty thoughts about a coworker. It was actually funny to hear all that until I heard what I didn't want to hear: there was a man that was transmitting images of his after-work "occupation". He was thinking about his niece. His under-age niece. That he was using for personal pleasure.

"What the fuck?" I asked out loud and it got Severus' attention and from a couple of people around me. Severus eyed me warly but when he was about to speak, I walked away, quickly roaming through the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, not paying attention to the people staring at me.

"Stop, get back here!" Severus growled but I ignored him.

I was focused on that person. I wanted to find that man and beat him up. And as I walked through the desks, the thoughts were louder and louder until I found out the source: there was a man, eating an apple in the small eating area, peacefully sitting on a chair and having thoughts that he was sure were secret. But not for me.

I walked over him and hit the apple off of his hands. It fell on the floor and the man got up from the chair pissed off with the behavior of the unknown woman in front of him. Severus approached me quickly, scolding me.

"What the bloody hell you think you're doing?"

I looked at him with such fury that he was taken aback and decided to hear me first. There was a crowd forming behind us, watching the show. I turned my gaze to the man.

"I know your deepest secret... Dirk."

"How do you know me? Who the hell are you?" The man asked furiously.

"It doesn't matter. I know about your secrets. I know what you do to little Layla." The man widened his eyes and the blood abandoned his face - he knew exactly what I was talking about. "It's over. I know! And you're going to pay for that!"

"You are crazy!!! Who the fuck do you think you are???"

I approached him and looked him right in the eyes.

"What other things are you hiding, Dirk? Huh? Besides raping your own niece!!!" I said it out loud and people around me gasped. Severus tensed up and his hand landed on his wand, just for precaution. He reminded himself to scold me alter for being reckless and not telling him things before taking actions.

"Those are grave accusations, young lady," Dirk said laughing awkwardly. Then he walked away from me, hitting his shoulder on mine. As by reflex, I grabbed his arm and pulled him back to me, scavaging his mind for more information. Then I started telling more details about his crimes and he just went mad.

"Guards!!! Get this woman to the dungeons!!!"

"NO!!! You should arrest him!!!" I tried to fight the guards that immediately grabbed my arms, and Severus tried to help me, but nothing was working and before I knew it, I was being dragged away. What got me madder was the smirk on Dirk's face. I couldn't let him win.

By some divine luck, Cornelius was passing by and watched all the show. His voice echoed through the walls of the Department, and everyone stopped what they were doing to look at him. Even the guards who were dragging me.

"What is happening here?"

Dirk started rambling saying that he had solved the issue, but Cornelius ignored him and turned to me, waiting for an explanation. So I just told him everything that I saw as I watched his face redden with anger. But he kept his cool until I finished.

"Are you certain of what you saw?"

I nodded. "And when I grabbed his arm..." I bit my lip to stop me from burst out in tears. Having these abilities aren't always so funny as I thought. People can hide under the most polished behaviors, the most polite faces, the rotting smiles, and handshakes. If you dig deeper into their souls, you can smell the putridity and the horrors of their beings. That's not funny,  _at all._

Cornelius looked at me with a softer expression and placed a hand on my shoulder. Then he gestured the guards to let go of me and turned to Dirk who had his mouth open.

"You're going to believe in that lunatic?"

The guards walked over Dirk and grabbed both his arms, forcing him to walk with them. Cornelious didn't even answer him and followed the guards through the corridors, walking toward the darkest corner of the Ministry: the dungeons. Severus and I walked quietly behind them as instructed.

I looked at Severus and he looked back at me. There was an unexplainable expression on his eyes, but I knew for sure that wasn't anger or anything.

"You know what Veritasserum is, Ana?" Cornelious asked without turning around. Severus tensed up again, ready to protect me if he wanted to inject it on me. But Cornelius had other intentions - not very ethic intentions.

"I'm learning about your world -- our world, now -- and there's a lot to know about, but if I'm not wrong, it's a truth serum, Sir," I answered with the stronger voice I had, even though I was a turmoil inside. Severus is not only a good mentor, but he is also a good teacher. And when he's in a good mood, I ask him questions about Potions. I took a special interest in the matter.

Cornelius turned to me with a small vessel on his hands, smiling.

"Yes. It can extract the truth from every living creature on this planet. Three drops would have the drinker spilling his or her innermost secrets. It is truly fascinating, isn't it?"

"Yes, Sir. A good method to make criminals admit their crimes." I lifted a brow and Cornelious chuckled, nodding his head. Then, he turned around and handed the vessel to the guards, who forced it down Dirk's throat.

The next ten minutes were of pure horror, as Dirk confirmed what I told Cornelious and even more. I was about to throw up when the Minister of Magic told him to shut up and ended the interrogation.  _Thank God -- or Merlin._

Dirk was locked up in the dungeons, waiting for trial, and we walked to the Minister's office to talk about what happened. Obviously, they called Melinda and the way I felt her worry made me smile inside. Cornelious assured me that he would personally handle the case to make sure Dirk was locked away in the darkest corner of Azkaban. Then, he thanked me for fighting against criminals like Dirk.

"But next time, be careful. Talk to Severus or even myself. If he drew his wand, you could have been in danger."

I nodded my head in agreement and finally left the Ministry of Magic in silence, waiting for Severus to lash out and tell me how reckless and rattle-brain I am. But he didn't say a word. He didn't even look at me with any kind of expression that resembled anger.

"I'm sorry." I simply said and he just nodded - which was worse. "I hear so many people's thoughts without wanting to. And when I'm in the middle of a crowd, it's like -- it's like a rollercoaster. I'm trying to shut those thoughts from getting in, and when I'm finally managing to do it, they come back louder. And once I heard his thoughts... I had to stop them."

Severus stopped walking. At this point, I wondered why we didn't disapparate back to the Order's headquarters instead of walking through Whitehall's streets like we were doing. He turned around and looked at me, his face stern and his mouth closed in a thin line.

"I feel like I'm going mad sometimes." I fidgeted my fingers on the edge of one of my sleeves, waiting for his scolding.

"In this maddening world, you are the sanest person I've ever met." And without any more words, he turned around and continued walking, inhaling the warm spring breeze that brushed our hair back and provokes chills down your spine. At least, I thought it was the breeze.


	20. Chapter 20

After what happened in the Ministry of Magic, Albus was the one who spent more time with me while Severus had parallel missions to accomplish. Something about working for the Order of Phoenix and not having enough time to dedicate to our training. It's not that I mind though, first of all, I miss spending time with Albus and, second, things with Severus have been --  _well, how can I say this?_  - intense, maybe.

He started to open up his heart to me once in a while, showing that he is not the cold-heart man that everyone keeps saying he is. Whenever the Weasley's children, Harry, and Hermione are back for holidays, I try to convince them to give him an opportunity, but they are just as hard-headed as Severus is. So I just stopped trying.

One morning, Albus knocked on my door and told me some disconcerting news about my parents.

"Apparently they were spotted in Nice, Paris," he showed me pictures of my parents with a young man. He seemed a little older than me and they seemed happy. Too happy for someone who abandoned their daughter. I must say that my heart couldn't hurt more as I analyzed the picture. And I had to find support on the edge of my bed because I felt my body becoming weak. I even wanted to cry, but I also wanted to look strong in front of Albus. "Are you alright, Ana?"

"I... will be..." I whispered, clutching the picture with my two hands. I had no more strength in me to conceal my emotions and a small tear strolled down my cheek. "They... They really abandoned me. I thought for a moment that something happened to them, or that maybe they were threatened by someone and they were forced to leave me behind -- but they really abandoned me... Wha -- How... How could they do this to me? Why would they do this?"

Albus walked closer and sat on the edge of the bed, his hand grabbing mine in a tender way.

"I am afraid I do not possess the knowledge to answer that mystery," he spoke in a low voice. "I will act to find out though, I assure you."

"Am I that despicable so that they weren't even able to live with me anymore?"

"Nonsense!" Albus said, "You are not despicable. And you will get through this. You have us now. We are your family and we will never, ever, abandon you. Look at me."

I wiped my tears away and lifted my head that was bowed down, staring at the floor where I let the picture fall.

"I love you like a father would love a daughter. And I promise you that you will be alright. You are so special, Ana. When we were unknown to each other, two random people, just talking to each other in King's Cross, I knew there was something special about you. And I am not referring to your abilities. I am talking about what's in here," he pointed at my heart. "You are special in there, never forget that."

Hours after talking to me, to make sure I was mentally calm and stable, he left the Black's house, going back to Hogwarts. And I was left alone in my room, alone with myself, and alone with my thoughts.

For some time I wished that Severus was there with me.

Lately, he is the only one that knows just what to say to make me feel better. He's like an aspirin whenever I have a headache.  _And what a headache I was having at that moment._

But he wasn't there and there was no way that I could reach him.

Eventually, I got up from the bed and picked up the photo laying on the wooden floor.

I stood there, looking at it, feeling nothing inside. Not even pain. It was like I was in an automatic pilot. I placed it in my bedside table so that I could look at it every time I'm in bed, knowing that my parents were well somewhere, without me. For what I told, probably anyone would think that all I have are bad memories from my childhood. It's not true. My parents weren't always like this. Sometimes I felt they loved me. I really felt it. My mother would make me breakfast on Saturdays' mornings, while I saw cartoons on TV. My favorites were Tom & Jerry, and Catdog, and she would stay with me on the couch, cuddling with a white blanket. My dad would wake up and join us in the living room. And as I grew up, they started having hard fights with each other, and occasionally, fought with me without any reason to. I never knew why they resented me so much, but when my powers started showing, I thought they were disgusted or freaked out. But they never called me a freak or said anything about it. They just said that I had to hide it from anyone and keep my mouth shut about it. That's what I did until I met Albus.

That's when everything changed.

And that's when they abandoned me and made me feel like a useless piece of shit.

A knock on my door interrupted my thoughts.

"Come in," I said, getting up from the bed.

Kreacher walked to me, grumbling under his breath and handed me a letter without telling me anything. Then, he just left and closed the door behind him.

I opened the letter immediately and smiled as soon as I read it.

 

_Ana,_

_Albus has informed me about his new information regarding your parents, and knowing you as I do, I know you are wrecked. I write you this letter hoping you feel better knowing that I will be back sooner than expected and we will resume our training. I have more challenges for you._

_I hope you are well and, I beg you, do not dwell with this matter. It will upset you too much and it is no good for you, nor any glass around you._

_Sincerely,_

_S.S._

 

"Kreacher!" I yelled excitedly, knowing that even if I whispered his name, he would show up anyway.

"Ma'am," he said as he opened my bedroom door, with his usual snappish face.

"How can I reply to this letter?"

"You write it and hand it to me, Ma'am."

"Ok, I will. Thank you, Kreacher." He bowed his head and turned around to leave. I know that Sirius has been tough with him. Kreacher doesn't approve my presence in this house, because he was taught that only pure-blood wizards should be worshiped. And Sirius ordered him to treat me well. I can't blame the creature, though. He's been in Black's family for centuries, it's hard to change. Maybe all he needs is someone to be kind to him; kinder than the Blacks every been. "And you can call me Ana, please."

"As you wish, Ana," he showed me a half-smile and left me.

I picked up a paper and a pen and soon after I was handing it to Kreacher that took it away immediately.

 

_Dear Severus,_

_You were right - I was a wreck.  But_ _I really appreciated your letter and it did make me feel better. I am afraid that I already shattered something while I was dealing with this information._

_I'll be waiting for your arrival._

_\-- Ana._

 

***

 

"Hey, are you even here?" I heard Sirius talking to me while I zoomed out. We were having dinner alone at the house. Molly and Arthur were out, having a romantic dinner, the kids were at Hogwarts for the beginning of the school year, and we were the only ones left. Sirius has been telling me how he was frustrated with the Order's work because he truly believes that Voldemort is getting stronger, gathering forces to kill anyone who opposes to him. 

"Yeah, yeah, you were saying?"

Sirius smiled weakly at me and nodded his head.

"Your mind is somewhere else, isn't it?"

"I'm sorry... I have a lot to think about lately," I admitted, playing with the food with my fork.

"Something like Liam...?" He asked, his voice trembling a little. I narrowed my eyes at him and he sighed, looking down to his plate. He took a deep breath and looked at me again. "I heard you talking about him and you even went out with him a couple of times. How are things going? Is it serious?"

"I'm not with Liam. He's just a friend. Well, he wanted to be more, but I didn't."

"Why?" Sirius asked in a low voice. His questioning was so odd.

"Probably because I don't like him the same way he likes me. And -- I have a lot to think about." I looked down. "Besides, I can't start a relationship with a lie. I can't tell him about me, what I can do and -- you know -- about magic."

Sirius smiled warmly at me, his cheeks reddening a little. I would blame the wine, but he almost didn't touch his glass - which was also odd.

"You made the right decision. I've always admired how down to earth you are. And you're honest and humble -- that's good."

I chuckled but I wasn't going to let him go this easily.

"Why do you want to know about my love life, Sirius?"

Sirius was trying to escape that question, making excuses about things he had to do before bed. I stopped him before he left the table and pulled him back to his chair. Then I insisted on knowing what he was hiding from me and why he was acting so strange lately. Well, stranger than he already acts on his daily basis.

He exhaled all the air he had in his lungs and all his blood seemed to abandon his face as he turned pale. Eventually, he found the strength to speak.

"I... might have developed feelings for you," I widened my eyes at him and he immediately stopped me from talking. "I know, I know. I don't have a chance and I would never ask you for one because you deserve much better than having your life limited because of me. I gradually have lost hope on being free -- so this is as good as it gets."

He smiled at me as he saw how flushed I was.

I was trembling. Did I give him the wrong impression? It was never on my mind that he might develop feelings for me. I've always been nice to him, but I've been nice to everyone around me - even Kreacher, for God's sake, and he didn't fell in love with me. I think. It is starting to scare me now that I think about it.

I was trying hard to find the right words to say to him. Nothing seemed proper enough not to hurt him, but also not to give him any hope. My heart did not belong to him, even though he is a good man.

"There's no need for that, Ana. I just thought that at a time like this, we should open up our hearts. You never know when it's the last time you see the people you love," I gulped at the word:  _love._  "Besides, it's funny too see you all blushed and embarrassed," He laughed and I threw him a pillow.

"Shut up,"I said, covering my red cheeks **.**

"And don't you dare telling anyone about this. I'll kill you," he said in a playful tone. ** **  
****

"Why? Are you afraid of what people might think about an old man having feelings for a young innocent woman?"

"There's nothing innocent about you," he grinned. "But no. I don't want you to feel bad for me or anything. And I surely don't need Molly's lecture about how I shouldn't be even thinking about you this way. And I also don't want to mess with Severus' life again - I have caused too much pain to him already."

"Severus? What are you even talking about? Is it Alzheimer? You're not making any sense, old man."

"When you're older, you'll understand."


	21. Chapter 21

After Sirius' confession, I haven't had any time to stop. Severus was back, training with me almost every day after my classes and his classes at Hogwarts. I had school every day and internship twice a week at the local hospital. And I had to study for my final exams. So, you must assume that I am completely bushed - physically and mentally.

One morning, I was simply laying in my bed, casually staring at the ceiling and lost in my own thoughts. I was mentally listing all the strange things that happened around me when I was a little girl, and how they're related to the abilities I've discovered and controlled recently. Then, all my thoughts included Severus and the things that are happening between us - the Soul Projection, the jealousy towards Liam, and the way we've been closer every time we're together. I know it is wrong to think about stuff like this, but I just can't help it.

A knock on my door interrupted my line of thoughts.

"Come in," I said, smiling when Albus walked in.

"Hello, my darling. How are you doing?"

"Hi!" I got up to a sitting position and hugged Albus as soon as he sat by my side. "I'm fine."

"I've come to see you and make you a proposition," he spoke with his cunning expression, always showing that he has more in his mind than he actually reveals. It's infuriating sometimes, but you get used to it, at least, you make peace with it, knowing that there's nothing you can do to contradict his behavior.

"I'm all ears."

"I've talked to Severus, and he agreed to this. I think you should come to Hogwarts with us for a while after these small holidays." I widened my eyes. "We both believe you might expand your abilities considerably if you experience what the castle as to give. There is so much more there that can be helpful to you."

"Me? Going to Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry?"

"Yes, that is exactly what I just said," Albus grinned.

"That's... That's amazing. You're sure there won't be any problem? I mean, I am not a wizard, I am just a mugg--"

"No. You're so much more. You're not a mere Muggle, you know that. And even if you were just a Muggle, you would be a very special one, at least to me. And to Severus," He raised his brow and stared with a light smile on his lips as if he was waiting for me to say something.

I looked down at my black leggings and played with the hem of my long shirt. Somehow, I know Albus was trying to get somewhere with his conversation. So I just played innocent.

"Severus? Ya think? I mean... It's Severus. He's my mentor, so it's just a job or a mission. You never know what's going on in his mind," I muffled a laugh.

"Oh -- I do know what's going on his mind. The point is, do you?"

"What?" I furrowed my brows and looked at him. His conversation was taking an odd path and I wasn't enjoying it.

"I know Severus for several decades now. And he changed since he started teaching you. Of course, he sees you as a special person. We all do. Not just for your wonderful powers, but for your heart. You are a good girl, Ana. Remember that," he patted my knee and looked forward. "I think you'll feel home at Hogwarts. The school as a special way to treat each and every one of us - students or staff; wizards or muggles. I am sure you will enjoy your time there and you'll have time to discover yourself, either about your powers or about your heart."

Albus got up to leave.

"Sometimes I really wish you stopped talking in riddles," I admitted and he laughed.

"Now, where would be the fun in that?"

 

***

 

"Wow," I said as we arrived Hogwarts. 

Albus himself was the one who picked me up from 12 Grimmauld Place, 3 days after making the proposition. The school would start again in four days - there was a small break between Christmas and the Summer, - so I'd had time to wander and know the place peacefully.

The castle didn't disappoint. I read about it in _Hogwarts: A History._ The castle has several towers and dungeons, classrooms, teachers, common rooms for each house, dormitories, the great hall, kitchens, among other things. The school is divided into 4 houses, created by the cofounders and according to their interests, characteristics, and dreams. There's the Sorting Hat that selects the most adequate house to the new students. And when a baby is born with magic powers, there's a magic feather localized inside the castle that writes the baby's name in a book. Every year, the headmaster or headmistress reads the book and send owls to every kid with 11 years old, informing that there's a vacancy waiting in Hogwarts.

At the same time, the castle is dreamy and scary by how mighty it seems.

I wondered what mysteries lie inside the castle and what would I find out. Albus words lingered in the back of my mind "... _you'll have time to discover yourself, either about your powers or about your heart._ "

"Ana," I heard Minerva calling my name in the middle of my first lunch there. Albus told her to watch over me while I'm still learning my way through the castle. They told me that I couldn't wander the castle at night, especially alone. There were also forbidden areas where I should not go in any situation. Not because they kept secrets, but because they could be fatally dangerous. "I'd like you to introduce you to someone. This is professor Sybill Trelawney, she teaches Divination in this school."

I got up from my chair and held a hand in the hair to greet the strange woman with her strange glasses and her strange and unkempt hair, and she kindly greeted me. But when her hand touched mine, her eyes became white and she froze, clutching my hand with such force that I still don't know how she didn't manage to break it.

Severus got up from his chair immediately but stopped when Sybill turned back to herself. She jumped back, startled and staring at me as if she saw a ghost.

She widened her eyes at me and trembled.

"You... Your blood! Your blood is dark! Evil! You... You..." She yelled, not finishing her nonsense words, and rushed away from the Great Hall, leaving Severus, Minerva, and a few other teachers staring at me.

"Oh dear, forgive Sybill," Minvera said, trying to ease up the moment, "She gets like this sometimes. Do not judge her for your odd first encounter, she is a good person once you get to know her."

"Okay..." I said, trying not to think about what that odd woman said in front of everyone.

 

***

 

My bedroom - or chamber as Albus called it - is huge. It does not also have a big and comfortable bedroom but also has a private bathroom, a small kitchen, and a living room. It contradicts the appearance of the whole castle since it is warm and cozy and very welcoming. The best part? It's in the same corridor as Severus' chambers. I mean, it is easier for us for our practice sessions and all. Besides, if I ever need help, he's right outside the door, so I felt safer-

When I arrived at my chambers, everything was in its proper places. My books, my clothes, my personal objects, and everything that I possess. Minerva was the one that showed me around and explained how things worked. She told me that my things were in my chambers by themselves, with a spell she invented herself - she had a proud smirk on her face.

Then she showed me the library and how I could be able to access everything I need. Not only for my training sessions with Severus, but also to my personal affairs.

Before leaving me alone on my first night at Hogwarts, she gave me a box. 

"It's called Floo Powder," she said as I analyzed the content in amazement. It was glittery and I had to fight the urge to touch it. "It's used to travel by the Floo Networks that connect nearly every wizarding building's fireplaces. You can travel from one fireplace to another or just contact someone on the other side."

"It's like a muggle telephone?" I asked.

"Uh -- yes, but better," she huffed. "You need to toss a handful of this powder into the fireplace, walk to the flames (they won't burn you after tossing the powder) and state the desired destination. But you have to say it loudly and clearly.If done incorrectly, you will end up at the wrong location."

"Ok... Toss, enter, say the location loud and clear," Minerva nodded. "I think I can do that."

"But only use it if truly necessary, Ana. Now, I'll leave you alone. You surely must need your time. Goodnight." Minerva said, leaving me in my chamber alone.

"Goodnight, Miss Mcgonagall thank you."


	22. Chapter 22

My presence was requested in the Headmaster's office. Albus and Severus were gathered, talking about something when I made my way to the office. Minerva told me the secret password so I could go in and out of Albus' office without having to wait for someone to open the door for me.

Albus' eyes glowed when he saw me and he greeted me since he hasn't seen me in two days - since he left me on Hogwarts. He's been rather busy lately while I have been exploring Hogwarts during the day, training with Severus, studying in my chamber, and chatting with Minerva (she ended up asking me to call her by her first name). I think she enjoys my company. She calls me to have tea with her several times a day, and since I love tea, I always go with her.

"My dear Ana, come join us. I have a letter for you. It's from Sirius," I noticed how Severus moved uncomfortably in his seat and how he rolled his eyes, thinking no one was paying attention to him. But both me and Albus noticed his behavior. The difference was that I took the letter and ignored him, and Albus narrowed his eyes, staring at the raven-haired man.

Sirius sent me a letter to know how I was handling my new home. He said he had lovely memories from his time in Hogwarts and that the school holds lots of entertaining secrets that he would kindly share with me. He also said how empty 12 Grimmauld Place was now that I left. And he hoped that I enjoyed my time here, but that I returned soon enough so that his company would be more than Kreacher and the stupid talking pictures of the family that hated him so much.

"How can I answer this letter?" I asked.

Albus was lost in his thoughts, looking through the window and occasionally looking at Severus with his eyes narrowed. I snapped him out of his trance.

"Use those white parchments and my pen. There's the Owl Post Service that uses Owls as a carrier."

"Owls?"

"Yes," I love how Albus' eyes gleam whenever he is teaching me how things work in this world. "They are fast, discreet and tasteful creatures. Besides, they are able to deliver letters without even having the recipient's address."

I widened my eyes and he chuckled.

"Severus, could you show Ana the Owlery and let her use your Owl?" Albus said, disrupting Severus from his own thoughts.

"Headmaster," Severus bowed, accepting Albus' request, got up from his chair and nodded me to follow him.

I followed Severus who was exiting the office at an unusual speed and looked back to say goodbye to Albus. He was standing, leaning against his desk with his hands together in front of his belly, and he had such a strange grin on his lips.

 

***

 

On our way to the Owlery Severus didn't speak a word.

You would say that's normal, but not like this. He kept his distance from me as I delivered my letter to Severus' owl and it flew away.

I stared at the bird disappearing in the horizon but felt Severus' gaze behind my back.

"What is it?" I asked silently.

"What is it what?" Severus' deep voice was heard in an annoyed tone.

"You're acting strange today. Stranger than usual."

There was silence in the Owlery, and only a few birds could be heard. I approached a brown owl and stroke its feathers. The bird leaned into my hand in a way to ask for more caresses. I smiled weakly and kept stroking the beautiful creature.

Severus watching me attentively, trying his best to stay silent.

I felt his stress somehow. Since we had that Soul Projection thing, I can't exactly enter his mind, but sometimes I can feel what he is feeling. It's something I can't control, neither talked to him about it. But at that moment, I thought it was better if I try to get him to talk.

"You're uncertain," I heard him hum in an inquisitive tone - I had his attention. "There's something in your mind that you're confused about. Not confused - no." I turned to him. "More like, you're fighting it for some reason. You're battling with yourself."

"How..." He asked but he didn't finish because I smiled as passed by him and walked away.

"You're not that hard to read, Severus."

Severus was speechless and stood there for about five minutes, thinking about what just happened. Was he showing too much? More than he should? He was so good in hiding his feelings, but was he out of touch? He couldn't let that happen.

So we continued our training sessions, but he kept his distance. I noticed that but didn't ask. First of all, because I know he wouldn't tell me, and second, he needed that distance to figure out by himself whatever he needed to figure out.

 

***

 

My first real challenge in Hogwarts wasn't training or anything related.

Apparently, since that school year began, the Ministry of Magic has been intruding into Hogwart's businesses. They sent a woman named Dolores Umbridge to _evaluate the teaching techniques and tools that the school was applying to its students and ensure they are the most appropriate._ In other words, spy and control Hogwarts.

From what I heard, she's the worst and my first challenge was her.

She didn't like me one bit. Probably because she knew I was a Muggle, or maybe she was just as despicable as everyone said.

Obviously, she didn't agree with my presence in Hogwarts since I am no magical being. She was not completely aware of who I am and why I was there. All she knew was that after a small school break, the headmaster allowed a Muggle there.

"The last time I checked, Albus was still the Headmaster of this school. If you have any issue with my presence here, you might want to speak to him." I said casually at breakfast. Staff and teachers were at the Great Hall when she arrived one day before classes started. My presence was not well received by her and after one hour inside the same room, she started asking questions, saying that I would have to leave that same day.

"For now," she said with a disgusting smirk on her lips. "The Ministry will take measures to amend things in this school. The headmaster has been acting recklessly in the management and this must come to an end."

"Now that you speak of the Ministry, are you that loyal to them?"

Her smirk faded away and she looked offended.

"Of course I am!!!"

"Well then, you might wanna know that I was accepted by Cornelious Fudge himself into your world. I am one of you now. And I have his authorization to stay here," I smirked. "I might not know how to wave a wand and cast spells, but I am smart enough to know when my presence is not welcome. So, I will stay out of your way and I advise you to do the same because I am not always this polite to _unpolite_ people."

Dolores stared at me with her mouth opened, but no sound came out of it. 

I got up from my seat, grabbed an apple and walked away.

"Good morning, and have a nice day," I spoke to everyone who was in the room, glancing by the corner of my eye at Minerva, who was trying to conceal a smirk by biting the inside of her mouth.

A few students arrived at the end of the day. Including Harry Potter. He's always eager to come back and stay away from his aunts and his cousin. And I don't blame the kid. Knowing how tragical his past is, I really think he deserved better. I often ask Albus why he lets Harry suffer in the hands of the Dursley family but he never truly answered me. He just states that he is safer there. I never understood why.

For what's best, at least he made good friends. Probably the best in that school.

When Harry spotted me reading a book in the back gardens, away from the commotion of the student's arrival, he ran to greet me.

"Ana," he said with an enthusiastic voice. "What are you doing here?"

"Harry, hi! I'm living here for a while - I arrived just three days ago. It's important for my training, apparently," I told him, making him smile widely.

"That's wonderful! Have anyone showed you around?"

"Yes, Minerva and Severus. But I bet you can show me much more," I smirked and he smirked back, confirming my theory.

"Have you met Hagrid?" I nodded my head and furrowed my brows since I never heard that name before. "Well, come on then, I'll show you around."

I rushed behind Harry as he jumped down the stoned-stairs through the gardens of the school. In the end, I could see a small house, resembling a simple hut, with pumpkins growing outside, and some types of animals that I couldn't identify just casually walking around. I lifted a brow at them but didn't ask Harry what kind of animal they were.

A huge man with long hair and long beard opened the front door when Harry knocked on the door.

The man greeted Harry with happiness in his voice and looked at me with a curious look. He then introduced himself as Rubeus Hagrid, the keeper of keys and grounds of Hogwarts.

"You're Ana, are you not?" He asked and I smiled, nodding my head. He handed me a cup of hot tea and handed another to Harry. "Albus told me about you. He talks about you all the time, so you must be too special to him."

"I met him a few years ago at a coffee shop at King's Cross station. I never knew that he was a wizard until a year and a half ago. He changed my life," I looked down at the tea and took a sip. "He saved it, actually," I admitted.

"Yeah -- that is what Albus does," Hagrid said.

He told me about his story in Hogwarts, how Tom Riddle - aka Voldemort - managed to make him take the blame for the chamber of secrets and how he was expelled and cast out to never practice any kind of magic. Albus showed up one day and knew he was innocent, so he convinced the then-headmaster of Hogwarts, Armando, to train Hagrid for the job as a Gamekeeper.

Hagrid walked to the stove, where he was baking some cookies, took them out - burning his hands in the process - and offered us some.

"Even if Dumbledore never told me about you and your... abilities, I would know you are very different from me. Or Harry."

I looked at him and lifted my brow. "How?"

"It's this feeling, I think. Can you feel it, Harry?" Hagrid turned to Harry and the boy-who-lived nodded.

Again, I asked, "how?"

They both shrugged.

"I don'know," Harid said with an accent that I couldn't identify.  "It's just a feeling."

"Does that means everyone is going to know who I am?"

Harry made a grimace but immediately smiled.

"Don't worry, there are nice people in this school. Except for the Slytherins, you be careful with them."

"Why? Severus is the head of Slytherin."

"Yeah, you can use that in your favor," Harry said more relaxed.

"Speaking of which -- how's your training with Snape? He is giving you a hard time, ain't he?" I furrowed my brows at Hagrid's remark. I don't know what people have against him. He is not that bad. Ok, he's rigid, rude sometimes, but he is also trustworthy and a good person. "You must ignore his rough behavior, he's not the most amiable person, is he?"

"Actually, he is. He is a good mentor and a good friend of mine. I really don't understand why people tend to fear him," I said, earning a glance from Hagrid as if I said the worst thing in the world.

"Are you talkin'bout the same person here? Severus Snape?"

"Yeah..."

Harry smiled weakly.

"It's not just the students that have the same idea about Snape, see? We're not being childish when we tell you stupid he acts."

"Well, you're his students, he should be rough with you all," I chuckled.

"Technically, you're his student too, right? He is not harsh with you, is he?"

I remained quiet, nodding my head at him.

Hagrid couldn't believe that someone besides Albus defended Severus and believed that he is more than it meets the eye. Never in his right mind occurred that the way I talked about Severus could hold so much more meaning than it showed.

After leaving Hagrid's house, I had dinner and went to sleep. 

In the next day, Ron and Hermione arrived, as the remaining students did. The school was filled with life, and it seemed less scary to wander those corridors.

It was impossible to miss the side looks I received as I walked through the crowd. Some were disgusted, others were curious and others just looked because I was new in the school. I tried my best to ignore them and once I started meeting more students, like Neville, Luna, Dean, among others, I started feeling more accepted.


	23. Chapter 23

The first week of classes wasn't so hard as I thought it would be.

Harry, Hermione, and Ron made sure that everyone knew who I was and that they have to treat me as their equal. Some doubted my powers, but I didn't spend time showing them anything. I didn't need to prove anything to anyone, so I didn't even bother when they made funny remarks or even mocked me."

The worst kid that I've encountered was Draco Malfoy. A blonde and beautiful young man, with a cunning expression, that made the other students shiver as he walked through the corridors. I was leaning against a wall, waiting for Severus when Draco decided to have his fun with me.

As he walked, everyone opened a space to let him go to his destination.

When he reached just a couple of steps from me, I noticed his presence but kept reading my book, ignoring him.

Draco coughed on purpose and I couldn't help but raise my head, look at him and smile, getting back at my book.

"It's Ana, right?" I heard his mocking tone and two kids behind him trying to contain their laughter.

"Yes, Draco," I said, looking at him after closing my book.

 **"** When the news of your presence at this school reached my family's ears, I seriously considered not coming back. The standards of this school are really getting lower, now even muggles are admitted. Disgusting, if you ask me."

I looked around in an innocent manner and landed my eyes on him again, narrowing them.

"Forgive me, have I asked your opinion?"

He huffed offended.

"Arrogant muggle. My father will be here soon enough to take the trash out."

I sighed and rolled my eyes. I considered ignoring him completely, but since he didn't go away, I had no choice.

"When will he come? I'd love to have a conversation with him. He might want to know who Michel Adams is," Draco widened his eyes at the name and the two boys behind him muttered to each other asking what the hell was I talking about. "I bet no one knows about it, isn't it? I know how to keep a secret, don't worry. You should get to classes now."

Draco - who is pale as a wall - turned even paler. No one understood what happened, but when Draco walked away without saying one more word, everyone started clapping around me.

I looked around confused and Cho Chang approached me with a weak smile on her lips.

"Besides you, only Harry is capable of talking back at Draco. Everyone is terrified of him."

"Why?"

"Because he is a Malfoy," Hermione said. She and Ron had just arrived and heard what happened in the corridor.

"He is a thug, that's what he is," Ron muttered.

"I don't think so," I said, earning a glare from everyone. "Draco has a good heart, but he doesn't know that."

"What do you mean? That's crazy," Ron said.

"All his family was raised with a radical belief. Draco was born in the middle of that belief. It is only natural that he follows the same path as his parents since it's all he knows. It's hard to contradict your own family. Imagine that..." I told them, "turning against your own family and ending up alone."

Some people started going away and only Ron and Hermione were there talking to me.

I whispered.

"Look at Sirius. And look at what he had become because of contradicting his family's beliefs."

Hermione made a thoughtful look and nodded her head.

"I never thought about it that way."

"You're all loonies," Ron said. "Come on, it's Malfoy we're talking about here!"

I smiled at Ron and he stared at me.

"Everyone has the ability to do good and to do bad. Let's just see how Draco will turn out."

 

***

 

The next few weeks went on like that. I would hang around with kids from Gryffindor in my free time, (even though my mentor is from Slytherin), and then I'd study for university, and train with Severus.

Unfortunately, everything was starting to be too much and I was feeling worn-out.

The exams were arriving and I was studying until dawn every day, I was sleeping only for a couple of hours each night only to wake up and do that all over again in the next day.

Severus noticed how tired I appeared to be. Sometimes I wasn't totally focused and seemed like I fell asleep with my eyes open.

"Ana, I couldn't help but notice that you have been rather distracted lately. Is everything alright?" Severus stopped our training because he was becoming worried. By now, he knew me too well to know when something was not alright, I always have been a committed student, either with him or with my studies.

"Yes, it is," I said nonchalantly. Severus lifted his brow because he also knows when I'm lying to him. I sighed, knowing that he wasn't going to let it go. "I have been tired, that's all... The training and the classes haven't been easy. Especially now that I have to study harder for the exams."

"Why did you not talk to me about this?"

"Because... because I need to train anyways."

Severus sighed and found a place to seat on a big rock, just by Hogwart's lake - Black Lake - and looked at me for a while.

"You are dismissed for the next days of this week and the next week," I opened my mouth to protest, but he raised his hand and didn't let me start. "Damnit woman, listen to me! I trust you enough to dismiss you for the next weeks, knowing that you will train when you feel like you need to. But I want you to study for your exams, otherwise, there's no point in training if you're going to be distracted and tired like you have been for the past days. And there is no point in arguing with me, I am your mentor and you will do as I am telling you to do."

I lifted a brow at his boldness but ended up smiling and nodding.

"I think I'm going to take a shower, then. I need to relax before diving back into my books."

"Yes, do that," Severus said before getting up from the rock and started walking back to the Castle.

"I could use some advice about what to do today to relax tonight, though. I'll start focusing on my studies tomorrow morning. Tonight I want to relax and sleep properly."

Severus stopped walking and looked at me.

"Well, if you feel brave enough, you can patrol the school with me tonight. It is no rush, but I assume it should be better than being locked inside your chambers all by yourself."

I smiled and nodded at him.

I watched him as he disappeared back to the castle and I just stood there for a while, inhaling the fresh air of the mountains. The view from Hogwarts never ceased to amaze me. Away from everything bad in the world, hiding behind huge and green mountains that touch the blue sky. The weather is not always the best, but you can smell the pure air that invisibly hovers us.

My eyes landed on Hagrid's hut and for a second I thought that kind of house is basically my dream home: in the middle of nature, quiet, peaceful, and cozy.

This all feels like home.

I inhaled a little more of that calm fresh air and walked back to my chambers.

Through my way there, I crossed paths with Draco and his minions. The two boys behind him touched his arm to make him look at me, but when his eyes landed on me, there was a flash of respect, fear, and at the same time rage in them. He was taught to hate people like me, but now that he knew what I'm capable of, he feared me. And after knowing what I'm capable of, but also knowing that I wouldn't use that against him, he respected me.

That's why he nodded his head as he passed by me and continued walking, ignoring his friends' funny remarks.

I took a long and relaxing bath, closing my eyes. For a moment I even fell asleep. The warm water was too comfortable and I couldn't help but give in. When I woke up again, I jumped out of the bathtub because it was almost time to patrol with Severus. I searched my drawers and took a comfortable tracksuit and put on some snickers. I rushed to the bathroom to brush and dry my hair, but a knock on my door stopped me.

I opened the door. It was Severus.

"I'm sorry, I fell asleep. I just need to brush my hair. "

Severus didn't say anything, but took his wand on his hand and waved it.

"There. Done."

I just felt a small breeze hovering me and suddenly my hair became dry and soft. I rushed to a mirror nearby and gasped. He dried my hair! And it was so straightened as I've never seen in my life.

"Wow, you can do that?" I whispered in shock. "Tath's so handy!"

"Don't get used to it," he simply said, trying to hide the amusement on his voice.

"Killjoy," I picked up a red apple from the fruit bowl and got out of my chambers. Severus followed me and closed the door behind him.

He passed by me and guided me through the corridors, always with his wand in his hand. I ate my sweet apple in silence, as I noticed how different Hogwarts seems at night, now that I know how rushed it is during school time.

I looked through a window and stopped. It was a full moon tonight, and it seemed like the moon was shining even more in Hogwarts' sky. Maybe it's part of the magic, but it's more beautiful from there.

"Aw, full-moon tonight. Awful event for some people with unique conditions," I heard Severus saying just behind me. His voice had a pinch of sultriness in it, enough to make me shiver.

"What do you mean unique conditions... Like, werewolves and stuff?" I asked in a playful manner, shaking the thoughts about his voice away.

"Exactly."

I turned around with a smirk on my lips, thinking that he was mocking me. But when I saw the neutral expression on his face, I widened my eyes. Then, I noticed how close his body was to mine, and how I could even feel his high body temperature. I gulped and turned around immediately, looking out of the window.

Severus noticed my reaction, as he noticed our closeness. He didn't even realize that he was too close to me like that. Not that it bothers him, lately, being close to me is where he felt more comfortable. But clearly, I was affected by it.

I tried to shake away those strange feelings.

"Really? Werewolves? God... is everything for real in this world?" I whispered.

"You know someone under that condition," he said after a few moments of silence. Then, he moved to my side and leaned against the window, his elbows supported on the window's frame. "Remus Lupin."

"Remus??? How??? I -- I never knew."

"No one ever did, besides his friends. And a few years back it became... of common knowledge," He studied his own hands as if he was telling something awkward.

"Is being a werewolf that bad?"

"They are usually treated with fear and disgust. People think that even in human form, people with that condition pose a danger to the others."

"That's so stupid. I never even noticed that Remus is a werewolf. He is the most peaceful person I know."

Severus rolled his eyes and walked away from the window. I followed him.

"What did I say now?" I asked.

"Remus is still one of the most despicable men I've known. He and his band are repugnant and I hate when they are not treated as the scum they are."

"That's so stupid of you to say it that way. What have they done to you to make you despise them so much?"

"It is none of your business!" He almost yelled and I stopped walking.

I know he hates Sirius for how bad they treated them in school. Sirius is still sometimes childish and doesn't know how to act like a grown-up when he needs to. But Remus has always been calm and respectful to everyone, even to Severus. For what I've seen in Severs' memories some time ago, Remus was part of the Marauders but was the one that always ran from the bullying they did to Severus. He even tried to stop them most of the times. But the years have passed and I cannot understand why he feels so much hatred for them.

Severus noticed how offended I seemed by his outburst. So he stopped walking to and turned to me.

"Remus is different from the others, I am aware of that. And the reason why his life is so miserable right now is because I was the one that told about him being a werewolf, alright? I am not proud of that, but I did what I did. Besides, if anyone had found out about his condition, Hogwarts would be questioned, and none of us can afford that to happen. He has a job and a woman in his life. And I wish him a good life. But don't tell me that I shouldn't hold a grudge against them, because that ain't going to happen."

He turned around and continued walking without looking back.

I followed him slowly and in utter silence, thinking about what he told me.

After a few minutes of walking, he couldn't stop his stubborn mind.

"I apologize for yelling at you. It is not your fault."

"Alright..." I muttered.

"I mean it," he said, slowing down his pace so that I could walk on his side.

"Alright," I said again.

Severus sighed but didn't talk anymore. He walked out of the castle, into the night.

The night was dark and scary, but our path was illuminated by the moonlight.

In the middle of that peaceful darkness, I couldn't feel anything but fear. Fear of the future.

There's this great wizard coming to power and he has as his life mission to release hell upon us, the ministry of magic is forcing everyone to believe that he is not back and there's nothing to worry about. Nothing is being done to stop him, besides what the Order of Phoenix is doing. And what is my role in all of this? What have I done to help, besides training, and occupying Severus' precious time?

If Voldemort attacked us right there, I would certainly die. Not because Severus can't defend me, but because I have no idea how to defend myself. Sure, I can use my powers, as I've done before, but I never used them to protect myself from Voldemort himself. That's a whole new level that I know I am not prepared for.

I opened my mouth and whispered my fears. Severus heard them in silence, nodding his head in the end.

"Tell me, Severus -- and please, be honest to me -- am I really that useful for you? Lately, I did nothing but training, I never really helped you with anything too important. I have lots of powers that I'm learning about and I have no idea of how to use them to your cause. I ain't done nothing for you."

"Nonsense! You're helping more than you think, Ana," Severus stopped walking and grabbed my shoulders. I looked him in the eyes, surprised, but as I felt my cheeks burning, I looked down.

"I can't see how," I whisperedand felt Severus index finger pulling my head up by my chin.

"Everything you dream about, everything you see in your visions had already resulted in leads that Albus is following at the moment," Severus admitted, trying not to give me too much information.

"Really? I'm glad to hear that... It's really motivating," I whispered relieved.

Severus watched me relax and furrowed his brows at that behavior.

"Were you unmotivated?"

"I... uh -- I'm scared," I admitted.

"Of what?"

I looked around, trying to find a way to run away from that questioning, but there was nothing to save me, so I had to tell him the truth.

"I don't know how to do magic with a wand, I don't know spells, nor potions. If someone comes and hurts me, I don't know how do defend myself."

"Who would want to hurt you?" Severus asked, trying to hide his concern.

"I don't know -- it's stupid, forget it."

I sighed, turning around to walk away, but Severus grabbed my wrist and let it go almost immediately. _Did he felt it? That electricity running through my skin as he touched me?_ I furrowed my brows and stared at my wrist.

"Talk... to... me..." he whispered slowly.

"It's just this feeling that I've been having... Like something will happen... I don't know how to explain it. I feel in danger, lost, I don't know..."

Severus studied my expression and he saw how freaked out I was. He also noticed how good I was becoming in hiding those feelings from everyone and, for a moment, he thought that he was a bad influence. Hiding feelings is his specialty, and it is never good, nor he wanted me to do the same.

His expression became softer and we started walking again through the forest. It's forbidden, but not for us.

"That is our next step in our training sessions. Use your abilities to defend yourself -- to know what's the next decision of your opponent, what are their next movements and which spells will they use. You can also control things around you to defend yourself."

My eyes landed on the ivy covering two trees, filled with beautiful purple flowers, and my ingenious and mischievous mind immediately gave me ideas.

"Defend myself like what? Like this?"

Suddenly, Severus neutral face faded away and a startled expression appeared, as soon as he felt something grabbing his feet, going up around his legs,  crawling on top of his clothes, pulling him back to the tree behind him.

The ivy was curling around his body and gripping him completely, immobilizing his legs and hands. Only Severus's head was free to move.

"What are you doing???" He growled and I started laughing.

"You wanted me to train my defense and my attack," I pointed at the plant around his body. "This is what I've been practicing. I can't defend myself, but..." I focused and the Ivy let go of him completely. His aggressive face disappeared and he was just observing me as I kneeled to pick up the wand that he let fall on the floor. "I can use things to do that for me."

Severus didn't answer or move. I smiled at his reaction, grabbed his hand, put the wand on his palm and closed his hand.

Then, I turned around, making my hair bounce behind me and walked away.

"I think I'm going to sleep. Would you escort me?"

He did nothing but nod and walk silently by my side.


	24. Chapter 24

"Did you called me, Albus?" I asked, entering his office. 

Argo Filch, the caretaker of Hogwarts knocked on my door moments ago, telling me that the headmaster required my presence. 

Albus was there, as Severus and Minerva. They looked worried but tried to hide it from me. I narrowed my eyes for a brief moment at Severus' grave expression but continued my way to give Albus a kiss on his cheek.

He smiled warmly at me.

"Yes, I did. There are a few things that I need to talk to you about. Sit, please."

Something was off, and I knew it. I could feel it.

"As you are aware, we have the Ministry of Magic trying to take over Hogwarts. I fear that they might try to push me away from here. I presume they will achieve it somehow, and I might have to disappear for some time. Severus and Minerva have orders to take care of you if we come to that point."

"That is so unfair," I stated.

Albus nodded.

"Life is unfair. But we cannot run from our destiny," he looked over to Severus and looked at me again. "All that matters to me, is your safety, Ana. So you must follow Minerva's and Severus' orders, no matter what. Can you do that, for me?"

I nodded my head and he smiled. 

"Good," he clapped his hands. "Now, there is another matter to talk about. It's concerning your training."

"What is it?"

"I've been thinking. You have seen the ghosts, right? Sir Nicholas of Mimsy-Porpington, for example."

"Yeah. Nearly Headless Nick," I said, making Albus laugh.

"Exactly, I've seen you have been interacting with the students. Well -- The other day, I found myself daydreaming about how your powers would work on them. I mean, they are not alive, nor are objects."

I thought about it for a moment, and he was right. It would be interesting to know how my powers would work on them.

"I never thought about that. I can try."

I heard Severus huff, and Albus glanced over him and back at me.

"Good, you do that and tell me how it worked out for you. Minerva," he said suddenly. "Would you accompany me? I need to have a little chat with you regarding other matters."

She followed Albus out of the office and suddenly only I and Severus were left in that huge room. I sensed that Severus was bothered with something, so I turned around in my chair and looked at him. He was eyeing me warily.

I got up and walked to him.

"Why are you looking at me that way?"

"You should have refused," he stated in a pissed off tone that took me by surprise. I narrowed my eyes at him in confusion and he sighed. "It is dangerous. Those ghosts have lived for hundreds or thousands of years. They have seen good and terrible things. Some of them had horrible faiths that culminated in their deaths. I fear that you might see things that will not allow you to sleep properly at night."

"Severus, I've seen and heard horrible things before."

"This time is different," he said, diverting his eyes from mine. 

I noticed how uncomfortable he was with my stare. It looked like he was not sure of himself when our eyes stayed glued to each other for too long. And when it becomes unbearable to Severus, he needs to look away. Away to anywhere but me.

I studied his posture for a while and whispered.

"You don't need to worry about me."

And all that I heard him saying before storming out of Albus' office was _It is too late for that now._

 

***

 

Even though Severus wasn't happy with Albus' proposition, he made sure he scheduled a training session on the weekend for me to try. He even talked with Sir Nicholas to help me with my training, since he was the one I was more comfortable with and Saturday after lunch, we met at the Great Hall.

"Good evening, my lady," Sir Nicholas showed up, taking his head off as if he was taking his hat to greet a lady. I laughed at his move.

"Good evening, Sir Nicholas."

"Please, call me Nick. We've been through that," he said in a playful manner with his strong British accent.

"You do know you are thousands of years older than me, don't you? I should hold respect for you," I joked.

Severus cleared his throat, clearly annoying with the fact that even a ghost was head over heels with his apprentice. He waved his wand in the air and the candlelights suddenly disappeared, leaving us in a dim Great Hall. It was almost scary.

I stared at Severus with furrowed brows, and all I heard from Sir Nicholas was a mutter _interesting_.

Severus turned to me and I shivered. The little light that came through the windows was enough to make me see how immaculate he looked. It was intimidating, really. His dark robes, crawling behind him through the floor, his raven-hair shinning at the moonlight reflecting in his hair, and his dark eyes staring at me from above.

"You know what to do."

That was all he said.

I turned around and faced the floating ghost. He smirked at me and flew quickly in the air until he came down to my eye level. 

"How do we do this?" Sir Nicholas asked.

"You stay put and I'll focus. There's no need to do anything."

I stopped talking and stared right into the ghosts' eyes. Eyes? Does he even have eyes? This is so confusing to me. He is a ghost... Like, a real ghost. A cool ghost, but still, a ghost. Entering his mind it's slightly different from a living being. He is not really there, but he still exists. There's no brain, no mind, but there are memories attached to him. 

At first, it was all foggy. All messed up. 

Lots and lots of flashes ran my mind. It's normal, I guess. He did live for thousands of years. There's a lot to search.

I tried to go back to the early periods of his life. I mean, before he died.

There was a woman. A blonde, with curly hair woman. She was beautiful. And there was a child in her womb.  It's Sir Nicholas' wife. Catherine, that's her name. 

I saw how he wooed her before asking her to marry him. They were young and so in love. 

They grew up together. He loved her since the first time he laid eyes on her. And she loved him too. But her father didn't give them his blessing. He died earlier in battle and they were finally able to be together. She got pregnant.

It was a young little girl. And she went to Hogwarts too.

I watched the next images through Sir Nicholas' eyes. 

He met Lady Grieve that day. She insisted that he could straighten her crooked teeth, with a teet-straightening spell, but apparently, it backfired and she grew a tusk instead. For some reason, he was arrested immediately.

The next morning, he got up from his prison cell when the guards dragged him out of the bed. He kept screaming for help, but they dragged him to an empty room, only a masked man, a round tree trunk and an axe could be seen. I wanted to run from that vision because I knew what I was seeing: his death. But I wasn't in control anymore, I was forced to watch from his eyes as the masked man, took the blunt axe in his two hands, swing it in the air and let it fall on Sir Nicholas' neck, my neck.

I felt it all: the pain, the tears, the blood going up through my throat and coming out through my mouth. I felt how it burned in my neck. How my mind was slowly fading away. But still, I was able to feel the whole forty-five hits of the blade ripping up my skin **.**

I started screaming the louder I could, but I couldn't hear any noise. I couldn't scream. I had no voice, no feelings, nothing. It was more painful and scary than being beheaded.

Severus watched in panic as I fell on the floor, pale as if all my blood ran away from my body. I was shaking and screaming so loud that I would certainly be hoarse or voiceless after this.

"Ana," he shook my shoulders.

Sir Nicholas approached us, fear brimming his eyes. 

"Ana, wake up. Come back!" Severus' voice showed how scared he was for me. He knew there were so many things that could go wrong when Albus proposed this training. He cursed Albus for asking this much from me and cursed himself for allowing. 

Severus wanted to protect me now more than ever. And as he was impotent, watching me squirm on the floor, he was desperate.

The visions I had from Sir Nicholas' life were over, but it seems liked it unlocked some kind of door to the after-life level, where I could feel, hear, and see every death creatures in the school. I saw The Grey Lady from Ravenclaw's house and how she was stabbed in her chest. I saw The Bloody Baron from Slytherin house, murdered of Helena, the Grey Lady, and how he stabbed himself with the same weapon he used on her. There were many others in that school, but those were the ones that stood out the most.

Suddenly, everything became quiet and calm. 

I heard a faint whisper that felt familiar.

Severus.

He was calling out my name.

I even felt his touch on my cheek. I felt how warm his touch was and how I was enjoying more than ever.

Severus was stroking my cheek, trying to wake me up. I heard him whisper, but, in fact, he was screaming my name.

Then, I felt two arms snake around me and I was in someone's embrace. I was being carried.

I forced my eyes to open, but they didn't want to obey. 

I forced them again. And again. Until I was able to blink even if just slightly.

Severus noticed my eyes flickering. Then, after a few moments, he saw the dark color of them, trying hard to stay open and glued to his face. He gulped and called my name more gently. He intended to take me to Madam Pomfrey since I wasn't responding to his callings. But since I opened my eyes, he thought it was better if he took care of me himself.

Only a few people are allowed in his chambers. But none of them is allowed in his bedroom. His personal space.

He didn't care though. All he cared about was making me as comfortable as he was able. So, he opened his bedroom door, approached his bed and slowly put me down on his mattress. His bed smelt good, like him. The mattress felt like I was floating in a pile of feathers. And I never felt so safe like I was feeling at that moment. As soon as my body touched his silky sheets, I was thrown away to deep sleep, as I felt my eyelids heavy and tired.

Severus stood there motionless.

He just stood there, watching me turn around in his bed and sigh in pure bliss before drifting away from that world.

After a moment of realizing what I meant for him, he turned around, cursing himself for everything he was feeling at the moment.

 

*** **  
**

I started opening my eyes slowly, not acknowledging I was in a stranger's bed. I stretched up and yawned, feeling well-rested for once. Then, once I opened my eyes, I furrowed my brows and jumped alarmed.

Not remembering immediately what happened before I fainted, I examined the black and grey bedroom around me but immediately perceived where I was: Severus' chambers. There were potions and books everywhere, but the room was strangely tidy and clean. You would thought his chambers would look like a chamber, dusty and dirty, but it was actually the contrary. And his white sheets? The softest I've ever slept in.

"Severus," I called his name in a soft manner and searched for him through his headquarter. He wasn't there. I looked in the kitchen, living room and even in the bathroom. I was alone.

There was a door though that got me curious. It wasn't closed, but it was dark, with no windows. I'm a noisy little brat, so of course, I explored that room.

It was like some kind of personal storage. There were vials and smelly ingredients there, along with unique items that made grin of how peculiar they were. I knew better than to touch anything, so I kept my hands behind my back, trying to resist the temptation.

However, there was a particular element that caught my full attention. There was a table at the other end of the small storage room where there was only one object: a flower, inside a big glass vessel - _much like The Beauty and The Beast._ The flower looked like a Lotus Flower, white and light pink, and yellow in the middle. It was probably the most beautiful plant I've ever seen in my life.

But once I approached it, something happened. She started glowing. And I widened my eyes for how amazing it was. Then, I jumped back scared as the silence was crashed by Severus' voice.

"That's a _Nelumbo nucifera,_ or Lotus Flower as you prefer. But this one is slightly unconventional. It has very powerful traits." He approached me and I was scared that he might get mad because of my inopportune curiosity. But he wasn't. I think he actually started enjoying having me around, even if I'm too vexatious sometimes and make jokes in the most improper moments.

"I didn't touch anything, I swear!" I threw my hands in the air in defeat but he passed by me and approached the flower. Then, he took her out of the glass and brought her closer to me. She started glowing even more.

"It only glows when true powerful beings are nearby. If there were any doubts about your capabilities, you have them answered now." He looked at me as I stared astonished at the flower. "It has also healing properties and its tea can make you double your powers."

He started putting it back to its place and the glow started fading away as I walked closer to the door.

"I'm trying to reproduce it since there are very few in the world." He sighed before closing the vessel tight. "It might be useful if we get to the point of having a war."

There was a brief moment of silence where I could see a mix of emotions going through his mind, as he remembered everything that happened years ago, the sacrifices he has to do to keep us on the winning side and fearing what might be the upcoming future.

"Are you afraid?" I asked.

He looked at me with a sad smile.

"I would be lying if I told I am not. Not that I am not afraid of dying. That is not the most important thing."

"So, what are you afraid of?" I insisted.

"Around me, I see people happy, with families, friends and a life. They have everything to lose."

I furrowed my brows at him and watching him gulping and his melancholic expression I approached him.

"You have all of that too. You're just not paying attention to it." Severus muffled a sad laugh and diverted his eyes to the floor. I was closer to him now, in an attempt to look him in the eyes and touch his heart with my words. "If I think as you do, then I have nobody too."

"Everyone loves you, Ana." He sighed. "Me? Not so much."

I puffed and crossed my arms.

"I didn't see you as a person that gave a shit about what other people think." He looked at me with an almost offended look.

"I am not."

"Yeah, I'm going to pretend that I believe in you." He lifted a brow at me with his severe expression back. "Everyone needs someone. Even lonely bats like you."

His expression melted - despite the free insult - and he swallowed hard again. Another moment of silence fell upon us, as none of us knew what to say. My hand slowly moved to his arm, in a comforting manner, caressing it slowly until I reached for his cheek. I brushed it for a while, observing as a caring gaze was appearing on his eyes.

He wasn't used to having someone that cared about him as I did, let alone talk to him the way I was talking. He was confused and overwhelmed at the same time, but he hasn't felt that way in a long, long time. It felt amazingly good. But his heart skipped a beat with my next words.

"You don't have anyone in this world. I don't have anyone in this world. But... at least -- we have each other."

That was it. That inner battle inside his heart was a turmoil that he was no longer able to conceal, nor restraint. That urge to pull me to his arms and finally give in to the feelings and thoughts he has been fighting. What was holding him back? Not Lily, for sure, he couldn't feel bad for having those feelings towards someone else because his love for her was never even slightly reciprocated. Probably he was so used to being alone and closed to anyone who tried to get in, that he didn't know how to actually be human. Probably he needed to learn how to live again. The thing is: he was afraid that it might be too late for that now.

He closed his eyes, taking in the way my hand felt on his cheek. The warmth from my touch. The softness of my skin. I couldn't help but feel goosebumps all over my skin, as I watched an overwhelmed Severus enjoying my caress. I wished so badly to be in that moment forever. How I started feeling like that way when it comes to Severus, I have no idea. But I felt it. I felt that thing that I remember Molly telling me months and months ago about love. That I would know what it is once I feel it.

Well, now I know.


	25. Chapter 25

Dolores Umbridge is the most despicable woman that I've ever met. Her pinkish obsession makes me cringe every time I lay my eyes on her.

I heard what the students have been talking about her, and how she's ruining the Defense Against the Dark Arts class. She's not teaching, she's just censuring anything the students might learn and that they could use against her and the Ministry. They would never do that - obviously -, but if someone tries to harm them, they should be able to defend themselves. Voldemort is not the only bad guy out there. There are several people in the world that would try to hurt anyone just by breathing next to them. **  
**

When I was arriving at Hogwarts after my internship shift of the day, I saw a kid crying alone in the corridor. He was from the 1st or 2nd year from what it looked like.

He had light-colored hair, and his face was red, as his teary eyes.

It broke my heart to see him like that. So I approached him and kneeled in front of him.

"Hey... What happened?"

The poor kid raised his head and looked me in the eyes, surprised to see me talking at him. He had heard about me and about my abilities. He was curious and, at the same time, he was scared. But when he saw my friendly smile, he relaxed and set aside all his worries regarding my presence in Hogwarts. And even though he felt anything but a serene vibe around me, he didn't want to share too much about him, fearing that I might think he is weak and petty.

"Nothing," he said, wiping his tears away.

"If it was nothing, you wouldn't be crying, would you now? Tell me what happened," I insisted.

"It's my fault, really... I -- I shouldn't have let the bottle of water fall on the floor..." He wiped his face again and I saw that his right hand was red and bloody. He was hurt. There were cuts there. Letters. Phrases.

"Who did this to you?" I grabbed his hand to analyze it.

"She made me write it down with a special pen... She made me write on a paper, one hundred times, that I should be more careful next time," he sobbed, pulling his hand away.

"Someone punished you for letting a bottle of water fall on the floor?" I asked slightly doubtful but shocked at the same time.

The little boy nodded.

"Who did it?"

He didn't answer. He just looked down.

"I'm here to help you, kid. Who did this to you? Hogwarts is a weird place, but I'm sure inflicting physical pain on the students is not tolerated here or anywhere. Who was it?"

"Umbridge," he admitted, running away from me in an instant as he saw my red boiling with rage.

I stood there, kneeling in the same place, staring at the empty seat.

Dolores was hurting kids, punishing them by making cuts in their hands. Who the hell she thinks she is? If the parents knew, she's a dead woman! If I was the mother of this kid, she would be so fucked. 

Someone should do something about this.

My first thought was Albus, but he disappeared two weeks ago. Severus didn't tell me what he was doing, but I knew it was something related to Voldemort. So, my second thought was to Severus.

Before I knew it, I was knocking on the door of his classroom impatiently.

I entered the room almost immediately, and Severus looked at me with his mouth opened. He was shocked by my solecism, but he was sure I had a good reason for it.

I told him what I saw in the corridor. I told him how the kid was sobbing alone and how his hands had deep cuts, bloody and puffy. **  
**

"It is not my position to deal with that matter," Severus said, ignoring my worry. "Hogwarts applies punishment to anyone who misbehaves or goes against the rules." **  
**

"Severus, they are kids! They're supposed to fuck up and, obviously be punished for it, but not physically hurt like that! That's -- inhuman!"

"They have parents to take care of those matters." He didn't even look at me and it was pissing me off even more. His cauldrons automatically started boiling with no explanation and he finally looked at me, noticing how furious I was getting. He leaned back in his chair, trying his best to remain calm and don't trigger any emotion in me that might cause his potions to explode.

"How can you be like this? So insensitive? It looks like you have an ice stone in the place of your heart," I said with so much hatred towards the man in front of me, and he rolled his eyes at the words.

"Yes, yes. I'm an insensitive old bat, that has no interest in annoying kids that don't even know how to stand up for themselves. I am what I am, Ana," he said with an infuriatingly calm tone.

"I can't believe in you right now!" I stormed out of his office and slammed the door behind me. 

He can't be like everyone else paints him to be. He can't. I've seen things about him that no one is even aware of. I know the good heart Severus has, but he tries to hide it from everyone. But sometimes he can really live up to what people think about him, and show no emotions, let alone any humanity. It makes me furious to know that he is not that way and that he tries to hide his true self from everyone, including me.

And the kid? The poor kid that let a fucking bottle of water fall on the floor was hurt by that horrendous woman. This isn't right! Someone has to do something!

And if Severus doesn't do anything, I will.

I turned around and burst the Potions' classroom door open.  I am not going to give up this easily, and if he wants me out of trouble, he has to do something.

"Bullshit. You're full of bullshit!" Severus was still in the same place I left him, and he was looking down, his hands supporting the weight of his body while he leaned against the table. He lifted his head to me in confusion. "That's not the way you are. I've seen it. Why do you hide it, Severus? Why do you hide your true self?"

"The world doesn't need to see who I a --"

"I don't care about the world! I'm talking about me!" Severus seemed taken aback by my explosion. He wasn't understanding what I was trying to say to him, but he knew his conversation was about to get deeper and personal. He has been fighting this for too long, maybe it's time for him to open up. "You don't need to pretend when you're with me. You don't need to pretend that you don't care, because I know you do. Probably, too much even. Stop hiding yourself and your feelings!"

Severus didn't move. His face had a mix of emotions, though. Clearly, Severus was shocked by my way with words, but at the same time, he couldn't find a way to put back his rude endeavor. And while his eyes were locked on mine, there was nothing he could do to stop the knot in his stomach or the racing beat of his heart. 

At that moment, at that vulnerable moment, he realized how useless was his fight against what he was feeling.

"I'll -- " he cleared his throat to make it sound stronger. "-- see what I can do to make sure there's no more physical punishment to the students. It is against the rules of this school."

"Good!" I growled, frustrated by his answer. "Good!"

Then, I left him in his classroom alone with his own thoughts.

 

*** 

 

The next months were hard.

The school was getting worse, heavily controlled by the Ministry of Magic, and the students were sadder than ever. I heard them complaining even more about DADA, how they weren't able to defend themselves in case something happens. They were all planning something, like learning everything by themselves. I tried to persuade them to forget it, but they didn't listen. They went on with their idea anyway.

It's good though. It's good to see them fight for what they believe.

Meanwhile, I've seen Albus fewer and fewer times. He returned two weeks after disappearing and assured me that everything was alright and he was just doing Order's work. He said that Dolores' presence wasn't bad at all, meaning that the Ministry was focused in the School and that leaves him time to work outside.

Severus was true to his words.

Physical punishments were forbidden and would stay that way. I warned Severus, though, that if I hear any more complaints from anyone in that school, I'd solve the matters with my own two hands. He called me insane, and I shut him by telling him that he wouldn't want to see me in my insane state.

When my exams were over, Severus and I resumed our training. But something was different. He was acting strange. I mean, stranger. He spoke shortly and couldn't look me in the eyes. It was making me paranoid when I thought about the reason for his behavior, and it seemed like I couldn't think about anything else, even when I shouldn't be distracted.

"Hey, are you there?" I heard Harry talk, waving his hand in the air in front of my eyes.

I was leaning against the corridor's walls, waiting for Severus to come out of his chambers. We were having a training session that evening.

"Yes, I'm sorry. I was lost in my thoughts."

"I can see that," Harry mocked me. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, I was just thinking about my training." I glanced over the chamber's door of the Potions' Teacher, wondering what was taking Severus so long.

"How are they going, by the way?"

"Uh - fine, I guess. I've been developing skills that I didn't even know they were possible."

Harry smiled.

"If you need any help, or someone to train on, I'm more than willing to help you."

I turned to him and smiled. 

"Thank you, but it won't be necessary. I do--"

"It might be a good idea," both of us jumped back, startled when we heard Severus' rough voice behind us. I didn't even felt him walking behind us, how was the man able to sneak on us like that? "I am impressed that a fool's mind like yours can come up with good ideas. Volunteering yourself might be the best thing you have done your whole miserable life."

"Hey! Can you stop?" I scolded Severus and he turned around, walking away.

I looked at Harry and it surprised me to see him with a calm and neutral facial expression. He just shrugged and we started following Severus to the place where we were training. 

I told Harry to wait behind us, and I rushed to Severus' side.

I muttered in a low tone that only he could hear.

"Why do we need Harry?"

"It is time for you to try to control other people."

I gasped at his statement.

"No. Absolutely not! Are you out of your goddamned mind???"

This made him halt his pace and stare at me with his eyes filled with rage. He's not used to being talked back, but he should be used to me right now. I don't stay quiet when I don't agree or don't like something.

"You're putting him in danger, for nothing!"

"I am your mentor, and I say that it is time to control other people. Harry offered himself, end of story!"

"No way I'm going to do this. You have no respect, nor any disregard for other people, especially for Harry. That's enough! You have no idea how important Harry is and should be more careful with the way you treat him!"

I was screaming so loud, that my throat hurt.

"You have no idea what you are talking about," Severus said in a low tone, taken aback with my outburst.

"I know much more than you wanted me to. And I also know more than you do." I quickly answered him, watching as his face turned red with rage. He approached me and opened his mouth to yell, but Harry spoke louder than any of us.

"ENOUGH!" He screamed, making us both widen our eyes at him. 

"Neither of you can tell me what I can or cannot do. I have my own free will and I can decide if I want to volunteer for something so dangerous and difficult." He turned to me and grabbed my shoulders. "I want to help. They won't let me help them in any other way, so, at least let me help you. Severus will be there with us and, despite everything, he's a good wizard and won't let anything bad happen to me, nor to you. "

I calmed down immediately, knowing that Harry was ok with it. I just nodded my head and smiled at him. Harry let go of my shoulders, happy with the outcome.

I turned to Severus and narrowed my eyes at him, poking his chest with my index finger.

"If I hurt Harry or anything bad happens because of this, you'll be the next to have a taste of it, mark my words."

Without giving him any time to reply, I turned around and walked away, in the direction of Potions' classroom. It should be empty, so I thought we would be safer there. Harry and Severus walked side by side, in utter silence. Harry was surprised by the way I talked at Severus and Severus was surprised by my boldness. It bothers him deeply that my words have such a strong effect on him.

We reached our destination and I turned around to face Harry, not even glancing at Severus.

"Are you sure of this?" I asked again.

Harry nodded his head.

"Ok, I'll need to enter your mind, see memories or feel whatever you felt. Is that alright?"

"Yeah --" He looked down. "Everything that I went through is common knowledge, so..."

I felt a sting in my heart when I looked at his sad green eyes. I cursed Severus for what he made me do, and I made sure that I glanced at him for a moment with the maddest face I could so that he knew that I was mad at him.

I wouldn't forget this. He was going to pay for it, I'll make sure.

I nodded my head at Harry and stared at him in silence, analyzing his eyes.

Harry furrowed his brows when he felt something warm in the back of his head. Severus' has been teaching him how to defend his mind from Legilimens' powers of Voldemort and to avoid the Dark wizard to control it and use it against him. So, he knew what the feeling of being invaded through his mind felt like. It was totally different from what I was doing, though.

There was no malicious intent on my part. He knew that. He could feel it. And the burning sensation wasn't bad at all.

Severus stood there, watching us and studying everything that I did and Harry's reactions.

Not even a fly could be heard in that classroom.

Then, I imagined there was a visible flow of energy between Harry and me, something glowing and warm. I wanted to picture something peaceful, that allowed me to relax my mind and all the muscles of my body, as my sense of self floated through that flow of energy. The energy hovered us and was being absorbed by Harry himself, first through his head, and then roamed every inch of his body.

I was sure that no one around me was able to see it the way I saw it, but it was beautiful to watch. It was like an aura.

Every piece of skin that the energy touched connected itself to me. I looked at my hands and imagined that I could play with that flow with them. So, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and looked at Harry completely focused and involved at the moment.

I smiled when I started moving my hands and he narrowed his eyes when his hands made an involuntary movement. The slight movement turned into something more visible to me and Severus.

I made him clap his hands.

And he did it.

I widened my eyes and tried again.

And he did it again.

I gasped and made him walk. He walked over to Severus' desk. Then I made him jump, and he jumped.

"It's working!" Harry said with an excited but scared tone at the same time. He didn't believe 100% that I would be able to do it for the first time. I was surprising him too much.

"No way!" I whispered, making him walk to Severus' desk and mess up the pages in there.

"Hey! What do you think you are doing?" He asked furiously, glaring at Harry.

"It's not his fault," I giggled. "Don't be mad, Severus. This is a great achievement! Look!"

Then, I made Harry walk over Severus, open his arms and embrace him in a hug. Harry was terrifyingly embarrassed, and Severus was appalled by my behavior. He jumped back when felt Harry's arms around him. I was laughing so hard that my belly was hurting. Another idea came to my mind, and I made Harry climb to a table and dance. It was funny to watch for me; Harry was laughing so hard inside, but kept a neutral expression; Severus was in pure shock. But I said he was going to pay for making Harry my Guinea pig without asking me if I was ok with it and without informing Harry about the dangers of what he intended to train.

"Stop with this nonsense!" Severus yelled.

"You're the one who wanted him to be my lab rat. Now, deal with it!" I said with an angry expression.

Eventually, I made Harry come down from the table and stopped controlling him. He was flushed and embarrassed, but when he saw the way I was laughing, he couldn't help but smirk.

When playtime was over, I controlled him again and tried to make do some spells. I tried the basic ones, like make things fly. That was harder and we spent a couple of hours training it. Basically, I discovered that I didn't need to know the spells, the movements, or anything. I just needed to think about what I wanted the result to be, and Harry's mind would do the rest for me.

I must say that it is the weirdest thing I've done in my life, but also the coolest. 

Even though Severus was shocked with me, and certainly would have a conversation later alone with me because of my behavior, he did felt proud. More than proud. He felt happy by my achievements, proud not only of what I'm able to do but also proud of me and the woman I was becoming. The woman that has been awakening something in him. And even though he is a jackass that shows no emotions towards anyone, but me, I couldn't help but feel a knot in my stomach whenever our eyes met during the training session. I wondered if he felt that electricity too.

 

Resuming everything I've found out about me this past couple of months:

_\- I can see the Past, the Present, and the Future;_

_\- I can read minds;_

_\- I can project my soul;_

_\- I can control objects;_

_\- I can control people;_

_\- I'm in love with my mentor._

Pretty cool, uh?

 

 

 


	26. Chapter 26

My heart was tight. There was a drop of sweat falling from my forehead into the mattress. My eyes were closed but the tears just kept on strolling. My hands were gripping the sheets under me as the images -- horrible images -- played inside my head. My nightmares. My gruesome nightmares had returned to haunt my nights of sleep.

In my head, I saw my parents. I saw them talking to the man I've been training to defeat - or help defeat. They were making an agreement with Voldemort. They were younger, much younger. Like they were in their 20's. My mother was a gorgeous woman with curly brown hair. My father had his short blonde hair properly combed to one side. They were dressed up in old, but fashionable clothes. And they were wearing great smiles on their faces.

They were having some kind of conversation. Something casual.

Voldemort wasn't the awful creature I've seen. He was a normal human being. Normal but no less evil.

I couldn't see more, because the nightmare changed and I saw them how they are now. Older, darker and more resentful. No smiles on their lips. My mother was screaming, and my father was bleeding through his mouth.

There was pain. Lots of pain.

And I felt it all.

I knew it was a mix of a glimpse of the past and my own imagination. By now, I was able to tell the difference. But it wasn't less terrifying to watch people you care about being tortured or killed. I feel impotent, powerless. There's nothing I can do about it other than wait for it to end and wake up.

The last few weeks have been playing like that.

When I had enough because I wasn't able to sleep properly, I went to my mentor to ask for something to rest. Or maybe I just needed his comfort.

I knocked on his door early in the morning, almost in an urgent rhythm.

His movements could be heard through that thick steel door that resembled a dungeon's door. When it swung open, his offended expression ready to shout at whoever was disturbing his (supposed) relaxed Saturday morning dissolved into a worried one as he noticed my deep dark circles and my puffy eyes. My skin as pale - paler than usual - and he saw the tiredness in my posture, in my abased and lowered shoulders.

Severus didn't pronounce a word, though. He just stepped aside to allow me to enter his private space. With a hand carefully placed on my shoulder, he guided me to his couch, gesturing to sit. I complied without a word coming out of my sealed lips.

"Can you help me?" I whispered very faintly which made his heart twist inside his chest.

"What do you need?"

"Sleep," I answered honestly.

Severus nodded his head and got up from the couch. He disappeared in his kitchen and I heard him rushing whatever he was doing. I remained quiet and sat on his couch, my eyes never leaving the floor.

Not five minutes later, Severus was back with a steaming mug on his hand. He gave it to me, carefully putting it in my cold hands.

"It will help you sleep," he said as he gestured me to drink it.

I did as he told me, feeling slightly better almost instantly. The warmth of the beverage was comfortable enough to make me relax a little. My back leaned against his couch and I sighed.

"The nightmares returned and... I've been seeing horrible things. I can't sleep. I can't have a proper rest. My -- my bedroom feels unsafe to me and I can't close my eyes without fearing that... someone will be there when I wake up and..."

I wasn't able to finish the sentence as I felt a need to cry. I didn't, though. I gulped and closed my eyes.

Severus watched me silently. It pains him to see me that way. Not only because of the way he feels towards me but also because he was supposed to mentor me and to protect me. He promised that to his friend Albus.

He turned around on the couch, picked a pillow from the side and placed it on his lap. Then, he took the empty mug from my hand, grabbed my shoulders and pulled me down to lay my head on his lap. He covered me with a soft and warm blanket he had on the back of the couch and stroked my hair so gently that I felt my body shiver under his touch.

I didn't fight it, I didn't even ask him what was he doing. I just did as he wanted me to do and relaxed.

"Tell me about the last nightmare you had," he said, ready to be a good listener and a good  _friend_. Not because that's what he is supposed to do, but because he wanted to.

My mouth started moving by itself, explaining every little scene that unrolled inside my head. Every pain that I felt, every feeling that someone was causing me. I told him all my fears, and worries, about my heart being confused at the moment and about my head being all messed up. 

Severus listened and hummed, signalizing that he was indeed listening to every word I pronounced. His hand never stopped caressing my head, brushing my smooth hair from the roots to the ends.

Eventually, I stopped talking and relaxed. Sharing my inner feelings was a way to ease the turmoil inside and before I knew it, my eyes were closed and my body gave in to the tiredness. I drifted away to a dreamless sleep. The kind of sleep that I haven't had in weeks.

Watching my chest rising and falling was relaxing for Severus. He saw how peaceful I looked and was grateful for being able to be the cause of that moment. My body was curled as if I was protecting myself, and he thought that I might be uncomfortable. So, he studied how he was going to move me to his bed, where I would certainly be more comfortable. He could use his wand. But it felt so -- not intimate. I needed comfort, warmth. I needed to feel that someone cared and was there to protect me.

Without thinking twice, he carefully placed my head on the couch and slid his body down, in a slow-motion, trying not to wake me. Then, he moved his arms around me, to pick me up, but stopped for a moment to watch me. I reminded him of an angel, something sweet, and innocent. He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, taking it away from my eyes. Only then he took me in his arms and moved me to his bed, again.

Since the last week, he couldn't forget that image. My petite body, resting on his bed, intertwined with his own sheets. For nights he felt my scent on his pillow, and those were the nights that he slept better - in years.

He tucked me in and left the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

Picking up a book from his shelf, he sat on the couch and tried to divert his mind away from his bedroom. He had intentions of going to Hogsmeade that day, but taking good care of me was a better option. So, he waited patiently for me to wake up - which took his whole morning.

For a moment, he was able to forget his surroundings and was deeply focused on his book. So focused that he didn't feel the shift in the air of his living room when I woke up and walked back to where he was. I stood at the door frame of his bedroom door for a while, delighted by his figure. I imagined a million ways to melt the ice wall he built over the years of solitude. I wanted so badly to get through that wall and hug the true Severus Tobias Snape. Maybe he'd let me if I ask him, maybe not. Maybe I should ask him, maybe not.

I walked slowly to the couch and when I was near him, I made a noise to let him know I was there.

Severus turned his head and his expression changed. I looked so much better now. I looked rested and more relaxed.

"I'm sorry," I said, "it's the second time I steal your bed."

"Don't be," he said, knowing that his next words could be misinterpreted. "You can steal it whenever you need."

I smiled weakly, feeling my cheeks reddening a bit, but walked to his side anyway, sitting closer to him than usual. I wanted him to feel me by his side. I wanted him to feel me.

"I also prepared some teas and beverages that you can store for as long as you want and you can use whenever you are not able to sleep properly," Severus said, moving uncomfortably when he noticed how close I was.

"Thank you, Severus.," I said. "Thank you for listening to me... I've been thinking about my last dreams and -- I think that they might mean something. Uh -- I think there's some secret regarding my parents. They knew Tom Riddle before he rose and turned into Voldemort. I want to find out what it is."

"You might not like it," Severus muttered.

I nodded my head and looked down, glancing over his hands. My right hand moved slowly and grabbed his left hand. He flinched at first, but when he felt the warmth of my skin, he let go. I intertwined my fingers with his fingers, feeling butterflies inside my stomach and a knot in my throat. I was testing waters and probably playing with fire. But I was willing to know where I was able to go.

"At least I know that I'll have you by my side, no matter what the truth is."

Severus raised his eyes at me and simply nodded his head.

"I tried to access their minds. My parents'," I admitted, earning a glare from Severus. "But I stayed away from Voldemort's head, I'm not that dumb. But I couldn't. I don't know why -- I couldn't even feel their essence. It was like... they didn't even exist."

My lower lip trembled as I told him what I've been trying to do.

"I wanted to talk to someone. I've been feeling so... frustrated by all of this. Albus is always away now, and I searched for you. You're the only one that knows how to listen and how to help me. I -- I don't have anyone else that understands me as you do."

"You can always come to me, Ana."

Severus spoke from his heart and I felt so overwhelmed by the sincerity of his words that a tear strolled down my cheek. Severus' index finger moved to my face and wiped it away gently. Our eyes were glued to each other, deeply focused on the brightness in them and trying to gaze at our souls. It was a moment so tender that my heart started beating faster and both our breathing became uneven. 

We looked for more comfort, so both of our bodies turned slightly to each other. I leaned in slowly, and Severus did the same until our foreheads were glued. I closed my eyes at the sensation and smiled very weakly when I felt the good it was doing to me.

His hands moved to my face and cupped my cheeks, gently stroking my skin with his thumbs.

After a few moments of silence, I heard a muffled and faint chuckle coming from him.

Then, I heard him mutter.

" _What are you doing to me?"_

I also muffled a laugh.

" _I could ask you the same_."  
  


***  
  


There was an urgent knock on my door while I was peacefully reading a book Severus gave me. It had nothing to do with magic or medicine. It was just a storybook, about a little girl that grew up in a small town strictly disciplined by her parents, and how she discovered the beauty of life through a mermaid that she met when she ran away from home once. He gave me the book because it was what his mother used to read when he was younger and because the young girl from the book reminded him of me:  _determined, strong, stubborn, golden-heart and a dreamer - and lovely._

I rushed to open the door.

Harry, Hermione, and Ron were there. They were sweating, panting and their eyes were widened in terror.

"Sirius!" Harry tried to speak, but nothing else came out.

Hermione was the only one able to pronounce a word and she explained that Harry had another vision where he was connected to the Dark Lord himself. That was the main reason why he was having Occlumency classes with Severus, so that these visions, or whatever they are, wouldn't be a way for Voldemort to spy on Harry, or worse, control him. 

Harry was indeed better after a few classes with Severus. But for some reason - that Severus refused to share with me - they ceased the lessons.

Now, the poor kid was pale as a wall, sweating and deeply scared.

When Harry told me about his vision, I knew something must be done. I thought about Severus, but I knew that he might depreciate this information, so I went along with their plan to use Dolore's fireplace in her office to travel to the Ministry of Magic, where Harry saw Sirius being tortured. Before leaving, I wrote a quick note to Severus and slide it under his chamber's door. I told him that Harry had a vision about Sirius and that I was going to be reckless and will go after them to make sure they won't get themselves in trouble.

It all happened so fast. Dolores caught us, Severus was called but didn't do anything to help us, Harry and Hermione led Dolores to the forbidden forest, claiming that's where they hide  _Albus' secret weapon_ and then, they were back at her office, their clothes all dirty and messed up. Nevile and Luna were with us when we traveled to the Ministry of Magic and that's when I wished that I never even left my bed.

When Lucius Malfoy found us, I recognized him, even though he was masked.

"I should have turned you in when I had the chance," I spit out at Lucius venomous words of hate as I tried to gain us more time. I knew Severus wouldn't let us go without protection. He'd do anything to protect me, I knew that. 

Lucius approached me slowly, laughing behind his mask. 

"Harry, deep down, I know you are a humble kid. You wouldn't want your friends to die tonight, would you? Handle me the prophecy and you shall be unharmed."

"Don't," I told Harry when he started moving towards Lucius. 

The blonde man grew tired of that show in front of him and took off his mask. Now, everyone was sure of who he truly was. Not that no one in that room didn't know it already, but it's different when you actually see his face.

I tried not to use the full extent of my powers. Everyone is aware of who I am and what I do. But, by Albus' request, part of my abilities was kept a secret from the outside world. I had to promise Severus that I wouldn't use all my powers in front of people that might run away and tell the world about what I'm able to do. He said that I should only use them if my own life is being threatened, and if I use them anyway, I should try to be discreet.

Analyzing the situation around me, I classified this as an critical use of powers scenario. I didn't move though when Lucius approached me and pointed his wand at me. 

I looked him in the eyes.

"You think you're collecting points at the eyes of your Dark Lord, but you're not. You're disgracing your family," I said in a low whisper. "I wonder if Narcissa is fully committed to your... cause."

Just by looking at his grey and cold eyes I got glimpses of a recent fight he had with his wife when she tried to persuade him into getting their son out of the Dark Lord's plans.  _Whatever they are._  And I saw how he treated her with despise, even though he is desperate for an escape for him and his family.

Lucius' face changed and he was red with anger boiling through his pure-blood veins. 

He set the wand away and grabbed me by my collars, whispering so low that only I was able to hear.

"You mustn't speak of what you have no knowledge of. I'll kill you on sight, I don't care about my Lord's orders, but before that, I'll kill every and each one of your little friends here. I'll make you see them suffer in the most horrible ways."

He grabbed my cheek and caressed my skin. I punched his arm away, deranged.

"Petty..." Lucius said with a disgusted tone. "If you weren't who you are, I'd kill you here on sight. But you are too much valuable, aren't you?"

I furrowed my brows in confusion, thinking that the man was insane. Whatever he was trying to say didn't make any sense. How did he know me? Am I valuable without knowing?

He noticed my naivety and laughed, tightening the grip on the wand that was now pointed at Harry.

"You don't know, do you? You don't know who you are. That is priceless!" He laughed out loud, his maniac sound echoing through the walls of the Ministry of Magic. "When you do what you are supposed to do, I'm going to have so much fun. Or maybe..." he walked a little closer, talking almost as low as a whisper. "Maybe I'll let some of my dearest friends here tonight have their fun with you, and then, I will torture you myself."

"You're a disgusting man, you know that?" I said, making him laugh louder.

"Maybe the Dark Lord wouldn't mind if I hurt you just a little," he Lucius turned his wand to me and I was ready to take control over his mind.

That moment, the members of the Order of Phoenix showed up and a huge fight started right in front of my eyes. All I saw was smoke and dust flying in the air quickly, lights coming out of wands, and Sirius punching Lucius in the face. The next thing I knew, Sirius grabbed my hand and Harry's and started running to hide behind a huge rock.

"I need you to take Harry and the others away. This will be dangerous for both of you," he said. "We'll take it from here."

"No way! It's dangerous for us, it's dangerous for you!" I yelled, supported by Harry's pleads.

"Are you worried about me now, love?" Sirius asked with a smirk on his face.

"Of course I am worried! I always cared about you. Please, come with us!"

Sirius' worried eyes were analyzing the surroundings for any incoming threat stopped on mine and his expression melted away. There was a bright light behind them, behind those beautiful grey eyes and all I could feel was compassion, love, courage, everything that Sirius was feeling at that moment.

Before I could speak another word, he pulled me by my shirt and crashed his lips against mine, lingering his lips for a moment glued to me. Harry was simply abashed by the view in front of him but he quickly waved his wand when he saw Lucius coming at us.

"Black!" Lucius screamed madly.

"Ana, hide!" I heard Sirius and Harry yelling while they waved their wands in the air, throwing a series of attacking spells at the blonde Death Eater.

I ran to the rocks, where Hermione and Neville were hidden. My eyes were focused on the center of that awful room, where Harry and Severus were and my heart seemed like it wanted to come out of my mouth in each spell they used. 

When I heard those two words that I was now so familiar, with nightmare after nightmare, it was as if time itself stopped. My own heart stopped. And it was like I couldn't breathe.

_Avada Kedrava_ , I heard faintly.

Sirius' body fell limp, but instead of falling lifeless on the floor, it floated through the arc between the two gigantic stones until he disappeared completely. I couldn't move. I just stood there, watching as Remus tried to stop Harry from running after Sirius' body, only to let him go after Sirius' killer.

I'm still learning all about the Wizarding world. There are a lot of things that my mind wasn't able to understand or decipher. But there was one thing that I knew at that moment: Sirius Black was dead.


	27. Chapter 27

I moved only when I felt two arms grabbing my frozen figure. 

I looked back and it was Hermione. She was telling me something, but I couldn't quite understand. I didn't want to understand.

As she pushed me with her, I simply dragged my legs, as if my whole body suddenly forgot how to function. I felt Hermione's thumb caressing my arm as we walked, she, somehow, knew that I was shattered inside. I realized that moment that I could have stopped what happened to Sirius. I could have used my powers, or I could have convinced the kids not to come. Those feelings of pain, those nightmares I had for the past weeks that made me woke up sweaty, panting and with such great feeling of loss and sorrow, were all leading to that evening's events. And I could have realized that sooner and stopped it from happening.

If only I was more aware of my powers and why the hell they existed...

_Lucius Malfoy._

He spoke like he knew who I was.  _What I am._

He spoke as if I was precious to them.  _To Voldemort._

I needed to talk to him. Face to face.

I will make him speak.

"Dumbledore..." I heard Hermione gasp. 

We stepped into the main hall of the Ministry of Magic and the scenario was infernal, diabolical. Everything was destroyed, Harry was squirming painfully on the floor, Voldemort was above him discoursing poisonous words and Albus was immobile along with the sand in the air, simply watching them while he was unable to do anything.

"You're a fool, Harry Potter ... and you will lose everything --" I heard the hoarse voice that has been haunting me every night. He stood over Harry's body and waved his wand in the air, preparing to throw a spell at Harry.

"STOP!" I shouted, eyes closed to let the tears fall from my eyes at last. 

When I saw Sirius' body fly away from our world, I stopped feeling whatever a normal human being was programmed to feel. No sadness, no anger, nothing. I was just processing everything and I know that I'd continue that way for long hours if I hadn't crossed paths with Voldemort himself. But when I saw Harry laying helpless on the floor, I didn't want to see any more friends dying that day.

Voldemort stopped whatever he was doing and straightened his posture, staring right at me.

He didn't move. He just stared. 

Then, we heard noises coming from the fireplaces, and there were Aurors everywhere, along with the Minister himself.

Voldemort looked at them and they froze, eyes widen in realization. 

He looked back at me and clear sneer crept to his lips, making me shiver, as he vanished in the air. A sudden feeling of darkness fell upon me and I hit the floor hard, going completely numb.

 I woke in a jolt as the memories of the last events filled my mind with horrible images.

One arm grabbed my wrist and the other grabbed my forehead, impelling me to get up.

"No," I heard the familiar voice of my mentor. "Don't get up yet."

His hand lingered my forehead, feeling the temperature. Then, it wandered down to caress my cheek tenderly, as his thumb stroked my wrist. I couldn't help but let the tears run down my face, mirroring how my heart was feeling. I felt Severus' touch wiping my tears away and I whimpered.

"I'm sorry..." He whispered.

"For what?" I tried to speak clearly, but the sobs wouldn't let me.

"Everything that happened. And for not being there for you."

"I wasn't the one in needing of protection," I said, noticing how Severus shifted his position in an uncomfortable way. "Where are the others? Are they ok?"

"Yes. They are. You were the only one that fainted. But there is nothing wrong with you. It is imperative that you share with me what you felt before turning limp."

"What I felt???" I suddenly felt a strange range by the words he sued. Sirius died and he asked me how I felt? I used my elbows for support and tried to lift my body up. "Do you want to know what I felt? Do you want to know ho --"

"Ana?" I heard Albus' sweet voice calling my name.

I stopped whatever I was saying and turned my head to him. Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Luna, the Ministry of Magic and a couple of unknown people were there, all of them looking at me. Harry's facial expression broke me the most. The boy that lost everyone he loves since he was born, now lost the godfather he thought he lost a long time ago. Life is unfair, I am aware of that, but this is too much.

I admire him though. He remains resilient, strong. I wouldn't be able to handle this.

The Minister of Magic started talking but I wasn't paying full attention. I was lost in my thoughts, occasionally looking at Severus who was leaning against a wall, his eyes glued to me in such an intensive stare that my heart started beating faster. His eyes were dark, his facial expression was unreadable.

"Ana?" I heard Cornelious trying to get me away from my thoughts. "Can you please tell me everything that happened in your own words?"

"Haven't Harry and the rest talked to you yet?"

"They have, but --" he cleared his throat. "We need your point of view. And please -- don't let anything out. Everything could be important."

I narrowed my eyes at him, sensing that there was something else they weren't telling me. My eyes quickly glanced at Severus who seemed like he wasn't paying attention to me at all. I guess I needed some kind of assurance that everything was alright, but I had none. So, I took a deep breath and told them everything from the beginning, since Harry knocked on my door until we reached for the Ministry of Magic.

"You're saying that Lucius Malfoy is a Death Eater, is that right?" One of the men that came with Cornelious asked with a doubtful face.

"Yes, I've seen it before in a vision, but now all of them can confirm that information."

"You went to the Ministry of Magic, without authorization and fought Death Eaters. That's something that would be punished if we weren't in such a situation," the man said, raising his voice in an angry tone. Albus moved closer, ready to fight back the man, but I was quicker.

"Let me remind you again why we are in  _such a situation_. Because you decided that Harry and Albus were lying when they told you Voldemort was back!" They gasped and flinched when I spoke the name of the one they feared the most. "If you weren't so greedy, you would be more ready. If you weren't so greedy, Sirius Black, an innocent man, would be alive today. Or probably he wouldn't be arrested for something he had nothing to do with. And you talk to me about punishment?"

Cornelious - who had his job on the line - coughed.

"You are right, Ana. Sirius Black was a victim in the middle of this horrible situation. Can you tell me more about him? Why do you think Harry saw him being tortured when he wasn't even there in the first place?"

"I don't know," I said, trying to control the rage I was feeling at the moment.

Albus was aware of how sensitive I was, especially after waking up, and he stepped to my side and spoke.

"I presume the Dark Lord was indeed aware of his and Harry's connection. And, as we all feared, he did use it against the boy. We all have to admit, if we saw what Harry saw, we'd run to save our only family member."

The Ministry's men nodded their heads and proceeded with the questions.

"Did you have the opportunity to speak to Sirius Black before... before he was killed?" The same man asked.

I remembered the moment Sirius showed up, how he punched Lucius in the face. I shared that with them and smiled, proud of the man he was. Then, I remembered when he pulled us down to hide behind the rocks and sent us away.

"He was doing the right thing, sending you all away. You could get hurt."

"So did he..."

"Did he tell you anything else?"

"Yes... yes... he -- he kissed me before Lucius attacked us again."

Some eyes widened, including Albus'. Severus was snapped back to reality with my words, and turned his head to me, furrowing his brows.

"I'm sorry. He kissed you? Why?"

"He... a few weeks ago, he said he... loved me," I looked away from everyone in front of me, staring at the edge of the sheets.

"And you? Did you love him back?" Cornelius asked. It wasn't necessary for them to know the answer, but I guess he got curious.

"I did, as a good friend. I loved him for the great man he was. Sirius needed an opportunity to prove himself and he was simply accused innocently, condemned and died before he could show the world that he didn't betray his best friends. I'd do anything to help him prove his innocence. Anything. But I didn't love him the same way he loved me, and he knew that."

Severus closed his eyes and took a deep breath as if he was relieved and this didn't go unnoticed to Albus.

Cornelius raised a brow at me.

"You told him you didn't love him and he accepted it?"

"Yes -- he said he knew he didn't have a chance... he accepted that I didn't love him the same way."

I noticed how everyone in that room was shocked and frozen at the same time. No one knew about this but me and him, and if he wasn't killed, no one would ever know.

"He asked me not to tell anyone," I felt like I need to explain it to everyone in the room.

"If he knew he didn't have a chance, why do you think he kissed you?" 

That was the question that has been bothering me since it happened. I knew the answer, but part of me denied it.

I had to vocalize it, though.

"I think... I think he knew that he wouldn't come out alive..." A tear stroll down my face as I spoke those words in a whisper barely audible.

"I think we all understood what happened to my godfather. Can't you leave her alone now?" Harry spoke in an angry tone.

"We're sorry for your loss, Harry, but --" The new ministry of magic told Harry. I wanted to punch him in the face, or worse, I wanted to make him punch himself in the face.

Severus noticed a change in me at those words. He saw my eyes flicker and rage taking over the usual light they have. He knew that I was about to explode and it was just a matter of time.

The Ministry's words were enough.

"Sorry..." I huffed, muffling a laugh. I gulped hard, finding it hard to even breathe. This is so unfair. Years of life were stolen from Sirius, and now, so the rest of his life. Sirius wasn't the one that should be dead.

The Ministry sent me a pity face and asked me if I wanted to say anything else about it. He said that we were in a safe space and that nothing would be taken as an offense.

I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"Someone that you sent to Azkaban for 12 years was innocent. And now, the same innocent man is dead. And you say you're sorry?"

"I cannot bring him back, Ana."

"I know. But you can do much more for him."

The Ministry raised his brow and stared at me. He just nodded his head, as if he was trying to give me the courage to continue talking. Severus was on the other side of the room, afraid of what I might ask. And he was right.

"I want to have a talk to Lucius Malfoy. Face-to-face."

Some people gasped in the room. Severus uncrossed his arms in shock.

"Set him a trap and bring him to me. I know what to do."

"Ana, you do understand that I can't let you hurt him," The Ministry said.

"I won't need to hurt him."

Cornelius stared at me for a while and sighed. He was going to do as I asked, there we had established a relationship of trust between us. He trusted me, for some odd reason. Maybe because the first time we met I was honest with him and I showed him how much I was willing to handle in order to be accepted by the wizarding world. He saw in eyes that I meant no harm and I was genuinely interested in discovering my powers and help other people.

"Can you continue to tell me what happened after Sirius' death?"

I wiped the tears that fell again from my eyes and looked at him.

"There isn't much to tell. We ran behind Harry after gathering everyone and when we got there, I saw Voldemort, almost hurting Harry. The moment I yelled at him to stop, you showed up. The next thing I remember, I'm here, talking to you."

Cornelius raised a brow again.

"You don't remember, do you?"

"Remember what?"

There was a smirk in the face of one of the men of the Ministry of Magic. Albus decided that it was best if he was the one to tell me about what really happened before I fainted. Part of him knew that I wouldn't remember what happened, and the other part was intrigued by it. There was something that was not clear to him. There was something else and he knew it. He had imagined and discussed a thousand scenarios, but none of them seemed coherent enough for him. Still, he thought that he had to continue investigating the secret that hovers me.

"Ana," he said, making everyone's attentions turn to him. "Before fainting, you spoke to the Dark Lord."

"Yes, I told him to stop. I yelled."

"Yes. But after that, you spoke to him. In another language. As you did before in your sleep."

I widened my eyes and looked at him with my brows furrowed.

"What did I say?"

He approached me and grabbed my hand.

"S _pero te adolebitque inferno, daemonium._ (I hope you burn in hell, demon), and he answered  _Igitur incendemus simul, tunc (we_ will burn together, then)." He paused for a moment. 

"That's not possible... Did I say anything else?" I muttered, very confused with that information.

"Yes," he smiled weakly. "You answered him,  _Numquam (_ Never), then, you fainted."

"Shit..."

 


	28. Chapter 28

After the incident at the Ministry of Magic, the school year was over in Hogwarts, and The Weasleys asked me to spend the summer with them, in their house. I talked to Albusand he agreed. I wasn't sad, though. I'd live in the middle of a warming family that I held so dearly. They showed me how a real family should be. How they should treat each other. So, I guessed that living a couple of months with them would be good for me. 

But even though I was grateful for having such wonderful friends around me, it pains me to think that they are doing it out of pity, because I have nowhere else to go. And, as much as they like me and worry about my wellbeing, I couldn't help but think that I am alone in the world because not even my parents want me.

Severus visited me once after that conversation with the Ministry about Sirius Black. He saw me again when I was resting in my chambers, almost ready to depart for the summer at the Weasley's house when he knocked on my door around 10 A.M. I stepped aside, allowing him to enter and walked to the couch after greeting him.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, sitting by my side on the couch.

"I've been worse I think," I smiled faintly, the expression not reaching my eyes. It is still hard for me to understand that Sirius was gone, that I'm not going back to 12 Grimmauld Place to see him sitting at the dining table, with a glass of wine in his hand and a childish but beautiful grin on his face.

"I heard you were going to the Weasleys," Severus said immediately, getting to the point of his visit. He wanted to make sure that I was alright with my destination.

"Yes. Is that alright with you? How are we going to do to see each other -- I mean, to train?" I stumbled through my words and I noticed how the corner of his lips curled up slightly, as if he was about to smile but stopped himself in time.

"You do not need to worry about that," he said, explaining that he'd visit me frequently to keep track of my improvements. He told me that I was almost at a level where I wouldn't need him as a mentor anymore.

Both of us remained quiet after his remark.

I couldn't imagine being without him. _As my mentor._ This arragement made us be together very often and closer every time we spend time with each other. What will happen if we don't train together anymore?

"Meaning that we... we wou--would be just... friends?" I muttered, staring at him with my brows furrowed.

"Yes. If you so desire."

I nodded my head, looking at my feet at the ground, feeling a bit awkward. I was boiling inside. Boiling because I had a turmoil of unsolved feelings that are threatening to explode at any moment. I wanted to tell him what I truly feel for him, but I can't seem to find the right words. Part of me thinks he already knows, he is not that dumb, is he? I mean, he is indeed one of the wisest people I have ever met. The other part of me hopes that the small but more frequent moments of affection he shows mean that there's a place for me in his heart.

Severus was feeling strange in that room too. The thought of finishing his duties as my mentor was provoking feelings of grief in him and he was not comfortable with them.

With a nod of his head, he got up from the couch and walked away to the door to leave.

When he got to the door handle, I spoke.

"How often?" He turned to me, narrowing his eyes. "How often will you visit? I mean, it's a big family, but they are always doing things. I guess it will be a bit -- I don't know -- lonely?"

"I'll do my best to visit you more often than you expect," he simply said. Then, he turned around to leave again.

"What if --" he stopped once again and looked at me. "--what if I - huh - I need to speak with you about something important and you're not around?"

Severus thought about it for a second, and he cursed himself for the first thing that crossed his mind. He couldn't stop himself though. 

"Give me a paper and a pen," he said.

He took the paper and the pen, wrote something down, folded the paper and handed it to me, holding it his hand for a while, probably considering if he was doing the right thing. 

Then, he turned around and left my chambers.

When I opened the paper, there was a full address. _Spinner's End._ His home address.

 

***

 

The Burrow.

Weasley's house.

It's located in Ottery St. Catchpole, Devon, England. It's a house sustained completely by magic, confusing on the inside, but truly cozy. It has a little garden in front of the house, with a garage that keeps Arthur's flying Ford Anglia and many other Muggles' artifacts. It was probably the first thing that I saw in that house. Arthur is a very excited man when it comes to Muggles' stuff and he was truly expecting someone new in the house to share those items. 

The kitchen is where everyone meets. It's the room in the back of the house, accessible through the back yard. There's a huge wooden table with enough space for 8 people or more.

It's a humble house. There isn't much luxury. But even though they are poor, no Weasley member was ashamed of the Burrow and friends of the family were frequent visitors. Everyone enjoyed the house, and so did I.

I slept in Ginny's room. There are two beds in there. One usually is for Hermione when she comes before the school year starts. But they were going to put another bed there when the time comes.

"How are you holding up?" Arthur asked me one morning. I was there for almost a week and since I had no school and no training sessions, things were getting boring. I was sitting on the porch, with a tea mug in my hand, while I was lost in deep thoughts, contemplating my life at the moment and the future. I'm doing that very often now, for some reason

"Fine, I guess," I took a sip of my mug calmly.

"Are you sure you want to face Lucius?"  He asked, a worried tone hidden behind his nonchalant voice.

"Yes. I need to know what the hell does he know about me, Arthur." I looked at him and he nodded. "Neither Albus or Severus are getting anywhere and it isn't the first time that Lucius said things that got me thinking. I just need to know. There's something big, I can feel it. And I know that Lucius will tell me the truth that I need to know."

"What if it's something really bad that you don't want to know?"

"I'll have to deal with it later... I just... I can't continue feeling like this, Arthur. I don't know anything about my parents... I -- I don't even know if they are alive. I think... they are dead. I keep having these nightmares, and... I need to know. I really need to..."

"That's your decision, Ana. It's just... we worry about you. And... we couldn't help but notice you haven't been yourself for a while."

"I know," I looked down at the steamy mug. "That's why I need the truth."

"We will always be on your side, Ana. Don't forget that," he said before kissing my forehead. Arthur learned with Molly to treat everyone tenderly, like their own children. And since I've been at the Currow, I felt nothing but at home.

"I won't," I smiled at him, drinking from my tea mug.

 

A week later, I had a visitor.

Severus.

His face was severe, his eyes showed nothing but seriousness. Like he had information truly upsetting.

I couldn't help but smile, though. I really missed seeing him. These two weeks have been tough probably because I missed him _as fuck_. And seeing him walking towards the porch, where I was sitting comfortably, with a book in one hand and hot chocolate in the other, made my heart beat faster. The butterflies inside my stomach were making it hard to disregard how such a powerful impact that raven-haired man has on me.

"Good morning," Severus said in a hushed voice. "I apologize for not coming sooner. There were urgent things that made me stay away."

"I hope everything is alright with you," I told him, gesturing him to sit.

"Yes. It is now," he admitted in a mutter, his eyes glued to my figure. Clearing his throat for such a comment, he made his way to sit by my side. "How have you been doing?"

"Well, the Weasleys are so nice... They make me wish that I was a part of their family..."

"I think you are," Severus replied and I smiled at him.

"They sure know how to make me feel a part of it," I said with a slight smirk on my face. "But even though they are amazing, I have been a little bored. So, books are my best company."

Severus peeked at the book I was reading at the moment and smiled weakly, noticing that he gave it to me a few weeks ago when I was dismissed from Hogwart's hospital wing. 

"And... I have been training. I have something to show you."

Severus furrowed his brows but followed me anyway. I walked away from the house because what I intended to do could put the house in danger, and that's the last thing I wanted to do. I stopped when the house was far away and turned to Severus who was walking silently behind me.

He narrowed his eyes when he saw that I was smirking devilishly and had a lifted brow. Then, he felt something warm behind him and heard sounds of things crackling. So, he turned around.

There was a huge wall of fire behind him. He had to lift his head to see the end of it.

"H-- how?" I heard him gasping.

"It just happened. I walked away from the house to train a little, and -- I don't know how --  I just started a fire. And then --" I focused a little and suddenly the fire was extinguished and the floor wasn't even burnt. "I tried it a couple of times before I mastered it and, well, there ya go."

"That is outstanding," he admitted with a clear shocked but amused tone on his voice, eyes still glued to the ground were some kind of traces of fire should be.

"There's a catch," I said as I felt my head spinning. Severus turned his head to me as he noticed how my voice was faint and shaky. "I feel weak after playing with fire."

He rushed to my side to catch me with his arms when I was just about to give in. My knees failed on me as I had a quick blackout. My eyes were closed for a mere moment and when I opened them again, Severus' worried face was staring at me. His beautiful and shiny brown eyes were simply magnetizing.

"You shouldn't play with fire, then," he muttered.

The usual tension that hovers us was back.

I was self-aware of how his arms were holding me close to his chest; my hands rested against his robes; his hands were pulling me closer by my waist and by my neck. It was so comforting and unsettling at the same time.

"How can I? It's addicting," I answered, both of us knowing that we weren't talking about my abilities anymore. 

Severus gulped, his eyes traveled from mine to my lips. He cleared his throat, trying to get control of his emotions at the moment.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes, I think I'll live," I muffled a laugh, straightening myself and pulling away from his arms - only to miss their warmth.

"I have information for you," he said, trying to change the subject. "The Ministry has arrested Lucius. I am here to take you to them. Are you sure you want to do this?"

"I am," my eyes suddenly became darker, a tight knot forming in the back of my throat as I imagined the different scenarios of what might be the unroll of this _conversation_  with Lucius.

Severus hesitated for a moment. Then he offered his arm.

I gulped and took it, staring into his eyes.

A second later, we disapparated.

When I opened my eyes again, I saw a room filled with people: the soon to be ex-Minister of Magic - Cornelius Fudge -, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Albus, and two more men that I never saw in my life. I immediately felt their eyes on me, a silent nervousness hovering that dark room. I wondered where the hell we were. It was dark like the Ministry of Magic's building, but I never saw that room before.

Albus sent me a tender smile and I reciprocated.

"We have him," Cornelius said. "He's behind that door."

I looked at the door with a grave expression, images of Sirius' corpse behind dragged away through the air into the veil.

"Now, are you completely certain of what you intend to do?"

"Sir, I joined this world to help you. Now I belong here. I will do whatever it takes to take Voldemort down," he flinched away at the name. "Don't fear the name. Fear the man."

I walked to the door and placed my hand on the handle.

When I heard everyone behind me moving, I turned around.

"Only Severus and Albus are allowed." A discussion erupted between Cornelius and his men and talked over them, interrupting whatever they were saying. "Sir Shacklebolt can join us too."

"My job as Minister isn't over, Ana. I hav --" Cornelius started speaking louder and I held a hand in the air.

"I can't trust anyone but them. To perform what I am about to perform, I need to be in a calm and dear environment. You don't anything to spoil the interrogation and, by accident, Lucius gets hurt, do you now?"

I turned around without giving him any time to protest, nodded Albus to follow me, and, a moment later, I was face-to-face with the blonde man.

His lips curled up into a smirk.

"You had to put all this show just to talk to me?" He said in a mocking tone.

"What can I say? You caused a good impression last time I saw you," I replied, setting my mind to unlock Lucius' brain. It wasn't hard. His deep grey eyes sucked me in immediately.

"I thought they would have used the Ministry's Veritaserum by now. Accidentally, they were all destroyed during our last encounter," he said as if his mind was safe.

I pouted and crossed my arms.

"That's a shame... It would be handy right now," I said, playing with him. No one else in the room pronounced a word. No one dared to interrupt our moment. "But I don't need that potion. You will tell me everything I need to know."

"Oh, will I?" He looked at Severus with a serious expression, but there was an insulting shine behind his eyes.

"Yes. You see? I had time to learn a lot of things since I was accepted by the Wizarding Community. One thing I learned was that Veritaserum is a really strong potion that could force even your Dark Lord to spit out his darkest secrets. But there are some imperfections in it."

"Care to enlight me?" He lifted a brow, trying to pose a strong posture even though he was suspecting that there was something he wasn't prepared for.

"Absolutely. Well, it's simple. Veritaserum doesn't make me see your deepest darkest secrets, that part of your mind that no one, not even your lord can access. The part that not even you know exists."

"And you acknowledge a way to do it?" He questioned, with an overbearing sneer on his face. 

"Indeed. Let me show you," as soon as I said those words, any dark mocking expression disappeared from my face and there were only neutral features as if my soul abandoned my body and went anywhere else. Lucius became serious too. His arrogant posture dissolved into a confused one. 

I made him see images, flashbacks from his past. When he married Narcissa when he held Draco in his arms for the first time.

He flinched a little, shook his head, not understanding what was going on.

I searched a little further and saw him being recruited by Tom Riddle. Then, I saw him being tortured by the same man, years later, as Voldemort.

Lucius let out a scream as I made him feel the pain he felt back then.

"What kind of magic is this?" He yelled, out-of-breath.

"Mine," I replied, re-entering his memories.

I disturbed him for a while longer, making him see all his life in just a few minutes.

"Now, I want to know why you talked to me that way two weeks ago. Why am I _valuable_?"

"I won't speak a word," he growled.

"I'm trying to do this the good way." I approached the chair where he was tied up by some kind of magical chain. With each of my arms on each side of the chair, I whispered very low. "I gave you a chance, but since you refused to cooperate, I might have to force it out of you."

His grey eyes were burning into mine as if he was imagining ways to torture me in the most painful ways. I know that if he was released from his chains, his hands would be around my throat.

"You asked for it," I said, stepping away from him. "Now, tell me what I want to know."

There was a trace of pain in his face, he was groaning as if he was about to talk but he was trying to keep his mouth shut.

"Why is a simple muggle as myself so valuable to you?"

"You.Are.Not.A.Simple.Muggle." He said with great effort, gasping at the end for air. "You are not just valuable to me. You -- are valuable to... to..."

"To...? Tell, me, I am valuable to who?"

"The D-d-dark Lord."

"Why?"

Lucius shook his head and forced his lips in a thin line, trying to keep it shut.

Albus and Severus traded some glances but focused mainly on me.

I approached him and grabbed his chair.

"WHY AM I VALUABLE TO VOLDEMORT?"

"DO NOT SPEAK HIS NAME, YOU FILTHY CREATURE!"

"WHY AM I VALUABLE TO VOLDEMORT? I WON'T ASK YOU AGAIN!!!" I forced more energy onto the man, that released a loud scream of pain, and I knew that I tore his walls down.

"YOU ARE THE DAUGHTER OF THE DARK LORD! YOU ARE PART OF HIM, PART OF HIS SOUL!"

I gasped, stepping back immediately. 

Albus approached Lucius in an instant, looking him in the eyes with a dangerous look on his face while his hands shook his shoulders. 

"What did you say?"

Lucius started laughing and I forced him to talk once again, even though I lost the sense of what was happening.

"The Dark Lord knew there would be people strong enough to fight against him. So he took a muggle into his care, made her believe he loved her and got her pregnant. The child was blessed with special magic. He put part of himself on his beautiful baby daughter. But she was born as a muggle anyway. So, he killed the mother and delivered the baby to a family that he chose to curse."

Severus stared at me. Shacklebolt had a shocked look on his face. Albus was forcing the truth out of Lucius, now that he was fully under my command. I simply listened to every word but didn't step away from the wall that I was using for support.

"The family he picked had a young boy. The Dark Lord threatened them with the boy's safety and took him away from his family as blackmail. If they kept the girl unharmed until she was of age, they would see their child again."

Then, Lucius' eyes lingered on me.

"You are the missing piece of his power."

"No..." I groaned, connecting all the dots of everything I've been noticing for the last years. As ugly as it was, part of me knew he was speaking the truth. I shook my head a couple of times, though, as if it would make it not true. And as he spoke, replying to Albus' questions, it was becoming unbearable to hear him.

My heart was beating so fast. My heat was hurting. There was a knot in my throat.

I wanted air. I needed air.

I needed to get out of there.

So I started walking away, as fast as I could, opening the door wide open and run away, as I heard Lucius laughing like a maniac.

Behind me was someone walking as fast as I was.

I didn't look back. I just tried to get out of whatever hole I was in. There were no windows, no doors that lead outside or to other rooms, besides corridors and more corridors. It was a maze of endless black corridors. And I felt trapped.

As I turned around the corners of those maddening corridors, I felt dizzier. But I couldn't stop though, I needed an escape.

When it was too much for me, I stopped, leaned against a wall and let myself slide down and sit on the floor.

A black silhouette kneeled in front of me and placed two arms on my shoulders. Whoever that was, it was talking to me, but the sound was muffled.

Then, I felt two hands cupping my cheeks, one of them brushing the hair away from my face in the process.

"Ana," I heard a familiar voice. My surroundings were getting less blurred and I met two dark brown orbs staring intensively at me. "Listen to my voice. Calm down. You're safe."

"Sev --"

"Yes. I'm here," he brushed my cheek. Then, he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me up.

He was about to walk back to the room when someone talked.

"Severus, I'm afraid we might have to leave. They are locking up Malfoy and Ana is so distressed that she put down the lights of two blocks around this place. Take her back to the Currow. I'll meet you there," Shacklebolt said from behind us.

Severus nodded and disappeared with me in that instant.

Shacklebolt looked at Albus with a hopeless look in his eyes.

"Poor girl," he muttered.

"Indeed," Albus replied dryly as if he was lost in his thoughts. He had a tired look on his face, but he was worried. Perplexed. Even scared for _the girl_. "We need to confirm this story. Can you please take care of it? Confirm the facts and report to the Order immediately."

"I'll do it," Shacklebolt replied. "Right away. I have some friends, in a few moments I'll have the answer you require."

Albus nodded, his eyes still locked in the men dragging a maddened Lucius out of the interrogation room.

"Don't let anyone know about this," he spoke with pain in his voice.

"Yes. She would be in danger if anyone knew."

"I'm afraid she already is..."


	29. Chapter 29

When Severus brought me back to the Currow, I was in utter silence. I was pale and I was breathing heavily. My mind was a mess, making my head hurt painfully. My lips were dry, but I'd throw up if I try to eat or drink anything. It was like my body was failing slowly. Part of me wished that it failed at that moment.

Severus' heart was beating faster and his mind was puzzled after this new information. Was it possible that I am the daughter of that awful wizard? How could it be possible? It did explain the abilities, though. But he didn't want it to be true.

He looked at me with a grave expression, hiding how much worried he was feeling inside. For some reason, there was this strange feeling of sorrow and grief coming from me. He knew those feelings weren't his and I was the only source of such power around.

With one hand pulling me closer to him by my waist he guided me to the Currow house. Arthur and Molly were sitting at the front porch and raised from the chair when they saw us.  They were expecting us, both of them nervous about the results of the interrogation.

"What happened?" Molly asked, rushing to my aid.

Behind us, Albus apparated, along with Remus and Tonks. A few seconds later, Moody was there too and other people from the Order.

Severus didn't reply to Molly. Not due to his usual rudeness, but because of how shocked he was feeling. With one simple eye contact, they understood that there was no way they were getting an answer from me or him. He didn't try to make me react or talk because he knew that I wasn't ready to talk to the outside world. And when Molly tried to take me off his arms, he didn't let her, he knew that no one would understand the way I was reacting.

That information shook my world, he presumed. This meant my whole life was a lie and he knew that he would be the only person I'd feel safe at the moment.

He helped me sit in the kitchen, asking Molly to make me a calming tea.

When everyone was inside the house, Albus ordered them to sit and hear what we discovered during the interrogation. He told them everything Lucius said, leaving them in a pure state of shock, gasping and staring at me.

I kept my eyes on the floor.

You would think that my mind would be filled with racing thoughts and feelings. But the truth is that it was empty. I wasn't feeling anything at the moment. It was like everything made sense to me now. Like I had all the answers I ever wanted to know. Not that I wanted the answer to be this, but at least now I know.

Part of me was hoping that it's just a misunderstanding or that Lucius was lying - I know he wasn't, but I wanted him to.

And when Shacklebolt showed up a half-hour later, I was sure he was going to deny everything.

I lifted my head for the first time since we were back home and looked at him. 

"I'm afraid that what Lucius said is in fact, true," he told everything he found out this last half-hour, but I didn't pay attention. His first words were more than enough for me. There was something regarding a slaughtered pregnant woman around the time I was born; there were records about a girl adopted by my  _parents_ , with my name and my birth date. Everything was checking out to be true and there was no way to deny it.

"There must be some mistake..." Molly said. "How can that monster be her father?"

"This is horrible..." Tonks muttered. 

They continued talking among them, revising their plans and their next steps. 

I wasn't listening by now. My hands were gripping the edge of the chair so hard that my knuckles were white.  _Voldemort is my father_ , who got my mother pregnant and then  _killed her,_ gave me to a family that he threatened and tore apart. And now he will need me to have unlimited powers.  _That monster... is my father_. And the people I called parents my whole life lied to me since the beginning. They could at least told me I was adopted. That way I would know why they treated me so differently than parents should treat their child.

It's infuriating to know that my life was a lie. That my powers exist because of that horrifying man.

It's not fair.

I noticed as everyone's head turned to me when the jar of flower on the sink shattered. My rage was achieving a point where there were things shaking around me, like an earthquake.

"Ana..." Molly called, approaching me. Her hand reached for my arm but she didn't get the chance to touch me in her motherly way. I stormed out of the kitchen and went upstairs to my room, leaving everyone in silence.

I slammed the door behind me.

My heart was racing.

VOLDEMORT IS MY FATHER!

I was starting to panic.

I scanned the room around me. Brushed the hair away from my face. Tried to control my uncontrolled breathing.

My eyes fell on the mirror on the wardrobe. I looked at myself.

_How did I become like this?_

I remembered my parents and it made sense. They have green eyes. Mine are brown, a light brown. My hair is dark. Theirs is blonde and light brown. How couldn't I see the difference? Even the personalities were different. Usually, a kid is either like the father or the mother. There's always something that you can say that it's inherited from one of them. But I was always so different from my parents. _I should dye my hair. Blonder than my mother's. Use colored contact lenses,_ I thought to myself. I didn't want to look like Tom Riddle looked back then. And surely I didn't want to look like Voldemort looks now.

My memories went to the time I found out a small picture of a boy under my mother's pillow. I asked her who that boy was and she yelled at me for going through her stuff.

_It was him. Their son._

I closed the wardrobe's door shut and looked around me. I needed to think about something else. I needed to clear my mind from all the bad thoughts so that I can think better about all of this.

_Books._

No. I can't even look at books right now -- I've been looking at them for the past year.

 _Using my powers._ Not at all. I can't even think about them. They are the reason I'm in this world. And I'm sure that I'd kill everyone around me if I let them out of control.

I kicked the wall hard. Then, I cursed myself. The Weasleys work so hard to sustain the house. I have no right to undo what they have been building.

My eyes traveled to the fluffy carpet. 

_Well, why not?_

I undressed. Searched the drawers for some training clothes. Leggins and a sports bra. Something comfortable.

Placing a towel on the floor, I lay down and started doing crunches, push-ups, planks, and lots and lots of exercises that made me drift away from the maddening thoughts I was having. The objective was doing as much as my body allowed me to, and when I'm not able to do it anymore, I did another exercise. I needed to be tired, to be exhausted to the point where I'm not even able to think.

I don't know how long I was working out, but I couldn't stop. When I stop, my mind goes back to where it shouldn't, to where I don't want it to go. And while I'm working out, all I think about is push myself harder.

"May I come in?" Severus' velvety voice was the only thing that could snap me out of my rage trance. I thought that after being closed in my room for a couple of hours, Albus was the one with enough courage to try to talk to me. Thank Gods he didn't. I don't know why, but Severus was the only person I could bear to see.

I muttered something resembling a yes but didn't stop doing the crunches.

Severus slowly opened the door, but it felt like he saw a ghost once his eyes found me on the carpet on the floor. At first, his eyes were locked in the way my body was well worked out. Under the large clothes that I usually wear, he couldn't perceive how I was built. But now he could and deep down he liked it. Then he cursed himself for thinking that way and looked everywhere but at me.

"How long have you been doing this?" He wasn't sure how to approach me, so he tried to talk in a slow and impartial tone.

"Since I came up here."

He widened his eyes in shock.

"You should stop, it's been two hours." 

Since I acted like I didn't hear him and continued doing the exercise, he kneeled in front of me and put his hands on my shoulders to stop me. For the first time since Severus entered my room, my swollen eyes looked at the raven-haired man in front of me. His own eyes could not cover how worried he was, even though his grim face said differently.

"If I stop, I think... And... I-- can't think." I tried to move and continue my workout, but Severus' firm grip stopped me once again. The next thing he did surprise me: he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me up to sit on the edge of my bed; then, he grabbed my towel and cleaned the sweat away from my forehead, gently and slowly, as his life depended on that. His eyes didn't leave mine, though, he was too worried about my sanity.

"Talk to me," Severus whispered weakly, showing how his emotions were taking the best of him.

I sighed, gulped painfully and closed my eyes, finally allowing the tears fall of my eyes.

"They left me a letter when they disappeared. They... told me I wasn't their daughter. I thought -- maybe they didn't want me to be part of their family since they saw me as a freak. But I never thought that there was a literal meaning to those words."

Severus's hand landed on mine that was gripping my knees. His touch caused my heart to beat ever faster.

"My whole life has been a lie..." I locked my eyes with Severus' hand on mine and watched as his thumb slowly caressed me as a way to comfort me. I think he didn't even notice what he was doing, but either way, he didn't stop. "Tell me this is just a nightmare..."

"I wish I could."

"I... How could they lie to me? Pretend to be my parents when I was the daughter of that... demon... My  _parents_  sometimes treated me like trash, but they showed me some kind of love every now and then... And before abandoning me, they were actually nice to me... I knew something was off, I've always known... But this? This is too much, Severus."

"It doesn't change anything. You're not your f-- you're not The Dark Lord."

I glared at him with such a deranged look and, for a moment, Severus thought I was about to hit him.

"Ain't I?" I got up from the bed and walked away from his touch. I opened the wardrobe's door to look myself in the full-length mirror again.  "I can't even recognize the person in this mirror. I've been feeling so... out of myself." My eyes were locked in the mirror's image. "It's like I'm changing. What if being his daughter means something? I try to control my powers, but I feel like I'm losing all control."

For the first time, Severus was genuinely worried that I lose myself because of this.  _He couldn't let that happen._  But he made sure he heard every single word I spoke before doing or saying anything.

"I don't want to, but what if I become bad like him? What if darkness consumes me as it did with him and that's why I'm feeling so lost? I can't -- I don't want to!" By this time I was sobbing with my face hidden behind my hands.

That was the image Severus couldn't handle. As much as he tried to fight it, he was becoming more devoted to me. He couldn't do it, he knew it was wrong and he didn't deserve it, but it didn't matter anymore. What mattered was that he was my mentor and he promised to guide me and help me. And he was my  _friend_.

He approached me slowly and took my hands off my face. His touch was strangely warm and delicate, and for a moment I actually calmed down. With one hand he pulled my hands down, and with the other, he forced me to look at him, pulling my chin up.

"You-are-not-a-bad-person. You never were, and you will never be. The people that raised you are not your real family. You found it here, with everyone in this house. And they all think you are a good person, Ana."

"They are wrong." I tried to look away but he didn't allow me to.

"You once told me I was thewisest person you knew, after Dumbledore. Do you want to know what I really think of you?" He paused for a moment, allowing me to calm down a little more. "You are the strongest, the most dedicated, and heartful woman I've ever known. You could never become like You-Know-Who, there's nothing that dark in you and never will be. And you have been doing so many good things, you saved so many people already without asking anything in return. There's not a lot of people that would do that. So, never doubt yourself. I never did."

I gasped, not being able to control the tears running down my cheeks. My heart was beating quicker and my breathing was uneven, but I couldn't help but smile at the man in front of me, thankful for his comforting words. Then something unexpected happened: Our fingers intertwined themselves as if by magic, and Severus' hand that was supporting my chin, started stroking my cheeks slowly, cleaning the tears away.

Severus' brows were furrowed as if he was trying to understand why his own body was betraying him like that **.**  But that didn't stop him. He couldn't take his eyes off mine. He wanted to take the pain away, anyway or another.

"It doesn't matter where you come from, Ana. You'll always be that headstrong and insolent girl that bumped against me at King's Cross station. And even then I could see no malice in you."

The tightness in my chest was less heavy, less deranged, but there was something else there instead. Realizing that I had feelings for my mentor was becoming more noticeable as time goes by. He makes me tremble with his mere touch, or simply by being close to me.

His hand stopped cleaning my tears and caressing my cheek. It just... rested there, transferring his warmth to my skin. Feeling me. Severus wanted to pull away, he wanted it. But deep down he couldn't bring himself to cease that moment. It was truly inopportune and troublesome, but he was savoring the closeness.

"Wow..." I muttered and he raised a brow, not expecting that kind of reaction. His expression was no longer masked with the harsh one, but I couldn't quite understand what he was feeling at that moment.

"What is it?" He whispered.

"I've never noticed how dark your eyes are..."

I have no idea why my mouth was speaking those words. My brain cells were misbehaving and I had no authority over them.

"So...?"

"They're... beautiful..."  _I can't believe I finished that sentence._

I think I saw a slight lift on the corner of Severus' lips. A faint smirk that he forced to cease. I don't think he is accustomed to smiling. I never saw him smiling genuinely, and I wanted to change that so badly.

You could almost feel the tension between us.  _Good tension_. The kind of feeling that made me want to throw my arms around his neck and finally feel how his warm lips would feel on mine. I couldn't help but imagine that moment in my head, on repeat, making my breathing become heavier and my heart beat faster inside my chest. Severus was feeling it too, that fiery feeling that takes over your entire body; makes you feel things in places you never thought you'd feel.

I felt my legs trembling as we got closer to each other. And it became worse when I felt his whiskey and minty breath on my face, approaching my lips very slowly as if he was giving me time to back away if I wanted. But,  _fuck_ , I didn't want to.

He touched my nose with his own nose and barely brushed my lips with his own lips. Just that soft touch of his lips made my body go crazy as some kind of electricity ran through my skin. He just stood there for a while, feeling how good we can be if we're close enough to each other.

Severus opened his eyes to look at me and they darkened even more as he paused a moment to think. It seemed like he was battling himself inside his head and wasn't sure if he should talk about what he was thinking or not. He finally opened his mouth to speak.

"Ana, I need to tell--."

But he was interrupted when we heard a knock on the door. Severus immediately pulled away and his harsh mask was back to his face. The only thing that was different from his usual self was his blushed cheeks, mimicking mine.

Albus cracked the door open and looked at us, narrowing his eyes. Somehow, he sensed he interrupted something, but he preferred not to ask. Instead, he showed me his sweet smile, trying to veil the distress behind his crystal blue eyes.

"My dear, I hope you are feeling better. Molly baked your favorite cookie cake. Would you like some?"

I smiled warmly at Albus and felt the tears burning behind my eyes again. Severus was right, I did find a family among them.  _They worry about me, they care for me_. And I couldn't feel more at home.

Without letting Albus question me why the hell I was weeping again, I walked towards him and threw my arms around him with a huge smile on my lips, hugging him as tightly as I could. Albus was stunned by my peculiar but lovely behavior and exchanged an inquisitive look with Severus. Then, he closed his eyes and smiled, holding me back against him.


	30. Chapter 30

The next days were strange. I felt strange.

I did everything I could to fake the most realistic smile to everyone who'd come ask me how I was doing, but deep down I was a mess. I hit the bottom hard and now I was trying to get back to my feet. I tried to make sense of what I discovered, tried to see things from another perspective. I wasn't a bad person, I never did anything so bad that would make me feel any kind of remorse. I think the worse thing that I do is killing spiders when I see them because I'm profoundly scared of them. Beyond that, I never did anything really bad. I never hurt anyone intentionally, never killed anyone, never stole anything. I never used my powers in a bad way. I was different from the one they say it's my real father. 

As I analyzed the situation, I was feeling myself becoming insane. 

Some people saw me through my mask. Others weren't so perceptive.

Molly was one of the people who were more worried about me. Since I was still on vacation, I'd stay at home with her every day, helping her with her usual chores or going out with her whenever she needed it. Sometimes I think she went out just to take me away from that house.

Remus visited me more often. Being a werewolf for many years, he felt like he didn't belong. He felt like he was supposed to be there, surrounded by friends. Severus once told me that werewolves have always been seen as a plague, something to fear and eradicate. But Remus is the sweetest guy I have ever known and he'd never hurt anyone on purpose, even if he had to put himself in danger. So he understood how I felt and did the best to talk to me and walk me through that hard time.

Severus visited me every day. Sometimes his visits were quick, others lasted the whole evening. We trained and talked most of the time. I tried to stay distant from him, in an intimate way. I was a mess and being overwhelmed as I am around him wouldn't help me. I also didn't want him to see me when I was a complete mess, I didn't want him to see me as a weak person.

He was not enjoying the fact that I pushed him away whenever he tried to make personal questions, or when he tried to show affection towards me. He wasn't quite understanding why the bloody hell I was acting that way towards him. But he also didn't want to ask, fearing that I might evade the question or become awkward around him.

Albus, on the other hand, was the one that got more close to me during that time. Telling me even the most inner secrets of his life when he was younger, many, many years ago...

"We all have parts of ourselves that we are not proud of," he told me once.

I looked at him with my eyes narrowed. Albus always showed me nothing but kindness and love, a man like him would never have anything as dark as I have smudging his heart. If there's something in his past, I was sure that it wouldn't be as bad as having Voldemort as my father.

I wasn't quite right.

He told me about her, Ariana Dumbledore, his deceased sister. How she was unable to control her magic after being attacked by muggles boys that did horrible things to her because of her powers. Albus sacrificed himself, his dreams, his ambitions, to take care of her when she accidentally killed their mother, so that his brother, Aberforth, could continue his studies in Hogwarts. He told me how he was mad and resentful, not towards her, but towards life itself. He wanted to run the world, seeking more knowledge, more power. And, even though he loved Ariana, he was selfish enough to hate how his life became because of her. Then, it happened.

He met Gellert Grindelwald at age 17 and they became inseparable, sharing ideas and ambitions for the future of the wizarding community. And simple ideas sooner became strong obsessions for power.

"Aberforth warned me. He accused me of neglecting her, of abandoning her," Albus said, with a sad and guilty gleam in his eyes. "He was not wrong, I see that now, but I was younger and a fool... There was a fight. Between us three. My brother came home and Gellert was there, along with me and Ariana. Aberforth pulled his wand, Gellert pulled his and they fought. Right in front of her. I had to stop Gillert from hurting my brother. Somehow, my sister was hit by a spell and... lay dead upon the floor of our home."

"I'm sorry, Albus..." That was all I was able to say.

"Me too."

"What happened after that? Where are Gellert and your brother?"

Albus looked at me.

"Gellert is no longer able to cause any more damage. Aberforth is living his life away from all this."

"Are you two talking?" I asked, part of me curious about his story.

"Not much these days. He blamed me for it. I blamed me for it. He even broke my nose at her funeral." I widened my eyes and he smiled weakly. "But we talked and solved our matters. Our relation will never be the same, the guilt is still existent, but there is no hostile behavior anymore."

"Guilt? But, why? Did you threw the spell at her?" I asked him with my eyes furrowed.

"I haven't been able to figure that out for sure. I don't think I will ever be capable of knowing the truth. I don't think I want."

"Albus," I rested my hand on his and squeezed it. "It was an accident, either it was you, your brother or Gillert. None of you meant it to happen. You are not a bad man for what happened when you were younger, and I know this won't erase the pain, but bad men don't feel guilt, grief, pain, nor regret or remorse. It is a tragedy, but it doesn't make you bad."

Albus simply smiled at me, his crystal clear eyes shining with love behind them.

The hand that I had on his was topped by his other warm hand. 

"I hope you are not just preaching and that you take your own words as advice."

"Hey, do as I say, not as I do," I said in a playful manner, earning a wider smile from Albus. My grin faded slightly and seriousness reached my eyes. "I meant it."

He simply nodded.

"I hope this conversation stays between us," he sneered. "Not everyone knows this much me."

"I'm glad you trust me enough to share it with me. I also think you told me so that I could use it as a way to solve the puzzle in my head, didn't you?" I asked, knowing my answer. He knew what I was going to say and he needed me to say it out loud so that I could see my heritage not as a curse, but as a lesson.  _Such a bright man._

His eyes shone as he rose from the chair on the porch.

"Yes, but I shared my story with you because I do trust you. And I am not mistaken, you have so much to offer, Ana, so much good to spread. Do not give up on yourself. Study, train, fight. Especially for yourself."

"You are good with your words, you know that?" I smiled. "It's handy."

"Well, it is one of my most cherished qualities. It is quite advantageous, indeed," he replied in a mocking tone. "I must leave you now, Ana. But soon I will return. I presume you would like to go back to Hogwarts when the school year starts?"

"I still need to think about that," I said. "I have a lot to decide now."

He nodded his head, understanding my uncertainty.

"Let me know when you have your decision, will you?" I nodded. "And, Ana, do not let this awful truth take away that shine you usually have. And do not push away the dearest people that care the most for you."

I narrowed my eyes at him, finding his conversation strange. Regardless, I smiled as I said my goodbyes while I watch him leave, being left alone with my own thoughts.

 

**

 

The Order of Phoenix was reunited two weeks after Albus' intriguing visit. Not even Severus was able to show up at the Currow, which sucked for me but also gave me the time to think about what I want to do with my life, now that I know my true heritage.

Everyone was at the table when I left my room. With a smile on my face, I greeted my fellow friends of the Order and sat by Severus' side. I couldn't help but notice that Albus wasn't there that day, which was odd, considering that he said he would return soon.

I didn't have much time to talk to Severus because Moody started the meeting immediately.

"Albus asked me to begin this meeting with an urgent matter. This man," he took a picture and left it on the table for everyone to see, "is very crucial at a time like this. He has... important knowledge that can help us find a way to defeat You-know-Who. He has always been our informant, but lately, there was a change in his behavior. I do not trust him anymore, but I cannot figure out what he is hiding."

Everyone saw the picture, and some of them recognized him as a very powerful being, with rare abilities.

I grabbed the picture and took it in my hands, ignoring whatever they were talking between them.

"He is in pain..." I muttered, audible enough for ceasing the conversations in that table. "His wife... is trapped, locked away."

I saw images of someone bursting into his house, dragging the woman away. They would hurt her if he didn't work for them. The woman fought hard to be freed from a man's grip, but she ended up being knocked out in the head. But before fainting, she ripped the man's sleeve, exposing the black mark.

"The death eaters took his wife away. She's locked... " I closed my eyes to feel the woman. She's so scared, so tired. "There's this smell of... something rotting... like a sewer... no, there's a basement, but the plumbing is broken... there's filth everywhere... I see a bag, there's a bag with a tag on it. There's a name...  _Rowle._ "

Severus narrowed his eyes, knowing that name. Thorfinn Rowle was a cruel and extremely reckless dark wizard that he knew from the meetings with Voldemort. The only information he was able to share was the location of Rowle's house, that hopefully had that poor woman locked.

Without thinking twice, most of the members of the Order went away to follow that lead. I only hoped that my visions were helpful this time, that they are able to save the woman and that I finally will feel that my abilities are actually helping to their cause. My cause, now.

Molly and Arthur remained on the wooden table along with Severus and I. Both of us were quiet, I was even looking down at my fingers, fidgeting with the hem of my t-shirt, and Severus was listening to Arthur and Molly having a casual argument because one of Arthur's muggle artifacts was making too much noise in the annex that he usually keeps his weird stuff. Arthur was trying to make her understand that the thing making too much noise was a simple radio, where you put a CD - Compact Disk - and you can listen to music. It's much smaller than vinyl and a turntable. She didn't want to know anyway, she wanted  _that thing_ off. Both of them got up from the table and left us alone, as Arthur followed Molly to the source of the argument because she threatened to make it explode if he doesn't make it quiet.

I widened my eyes as they left the room, trying to contain my laughter. They were arguing because of a CD player? Really? There's an off button... But it was better if I just remained quiet and let the argue in peace.

The kitchen suddenly became silent, awkwardly silent.

My hands were resting on top of the wooden-table, my fingers fidgeting nervously again.

"Ana, do you want to go back to Hogwarts?" Severus suddenly asked as if he didn't want to let his mind dwell on the question for too long.

I looked at him for a moment, thinking. Albus asked me that same question, but I didn't have an answer for him. I battled myself over and over again, studying the possibilities. And there was only one answer that popped out of my mind.

"Yeah... I want to. I love The Currow, I love the harmony of this house. But Hogwarts it's where I feel more at home, you know? You are there, and I feel safer knowing that you're next door and that I can knock on it whenever I need. And... right now, I need you. More than anyone else." 

I was as sincere as my anxiety let me. I shrugged as I told him how much I needed him and forced a smile to my face, only to be able to lift the right corner of my lips. 

Severus didn't hesitate. He sat on the chair near mine and brought his smooth hand to my face. With a silence caress, he studied my features. I closed my eyes at the touch and inhaled the scent of his hand.

"I hope you know that I am here for you." He whispered, relieved to know that I don't want to be distant from him anymore. It was killing him inside every time I acted in a cold way towards him and as much as he wanted me to explain why I was behaving like that, he knew I wasn't going to tell him.

I opened my eyes and smiled weakly.

"I know."

Then, I approached him even more and snaked my arms around him, resting my head on his chest. Severus immediately opened his arms and embraced me. This feeling of having me safe and sound on his arms was the most comforting feeling he had ever experienced and for no reason in this world, he was going to deny me a hug. I needed it, he needed it.

For now, this hug was enough. But, who knows what comes next, he thought. He wanted to know.

"Albus asked me to escort you to Hogwarts whenever you're ready," he muttered, pulling away from the hug.

I cleared my throat.

"Yeah, ok. Can you pick me up by the end of the week?"

"Yes," he simply said.

"Great, uhm -- ok,"

"I - I should go now. I'll come back next Friday morning," he rose from his chair and started walking to the door. "I must warn you that the school might not be as welcoming as you've known it."

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Students are scared. Some of them might not even return. And the Dementors are patrolling the school for any signs of You-Know-Who."

"Jesus... That's not pretty," I muttered. "But I think I'll go anyway."

"If that is what you desire, I'll come back for you."

I nodded and watched him disappear.


	31. Chapter 31

Severus wasn't lying. 

The castle was darker than ever. Every student that walked by me had their heads down, avoiding eye contact with anyone, worried that any wrong movement could mean their death. A little overreaction, I think, Hogwarts was the safest place I've ever known. And Albus would never allow anything to happen to his students, nor to his school.

Apart from that, apart from the fact that Dementors were visiting the school every day to protect us, everything felt the same to me. Soon I would begin med school again and I'd have my mind occupied. The fact that we uncovered the truth about my heritage didn't change much around me. The people that knew about it didn't change the way they treated me, and no one spoke a word about it to the outside world. So everyone who'd look at me would see the same old Ana. The weird muggle with magical abilities. They didn't know half of those abilities, because I kept the most threatening in secret. I mean, seeing the future or the past or reading minds for someone non-magical as me was weird enough, imagine if they discovered that I can control objects and people, conjure things like a fire out of nowhere, among other freaky stuff. Even for me, that was just crazy.

Severus and I had a conversation about me and how I was doing. We were talking about ending our mentor-apprentice arrangement because I no longer need to be mentored.

"But... what if I discover new abilities and I need to train them?"

"Ana, I am sure that you achieved the full potential of your powers, but if I am wrong, I am most certainly sure that you will be able to master them all by yourself. You have done it before," he explained.

I pouted, turned away from him. We were taking a walk through Hogwarts' gardens, near the forbidden forest before dinner. The days were still longer than the night, and there was still the light of the sun ready to set on the horizon. The butterflies danced in sync through the sky, in a beautiful choreography that surely embellished the sight.

Severus talked to Albus previously and they both agreed in ceasing our " _mentorship"_. It was the best to do at the moment, whatever secrets they were hiding from me, but I didn't feel ready to be left alone. What will happen, now that he had no obligation regarding me?

"I will still help you, train with you if you desire," he said, trying to comfort me. "But you don't need to call me your mentor anymore."

"I am going to miss calling you mentor," I joked with a serious tone in my voice, trying to lighten up the situation, even though I was dying inside. 

I became quiet for a while as we walked, and with little effort, I made the grass on the floor revolve around Severus' foot. Lately, while we are doing our usual walk through Hogwarts, I'd play several pranks on him.

I heard a noise behind me and saw that Severus had his wand pointed at his foot and the grass was returning to its original size.

"You won't catch me off guard again, Ana," he said with a defiant look in his eyes. 

"We'll see about that," I narrowed my eyes, accepting the challenge.

We stared at each other for a moment and I couldn't help but laugh. I turned around and continued to walk, leaving Severus with a slight smirk on his lips.

The next morning, I woke up and went for a morning run, as usual. The school was still quiet, it was a Sunday morning, so the students were still sleeping. I saw Mr. Filch, that shows me a creepy smile that he intends to be seductive and some staff that I didn't even bother to look at when I greeted them.

When my eyes looked up at the skies, a cold shiver ran down my spine. The Dementors are indeed awful and terrifying creatures. They simply stood there, watching, waiting. Were we truly safe in that school? I hope we are because I can't have any more problems in my life for the next days at least. I needed some rest, and to achieve a state of mind where I no longer resent my heritage. If that will ever happen.

I shook those feelings away and took the first step outside. 

After a few moments, I had a rhythmic pace and was running through the gardens and the forbidden forest. Severus had taught me the dangers of that place, how to get around them and be safe if I ever go through any danger.

My senses were attentive, but my mind was set to other things.

No. Not Voldemort. I was thinking about Severus.

My heart is aching for him. And I can no longer hide it. I need to tell him that. Or else I think I might explode one day. My only fear was not only being rejected but also being pushed away. I wasn't expecting him to feel the same for me. But I also don't want him to think differently of me when I tell him.

How I was going to tell him that I developed some romantic feelings for him, I was not sure. Romantic feelings? I don't even know those words were enough to describe how much I truly love him. How much I understand his pain and want him to share it with me. I want him to share everything with me. I'd do anything to make him happy, to see him smile. I don't ever want him to change the way he is, but I want so much for him to be happy.

My mind was so distracted that I didn't even notice that when I came back from the forbidden forest to Hogwarts' grounds, I wasn't alone.

I did notice how the air was getting colder like we were back in Winter. I saw how the Black Lake's water was freezing and turning to ice. My own breath was steaming through my mouth. A shiver ran down my spine, making my whole body shiver. A tight knot on my throat made me stop running, as I was finding it hard to breathe. I felt this urge to cry because it felt like all my happiness ran away from my heart.

Then, I looked up.

Several Dementors were flying around me, circling me as if they were setting a trap.

I gasped. I never saw them so close.

They were even worse than I thought.

One of them approached me, slowly but I didn't move. Severus told me never to engage a Dementor if he didn't attack me. He told me to keep myself calm until they were done. They would just watch me, check that I am no threat and go away. But not this time. 

They watched me (I don't know why because they don't even have fucking eyes), and a groan coming from hell echoed around me. A racket erupted around me, they started flying quickly, approaching me every now and then, trying to suck whatever they wanted to suck out of me. It felt like they were shattering my soul into tiny pieces and stepping on top of them, soaking them with gasoline and setting them on fire.

I screamed.

Then I tried to defend myself, building a protective wall of ice around me.

They broke it after a few tries and continued their work.

I tried to stop them by conjuring fire around me, but they were immune.

I used the tree's branches to fight them off, but they managed to fight them back.

So there was nothing that I could do and if no one was there to save me, I was doomed.

I fell on the floor, fighting for breath. My head hit the ground and it hurt like hell, but I wasn't knocked off. I barely saw them continue their horrible flying dance around me, sucking the soul out of my body. I didn't know why they were attacking me, nor what the hell was happening, but I was growing tired, my eyes wanted to close. 

An intense light hurt my eyes. The Dementors went away and I felt my body whole once again. Weak, but whole. I was expecting to see Severus saving me like he usually does, but I was wrong.

"Do not give in to those feelings. Everything is going to be alright," Albus' sweet and calm voice made me turn my eyes to him. He kneeled by my side, held me in his arms.

When he noticed how pale and frightened I was, his heart broke in pieces. He was going to the Owlery when he noticed the dementors around me, luckily, being the headmaster, he can apparate and disapparate whenever he wants, so he didn't hesitate to help me.

Minerva joined him immediately because she was walking to Hagrid's hut when she spotted Albus' Patronus and an intense light blinding her. I felt her warm hand on my cheek and for some reason, I felt a little better. However, it wasn't enough to stop me from fainting.

The last thing I heard was her voice, barely a whisper.

"Take her to Pomfrey."

 

***

 

When I woke up, I felt my body so tired. I knew I wasn't hurt, I didn't feel any physical pain, but I was so tired, especially mentally. I saw Albus' features by my side, his hand stroking mine with his thumb in a slow but lovely caress. His kind expression hiding the concern behind his eyes is something that had always surprised me. Even in the most dangerous or deathly situations, he always has something heartwarmer to share, even if just that tender smile.

"Good morning," he said in a quiet and calm voice.

I fought hard to pull my body up, blinking several times to adjust to the intense morning light coming through the windows.

"Hey," I faintly said. "What happened?"

A woman's voice talked to me and I turned my head to the source of that voice. I assumed that was the famous Madame Pomfrey, the healer of Hogwarts. I have always heard about her, good things mostly. Everyone liked her, she was kind but smart enough to heal anyone who falls ill in that school.

I looked at her face and behind the wrinkles in her eyes, she smiled, telling me about the Dementors' attack but assuring me that I was fine. I would feel tired for some days, especially because for what Albus told her, they were attacking me for a while when he got there. And since I was  _just a muggle_  the effect might take long to vanish.

Albus offered me some chocolate and I glanced at him in confusion.

"Chocolate releases endorphins in the body which do enhance one's mood. Besides, this chocolate is absolutely delicious, try it."

I looked at Madame Pomfrey who smile and nodded her head, encouraging me to eat it. I took the first bit and hummed - it was indeed very delicious. It tasted like hazelnut chocolate. My favorite.

"Now, honey. Do you know why you were attacked? Did you engage any of the Dementors?" Albus asked.

"No, I didn't. I just went for a morning jog, as usual. And when I came back from the forest they followed me. I only used my powers when they attacked. But they were so many and so strong that... I felt weak. And... and cold, empty. I don't know, it was so terrifying."

Albus caressed my hand again, his smile fading away a little and exposing how truly worried he was.

"You are going to be just fine," the healer said before turning away to continue her work somewhere else. "They probably identified you like a different being and saw you as a threat. Luckily, Albus was around to save you. Rest for the rest of the day and then you can go back to your chambers."

I looked at Albus, furrowing my brows. I knew that they wouldn't attack someone just for being different. They might be vile creatures, but if they see no threat, they wouldn't attack someone innocent. Either they were instructed by someone to attack me - and by someone I mean Voldemort - or they sensed who I truly was and if that was the case... 

The hospital wing's door snapped open and a rushed pace was heard. Suddenly Severus appeared in front of my bed, his harsh mask not behind successful in masking how scared he was.

"I just arrived. Professor McGonagall told me what happened," he said, trying to conceal the concern in his voice.

"She is alright, Severus. The Dementors might have confused her with someone... they... might sense her heritage," Albus whispered, fearing that someone might hear us.

Severus approached me and analyzed my figure. I was tired, sure, but there were no traces of wounds or anything more grave. His expression didn't change though, he was not only worried but also pissed off. If Albus wasn't there he would have stayed by my side, but since he was there for me, there was no need for him to linger longer and grow even angrier by that situation. The Dementors were there to protect people of Hogwarts, not attack them, either magical beings or any other kind of living creature.

He nodded his head slightly and turned around to leave without saying one more word.

I furrowed my brows at his reaction but didn't give it too much attention. I turned to Albus who had a curious look on his face and spent the rest of my morning talking to him before he had to leave for his headmaster's affairs. 

The rest of the evening I rested as Madame Pomfrey ordered and before I knew it, I was back at my chambers, ready to take a proper bath and sleep some more.

 

***

 

The next morning, Mr. Filch knocked on my door.

"I've heard what happened, are you alright? 

"Yes, I'm good as new," I said with a forced smile on my lips. It wasn't particularly true, but I was better than the previous day anyway. My body felt stronger but I was feeling tired since I had woken up. Not even after eating breakfast in the comfort of my small kitchen I remained worn off as if I just ran a marathon.

"Good to know," he said with a creepy smile on his face. I know, he doesn't mean any harm, but that man gives me the creeps. "Dumbledore asked me to tell you that he needs you in his office right away."

I furrowed my brows.

"This early in the morning?"

"Yes. He looked happy, nervous, but happy."

I nodded my head, dismissing the caretaker. I grabbed my coat and walked out of my chambers, towards Albus' office. Muttering the password, I allowed myself in, greeting not only Albus but also Minerva and Severus.

"How are you feeling, my dear?" Minerva asked. I guess I'm going to hear that question for a while.

"Better, thank you," I turned to Albus, ignoring Severus' silent presence. "You called me, Albus?"

"Yes, yes," he said, walking to his desk. "There are a few matters that I'd like to talk to you and I asked Minerva and Severus to be here too. As you know, a war is on the way, Ana," I nodded my head, sitting on the chair in front of his desk. "Anyone here could be the target. We know you are. It is important to know who our friends are and stay surrounded by them."

"At a time like this, it's hard to know who your real friends are," I admitted and Albus nodded.

"Indeed. I must know, I've been through a war before and I most certainly do not know how this one is going to end."

"Are you trying to get somewhere? Because I hate it when you talk like that," I smiled weakly, knowing that what he was saying was absolutely true and that was what was more terrifying to me.

Albus smiled at me.

"You don't deserve anything that is happening, especially your heritage," I lowered my head, fidgeting my fingers and playing with the hem of my coat. "This second war is making me put everything into another perspective, to see things differently. And when you were attacked yesterday, I most certainly made a decision that I have been thinking about for a while now."

I furrowed my brows at him, but the smile on my face didn't fade away. Around him, that smile barely fades, he is one of those people that make you feel good just by staying in his presence.

Albus didn't speak anymore, he just picked up some papers from his desk and handed them to me, his eyes flickering up. "Read them."

Severus and Minerva stood there, expectant. None of them were aware of the reason why Albus called me there, nor why they were there. They watched me as I read the papers, gasped and put a hand over my mouth. I seemed shocked for whatever was written on those papers.

"I wouldn't want it any other way. You are so important to me, more than you are aware. And it is not because of your powers, I love you for the person you are. You are a great woman, Ana. I couldn't be prouder." He walked closer to me, to sit on the chair by my side. The other two presences were perplexed, but as Albus continued speaking, they acknowledged what was happening in front of their eyes. "I saw you like family every time we spent time together in that small coffee shop. Even before you told me about your powers. I spoke to you because you were the only person that helped me take my mind off of things. I saw you as a daughter, a dear daughter. And I know you are in pain. I know you are suffering. But I've seen how strong and how resilient you are. That is why I am asking you to become Ana Dumbledore, daughter of Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. Nothing would give more happiness to an old wizard that loves you so much."

There was nothing I could do to stop the tears.

Severus and Minerva gasped behind us, shocked by what they just witnessed.

It made sense to them, though. Albus was getting crazy with the possible return of Voldemort. When he met the girl from the King's Cross Station, he became more himself. He would go there, drink a cup of tea and talked to me. It helped him to clear his mind and see things more properly. And when he told Severus and Minerva about the powers I claim to have, there was this shine in his eyes that they never saw before.

Minerva was so moved by the gesture that she searched for a tissue in her pocket to clean the tears and blow up her nose.

Severus was shocked, obviously. But part of him was relieved that I was finding a good path in my life. He knew that I deserved everything good and he is glad that no one gave up on me, knowing my heritage.

"I don't know what to say," I whispered, hugging Albus through his long beard and hair.

"Do you want to?"

"Yes --" I sobbed. "Absolutely!"

"Then, you just have to sign those papers," he said, smiling fatherly as I trembled when I picked up the pen.

I looked at him and he nodded his head, giving me courage.

I signed the papers and then looked at them. I had a father. That loved me. That wanted me.

"We should celebrate it tonight. A diner, perhaps?" Albus said and I nodded. He turned to Severus and Minerva who weren't even able to pronounce a word. "Would you like to join us, Minerva and Severus?"

"Of course!" Minerva said excited, rushing to my side to hug me.

Severus nodded his head but didn't move. He thought it would be better to keep such a personal moment for later. He would congratulate me when we're alone.


	32. Chapter 32

"Ah, there you are, my dear," Albus greeted me when I arrived at the restaurant with Minerva. He and Severus were there already and I had to clear my throat and look away when I noticed Severus' eyes lightening up at me.

"Minerva and I lost track of time," I replied, smirking at Minerva while we took our seats on the table.

"And should I know how?" Albus questioned in a mocking tone that made Minerva grin.

"Girl's talk," she said, rolling her eyes playfully.

"I see," Albus said. "Anyway, you are here now, and we can have a good time together. To celebrate our family." He raised his glass in the air and I took mine to make a toast. "To us."

"To us," I muttered with a smile on my lips, feeling my cheeks reddening a bit. Filling my glass with wine, I made a toast with Albus and drank that lovely beverage. A smile crept to my lips again, watching Albus' eyes glistering with happiness. However, that smile slightly faded away as I noticed how that dark mark on his hand was growing every day.

Albus noticed that change of behavior as did Severus.

I gulped and looked down, hearing Minerva talking about random stuff just to enlighten that sudden break of mood. For several times, I asked Albus what the hell was that -- if it was some kind of infection or some curse. Albus always said it was nothing to worry about, that he wasn't going to die because of it, but he never actually answered my question. On the other hand, when I ask Severus, he always replies that it's none of my business, but that he was helping Albus with some potions brewed by himself. He is a master of potions, so I shouldn't be worried about it, but the more I look at that weird dark spot covering his right hand, the more I wonder if, in fact, I had nothing to worry about.

"Ana, how is your studying going?" Minerva asked after a while, catching me off guard as I was diving into my deepest thoughts.

"Uh -- very well, I already have a lot of works to do, and in a few weeks I'll have exams... but it's going pretty well..." I suddenly became quiet and Albus furrowed a brow.

"Is something troubling you, Ana?" He asked and I lowered my head, rubbing my hands under the table in a nervous way. "Are you not happy with your studies?"

"No! I mean, Yes, I am. Just..." I gulped and looked at him. "Yesterday, while I was at the hospital wing, I couldn't help but ask Madame Pomfrey a lot of questions about her healing procedures. And... well, it is more fascinating than the  _muggle_  method."

Albus nodded his head in understanding, his eyes gleaming even more. He was hoping that someday, somehow, I'd finally see how medicine works for the Wizarding world and since I had such talent for taking care of others, I might decide to turn my path to study medicine in our magical world. A smile appeared on his lips and I narrowed my eyes.

"I can talk to people. And instead of the muggle university, you could study medicine in the Wizarding world. You won't be able to tend wounds with a wand, but I am certain that you might discover new abilities if you work towards that."

Severus looked at Albus with a confused look.

"Madame Pomfrey has been talking about retiring," Minerva spoke, but it seemed more like a loud thought.

"Yes, yes. If you'd like, I can make arrangements for you," Albus said, clapping his hands. "The best part is that the subjects you've been studying are the same as ours. You need to know the human body, and how it works to study the magical part of the treatments. You could be a skilled healer, yes."

I widened my eyes at them, surprised not only by that amazing opportunity but also in shock that they just offered me a job as Hogwarts' healer after Madame Pomfrey retires.

Seeing my hesitance, Albus raised his hand. 

"I'll speak to some acquaintances of mine. But there is no rush in your decision, it is, after all, your life and your path."

"I'll -- I'll think about it, thank you very much," I said, feeling my eyes burning with the tears threatening to drop.

"You will focus on your studies until you make your decision, am I right?" Albus asked in a mocking tone.

"Of course! Wizarding world or Muggle world, I want to help other people, I want to heal them. All my life I always thought about becoming a doctor, because that's what I've always known. But now, I'm in a world where I feel more like... myself. And I'm divided between what I've always wanted and what I want now."

"That is why I know you will make the right decision, either you chose to continue or change the world you want to live in," Albus replied, clapping his hands when the food was finally at the table.

We kept a relaxed conversation over dinner. My studies' conversation was not brought to the table again not even once, and for those hours that we had fun together, we didn't even think about Voldemort and all that it's happening outside. I wondered how life would be once we defeated him - yes, defeat, I can't accept losing this battle. Especially after knowing my true heritage.

Albus and Minerva talked about their school years as students, which made me laugh for a while. Albus told me how he sent on fire the curtains from Gryffindor's beds because he didn't like them but also told me that he was himself a fan of the  _muggle_ world. In fact, he loves hand-knitting and to play ten-pin bowling.  He is also a fan of chamber music, a form of classical music that is composed for a small group of instruments that could fit a large room or those kinds of palaces' chambers. Minerva looked at him with an odd face when he spoke about his adventures at bowling and I even defied him for a match, which he accepted with a wide smile.

"Ah, Severus, I almost forgot! I am not able to go to Slughorn's party. I am counting on you to take my place."

"Yes, headmaster," he simply said.

Albus looked at me for a while, then at Severus.

"You should take Ana with you. I think she'll love it."

I narrowed my eyes at Albus and Severus stared at the man, as if he said something outrageous.

"It is a way for her to get to know more people," he turned to me with his eyes glistering. "It's like a ball. There's food, drink, and music. You can wear one of those fancy dresses."

"I -- I don't know," I looked at Severus. "I'd love to go if Severus is ok with it."

Severus looked at me and nodded his head, his way of telling me that he wouldn't object.

"When is this party?"

"This weekend," Albus said and I widened my eyes.

"Don't worry about nothing, my dear. I got you covered." Minerva said, winking at me, knowing very well that I was worried about not having a dress for this kind of stuff.

"Now that I think of it, it is a good idea to have you there. Slughorn will certainly like you."

"Certainly," Severus grumbled.

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Severus will enlight you, my dear. I'm afraid I must leave you now," Albus got up from the table and said his goodbyes, planting a kiss on the top of my head.

"I think I will accompany you, Albus. Have a good night, Ana. Severus." 

In a matter of seconds, they both disappeared and left me alone with Severus. It was awkward. It seemed like they did it on purpose, and knowing Albus and Minerva, that was more likely. Severus also noticed how they rushed their leaving, knowing that they were aware of the strange tension between us.

I looked at Severus for a moment, feeling my cheeks burn. My mind was sending me all types of alarms, all of them asking me to get away from that situation. But something else occurred in my mind.

"My dear ex-mentor..." I said, his attention turning entirely on me. He narrowed his eyes, not knowing why the hell I was talking that way. "We're in Hogsmeade..."

"And...?" He raised his brow.

"And, for some reason that I don't remember, you are bound to pay me butterbeer whenever I desire," I said with a proud look on my face.

Severus rolled his eyes.

"Alright, grab your coat, let's go." 

He got up from the chair and left the restaurant. I followed him with a smirk on my face.

"And I am bound to pay you butterbeer because I was hurtful towards you."

"I know," I said in a mocking expression that softened to a smiley one. "You remember. That's... sweet of you."

"How could I not?" He stopped walking the dark streets, only illuminated by the public lights. His expression melted when his eyes traveled down to my lips. There was something strange inside of him, that he couldn't quite explain, that was making him more loosen up. It surely wasn't the wine, he didn't drink that much. Probably was the fact that he had feelings for a woman he protected since he met her; a woman that proved herself as brilliant, strong, courageous, faithful and with a beauty that he never saw before. "I remember every moment; every word; every gesture, since the day I met you."

I gulped painfully, taken aback by his words.

He was making my heart race inside my chest, the blood in my veins was traveling at the speed of light, my lungs were fighting for air and my knees were failing on me.

When he took a step closer, I felt the air becoming warmer and heavier, torturing me in a painfully good way.

"I must tell you - I fight hard not to remember them. But I do. Every day and every night."

His whisper was like a fresh wave of ecstasy all over my body. I lightly smiled at him.

"Does it bother you?"

Severus bite his inside cheek, mad because he knew the answer and didn't want to say it out loud. My glistering eyes encouraged him to say it.

"Not.One.Bit."

"Me neither."

The way the wind was blowing the hair away from my face; the way the white light of the streets' lamp was illuminating my face; it made him think I was an angel. It made him want to worship the woman in front of him that had enough chances to run away from him and from his feelings and didn't. I didn't. I would never. But the truth is that I have no idea what his words meant, I have no idea what he truly feels and this enigmatic words he just pronounced made me even more confused, but also more drawn to him.

I approached Severus without even thinking twice. I wanted to feel him. I needed to feel him.

With one step closer, I was face to face with him, inches away from him. My hand went up to his face, caressing his skin. He closed his eyes at the feeling and I leaned in immediately, planting a quick peck on his lips.

As soon as I felt his lips, I widened my eyes at what I was doing and was even more shocked because he didn't push me away. And when I heard people laughing and talking, leaving the restaurant, I was the one that pulled away from Severus who had his eyes locked on mine with an indecipherable expression.

"I'm sorry," I muttered, dropping my eyes to the ground. 

When those people disappeared again and we were left alone in the middle of the street, I turned around to return to the castle, hugging myself as I walked away, ignoring Severus' attempt to ask me to stop by calling my name.

_What the hell was I thinking?_ I asked myself as I entered my chambers and locked the door behind me.


	33. Chapter 33

Since dinner with Albus, Minerva, and Severus I haven't left my chambers unless I needed to eat or go to university. It has been 3 days since I last spoke to Severus since I kissed him. I can't even look at him, running away every time we're in the same room or every time he even tried to talk to me.

I knew that I wouldn't be able to avoid him forever. He even knocked on my chamber's door, but I didn't answer. I knew it was him and remained quiet until he decided to go away. _What the hell was I even supposed to say? Should I apologize to him, or ignore what happened?_

I had time to think about it, though. That evening I was going out with Minerva. Apparently she had a friend with a dresses' store in the Diagon-Alley and she was going to take me there. The dress was her treat, according to her. She said Slughorn wouldn't resist to someone as famous as I was becoming due to my uniqueness, neither to a beautiful woman. The second reason left me a little off guard since she gave a very strange and exciting look.

When we got to the store, her friend, Arya, showed me the more exquisite dresses she had. I loved them all, sure, but maybe I'd hope for something less... bold.

"Minerva, this is too much," I said as Arya zipped up my dress. It was a long, golden dress, with a lavish cleavage that ended in an off-shoulder collar. The skirt had an opening from my right tight to the end that only exposed my leg if I sit or if I put my leg to the side.

"The dress looks beautiful in you, my dear," Arya said.

"Yes, that is not the matter. Have you seen this cleavage?"

"You have the body for this dress, you have nothing to worry about."

I looked at Minerva and she had a motherly-proud look on her face. I brought her back to earth with a snap of my fingers in front of her eyes.

"Oh for Merlin's sake! Live a little!" She said. "The dress is a little too much, yes. But you are young and free and beautiful. Wear it proudly! " She said in an offended tone, huffing in frustration. Then, she turned to Arya and made her laugh "And they call me old."

After a long time, convincing me to take the dress, I ended up agreeing. Well, she was right, the dress looked beautiful on me and I truly liked it. She was the one paying for it, so I should just thank her and accept her offer. I thanked Arya for her attention and we left the store, returning to Hogwarts hours later. 

Minerva wanted to be the one to take care of me before the party and it would pain me to see the look on her face if I deny her offer. She looked so happy for doing that for me and I couldn't say no. So, after lunch, she showed up at my chambers, an excited look on her face and the wand in her hand.

Before I could even talk, she waved her wand.

"The dress is already so fancy that your hair should be simple," she said as I looked myself in the mirror. My brown hair was completely straightened. I opened my eyes in shock, I was never able to do it like that, not even in the hairdresser. At that moment I remembered that I haven't been to a hairdresser for almost two years. My hair was so long that I gave up on making any hairstyle. I'd usually just tie it up, away from my eyes.

Minerva waved her wand again.

"Maybe a little fancier," she said.

I looked at the mirror again and soft sparkling golden points all over my hair. I had to admit, it looked amazing. My skin had also some sparks as if I had bathed myself in gold. It was truly mesmerizing.

"Thank you," I smiled at her. 

"We're not done," she said. She waved her wand in my face and when I looked at the mirror once again, I had makeup on my skin, perfectly done. The thin eyeliner on top of my eyes made them look longer and almost almond-shaped, the golden and brown eye shadow blended evenly in both eyes made the color in my dark eyes pop out. "Now, the dress."

"Can't I wear another dress? The makeup and the hair are enough..."

"No way! You must wear it. You might even meet someone tonight," she said in a suggestive tone.

I looked at her in disbelief, ceasing my dressing up. 

"Your intention is to get me laid???" I asked and she rolled her eyes, releasing a loud laugh. She was about to talk when someone knocked at my door. It was Albus and Severus. 

"Come on, put the dress on shut the whining." Albus and Severus walked in, waiting in the living room while Minerva went to the room to zip me up. "My goodness, Ana. You look absolutely divine!" She said with a proud smile on her face.

"I am going to make you pay for this," I said, looking at myself in the mirror. I can't deny, it truly looked amazing. But that dress is not meant for me, I don't feel confident enough to wear it on public, or even come out of that room for Albus and Severus to see me. _Oh God, Severus was there! Waiting for me, and he was going to see me in that dress._ I froze in front of the mirror, knowing that the last time we talked, I kissed him and this is the first time that I'm staying more than 5 minutes in the same room as him.

"You can make me pay after the party," Minerva said, walking out of the room. She exchanged a look with Albus, a proud but mocking expression behind her smile. Severus was not understanding why I was having so many problems in coming out of the room, but apparently Albus was more than aware of the reason. For what he could hear and perceive, Albus had asked Minerva to buy the fanciest and the most beautiful dress she could find. He wanted me to feel the most gorgeous person in the world.

"Come on out, Ana. It's getting late," Albus spoke.

"I swear I had nothing to do with this! She forced me to dress this!" I said before taking a deep breath and showing myself in the living room.

Minerva clapped her hands, Albus widened his eyes and opened his mouth, and Severus remained the same, except for his eyes - they became darker.

"Merlin's beards! You look stunning!" Albus said.

"She does, doesn't she?" Minerva asked.

I looked down at the dress, ready to complain, but Minerva interrupted me, handing me my white fury coat. 

"It's cold outside," she said.

I put the coat on and looked at Severus to tell him I was ready to go. Severus didn't let me speak, though, he nodded his head and turned around to leave. I said my goodbyes to Albus and Minerva and followed him in silence.

"Don't forget your mission," Albus said in a mocking tone before they were out of sight.

 

***

 

The trip to the party was awkwardly and uncomfortably quiet. Severus didn't even look at me and I didn't find the strength I needed to speak to him, at least tell him that I was deeply sorry for kissing him without his authorization. Obviously, I misunderstood his kind words for something else, and probably, overwhelmed as I was feeling, I needed his touch. 

I could only hope that he wasn't so mad at me that he wouldn't even speak to me that night.

We finally arrived together to Slughorn's party. I've seen the man on several occasions since the beginning of the school year, but after knowing about who my real father is, I've been more hidden in my chambers. I only leave to run in the morning, to go to university and to the hospital for the internship, and whenever Albus called me. I even ate my meals in my chambers because I don't feel comfortable enough to be around the students. Especially after the Dementors attack. So I never talked to Slughorn, never was introduced to him.

"Severus, no time no see," said a man with a wicked smile. The man approached us but I only acknowledged him when he grabbed my knuckles to kiss them. "And you came with the company of such a beautiful woman. And what might I call you, my lady?"

"Uh, Ana, Sir," I replied, narrowing my eyes when the man kept my hand on his and a creepy smile on his lips. Severus was quiet by my side, observing the whole scenario in front of him. He raised a brow.

"My name is Eldred," he replied, letting go of my hand when he felt the tip of pain in the back of his head. I had to find a way for him to let go of my head without being unpolite, so using my powers in these kind of situation was handy. He let it go immediately and rubbed his neck with his face paler than normal.

"Nice to meet you. I'm afraid I must leave you. There are people expecting me," I said once I caught Hermione and Harry's presence through the corner of my eyes.

"It was my pleasure," he said, his eyes slightly going down on my chest, "I hope we can talk more through the evening."

"Yes, certainly," I said, walking away from that uncomfortable moment.

Without looking back, I approached Harry and Hermione. They were behind the curtain, whispering like they were hiding from someone.

"Hi -- " I said, being shushed by Hermione, who pulled me behind the curtains.

"Ssh... I'm hiding."

"I can see that," I mocked her. 

"Hiding from my date," she said.

"I thought you were going to invite Ron," I said and she rolled her eyes, not answering my statement. Her eyes fell on my dress.

"You look absolutely stunning, Ana."

"Yeah, you really do," Harry said, his eyes focused on the crowd behind the curtain.

"Thanks, isn't it too much? Minerva bought me the dress," I admitted, trying to justify why the hell I was dressing like that.

"It is a flashy dress, but beautiful nonetheless," Hermione confessed.

I groaned in frustration.

"Well, I might as well do what I came here to do, so, can you tell me where Slughorn is?"

"Uh, I saw you a few moments ago. He was near the fireplace," Harry replied.

"I should go and introduce myself," I said.

"You haven't' met him yet?" Harry asked.

"No, I've been busy for the past months. I've been eating in my chambers because of my exams. And I feel safer there," I wasn't lying, but it was only part of the truth. 

Harry looked at me with a doubtful look but didn't insist. Instead, he smiled at me.

"Dumbledore told me that you are his adoptive daughter now. Congratulations!"

Hermione took my hand and squeezed it, a smile appearing on her face.

"Yes, he is the best person I've ever met... I don't know where I would be if it wasn't for him. And I wouldn't want it any other way," I said with a proud smile on my lips. "Speaking of my father, I must do what he asked me to do tonight, wish me luck."

I turned around and walked away, observing as a student approached the curtains, while Hermione escaped through the other side. When I looked ahead, trying to spot Slughorn, I hit against someone. I immediately recognized those black robes and the familiar scent of whiskey and potions.

Looking up, Severus was staring at me with an unreadable face.

"I'm sorry," I excused myself, but he grabbed my arm to make me stop.

"You're avoiding me," he said.

"Obviously," I said, making him narrow his eyes at me. He didn't say a word while his eyes buried deep into my soul just with a glance. "I'm sorry about the other night. It was inconvenient and inappropriate."

"It was."

"It won't happen again," I said.

"I did not complain, did I?" He simply asked, catching me off guard. Without saying one more word, he walked away to where Harry was with Hermione's date. I was simply abashed with his words and didn't even move from the spot.

I was snapped back to my surroundings when a light flashed in front of my eyes. Someone had taken a picture of me, while I was looking into nothing, lost in the turmoil of thoughts haunting my mind. If that picture was able to show my thoughts, certainly Severus' lips from the other night were on the center of those thoughts.

I looked around to a man with a weird blonde hair. He had a camera on his hand.

"I'm sorry. You were standing there so beautifully, that I needed to take you a picture," he said. "I'm Adrian, I'm from the Daily Prophet. I was professor Slughron's student. I graduated in 1978. I think the professor was a little disappointed when I became a reporter but he still invites me to these parties."

_So much information in just 1 minute._

"I'm A--"

"-- Ana," he interrupted me. "I know. You are quite famous. A _magical muggle_ , they call you."

"Really? I wasn't aware of that."

"There are a lot of articles talking about you," he said, making me widen my eyes. "If you'd like I can show you them one of these days."

"UH - sure, yeah, thank you," I replied, not knowing what the hell to reply. I noticed how his eyes often traveled down to look at my dress. _Minerva will pay for this_.

I tried to get rid of Adrian, slightly embarrassed by his behavior. He didn't even try to mask his glances, nor his clear advances. When I was finally able to get rid of him, I walked over to the fireplace, where Harry told me Slughorn might be. He said he was talking to a bunch of people in that place, but when I got there, the bunch of people was there, but not Slughorn.

I rubbed my head, confused why the hell it was so damn hard to find the host of that boring party in a place so damn small like that.

Another unknown person addressed me, recognizing me from the newspapers. I wasn't even aware that I was the content of that shitty newspaper. I've heard Harry talking about it before since the Ministry used it to diss Albus and Harry about Voldemort's return. I'm not sure I want to know what they said about me, but I was curious at the same time. 

I chewed my inner cheek, while people came and talked to me, thinking they knew me just because they read some article in the newspaper. I was also annoyed because most of the people addressing me were men, obviously because my golden dress caught their attention. I don't blame them though, I think that was exactly what Minerva intended when she chose this dress. _I wonder what she would think if she knew that I only wanted the attention of someone she would never think of._

Shaking those thoughts away, I decided to run away from the center of the room, quitting on my search for professor Slughorn, temporarily. I glanced over the spot behind the curtains where I left Harry and Hermione, but it was empty. _Good_ , I thought, _a quiet place for me to take a break._

Walking around several people that stopped to talk to me, I managed to reach for that so desired corner of the room. No one saw me hiding there, so for quite some time, I was left alone to think and plan a strategy to talk to Slughorn.

"Aren't you enjoying the party?" Severus sultry voice made me shiver. He saw me walking to the corner behind the curtains to hide, but since he was hearing a group of professors talking, he decided to wait a few minutes before approaching me. He tried to disguise how he was paying attention to me during that party, his eyes following me as I walked through the room. Several times he had to curse himself mentally, slapping his mind for the way he was feeling every time someone approached me. But he kept his attention on me, concealing it by engaging several conversations that he wasn't even slightly interested in.

"I am, I just needed space. I haven't approached Slughorn yet," I said, without even looking at him. I kept my eyes on the darkness outside, part of me lost in my own thoughts, another part trying to avoid his presence.

"Take your time, Ana. There's no need to rush things," he said casually, his eyes observing the party behind those curtains.

I puffed in despair and Severus' eyes left the room to look at me. He felt my frustration.

"There is something bothering you tonight. Do you want to share it with me?"

"I..." I looked at the floor and felt my cheeks burning. I didn't want to talk about it, especially with Severus, but he was the only one there that I knew that I could talk to him about anything. I mean, sure I had Hermione and Harry there, but they were just kids. "It's this dress..." I ended up admitting in a lower tone. "I can't even have 5 minutes of conversation without having someone staring at my cleavage or trying to take me home. Minerva is so going to pay for this, I assure you."

Severus didn't say anything. His eyes returned to the room in front of him but he brought his drink to his lips, taking a sip.

"I haven't told yet, but you look marvelous. Although, It is quite revealing, and..."

_I swear my face was about to spontaneously start burning._

"And... and what?"

"And it is incensing to see all these men throwing themselves at you."

I swallowed hard and cleared my throat, trying to be audible enough for him.

"Does it bother you?"

"Yes," he simply said without looking at me.

"Why?"

Severus remained quiet. I'm not sure if he didn't want to answer, or if he didn't know what the right answer was. Either way, I was afraid of what the truth might be. But, instead of letting it go, I pushed him a little further.

"Do you like the idea of me getting involved with any of these men?"

"No."

"Why?"

Silence again.

 _Damn_.

Another question popped my head and I couldn't help but ask it out loud, knowing that Severus would probably leave me alone behind those curtains and never look me in the eyes again. But me being me, I had to ask.

"Would you prefer to be the one to take me home?"

This unexpected question was cursed by myself the moment it came out of my mouth. Severus immediately turned his head at me, his eyes narrowed and his lips ajar in shock. His face was pale all of a sudden as if he had seen a ghost.

For a moment, he just stood there, staring at me, not believing that I had the courage to ask him such a question. And most of all, he couldn't believe that he wanted so badly to answer the question in an affirmative way.

This kind of relationship was dangerous at a time like that. He knew it. I knew it.

But should we fight it or fight for it?

Severus' hand grabbed the curtain and snapped it open, leaving me alone in the spot. I knew I was stupid for asking that thing. _Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. How can I be so stupid?_ Obviously he just cares for me because he was my mentor and he is a friend. Why would I misunderstand his worry and his care for something else, just because my stupid heart doesn't know how to stop loving him?

I looked at the darkness of the night outside of the window and suddenly felt so cold, so alone. So petty.

I had no right to ask such a question. 

I had to apologize to him.

When I turned around to go search for Severus, I gasped. He was there again, inside the curtains with me. He had this stern look on his face, like usual, but a gleaming light behind his dark brown eyes. He deeply stared at me, trying to choose his right words.

"Yes," he said in a quick, hoarse whisper. "I'd prefer to be the one to take you home. But both of us acknowledge the fact that is not possible. And you need to stop. You are making it too hard for me to contain myself."

Severus is much higher than me, and since he was so close, inches away from me, I had to look up.

"Contain yourself from what?"

"Ana, this is n--" he muttered, ready to end the conversation, but I interrupted him.

"Contain yourself from what, Severus? Please, tell me... I need to know..."

"I cannot do this..." he whispered, looking outside in hope that something would drag him away from that conversation.

"Do what?" I cupped his cheeks and made him look at me. "It's just me, you can tell me anything."

"Not here," he said, taking my hands away from his cheeks.

Was he afraid to be seen with me? I mean, it is not like we cannot be together. He was my mentor, but he was not my professor and I was not a student. There was nothing that forbade us from doing whatever we want together, or was it? 

The only thing that crossed my mind was the fact that probably he didn't reciprocate my feelings, or maybe he doesn't want to be seen with a girl as young as me. Is it shameful for him? I couldn't understand why, and it was infuriating! 

And as I stared at him, furrowing my brows at his behavior, I couldn't help but feel angry towards him.

I walked around him. I was the one that was going to leave him alone behind the curtains this time. 

He grabbed my wrist, stopping me from walking away.

"I need to go. Let me go, please." I pleaded, not being able to look him in the eyes because I knew I'd sher a tear.

Without speaking any further, Severus let go of me and watched as I walked away, moving quickly through the crowd. Most of the people acknowledge my passage, commenting on my furious face. I ignored them and intended to leave the party.

When I arrived outside, it was a little cold. The night breeze was chilling. And I left my coat inside.  _Great_.

"My dear, take this." I heard a man's voice behind me.

I turned around when I felt a jacket behind placed on my back. Slughorn.

_Well, well, well._

"Thank you, Sir," I said with the most polite smile on my face.

"Oh, please. Call me Horace," he said. "It's Ana, isn't it?"

"Yes, you've heard of me," I stated with a raised brow.

"Who haven't?" He asked, laughing at the same time. "You are quite remarkable, aren't you?"

"If that's what you heard, then it must be true."

I heard the man chuckle. Part of me was grateful that he showed up and gave me his jacket. You don't see a man these days with such good manners. I was freezing but with his jacket on I was actually becoming hot, probably he made some kind of spell to warm up the jacket.

"I noticed how you left the party in a hurry, darling. Is everything alright?"

I looked at him by the corner of my eyes.

"Nothing that I can't handle."

"Men problems then," he said, making me turn my attention to him. "It is said that women are complicated to deal with, but men are no bed of roses either."

"Tell me about it," I muffled a laugh.

"I've also heard that you are Dumbledore's friend," he said all of a sudden. His posture changed for one more anxious and alert.

"Oh no," I said smiling. Slughorn furrowed his brows, he was sure that was what he had heard. He widened his eyes at my next words. "I am his daughter now, his adoptive daughter."

"You... you are?" He asked, his eyes growing in shock.

"Yes. I've known him for a few years now and I've always seen him as a dear person... The father I never had," I said looking down with a sad smile.

"What about your real parents, where are they?"

I know he didn't mean to pry. His tone was more of curiosity and pity than anything else. There was no malice behind his intention.

"I rather not talk about it, I'm sorry."

"No, I am sorry. I shouldn't have asked," he said, pausing for a moment. "Albus sent you here, didn't he?"

"Yes."

"He wanted you to talk to me and somehow convince me to tell you the truth about... you-know-who."

"He just asked me to be here. But why? Do you know anything important?"

"Oh, my dear, I know a lot of important things."

I furrowed my brows. This is why Albus wanted me here. Severus explained who Slughorn was, but never told me why Albus wanted me to talk to him. _There is a lot of things that Severus doesn't tell me._

"Why don't you tell anyone about them?"

His expression remained serious.

"Because there are things that are better if unspoken."

I studied his expression and even though he was showing a serious and stern face, I saw a flicker of fear behind them. Fear and guilt, for some reason.

I took a deep breath, knowing that I wasn't going to get anything. But at least, I have to make him think about it.

"You know I'm a muggle. At least, I was raised as one," he nodded his head. "I always had these abilities and I spent my whole life not knowing why I have them. Then, I was introduced to your world - that somehow became my world, where I felt home. When I was told about Vold --" I noticed how he flinched. " _He-who-must-not-be-named_ , I couldn't help but want to assist you and fight for your cause, that eventually became _my_ cause."

"Even if it gets you killed?"

"Yes."

"Why?" He asked, clearly engaged in the conversation. Which was good.

"Because if everyone with the power to do something to help refuses to do so, no one will stand against him. Can you imagine going back to how things were years ago? I don't know, I wasn't even alive back then. But hearing the stories frights me enough that I want to battle against him because I don't want to experience such atrocity. No matter what the cost is. Sometimes we have to forget about ourselves for a second and think about the greater good. And this is not just sweet-talking. If it was, I wouldn't be here, nor managed to master some powers in myself that I didn't even know I possessed."

I looked at the floor and focused. A small white flower suddenly appears, growing from the ground. I squatted enough to pick it up, handed it to Slughorn and smiled.

"Thank you for the jacket, Horace. It's been a pleasure."

I gave him the jacket and left, leaving him with his mouth opened in shock.


	34. Chapter 34

My morning started by having Mr. Filch knocking on my door to tell me Albus was waiting for me in his office. I groaned, knowing that he would probably scold me for not being able to do what he asked me to do. I left the party earlier than expected, mostly because of my fault, because I couldn't control myself around Severus anymore. 

The worst part is that Severus is a very confusing man. One moment he is close to me, telling me things that most women could only dream of being told, the next one he pushes me away like I'm some sort of disease. And to make it even worse, my feelings for him are growing every day.

When I entered my father's office, I felt a cold shiver going through my body. Like a warning of some sort.

I ignored that sensation and froze before opening the door, hearing Severus' voice. He and Albus were having a conversation in a tone barely above a whisper like they were afraid someone might hear. Part of me was scared of what they might be talking about - hopefully not about the interaction between Severus and me, before I left the party.

Knowing how ugly it is to pry, I pushed the door open and they both stopped, looking at me.

Doing my best not to look directly at Severus, I approached Albus' desk.

"Good morning, Ana, how are you feeling today?" My father greeted me with a wide smile. Well, it seems like he is not mad at me, so I could relax.

"Good morning. I'm feeling a little odd this morning, I don't know why," I said, receiving a curious look from him.

"Not the aftermath of wine, I hope," he joked.

"No, I don't usually drink," I smiled.

"Well, a glass of wine never hurt anyone, anyway," he said, walking around the desk. He gestured me to sit on the chair and sat on the edge of his desk, just to be near me while he looked at me with a strange gleam behind his eyes.

I sensed something was different inside of that office, regarding Severus' posture and Albus'. At first, I really thought Severus spoke about my behavior towards him, but that would have to involve him telling me what he replied to me at the party, about the real reason why I left. So, it must be another thing.

"Good job, Ana," my father said all of a sudden with a dainty smile on his lips.

I looked at him and at Severus with a disoriented expression and I heard Albus' chuckle muffled in his throat. 

"Slughorn spoke to Harry today, told him what we needed to know," he said.

I smiled proudly, but when I saw the seriousness behind both Severus and Albus's eyes I knew that whatever they found what was disturbing and not what they envisioned at all.

"He followed me outside and talked to me. I didn't do anything."

"Well, you must have said something, he spoke so highly of you," Albus said.

"It was probably the consequence of that dress, at least it was useful for something that night. Nevertheless, Minerva will pay for what I've been through last night," I chuckled, but my laugh ceased gradually, my eyes reaching the level of gravity behind their eyes. "It is worse than you thought, isn't it?"

My father's smile didn't disappear nor his kind expression, but his usual shiny crystal clear eyes became a little darker and he just nodded. I looked at Severus and besides the darkness and the stern expression he usually has, there was a flicker of fear and worry. 

"Is there something else that I can do to help you?"

"Not for now, Ana. But I'll do need your company to go somewhere. It might be a little dangerous, but I am sure your powers will come handy. Is that alright with you?"

"Of course, anything you need," I replied, getting up from the chair. I approached my father to kiss him on the top of his head. He grabbed my hand and rubbed it in a tender way, smiling at me.

I said my goodbyes and walked away from his office, intending to go back to my chambers. There was this unexplainable tightness inside my chest that left me jittery. Before closing the door, I turned back and looked at Severus. He was looking at me, watching me leave and when our eyes connected, I could see a glimmer of something spanning his dark orbs.

"Severus," I spoke naturally, seeking to conceal the turmoil within. "I need to speak to you. When you're free, can you knock on my chambers' door?"

He nodded his head, his expression never evolving.

I walked away from the office and went straight to my chambers, my hands shaking because of the tension in that room. As the days go by, it seems like my abilities allow me to feel things at a higher level. Like, I connect to my surroundings, feel every tiny piece of emotions and feelings transmitted by anyone around me. 

My walk to my chambers was silent, longer than I intended, but at least it was enough to soothe my nerves.

When I finally reached for my chambers, I made tea. Camomile tea. I needed to keep myself calm for the conversation I was about to have with the man that makes me shiver just by standing in the same room as me.

My heart started beating faster again when someone knocked on my door 10 minutes later. When I opened it, Severus had a sharp look in his eyes, but it was clear that he was spent. Probably didn't have much sleep last night, as I.

"Come on in," I said, stepping out of his way.

He nodded his head and entered my chambers, stopping near the small table of the kitchen area. He looked at me and waited for me to say whatever I wanted to say.

"I need to apologize for last night," as soon as said those words, Severus parted his lips just slightly, something almost not discernible. "I acted inappropriately and I'm sorry about that."

"You haven't committed any crime. There is no need to apologize," Severus replied, catching me off guard. I furrowed my brows at him. I was expecting him to lecture me about how childish or how indecent was my behavior, I was expecting him to scold me.

"Still..." I said, partially unsure of the course of such a conversation. "I've been acting strangely and I should apologize."

Severus nodded his head, signaling that he accepted my apologies. Either way, I didn't enjoy his posture, but I also realized that I had nothing to do with it. Whatever Horace told Harry was not good, like, really, really not good. And once I calmed down my mind and focused on that moment with Severus in my chambers, I could feel his fear, his confusion, but also how he was angry. Whatever they found out wasn't going to be pretty.

I tilted my head to the side and looked at him, receiving more sensations from him.

"Severus... you're bothered about something else, aren't you?" He slightly narrowed his eyes at me. "Whatever Horace told Harry, it's bothering you, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is," he confessed, his eyes burning into mine.

I gulped, knowing that Severus would not be feeling all of those emotions if the new information wasn't truly awful. Whatever it was, I was starting to fear it myself. 

We remained quiet for a while. I walked over to the tea I made and left in the counter and offered it to him. He accepted with a nod of his head and drank it silently, while both of us stood in the kitchen, our backs leaning against the counter, face to face.

I took a deep breath, trying to block the turmoil of feelings that Severus was emanating. I also needed to stop the questions in my mind that were clouding my judgment at the moment. If I wasn't in need of his presence, I'd ask him to leave me alone, the tension was too overwhelming and at this point, I wasn't sure how was I handling it.

"Say it," he suddenly said.

I looked at him with my eyes narrowed.

"Say whatever is on your mind. I can almost hear you thinking," he clarified and I relaxed the expression in my eyes, knowing that he caught me.

After a moment of silence, I had the courage to speak.

"Did you mean it?" I asked, gulping hard when Severus furrowed his brow, not sure if he understood what I just asked. "What you said before I left last night, at the party. Did you mean it?"

He parted his lips, slightly in shock for what I ask, slightly shocked because he was about to answer.

"Yes."

I breathed in and out, relief washing over me. Then, I put down my tea mug and walked slowly to him, feeling his body tensing up with each step I took.

"Ana..." he muttered in a warning out-of-breath tone as if he was afraid of what I was about to do. But he had no reason to be afraid, I'd never do anything against his will, if he wants something for me he will have to take it.

So, instead of stealing the kiss I've been aching for, I buried my head in his chest and straddled my arms around his waist, pulling him to me like I didn't want him to ever leave.

We stood there, for quite some time. I guess both of us needed that time, to feel in each other's embrace, to forget the problems just for five minutes. 

I planted a kiss on the top of his robs, in his chest, lingering my lips there as inhaled his scent. Then, I pulled away, allowing him to leave my chambers. I knew he needed to go, I needed him to go. I needed to be alone. To make sense of what is happening between us. It's like he said, it is impossible for us to be together, especially at a time like this. I would want it, anyway, but it would put his position as a Death Eater spy in danger.

When he left me alone in my chambers, I wanted to take my mind off things. I studied, I exercised, I even went for a run. I had no classes that day, but I was actually considering giving up at the end of that year, and study in the wizarding world. I felt complete between wizards and magical creatures. Apparently, I am a magical creature myself. A magical muggle as Adrian told me last night. I felt that I belonged there. 

I wandered the school during the evening. I went to the library, picking up a random book. It was raining outside. The sky was grey, covered in clouds, mimicking everyone's feelings nowadays. My heart was less heavy when I thought that I was going to spend the Christmas' holidays with the Weasleys and that Albus would be there too. At least, I'd feel home. Probably the first Christmas that I'll actually have a family.

After an hour in the library, I decided to take that book with me and went to my chambers, to cuddle with my blanket and a cup of chocolate while I continued reading it on my couch. My mind was more quiet, thoughts of Severus barely there for some time. Probably the effect of such a good book. It was about fantastic creatures, their characteristics, their usual habitats and how to engage them.

The cold breeze that sent a shiver down my spine snapped me back to the outside world. A feeling of insecurity taking over me. I looked around, but there was no one there. It was just me and that amazing book.

I leaned back on the couch and my eyes returned to the book.

 _"Ana_ ," I heard a hoarse voice whisper.

I jumped out of the couch, my eyes attentive to my surroundings.

I was alone. There was no one there.

The book fallen on the floor caught my attention. That cold breeze was back, shaking one of the pages of the book and turning it to the other side slowly. Then, another page was turned. Then, the whole book was being leafed through and that soft cold breeze turned to something more alarming, more dangerous.

I looked around and there was no one there, but the whisper returned.

 _"Anaaaa..."_ it said, making me jump forward. It came from behind me. 

I turned around but there was nothing there.

Then, when I turned around to leave my chambers, there was a mist, a grey mist, much like the dark clouds outside the castle. It surrounded me, blurring my vision. Some fog gathered in the middle, gradually forming a face. A familiar face.

_Voldemort._

_"Ana..."_ he said. _"My daughter..."_

I tried to run away, through the fog that seemed like it never ended. And when I reached for my doorknob, he appeared fully in front of me.

"Come with me, my daughter. Come with me," he lifted his hand for me and when he was just inches away from my face, I jumped out of the couch, panting, scared, sweating and very confused. _It was all just a dream_ , I thought, immediately looking around for any signs of Voldemort's presence. But there was none.

Taking a deep breath to calm my nerves, I looked at the hours and gasped. I was late for dinner and I was a mess. Grabbing my shoes, I put them on and grabbed a coat to leave. But the moment just before I grabbed the doorknob, a shiver ran down my spine and the whisper I heard in my dream was heard.

_"Ana..."_

In full panic, I ran as fast as I could, away from my chambers. 

I tried to convince myself that it was all just a dream, and the last whisper I heard was just a product of my terrified imagination. That was all that I said to myself, trying to calm down. But even though I was saying that to myself, I couldn't control my breathing, nor the tears running down my cheeks.

That night was the last night before Christmas' holidays and I decided that I was going to have dinner in the Great Hall with everyone. So, I had to at least look presentable, that is why I ran to the students' bathroom, washed my face with fresh water, brushed my hair with my fingers and pinched my cheeks, to look like I had blood on my face. I was so pale like I had seen a ghost. What I saw was worse than a ghost, I guess.

When I walked through the Great Hall to the staff table, I lowered my head, avoiding any eye contact. But I knew that some eyes were on me, especially on the staff table. Minerva, Severus, Albus, and Horace were looking at me, probably noticing how I looked like shit.

"Is everything alright with you?" I heard Minerva ask in a hushed voice. The rest of them were paying attention to us as I sat down. 

"Yes, yes," I said, still out of breath. "I'm alright."

"You're either on drugs or you have been crying, darling. You cannot lie to me. Can I do anything to help?" She insisted and I knew that she was not going to let it go.

"No. No one can," I said, turning my head to the food.

The rest of the table returned to their conversations, forgetting about me. However, Albus, Minerva, and Severus couldn't stop glancing at me every now and then, deeply concerned about my wellbeing. For a moment, Severus got lost in his thoughts. His heart tightened inside his chest when he assumed that it was his fault. I have been crying because of him because he can't get rid of that blocker in his mind that stops him from getting what he wants: me.

When the dinner was over, I rushed back to those terrifying chambers, ignoring Severus calling me in the middle of the crowd that was moving back to their headquarters. I hid under my blankets in my bed, put on some music to keep me company and prayed that nothing else happened that night. After a moment, I was finally resting, sleeping a dreamless night.

The next morning, I'd go back to The Burrow, to spend a lovely holiday with the Weasley family, trying to forget all about the dream that terrorized me.


	35. Chapter 35

The students were back in classes after the holidays, and that morning Hogwarts was so quiet because they had exams in several subjects. There was practically no one in those corridors but, even though it was a cold morning, the sun was shining in the sky. Something that hasn't happened in a long time.

Because of that, I had no intention of studying. 

I also didn't want to waste such a sunny day sulking inside of my chambers.

My mind had constant thoughts that replayed what happened with Severus before Christmas' holidays, how we kissed and how he told me he wanted to take me home with him. I don't know exactly what he feels towards me, maybe it is just attraction or temptation for the forbidden fruit, but at least I know I am not the only one with inappropriate feelings/thoughts.

During the holidays, I haven't spoken to him, nor seen him. He didn't send me any letter like he used to, but I also didn't have the guts to write to him after what happened.

Trying to get him out of my head, even if just for a second, I grabbed my sketchbook and a pencil to draw something. I haven't been able to do this for quite some time, and the schoolyard at the entrance was something that I've always wanted to draw. I loved the fountain in the middle, so that would be my main focus.

Hours have passed while I sat there. Students came from classes and went away for the other classes, and I stood there, drawing, distracting my mind away from Severus.

It was working pretty well until that sultry familiar voice could be heard behind me.

"Back to old habits, I see."

I looked up at the raven-haired man and my heart skipped a beat. I gulped and smiled, trying not to show how nervous I was for seeing him.

"Severus, hi," I said, getting up to face him. "How were your holidays?"

"As usual. Yours?"

"Amazing! The Weasley always receive me so well... Who did you spend your Christmas with?" I trieed not to sound to excited to see him, but I failed miserably.

He looked at me in silence for a moment, his expression hardening for a moment.

"I don't celebrate Christmas."

I widened my eyes at him.

"What???" He raised a brow at me. "Why wouldn't you celebrate it? If I knew, you would spend it with me and the Weasleys."

"I wouldn't," he simply said, making me roll my eyes.

I started walking away, with the intention of returning to my chambers, but Severus walked behind me, which made me realize that he wanted to talk about something else but wasn't sure of how to start the conversation. I wanted to talk to him too, but I was afraid of how he might react or what he might respond. I wanted to know if everything was alright between us if those intense moments we shared before would damage our friendship or whatever relationship we shared.

We walked through those corridors, none of us opening our mouths. I was walking to my chambers, anyway. If he wanted to follow me, I wasn't going to complain.

When I reached for my doorknob, he finally spoke.

"Ana -- how are you feeling?" He asked, making me furrow my brows. "Before the holidays, you showed up late at Christmas' dinner in the Great Hall and you looked utterly wrecked."

"Oh -- that..."

Severus' piercing gaze was making me uncomfortable and making me feel things that I shouldn't feel. I looked down, avoiding his eyes.

"If there is something troubling you, you should speak about it."

"I just had a horrible nightmare and I was terrorized. That's all... But I was alright after that."

He furrowed his brows at me, not believing the part when I said I was alright.

"You can talk to me whenever you feel scared. It... it was difficult to see you that broken without being able to do anything for you," I looked up at him again, gulping when I noticed how his eyes fell from my eyes to my lips and back to my eyes again.

For a moment, we remained silent, just contemplating each other.

I bit my lower lip to handle that tension. I wanted to kiss him so badly and I felt that he was feeling the same way too. If we weren't in those corridors, I'd be throwing my arms around him, which would be, again, inappropriate, but, _fuck it,_ I wanted it.

I looked at my chambers' door and looked at him with a solemn expression.

"Do -- do you want to... come in?"

Severus parted his lips slightly, his body trembling and burning in several places, urging him to accept my suggestion. It took him every fiber of his being, every strength of his mind, to refuse such a propose. He wanted to go in, he wanted to give in. But he knew he couldn't. Or he shouldn't.

He nodded his head, looking down because if he continued staring at me like that, he would lose his mind for good.

"I shouldn't," he simply replied.

I just bowed my head once, accepting and understanding his decision, but felt sad anyway. 

"Severus..." I said, making him look at me again. "Is everything alright between us?"

He seemed confused by my question, but I explained myself better.

"The last time we spoke, things were a little... weird? I don't want my actions to affect our friendship... It would kill me if they did."

"Do not worry, they haven't affected it. Our friendship is unimpaired."

"Good! Good..." I said, rubbing the back of my head and feeling my cheeks burning at the memories of our kiss.

Severus stared at me, his eyes turning darker. It seemed like he wanted to speak something that was going through his mind, but his sense of righteousness or his pride took the best of him, and he closed his mouth, saying his goodbyes before leaving me at the entry of my chambers.

I stood there, watching him leave. Part of me wanted to call for him, tell him how I truly feel. But the other part knew that I shouldn't, that I had more urgent things to worry about. 

Things are getting worse every day. After the holidays, several students didn't return. Their parents didn't allow it because they feared for their safety. I cannot blame them, obviously, I think I might do the same if I were them. But even outside, nature itself was showing signs of evil forces trying to penetrate that school, to attack anyone who is trying to fight Voldemort and the dark forces supporting him.

My mind is supposed to be focused on all of this, especially now that I know why the hell I am so important to Voldemort, my blood father. I should be terrified of the outcome of this war, yet, all I can think about is him, and being in his arms. It's shameful to say, but it is the truth. And with a simple snap of his fingers, I'd grab my stuff and run far away from here, far away from all of this commotion, where only the two of us could enjoy life and love. 

I shook my head at the thoughts. I've been trying to study for almost an hour after Severus' visit, but I couldn't. Grabbing again my drawing instruments, I left my chambers, but when I opened the door, Albus, my real father, was there with a surprised but kind smile on his lips.

"Did you just saw me coming?" He asked, a tone of proud in his voice.

"No, I was on my way to get fresh air," I kissed his cheek.

"Fresh air? Why? Is there something troubling your mind, my dear?"

"There's a lot troubling my mind," I admitted, smiling at his raised brow. "But I'm handling it, don't you worry. Do you need me for something?"

"Actually yes," he said, knowing that he wouldn't get any confession about was bothering me. "Remember when I told you that I'd be needing you for a mission?" I nodded my head. "Next Monday. 8 A.M. wait for me at the entrance, would you?"

"Yes, father, of course."

He turned around to leave, but he stopped himself.

"I don't know if you're aware, but today is Severus' birthday," he said, leaving me surprised. "Thought you might like to know."

"I didn't know. Thank you."

I stood there, mouth dropped open, shocked that I didn't know anything about this. I have no idea why he never told me when his birthday was. I asked him once, during one of our training sessions, but he dismissed my question, telling me that he already aged one more year a few months ago, that it didn't matter. 

I let it go because I know Severus too well to know that he wasn't going to tell me. But now that I know, I felt like I needed to get him something.

Obviously, I panicked. I had no time to think about something and go buy it. So, I sat back on my couch, with my arms crossed in front of my chest, completely lost in my thoughts, reviewing every moment we spent together, searching for something that might help me.

I decided to go for a walk through the corridors, trying to clear my mind and focus on what mattered: a gift for Severus.

Wandering through the corridors aimlessly, I ended up in the path to Hagrid's hut and the forbidden forest. I sat on the stoned-stairs, my eyes taking in the view. Despite the usual darkness hovering the castle grounds, I can never grow tired of such sight. It was also a way for me to calm down and think properly. 

An idea popped out of my head and I jumped up.

Smiling, I turned around to walk back to my chambers, running up through the stoned-stairs. I entered the castle and rushed through the corridors. 

I suddenly halted my pace since I laid my eyes on Severus, who was walking to his potions' classroom, where the students should be waiting for him.

Severus saw me and stopped, noticing that I started walking in his direction to talk to him.

"Happy birthday, Severus," I said as we walked side by side through the corridors. He stared at me with a raised brow, not understanding how in only a couple of hours since he talked to me I had acquired such information. I smiled at him. "Finally, I know when your birthday is... Albus told me."

He relaxed his brows and his expression softened a notch.

"I don't celebrate my birthday."

I blinked at him, clearly perplexed by his response.

"And why is that?"

He huffed, stopping at the entrance of his classroom.

"Because I never had motives to celebrate it."

Then, he entered the classroom, closing the door behind me. The noise his students were making suddenly ceased as he made his presence felt. I rolled my eyes at his behavior, not giving up on the idea of giving him a birthday gift. I walked away, going back to my chambers to look for my charcoal drawing that Severus loved so much a few years ago when we were still getting to know each other. 

I was in 12 Grimmauld Place drawing when he came in to talk to me. He saw the drawing and I noticed how the corner of his lips slightly curled up. He had admired that drawing like he hasn't admired a piece of art in so many years. After that, he had to run away because he felt things that he wasn't ready to deal with at the moment.

A few months later, when he had caught me drawing again, he admitted that the drawing of the unicorn under the full moonlight was absolutely stunning for him.

And that was what I intended to give him. The drawing. 

I picked it up, but my smile faded as realized I needed something to put it on, like a frame. I didn't have any. Scanning my chambers for it, I pouted when I found none. Then, I decided to go to Albus to ask him for one. Or maybe Minerva. One of them could help me.

I started walking through the corridors, in the direction of my father's office, but I stopped in front of a huge empty wall that suddenly started transforming itself into a big door. Furrowing my brows, I noticed that the door opened by itself, exposing an empty room, with a table in the middle and an empty picture frame on top.

I looked around me, to check if someone was meant to go to that room, but clearly, understand that it was supposed to be me.

Hesitantly, I entered the room, scanning every inch of it. There absolutely nothing else there, but that frame. And it was absolutely beautiful, exactly what I imagined for my drawing. It was silver, a dark almost rusty silver frame, with exquisitely carved drawings of leaves and branches.

 _I should ask Albus if I can give this to Severus_ , I thought to myself.

When I entered his office, he was deeply focused on some papers on his desk but raised his head to look at me.

"Do you need anything, Ana?"

He lifted a brow when he noticed my impressed but confused look on my face while holding that frame in my hands.

"Yeah... I mean. I wanted to give Severus something for his birthday and I needed a frame for a drawing I made. I was actually on my way here when this... strange door appeared in a wall revealing a room with nothing but this." I showed him the frame and he gave a smile and a nod of acknowledgment.

"I believe you had found the room of requirements," he said. "You can only find the room if you really need it. It comes and goes, but when it appears, it always has what you need."

"So, can I keep it?"

"If the room offered it to you, absolutely," he said, clapping his hands.

"Good! I love that room," I said, turning around to walk away.

"Darling, do you need wrapping paper?" Albus said with a pinch of something in his tone that I couldn't identify. He was smiling as usual, but there was also a mix of excitement, interest and a bit of a mocking tone into it.

I returned t my chambers soon after, to put the drawing in the frame. Then, I thought about how I was going to give it to Severus, but I knew he would turn his back on me if I hand it to him face to face. So, I wrote something on a small note, walked to his chambers, sneaked in and left it on top of his kitchen table, returning to my chambers, somehow nervous about his reaction.

 

 

_I'm sorry for entering your chambers without you being here, but I was sure that if you were you wouldn't accept my gift. It's from the bottom of my heart. Please, unwrap it, I promise you won't regret it. I hope you like it._

_There are always reasons to celebrate. You just need to go look for them._

_Happy birthday, Severus._

_With love,_

_Ana Dumbledore._

 

 

I walked around in the living room, clapping and rubbing my hands against one another.

_Will he like my gift? Will he even open it and not be mad at me for sneaking into his chambers without his authorization?_

I groaned loudly, knowing that being nervous about it wasn't going to get me anywhere.

A cold shiver ran through my spine, causing goosebumps on my skin and I decided to take a relaxing bath while I waited for him to finish his classes of the day and go back to his chambers. Maybe he will like it and he will come to see me just to say thank you, or maybe he'll throw it to the trash bin. Either way, I was too anxious about it and not even the long and warm bath I took helped me ease my troubled mind.

I got out of the bathroom, put my hair up to dry it later and dressed up in a tracksuit.

My stomach growled, telling me it was time to eat. I was hungry indeed, but the anxiety didn't allow me to eat anything. I walked to the kitchen, looking for something that appealed to my appetite, but a knock on my door caught my attention.

"Coming," I said, running to open the door.

I wasn't expecting to see Severus so soon, but when I opened the door, there he was, with a blank serious expression, staring right at me. My eyes traveled down and he had the gift I gave him and the note I added to it in his hand.

I stared at him with my eyes widened as he took a step towards me. I took a step back, and he took another step further until my back hit my couch. Severus' expression didn't change but there was something about his posture that made me uneasy. With one hand, he raised the drawing and the note I left him and showed them to me.

"I told you, I don't celebrate my birthday," he said with a stern tone, trying to intimidate me.

"You should know that I don't care. This is nothing compared to what you deserve," I said after clearing my throat, trying to sound as stern as him.

His eyes traveled from my eyes to my lips and before I could say anything else, his hand grabbed the back of my head and he had his lips pressed against mine. When I felt his lips it was like a wave of electricity ran through my body, a maddening feeling that you only want to scream out to the world to hear. A pure feeling of ecstasy, love, fear of its end.

His tongue asked for permission to get inside of me in a silent way. I opened my mouth at the same time, a burning feeling at my core igniting something inside of me that I never felt before. Our mouths moved in sync, our bodies finally giving in to the turmoil of emotions and feelings we have been fighting over the last years. We let go of all frustrations and worries, only be at that moment. His hand tangled with my hair pulled me closer to him as he deepened the kiss, becoming a passionate and fervent moment that warmed the air around us.

My hands landed on his cheeks, cupping him with a tender stroke of my thumb, feeling the smooth skin of his face.

We broke the kiss to get air, but our foreheads remained glued to each other, his hand remained tangled with my hair and my hands remained cupping his cheeks.

None of us dared to break the silence.

All it could be heard for a while was our uneven breathing.

Severus' thumb started caressing my head in a slow but tender way, a way of showing his affection.

"I'm sorry," he barely whispered.

"Don't be," I said with a weak smile appearing on my lips. "Happy birthday, Severus."

"Thank you," he simply said.


	36. Chapter 36

"Are you ready?" Albus said, holding his arm in the air for me to grab.

"As ready as I can be," I replied, smiling at him.

We were at the entrance of the castle, as Albus requested me a few days ago. Severus was there too when I arrived. He and Albus were speaking in a hushed way, something they didn't want anyone to hear. I greeted him shyly, trying not to pay much attention to his presence, but I couldn't simply ignore him, otherwise, my father would certainly ask what the hell was going on.

Severus nodded his head at me but diverted his look somewhere else, avoiding to stare at me.

I did the same, and as soon as I grabbed my father's arm, we disapparated.

When I opened my eyes, we were in the middle of a boring street, where the houses were just the same as the next one, barely any changes were perceptible. No one could be seen outside, though. It was like it was an abandoned street. Albus had his wand in his hand, in a fighting position, as if he was expecting trouble.

He glanced at me and winked, but his serious expression didn't change. Not a word was spoken. Not a sound was heard.

After 5 minutes of walking slowly, guarding our surroundings, Albus stopped and waved his hand in the air.

A beam of light appearing out of nowhere in front of us made me narrow my eyes, almost closing them because it hurt. When the light ceased and I was able to open my eyes again, a single door appeared in the middle of the street. I furrowed my brows and looked at my father who made me a weak smile, not for one moment being distracted from what he was doing.

Opening the door, slowly and quietly, he pointed the wand at the darkroom inside that odd door, illuminating some kind of filthy dungeons. Albus walked inside and I followed him. 

Waving his wand again, several torches were lightened up by the fire, illuminating a huge endless room. 

"You must be wondering why on Earth we're in such a strange location," my father said without looking at me, inspecting the room. "A dear friend of mine lives here, no one but me knows. Well, except for you now. Not even herself knows about where she is."

Putting his wand down and finally smiling, a dark smoke appeared in front of me, slowly forming a person's body. A woman.

"Ana, meet Siff, my dearest and oldest friend."

The woman appeared in front of us, her eyes glued to me in a deranged expression. It looked like she was about to throw herself at me and kill me right there, but Albus raised his hands.

"Now, Siff, stand down. Ana is my daughter," the woman looked at him perplexed. "Adoptive."

She looked at me again and tilted her head.

"She is the daughter of Voldemort himself," he said. "Blood of his blood."

Siff didn't look impressed.

"Is she now?" She asked with a hoarse, rusty voice as if she hadn't spoken in years.

"Yes, I'm afraid she is," he said. "But make no mistake. She holds no darkness in her heart. His blood runs through her veins but not her soul."

The woman's expression softened for a moment as she furrowed her brows and narrowed her brows.

"I see..." She said. "I believe in you."

Albus smiled at me, his shoulders relaxing at last. This is why he brought me with him, maybe he needs something from her, giving her something in return - knowledge. Secret knowledge.

The woman approached me and grabbed my hands, without asking for permission. In an awkward gesture, she smelled them and laughed. Her laughed echoed through that strange room, sending shivers down my spine. 

"Such a pure and innocent soul," she said. "What do you need from me, Albus?"

"First of all, how have you been doing?"

"Have you looked at this place?" She said looking around. "Like a queen."

Albus smiled and nodded, but I just furrowed my brows, that conversation being something foreign for me. They continued making small talk, Albus was really worried about her well being, but the truth is that she seemed to enjoy that awful place.

When he finally spoke about what mattered, she stiffed at the name _Horcruxes_.

"What kind of dark magic are you meddling now, Albus?" She asked, panic behind her tone.

"I wish to destroy a Horcrux. Not mine, do not worry. In fact," he showed the dark skin of his hand. He told me had an infection in his hand and he was treating it for a while now. But that thing seemed to only get worst. I frowned but didn't say anything.

The woman gave him a look of knowledge and nodded him to follow.

"Stay here, Ana, I won't be long," he said walking behind her. I remained alone in the middle of that enormous room, only lightened up by the torches on the wall that were slowly fading away. The room was getting darker every second they were away. I didn't even hear them, so I felt completely abandoned.

I decided to sit on the floor. 10 minutes have passed since they left me, so I was getting tired of waiting. Automatically, my thoughts returned to Severus and the way he cornered me against my own furniture in my own chambers and how he kissed me passionately as no one ever did before. It made me tremble and almost moan quietly as I remembered his hands on me, on my cheeks, how his thumb caressed my cheeks.

A deep, monstrous growl startled me, snapping me away from my thoughts. A harsh rumble that didn't sound like anything from this world.

I immediately got up, as that sound repeated itself, this time in a low and threatening growl that made me shiver. Taking a step back, I focused enough to be ready if someone or something attacks me, but the growling sound was getting closer and closer. My heartbeat was increasing, beating faster and faster inside my chest as if it was begging me to run away.

The room was dim before, but at that moment, when the sound was just a few steps from me, the lights were almost non-existent, and I knew that I was going to be attacked at any minute.

The last step I took backward startled me since I hit a cold wall. I was in complete darkness by now, and the growl was barely inches away from me. I could feel a rotting smell and a warm breath in my face and I knew that I was in deep trouble. My body was completely frozen in fear and all I could think about was why the hell I wasn't able to use my powers in that situation. If I can't do anything against whatever creature was about to get me butchered, how would I ever be able to fight against Voldemort himself?

When the sound of the growl increased to a deathly level, a light appeared in front of me, revealing Albus and Siff with curious and mocking faces.

"Are you alright, darling?" Siff asked.

"Yeah, yeah," I said, panting. _I was about to get slayed, but I'm good_.

"Well, then, we got what we needed, dear, it is time to go," Albus said nonchalantly, saying his goodbyes to Siff.

I followed him back to the boring street from where we came, but when he opened the door, we were not in the same street. This one was filled with colors. The houses weren't as dull as before, each of one different and happier. I stopped walking to look around me with my lips slightly opened.

Albus looked back and smiled.

"Sometimes, a change of perspective is all it takes to see the light."

_Why does he always have to talk in riddles?_

"Did you had what you wanted?" I asked him, walking by his side with our arms intertwined.

"Yes, yes, more than I intended," he said. "I should take you out in missions more frequently."

"I'd enjoy that very much," I smiled at him.

For some reason, I looked at my wristwatch and furrowed my brows.

"What is it?" My father asked.

"I think my watch is broken. It marks 11 A.M. but we only stood there like 20 minutes," I said. 

"I shall tell you that your watch is completely functional," he said, making me narrow my eyes at him. "Siff's lair has a different... _timezone_? If we call it that."

"Ok... Whatever that means."

He chuckled lightly.

"Time is what we want most, but it is what we use worst," he said. "20 minutes there, 2 hours outside."

I widened my eyes at him.

"That mean I have to go back, I have an exam in 2 hours," I said.

Albus nodded his head and told me he was going to apparate back in Hogwarts. When I think I was getting used to this type of way of traveling, I am proven wrong. Disapparating with Severus is different from when I do it with my father. The main difference is the noise. Albus can disapparate silently, but the cold sensation is more intense than with Severus, which made me more queasy.

I followed him to his office, where we would wait for Severus to tell him what he found out.

While we waited for him, I made small talk with my father, mainly about the university and the possible change for a course as a healer in the Wizarding world. He said that all I needed was to say yes and I was admitted to the school to learn it. I pondered that, while I stroked Fawkes' feathers. The Phoenix had died a few years ago and reborn, her feathers were at the highest peak of beauty, red as flames and blood, and shiny as the sun.

"I've been thinking about that. And I have come to a decision. A definitive decision," I said lowly. "I'm going to study until the end of this year, and then I'll accept that vacancy. I want to study in the wizarding world."

Albus clapped his hand, a gleam of proud in his eyes.

"That is wonderful, Ana," he said, being interrupted by Severus who had just opened the door.

"Headmaster -- Ana," he said.

"Hey, there," I said, my cheeks burning. When I felt my cheeks reddening, I immediately turned again to Fawkes who had its beak poking my shoulder for more caresses.

 I turned around when my cheeks were less crimson.

"I should get going."

"Good luck to your exam, Ana," Albus said.

"Thanks," I said. "After this exam, I have a huge project with a colleague. It's very important that we get a good grade."

"A colleague?" Albus asked. He grinned, his tone meaning more than what he showed. "The same as last year?"

I glanced at Severus who was staring at me with his full attention, his eyes drilling holes in me as I nodded my head at Albus.

"Yes, Liam asked me to be his partner again. And since we got an A last year, it's better if we stick together this year. We're having a meeting after the exam to organize our work."

"Good luck then, my sweet daughter," Albus said, pleased with the conversation.

"Bye, see ya later, my dear father," I kissed his forehead and walked away. "Bye, Severus," I said, trying to sound polite and calm, even though I was nervous for some stupid reason.


	37. Chapter 37

I'm usually a very focused girl. Since I can remember I study hard every day, especially now that I want to become a doctor, so I don't ever waste time when I know that I truly need to work hard. I dive into my books and I study, forgetting the outside world. I've always been like this all my life, ever since I decided that I wanted to heal people. But ever since I met Severus, my mind is distracted, my thoughts are often away from my books. And even though I studied for this anatomy exam, I knew that I could have done better.

While I sat in my place and waited for the papers with the questions, I was nervous. Anxious. Afraid. 

" _Hi_ ," Liam mouthed while he sat in the row of tables in front of me. He gave me a reassuring smile as if he noticed how agitated I was.

I smiled at him and mouthed " _Hey_ ", concentrating when I had the papers of the exam in front of me.

As usual, I read the whole exam, getting mentally ready for the questions.

Furrowing my brows, I was finding those questions too easy, given that I haven't been able to focus properly. Despite the lack of concentration because of Severus, I've been thinking about giving up the muggle university and go to the wizarding school to learn how to be a healer, and how to use my powers to help other people. I mean, come on, I already have a job proposition to work in Hogwarts. I had a conversation with Madame Pomfrey, and she even taught me several tricks she uses, which incited my curiosity and interest.

Nevertheless, I had to focus on that exam. The questions were easy, and I have always been clever enough to get myself through the hardest of the exams.

I had to force my mind to shut any other thought that didn't involve anatomy. And that included Severus' anatomy!

The first hour of the exam, I tried to do as much as I could, since I was able to focus for that short period of time, but I still needed to endure for the rest of the other hour. It was truly hard for me, considering everything that has been going on. I can't simply forget about when I kissed Severus and ran away from him after having dinner with Minerva and my father; when he said that he was bothered by other men throwing themselves at me and that he wanted to be the one to take me home; when he kissed me as passionately as he did on his birthday.

I had no idea how my life was going to be. But the thing that excited me the most and frightened me at the same time, was my enigmatic future regarding Severus and this weird kind of relationship we got ourselves into. I don't know if I can call this a relationship, because it isn't, but I also don't know any better word to describe it. Arrangement? perhaps. Trouble? Certainly.

When I finished my exam, I can't say that I wasn't sure of what I answered. On the contrary, given the circumstances, I did pretty well actually. More than I expected, which made me leave the classroom with a proud smile on my lips.

_I still got it in me_.

"Ana!" I heard Liam calling for me.

Turning around I was facing him and a bunch of other people that studied with me. They were having dinner together and they thought it would be cool if I joined them. Looking at my wristwatch, I shrugged - _well, why not?_ \- and I decided to stay for dinner. The exam went really well, I was completely happy with how I answered the questions and was sure that I was getting a good grade. Between all the madness in my strange magical world, why not a little normalcy for one night? Besides, Liam and I were supposed to talk about our project, so we took that dinner as an opportunity to schedule and organize things.

I wasn't wrong, the dinner was actually really nice, and I couldn't be more pleased with my choice.

I felt a little more accepted by people of my age, unlike what I've been feeling all my life. I was always left out for being uncanny, a freak. And that night, just for a couple of hours, I was accepted by people that had no magical abilities and didn't push me aside. It was a first for me. Don't get me wrong, I love the wizarding world, it is _my world_ after all. But I lived all my life as a common _muggle_ , neglected by society because I didn't identify myself as a normal person. I didn't feel complete, nor that I had any kind of objective or function in the normal society. Knowing that I have strange abilities was enough for me to push myself away from any kind of friendship with kids my age, but when I wanted to establish some kind of normalcy, no one cared enough to give me an opportunity.

That night, I achieved it, I achieved that acceptance that I have been struggling all my life among _muggles_.

"You've been away lately," Liam said when we were all ready to go back home, snapping me away from my contemplation moment.

"I've been busy," I replied. "My life changed a lot for the past years and I moved from my previous house."

"Where are you living now, princess?" He asked in a mocking tone. "A palace? Guarded by a dragon?"

"Something like that, yeah," I answered with a smirk on my lips.

"Alright, keep your secrets, then," he said once he realized he wasn't going to get any more than that. "Always so mysterious."

I smiled, turning around to walk away from him. I wanted so badly to go to sleep, my body was so tired. I've been studying hard for the past couple of weeks, even if not 100% focused, that I had almost no sleep at all and barely came outside of my chambers to interact with the real world.

Liam didn't let me concretize my wish and spoke again.

"When can we get a coffee and catch up?"

"I don't know, Liam. I've been really busy with other stuff. _Private stuff_... But I'll see you around and we'll see about that," I said, dismissing him in an almost unpolite way. I felt bad for it, though, but I didn't feel well by going out with him again. It's not his fault, really, he is an amazing guy that I'd love to date, but the truth is that I don't want to.

I went back to Hogwarts late.

The school was scary at night, especially being alone.

There was no one wandering those long corridors as I am used to. Everything was quiet and calm, quite the opposite of the dash of the day. Everyone was sleeping, or at least they should be. And probably there were one or two members of the staff patrolling the school at night, so it was safe for me to walk alone.

The night was cold and I had to embrace myself with my coat when I shivered because of the cold breeze that hovered around me. Luckily, the full-moon was strongly illuminating my path, and for some reason, I thought about poor Lupin, wondering if he ever had the opportunity to appreciate the beauty of the full moon without fearing it.

When I turned around the corner to face my chamber's door, a black tall figure was there, leaning against the wall.

I froze at first, but when the figure took a step closer, away from the umbra, I relaxed, recognizing those black robes.

I opened my mouth to speak, but his sharp tone interrupted me before I could even greet him.

"Where the bloody hell have you been? You missed dinner tonight."

I shook my head at Severus' question, not wanting to believe that I heard it from his mouth.

"Excuse me?"

"Were you with him?" He asked, making my heart skip a beat.

He heard me saying that I was going to have a meeting with Liam after the exam, why does it bother him so much? It's just for work purposes.

"Yes, why?"

Severus groaned, uncrossed his arms and walked away from me with an angry pace. Not knowing what the hell happened, I ran after him.

"Severus! What the hell? Wait for me." He halted his pace, closed his eyes and sighed, not turning around to look at me. "I had dinner with him and some friends from school. Why are you acting like this?"

He continued walking without even looking back at me. I wasn't going to give up, so I ran after him as fast as I could. My hand gripped his wrist, forcing him to stop. When he looked at me, I didn't let go of his hand.

"Please, tell me what's wrong," I spoke weakly, barely above a whisper tone.

"I don't even know..." He muttered, almost as if he was talking to himself. Like he was disconcerted, confused, seeking to understand why his behavior was so madcap.

"I just had dinner with my friends from school. Nothing happened, I swear," I said. Somehow I needed to explain myself to him and I don't know why. We don't have any kind of commitment, I think.

"What about your partnership?" Severus seemed reluctant to ask it out loud as if he was making a sinful thing.

The hand that was grabbing his wrist, started stroking up his arm in a soothing way. Slowly, it traveled down again and reached for his hand, pulling it to me to intertwine my fingers with his. Both of us looked down at our hands."It's just a school project. A _very_ important school project."

"What if he tries something again?" He gulped, the seriousness of his posture reaching the tone of his voice while on the inside he was a turmoil of anxiety.

I looked up at him, feeling that heavy tension around us, tightening the knot in my throat.

"My heart belongs to someone else that it's not him," I whispered, letting go of his hand. I turned around and walked away, back to my chambers, leaving him in the middle of that dark corridor all alone.

His mind was dangerous as he watched me walk away. That voice at the back of his mind was telling him to run after me, to grab me and make sure I truly meant my words. Did he understand them right, though? Was I referring to him? Severus was so lost, so confused. He didn't know if he should pursue his desires or not -- if he should listen to his heart or the voice of reason that tells him that he should stop with this nonsense before it's too late. _Before he hurt me._ He saw me disappear when I closed the door of my chambers and his heart tightened at the same time. _Fool,_ he thought to himself. He shouldn't be thinking about such things.

Severus finally turned around to go to his room, ignoring the voice in his head making him ache for me.


	38. Chapter 38

When I woke up the next morning, I was still affected by last nights' events. Severus stood for hours at my chamber's door, waiting for me to get home because he knew I was going to be with Liam after my exam. Because he was scared that I'd get involved with him.

This was getting out of control. My feelings for him. His feelings for me.

I am more than aware of what other people think about him. I know that Albus trusts him completely, he is the only one that knows all of his secrets and darkest doings. The rest of the people, even the ones in the Order, don't like him one bit because he is rude and ungracious and he doesn't care about them either. But the truth is that he is so much more than what those people think of him, and even what Albus himself thinks of him. He holds so many things in his heart and I am truly grateful for being the one he shares part of himself with. When he's alone with me, I can see more than the mask he puts on every day.

I can see so much more, which makes me love him a little more every day.

And because of that, he makes me want to do things that I know I shouldn't; he makes me feels things that I know I shouldn't. But I just don't care. I'd let go of everything, all it takes from him is a word.

It's infuriating that he is all I can think about lately. There are so many urgent things to think about. I feel like I need to do more to fight Voldemort, but I have to follow Albus' orders - I trust that he knows what he is doing. But my mind gets so confused sometimes, wondering if I should follow my heart or focus only in this fight that we all know it's coming.

I needed to clear my head.

An early morning run would be enough to take my mind off things.

The fresh pure air of the trees cleaned my lungs and cleaned my mind. All that existed during those moments was me and the nature around me.

I stopped near the black lake that morning, a mermaid jumping from beneath the water, to the air and back to the water.

Then, she swam to the shore and smiled at me.

"Good morning, Ana," she greeted me.

"Good morning, Alva. See you've been working your jumps," I said. Alva was the first mermaid I talked to. Unlike the others, she doesn't see me as a threat. I mean, I don't think any of them sees me as a threat since I never made anything to make them think otherwise. But Severus always warned me to be careful with them. Alva was different though.

"Yes, it's for fun," she said, smirking.

I waved my hand in the air, while I sat on the rock near the water. A circle of water appeared in the air and Alva raised a suggestive brow at me. Then, she dove into the water, swam to the other side of the lake and back to the circle of water, jumping in the air and going through the circle without touching it.

Clapping my hands, I made several circles appear in the air and let Alva have her fun. I was also having fun, using my powers to entertain both of us. At least, I was emptying my mind efficiently.

On the Owlery, there's a great view over Hogwarts' grounds, including the Black Lake, where I was having a good time with the mermaid. Severus was on his way to use his owl to send a letter when he heard two voices talking and giggling. Recognizing my laugh, he stood there, watching. Delighting himself with the view and the sound, but trying to fight against his betraying mind.

Severus thought about everything that has been happening between us for the past weeks. He realized that, without noticing, I was becoming more than a special person. I was becoming more than a simple friend. He pushes people away, just because he can't afford to let anyone in. But I simply don't care, and that is why I owned his heart without his authorization.

And as my laughter filled his ears and did wicked things to his cold heart that was melting every day, he knew what was truly happening. He knew what his heart truly wanted. There was no way he could deny it anymore. Not to himself, not to me. 

At least, not anymore.

Turning around, Severus walked back to the castle. Albus had a meeting scheduled with him and something told him he wasn't going to enjoy it. He knew that it would be a matter of days until Albus' curse spread through his entire body and makes him suffer a painful and dreadful death. He was more than aware of the severity of his condition. However, he was not interested in what he intended for him to do, even though he knows why he needs to do it.

"What about Ana? Are you going to leave her like this now?" Severus tried several times to convince Albus to change his mind or at least tell me everything, and that day, after the realization he just achieved in the Owlery, he wanted so badly for me to know about Albus' faith. 

"I am going to die Severus. And I'll make sure she has everything I own before I die."

"You are very aware she does not care about the material bullshit!" He cursed in front of Albus for the first time in his life, which surprised both of them. "She already lost her parents, Albus... Have you thought about how it is going to crush her losing you too?"

"She will have the Weasleys. No one is going to leave her alone."

"That it is not enough," he said, knowing that I would feel alone even in a place filled with people if Albus wasn't there.

"She will have you," Albus said, making Severus' eyes shaded with tears. He wished that was true, that he could stay by my side even after what's to come. He doesn't believe in such a wonderful faith anymore, not after what Albus is forcing him to accomplish.

"Will she? How can you be so certain of such a thing? How can you be sure that I won't die too?"

Albus eyed him for a moment.

"You have a good reason to live."

Severus stood there, looking at the only person that believed in him since the beginning. The only person that he could call a friend. And he was asking him to do the most awful thing that will certainly hurt the most important person in his life. Even if I knew about this arragement between him and Albus, I'd never forgiven him for killing my father. How could I?

He shook his head.

He couldn't accept this.

"Severus, I'm afraid you have no choice. And Draco will not succeed with his mission, you will have to prove yourself."

He still didn't want to do it. He'd rather break the unbreakable vow and die than make me suffer more than I already suffered. Without any more words, he walked out of Albus' office, a million thoughts clouding his mind. He was in a state of panic, he knew he was. And he needed something to soothe him, something to comfort his pain. 

There was only one thing left to do. And after that conversation with Albus, he had no doubts that I was the only person that mattered to him that moment and that he should just tell me the truth about his feelings.

An urgent knock on my door startled me. I raised my head from my books, a little irritated by the fact that I was finally so focused on the studies. After a morning run, I always feel better and more able to dive into my books. I needed to start working on my part of the project I had with Liam, and I really, really needed some time alone to focus.

I walked to the door, pulling the white wool coat I was wearing at top of my white t-shirt up, I felt a cool breeze taking over my body and shivered. I was still warm from the quick bath I had after the run and moving through the living room made me feel how cold the castle truly is, even with all the magic warming it up.

When I opened my door, my annoyance vanished. My eyes landed on Severus' clearly upset expression and suddenly, his worries became my worries. I felt scared, guilty, terrified. I didn't even know why the hell was Severus transmitting these feelings, I don't even know if he was aware I was feeling them just by looking at his eyes for a moment.

"What's wrong?" I asked him.

His arms were hanging on each side of his body, but he lifted them up until they were on my face. Immediately he smashed his lips against mine, letting all his frustrations out in one kiss. Before I could even kiss him back, his hands were on my tights pulling me up to his lap. He walked inside of my chambers, his foot pushing the door shut behind him.

My legs were straddled behind his waist, my hands were on his back, pulling myself closer to him and he was just devouring my lips as if this was the last thing he was going to do. 

His tongue brushed mine so urgently, so passionately that my head was spinning around. He doesn't know how he makes me feel, does he? He doesn't know how much my heart aches for him, even when he's being rude and heartless. He can't possibly know how much I like him, how much I need him. As he walked inside of my chambers, finding somewhere to support my body on, and as his hands wandered my back roughly pulling my jacket up, he doesn't even know that he is the one -- that he is my first and my last thought every day.

He left my lips and leaned down, attacking my neck in multiple places. Severus continued to kiss, bite and suck my neck, leaving a trail of marks where he touched. My shy moans echoed through the living room, as I felt his lips on my most sensitive spots. When he kissed and sucked my earlobe, my back arched, pulling my body against his.

I felt the small dining table behind me and Severus placed me there, never ceasing his attack. His lips traveled to my throat, where he sucked it hard as he started grinding his hips against my core. My head tilted back and I closed my eyes, trying to fight the thoughts that were clouding my vision with tears.

He continued to kiss me on my lips, and his hands groped my chest very gently, the touch igniting, even more, the fire I was feeling burning from the inside of my body. He unbuttoned the two buttons of my jacket, touching my white top, and I went crazy. I was wearing no bra, so I felt his hot skin on my breast, squeezing it as he kissed me harder and ground his hips on me.

Severus was out of breath and pulled away for a second, while his hand traveled further down, to the hem of my t-shirt. He wanted to feel me, all of me. He wanted a taste of my skin inside of that top and it was making him wildly insane. But when he opened his eyes to look at me, he expected to see them closed or lustful dark. Instead, he saw tears and a frightened face.

Immediately, he pulled away and stared at me.

"Ana, damn it, what's wrong?"

I looked down, not being able to look him in the eyes.

Severus was going to cup my cheeks to make me look at him, but thought better about it and rested both his hands on the table on each side of my body. He lowered his head so that he could look at my lowered face.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you," he whispered, his tone showing that he was in panic, presuming that he imposed himself on me. I didn't even fight him back, maybe I was too scared to do it. He cursed himself so badly for giving in to his desires, he hated himself now more than ever.

I nodded my head, trying to tell him that he didn't scare me.

"What is it, then? Was it too much?"

I buried my face in my hands and sobbed, letting all the frustrations out. Severus didn't know what to do, he didn't even know why the bloody hell I was crying like that. Maybe he was indeed forcing me, but he didn't mean to. He thought I wanted him, at least I had been acting as if I did.

Hesitantly, he wrapped his arms around me, stroking my back in utter silence, until I stopped sobbing. The scent of his robes and his skin were at the same time soothing and maddening. I hate that he makes me be crazy about him like this, knowing that someone like him would never look at a simple _muggle_  like myself.

When he noticed that I calmed down a little, he pulled away and made me look up at him.

His shinning concerned eyes stared so deeply at me that I had to jump off that table and walk away from him to the other side of the living room.

"Ana," he muttered part of him in shock by my reaction. "Please, tell me what I did wrong."

 _Nothing_ , I said to myself. The fault was mine. I was overthinking, _over-feeling_.

I pointed at my chest with my hand several times and nodded my head, trying to talk.

"Y-you did nothing wrong, I did," I continued pointing at myself. "I did."

"What? What did you do?" He furrowed his brows. His hands were shaking for some reason, the air in the room was heavy and intense, making it hard to even breathe properly inside those walls.

"I -- I started falling in love with you. And now I am at a place where I can't go back."

"You --" Severus gulped, not being able to finish the sentence. He took a step back and I walked away from him again, covering myself with my jacket again.

I started shaking my hands in front of me like when you're trying to shake water away from your skin, trying to release that unbearable tension that was making my muscles rigid and my body stay cold. I released a groan, walking from one side to the other.

"Yes, yes! I love you, Severus. Shit! --" I pulled my hair back.

"You can't -- I -- You shouldn't," he said.

I muffled a laugh in my throat.

"No shit, Sherlock!"

Severus looked at me in confusion.

"I'm sorry... I -- I couldn't continue whatever we were doing. It would be unfair..."

"Unfair?" He interrupted me quickly. And I answered as quickly as he.

"Yes! It's unfair for me to do something with you, knowing that you can't reciprocate the feeling. And it's unfair for you because it would have meant much more for me."

Severus was taken aback by my explanation and no words came out of his mouth. He just stared at me.

"Oh God, please don't look at me like that," I begged, looking away from him, biting my lower lip. "I know I fucked up, I don't need your judgmental look."

"Ana, I am n --"

"Please, leave, Severus. It's for the better," I cut him immediately, too scared to hear whatever he was about to say.

Severus furrowed his brows at me and nodded, not being able to make a sound. He walked around me, towards the door. His hand rested on the door handle for a moment, like he was thinking about something, but he ended up opening the door and walked away.

The sound of the door closing startled me and I jumped back.

Leaning against the kitchen counter, I buried my face in my hands, ashamed, scared and trembling. I didn't regret stopping him, neither telling him my true feelings. I was just afraid of the outcome of such a confession.

A knock on my door startled me again.

I furrowed my brows and cleaned my tears away, trying not to look so messy in case Albus or Minerva was on the other side of the door. 

When I finally revealed who was on the other side, I was pushed back inside of my chambers by a very angry Severus. He pushed me again against my couch, closing the door behind him with a loud thud. Then, grasping me and pulling me closer by the curve of my back, he crushed his lips against mine once again in an angry but passionate way, sweeping me off my feet.

Then, he stopped, looked at me in the eyes and spoke. "Never assume anything about me, you have no idea of what is going on inside of my head."

He turned around and finally left me alone in my chambers, my mind trying to process the true meaning of his words.


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!

For a full week, I've been hiding at my chambers. All I wanted to do was run after Severus and ask him to clarify his words. Was he admitting his feelings for me? Was he saying that he feels the same? I hate when people talk in riddles instead of telling me what they truly meant.

Take Albus for example. He asked me to wait for him and Harry at the Astronomy Tower because he might need the healing abilities that I've been developing with Madame Pomfrey's help. He didn't tell me why though, he just told me that my time was coming and then walked away to go to talk to Severus.

I crossed paths with the man himself when I was walking to the tower, before the scheduled time. Severus was wandering the corridors, but I noticed something different in him.

"Severus, are you feeling alright?" 

My voice seemed to have him woken up from some kind of trance, or snapped away from deep thoughts. I noticed how his hands were trembling, and how his eyes were showing a gleam of anger, fear, sadness.

"Yes," he simply said, his eyes glued to me.

Severus knew how that day was going to end. He knew that I'd probably never want to look at him again, that my heart will be broken into tiny pieces and, for a moment, he wanted to give up. He knew he couldn't, but a flick of hope tricked his mind.

"It sure doesn't seem like it," I admitted, ready to walk around him and go upstairs to the tower. 

I gasped when Severus grazed my wrist, halting my pace. Looking at him, I furrowed my brows at his behavior but was even more shocked when he pulled me to him, in the middle of that corridor where anyone could see us, and kissed me slowly, caressing my cheeks in such a tender and needy way that I felt my body completely melting. 

I pulled away and looked him in the eyes. I could swear they were teary.

"What was that for?" I dared to ask in a low tone.

"I needed it," he said with a weak voice. "You have no idea how much I needed it."

I stared at him, blinking twice at his words.

Without thinking twice, I pulled him to me and gave him a quick peck, stroking his cheek when I was finished.

"You can come and claim it whenever you want to."

Severus nodded his head and looked down, stepping away from me.

"I can't," he said.

With the tip of my index finger, I pulled his chin up to meet my eyes, my heart beating faster inside of my chest, worried about something that I knew he wasn't sharing with me. There was something going on and he couldn't fool me anymore. My chest tightened at the thought that probably he was giving me a goodbye kiss.

"What is happening?" I asked. Severus tried to look away, but I forced him to look at me. 

I heard voices in the corridor and pulled him with me to under the stairs of the tower, a tiny space only for both of us to stay hidden. I looked up at him, the tiny space gluing our bodies together.

"Severus, I know something is wrong, please, tell me," I said. 

"I can't tell you, Ana. I -- I wish I could."

"Then, let me see it," I asked him, pointing at his mind. 

His eyes widened at the thought of me being inside of his head like we did a few years ago. It could be a solution to all of his problems, but he knew that I would get hurt and I'd do anything to prevent Albus' death and that was not how the plan must go. He slowly and gently grabbed the finger that was pointing at his head and kissed my hand.

"No. Things are supposed to happen this way. It's unavoidable."

I felt the tears burning my eyes.

"Please, tell me that wasn't a goodbye kiss..."

Severus didn't answer and when he saw that I was going to start crying, he gently pushed me against the wall and devoured my lips once again. His tongue entered mine without asking for permission, stroking my tongue in an urgent way as if we didn't have much time. His hands traveled down to pull me up by my tights, forcing me to straddle my legs around his waist. Something tells me that he likes it when he feels my body fully around him because when he kisses me so ardently like that, that's the first thing he does, pull me up to his lap.

My hands pulled him closer by tugging his robes and his raven hair, my lips moving in sync with his. I wanted so badly to be in my chambers, alone with him, where I'd be able to free him from those dark robes and finally see him entirely. My mind swam alone to imagine what would be like if I started unbuttoning his shirt at the same time my hands played with his buttons. 

The sound of the tower clock echoed through the walls and down the stairs, indicating me that I should be upstairs.

I pulled away from the kiss and sighed, leaning my forehead against his.

"I need to go," I said, trying to get out of his lap. He pushed me harder against the wall as if he wasn't even considering letting me go. "Severus... My father is showing up at any moment now."

He nodded his head, planted another kiss in my lips and let go of me, slowly putting me back to the floor.

I walked around him, our eyes never leaving each other. Something was asking me not to go, not to leave him alone, and part of that gleam behind his dark eyes was begging me the same. But I knew I couldn't, and I knew that whatever was going to happen, I needed to let him happen.

I didn't know how bad it was then.

I only woke up from the trance due to the kiss when I was under the last floor of the Astronomy Tower with Harry, watching as Albus was being threatened by Draco and a bunch of Death Eaters. Harry and Albus appeared to me suddenly, and Albud was a mess, he truly needed my help. But when heard noises, my dear father forced us to go downstairs and never, for any reason, show ourselves or make any noise. He made us promise.

Severus was there too and I truly thought everything was going to be alright.

And then I heard the words _Avada Kedrava_ , from his lips. Something that I never thought I could hear, especially directed to Albus.

I didn't know that by accepting a new father, the only person that I could truly call it that way, I'd be losing him by the hands of the person he trusted the most, the person that I loved the most. It didn't make any sense to me at the time. My mind was playing tricks to me, that was all that I could think of. I didn't even notice Harry running after the Death Eaters and Severus himself. I didn't even notice that Albus fell from the Astronomy Tower to Hogwart's grounds. I didn't noticed the dark mark in the sky, the day turning grey.

For five minutes I stood there, eyes glued to the ceiling. I walked slowly to the upper level, where I just saw Severus murdering my father.

I looked down from the tower, a crowd of students gathering where Albus' body laid coldly on the floor. A single tear rolled down from my eyes, following Albus' fall.

My mind was so disordered that I don't even remember how I got down of the Astronomy Tower, nor how I wandered the mute corridors in the direction of the entrance, where the students were - where Albus was.

"Ana," I heard Minerva say as she walked with me through the crowd.

I ignored her and walked to him, slowly kneeling by his side. A trembling hand finally had the courage to touch his cheek that was now pale. His hair and beard were all messed up and I felt like he should be looking clean, so I brushed his hair and beard away, tucking it into their places. I leaned in, resting my head on his chest, allowing the tears to stroll down. Such a feeling of emptiness... loss... Like my heart was ripped from my chest. It was physically painful.

Feeling two arms pulling me up, I raised my eyes at Minerva who had her eyes clouded by tears. She already had people taking my father's body away from the student's eyes and was trying to take me away from that place, away from the crowd.

I didn't want to let him go, though. I didn't want to leave him alone, so she had to force me to walk with her back inside, where we'd be more secure. It is funny, though, because Hogwarts was no longer safe. That was what Minerva was trying to explain to me while she rushed me to her office. She searched in her bottom drawers for something, as she tried to stop her hands from shaking so violently as they were. 

I simply stood there, sitting on her chair while she so desperately continued her search.

When she finally found whatever she was looking for, she sobbed once and wiped her tears away.

"Dumbledore has given me this," she showed me an envelope. She also gave Floo Powder and rushed me to her fireplace. "Read this address, take these keys. I cannot tell you for certain if he knew he was going to die today, but he was ready for it. In fact, he made sure you'd be safe when something like this happens. I do not know where this is, but there are an address and a letter from him. Read it only when you're ready. According to his words, a person of trust will appear to you to aid you."

"Who?"

Minerva gave me a very weak smile.

"You know Dumbledore... He always talks in riddles."

Without giving me any explanation, she left her office to give me privacy to go wherever my father wanted me to go.

Trembling, I read the address and closed my eyes, tossing the powder to the fireplace and saying the address out loud. A warm breeze took over me and when I opened my eyes, there was a simple house, just on a downhill, near a river. I looked around me, and there was nothing but nature and animals. It was such a beautiful place, the kind of place Albus wanted me to be.

I still couldn't react to the truth of what happened. I still didn't believe that my father was dead. 

The fact that I saw Severus kill him, was, sadly, the worst part for me. You might think it's stupid to say it. But it's true. We were in the middle of the war. Death is something certain for any of us. We knew that we could get hurt at any moment, any of us. But being betrayed was not on my possibilities list.

I inserted the key and took a deep breath before opening the door.

Looking around, I almost smiled, as the place reminded me so much of Albus. It was simple, decorated with cozy and antique things. The pictures weren't moving, nor there was any kind of trace that indicated that magic was there. No, that felt like a normal home... The kind of home I'd enjoy to share with my father.

I whimpered as I walked around, looking for food and a place to sleep. My stomach was growling, I was hungry, but I wasn't sure if I would be able to eat.

When my eyes saw a bed inside a small room, I knew that the room was prepared for me. I saw things I enjoyed like a guitar, a radio, CD's, action figures like Superman, Thor, among many other things. I scanned the room with my eyes wide open, my mouth slightly parted due to the shock, and the last thing I did after throwing myself on top of the bed was sob uncontrollably. After so many hours of crying alone in that house, I didn't know how the hell I was able to have so many tears left, but the fact was that I couldn't stop crying.

My eyes closed as tiredness beat me. 

I felt myself drift away, feeling nothing but darkness hover me.

And for three days I endured that feeling of solitude, sadness, and rage. For three days I cried myself to sleep, basically starved myself and I even thought I was getting crazy because I simply started talking to the walls as if I was having a conversation with someone. It helped for a while, but then it made me start crying more because no one answered. Because I was utterly alone.

My wish was to wake up and realize it was all a nightmare. But when Albus' trusted person appeared to me in that house, I knew this was worst than a nightmare. I was in hell paying for some kind of twisted sin that I committed and that I wasn't aware of. It was torture, slowly killing my body since it already has broken my soul.


	40. Chapter 40

"You???" I yelled, stepping back immediately.

"Ana --" Severus tried to speak, but I nodded my head, covering my ears with my hands.

"NO! Not you! Go away!!! You fucking traitor!!!"

Severus tried to approach me, but I walked around him, grabbing a lamp and throwing it at him, barely missing his face. He dodged the lamp with a very shocked face, asking me if I was out of my mind. When he tried to approach me again, I ran again, grabbing a plate.

"Get out of here! You killed him! YOU KILLED HIM!"

"Ana, please... there are things you are not aware of --"

"I don't fucking care! You killed him!" I threw him a plate that shattered on the floor. Then, I grabbed another and threw it at him.

"Ana, stop!" He yelled, throwing himself at me, grabbing my arms, but I tried to struggle. "STOP!"

The tears running down my cheeks were burning each inch of skin they touched. Severus' heart was broken because of what he had to do to both of the only people that trusted him with all their strength. But his soul was shattered while he saw the look on my face. The scared and betrayed look that he knew that he would see eventually. What he didn't know was how that would damage him.

I struggled in his arms, but he tightened his grip to pull me closer to him.

"Ana, listen to me. I swear to you, I didn't betray Albus. I am so -- so sorry for hurting you like this, but we had no other option. I had no other option!"

"We all have other options!!! You just decided to betray everyone who trusted you!" I cried aloud. "I saw you kill my father! The person that trusted you the most!"

"YES! I killed him! I had to! He was dying, and he knew he wouldn't be around for too long, so he sacrificed himself so that I could be trusted completely by the Dark Lord!" I nodded my head, not believing his excuses. He killed my father, that is all that I could think. He killed him, with no mercy, knowing that I was watching. Harry and I were watching. How could he do that? "Ana, please..."

"No!" I unleashed myself from his hands.

Walking away from him, I tried to open the front door, but Severus rushed to my side and stopped me from opening it.

"What are you doing???" I shouted.

"You have to stay inside. You need to hide. The Dark Lord sent the Death Eaters after you after Albus was killed," he said, fighting against me, trying hard not to let me run away and spoil everything he and Albus had worked for. "ANA!"

I gave up the fight, stepping back.

"He sent the Death Eaters after me? Well, the most loyal of them found me."

Severus sighed, leaning his back against the door. He didn't know what else to do to prove to me that he was always loyal to Albus and loyal to me. He needed me to know that he was there to protect me. That I was his mission that he had to complete no matter what.

He waved his wand in the air, sending a wordless spell to lock all the doors and all the windows that could lead me outside and endanger myself.

"You left me no other option."

I looked at him in shock. I didn't want to believe that he had me locked inside of that house, with him! The man that killed my father! It didn't make any sense, which left me even more pissed off. 

I pushed him to the side and tried to open the door, grabbing the knob and pulling it aggressively. Then I started throwing my shoulder against it like I was strong enough to tear it down. Severus tried to stop me but it didn't have any effect. I shoved him away and tried to open the door again.

When I acknowledged the fact that it was an unnecessary effort, I leaned my forehead against the door and sighed in defeat with my eyes closed.

After a few minutes of silence, tears running down of both of our faces, I cleared my throat and spoke with a hoarse voice.

"I loved you, you know? Since the beginning," as soon as the words came out of my mouth, Severus gulped, his tears blurring his vision. It wasn't bad, though, at least it didn't allow him to see how broken I was in front of him. "When anyone spoke badly about you, I defended you. I told everyone that you were more than just a harsh mask and a very broody person. And I was right... you're a killer."

I looked at him in the eyes, my look throwing daggers at him. Daggers that broke him even more inside, if that's even possible.

"I don't want to see you again. I don't want to talk to you. I'm locking myself in my room, and I don't ever, ever, want you near me again."

I turned around to walk to the room when Severus grabbed my wrist.

"Ana -- p-please," he cried and I nodded my head.

"I don't know what kind of sick game you're playing here, but you can drop the act..." I whispered. "If you're not here to kill me, then you're certainly here to torture me."

"No..." He cried in a begging tone, pulling me closer. He tried to kiss me, by hovering my lips with his slowly. That sweet caress almost made my knees tremble with the need to have someone's love, someone to care about me. But not him. Not him.

"Stop!" I pulled him away, running away to my bedroom, locking myself inside. 

"Ana..." I heard him whisper and wailing, but all I could do was cry hugged to my pillow. 

Every time I closed my eyes, Severus was the last image I saw... pointing his wand at my father.


	41. Chapter 41

"You need to eat," I heard Severus saying at my bedroom's door. "Ana, stop this nonsense, you'll become ill if you don't eat. Please, I beg you."

I curled up under the sheets, seeking to find comfort in that foreign bed. Severus' voice made me feel my stomach twist, especially because I was in love with a murdered. _My father's murderer._

With my eyes closed, I tried to repress the urge to scream at him, to tell him to go away, but every time I tried to make a sound, I wanted to throw up. It was curious, though, because I had nothing in my stomach to throw up. So, what was left was silence. And that's all I gave him for two days. Barely eating, talking, sleeping. I didn't even leave the room, avoiding to use the bathroom.

"Ana... I am not asking you to talk to me, nor to forgive me, I only beg you to eat. I am deeply concerned about your health if you keep going like this."

His only answer was more silence. 

After a few moments, I heard him sigh and walk away from my door.

A deep urge to sob took over me and I had to cover my mouth with my hands to keep me from crying out loud. I didn't want to give him the pleasure of hearing me crying, to let him know how deeply he affects me.

I was surprised that I had so many tears to cry after so many days weeping. I thought by now I would have nothing else, but the tears continuously strolling down my cheek proved me otherwise.

I fell asleep after half an hour of crying, beaten by tiredness.

Severus was restless. If he wanted to get inside my room he would have done it by now. With a simple spell, he could open the door, put me to sleep or use the _Imperius_ Curse to make me eat and drink, but he respected me too much for that. If I become ill, he wouldn't have any other choice, but he already made enough damage, he didn't want to add that to the count.

He let his body fall on the couch by the fireplace. His dark eyes, completely teary and loveless, were glued to the fire crackling in the fireplace, the only source of light in that room.

His attention was stolen when he heard my bedroom open.

Without looking at him, I walked out of my room to go to the kitchen. I was feeling so weak, so vulnerable that I decided I needed to eat if I wanted to escape that house. Besides that, I was so dizzy that I couldn't even read the letter Albus left me.

Quickly, I moved to the kitchen and searched for something to eat. Even the bread on top of the table looked made by god, so I took it and walked back to the room. Since my head was spinning, I had to grab things to support me, so when my knees failed on me, the wall was my only support.

Severus immediately rushed to my side, his arms pulling me up.

"Please, don't touch me," I whimpered, releasing myself from his grip, crawling up the wall until I was on my feet. Once I was up, I walked slowly to my room, taking a small bite of the bread I was able to steal from the kitchen.

Severus stood there, watching my fragile figure disappear in front of him.

I ate the bread so quickly, that I didn't even have time to breathe. It was like magic, though, I was stronger immediately after eating it. For a moment I thought Severus might have messed around with the food. So, either he poisoned me, or for some twisted reason, he made it more nutritive. 

Once I felt strength filling up my muscles, I took Albus' letter in my hand, a tear falling on the mattress as I opened it.

My eyes closed themselves as I took a deep breath. 

When I opened them, I read the letter, at last.

 

 

_My dear Ana,_

_If you're reading this I fear that I might be dead already. Otherwise, this letter will be awkward to explain._

_I must apologize for leaving you alone in this world. Yet, this time you're not really alone, are you? In the past couple of years, you've found a new family and lots of friends that will stay by your side while I am not. But you must not cry: I believe everything will be alright, my sweet daughter._

_Daughter._

_Something I never thought I would have. You came to my life slowly, and I never wanted you away from me ever again. I've seen the good in you and how much you can do for this world. You are the purest heart I have ever met, and I am sincerely grateful to call such treasure my daughter. That's why I saw you as my family, and that's why I love you as much as I do. Everything that belongs to me, belongs to you now. Use it in the best way I know you can do.  
_

_One warning I leave you, though: Not everything is what it appears to be. I made a few mistakes in the past that I profoundly regret and my burden is to take them with me to my grave. Most of those mistakes were when it came to choosing who I can trust. I've trusted the wrong people in the past. But not now. Now I know exactly who I can trust or not. Everyone that belongs to the Order of Phoenix is 100% trustworthy.  
_

_Even the ones you doubt._

_Sometimes all you need is a leap of faith and search the answer in the other's person soul like you did before._

_You are a bright girl, you will unmistakably understand the essence of my words._

_I hope you have a long and joyful life. And, I beg you, do not cry for me.  
_

_Live each day and never be afraid to love._

_With all my heart, I say goodbye and I hope that we meet again in another life._

_Albus Dumbledore._

 

 

It took me a while to avert my eyes from the letter in front of me since I read it over and over again until my eyes stung. My vision was entirely clouded by my tears, but I wasn't sobbing or making any crying grimace. I was in a trance, staring at the paper in my hands, processing what I read. Albus always talked in riddles and we often think that there's a big secret behind his words. The truth is that, sometimes, he's telling you exactly what you need to know, but you're so caught up with the way he talks that you don't get the point of what he is truly saying.

The truth is that I knew what he was talking about. It didn't take me more than 10 minutes to connect the dots. And when I realized what Albus meant with _"Everyone that belongs to the Order of Phoenix is 100% trustworthy. Even the ones you doubt."_ I hoped that I wasn't getting insane.

The words that marked me the most were: " (...) _search the answer in the other's person soul like you did before"._ And I knew exactly what he wanted me to do.

At this point, my body wasn't my own. I think the shock was so big that I didn't even feel my legs moving slowly to the living room, where Severus was walking back and forth. He stopped walking when he saw me walking to the couch in silence, with my eyes glued to the floor.

Severus swallowed hard and trembled, but didn't make a move.

I sat on the edge of the couch, both my hands resting on my knees, and my head down, looking to the floor.

My behavior showed Severus how hurt and overwhelmed I was. But it also showed him that I ceased my aggressive behavior towards him. So, step by step, he neared me and kneeled just in front of me.

He didn't dare to say a word, though. He waited.

Eventually, I was in command of my body once again, acknowledging the place around me and Severus' worried and guilty eyes staring at me. And once I looked at him in the eyes, I couldn't contain it any longer, so I just sobbed with my face buried in my hands.

"Ana..." I heard Severus whispering with a trembling voice.

I heard him talking but couldn't raise my eyes at him. Part of me thought that all the strength I once felt in my petite body vanished for good. And that happiness and comfort would never be felt again. But when I felt two lovely hands carefully pulling my body down, I knew I was wrong. There will always be one place where I feel those feelings: in Severus' embrace.

He pulled me down to his lap, making my legs wrap around his waist and my head buried in the crook of his neck as I sobbed uncontrollably and inhaled his fresh scent. 

I don't know how long we just stayed there on the carpet of the living room, by the fireplace with our bodies intertwined, perfectly fitting each other, but it felt like hours. And when Severus' hands pushed me away from him and cupped my cheeks, I almost groaned with the decreased physical contact.

"I will do whatever it takes to save you," he said once he steadied my face and my eyes locked with his.

"You can't save me, Severus. If there's something I've learned since I've known your world is that you can't run from your destiny..."

Severus knew the hard reality behind my words. It pains him to know them, though. For the first time in his life, he wished to be less aware and more ignorant. But he isn't. He lived too much to know how true they are. He lost the track of time while he stared into my eyes and he didn't speak a word for the time being. In fact, he didn't even know what to say anymore.

"I wanted to give up... I am so deep in this that I cannot stop now, but I wanted to give up..." Severus whispered because his voice broke. He was so scared of the future. He never was before. But now he is. And because of that, he broke down and his dark eyes became teary. "I wanted to give up for you..." He admitted, his thumbs caressing my cheeks.

I furrowed my brows.

"For me?"

"For you..." he whispered again. "Everything I've been doing all these years... It's Albus' doings. I -- I had to do as he told me. I vowed that I'd do it. But I wanted to get away from all of this, with you. I will tell you everything you want to know. But I need you to know that I'd take all the pain you are feeling right now and endure it myself, because you mean so much for me..." He brushed my hair so gently that it sent a soft shiver down my spine. "You have no idea how much."

We just stood there, gazing at each other as if the world was all about me and him. His eyes dared to leave mine for a moment and traveled down to my lips, only to look up again. I parted my lips a little, too much air inside my lungs was bothering me as the tension started rising.

He started stroking my cheeks again very gently, and our tears just kept strolling down.

"I... I'm so confused..." I said, Severus' eyes growing with acknowledgment. "I don't know what to believe. Albus died... my f-father. He was the first person to show me what love is... to make me believe in myself... You have no idea how many times I ran to King's Cross Station when I felt lost because I knew he would b-be there, I knew he would know what to say... And now, he is g-gone... gone with all his secrets... You killed him. I... I saw it... I can't erase that image out of my mind, nor the pain and the rage I felt -- that I still feel. But... at the same time, I knew Albus... I knew stuff that no one else knows... Part of his well-hidden secrets. And I also know that he was a wise man... You wouldn't make a fool out of him. If he trusted you as he did even though he knew your past, then I trust you. I know what I saw, and I'm sure there is a reason for what happened, probably another one of Albus' secrets, but... I also want to trust you so blindly because... because I love you so strongly that I'd follow you to the end of the world. I hate you for killing -- my father -- but I love you and I knew he trusted you."

Severus slightly opened his mouth, part of him in shock, another part of him overwhelmed by my words. He didn't know what to say, how to act, but he allowed me to guide him. He listened to me, waited while I stopped sobbing and spoke understandable words again, never stopping his caresses on my face, never stop gazing deeply into my eyes.

"I don't believe no one no more..." I admitted. "But I want to be with you. You're the only one I have right now..."

I noticed how a tear escaped his eyes but he didn't even seem to be bothered by it. He didn't even seem to acknowledge it.

"My only hope is that I am not falling into some kind of trap by believing you. Please, don't make me regret believing in you..." I sobbed, burying my face in his neck. After a few minutes of crying, I pulled away and looked at him. "I trusted you with everything I had... I can't... I can't be wrong... Please, tell me I am no wrong... Please..."

"I beg you... Do not lose your faith in me. You are also the only one that I have," he admitted in a weak whisper.

"I want to believe in you," I replied, still doubting my sense of reasoning. "I really do..."

"Just look at me and you will know the truth," he said, the gleam in his eyes telling me that he intended more than the literal meaning of his words. The same meaning inside of Albus' letter... What he was suggesting was something similar to what we did at the beginning of my training, when we connected our souls for a moment. A connection that somehow prevailed until that day. Sometimes I could feel what he is feeling when he is scared, lost, angry, but also when he is at peace. But at the moment, Severus was giving me permission to search his mind and his soul for the answer I needed.

The fact that he was allowing me to do it was enough for me to believe in him, but this wasn't just about believing in him, my heart already did. This was about knowing the whole truth behind his relationship with Albus, about the secrets he shared, the darkest information that no one else was aware of. This was about knowing why did Albus allow himself to be killed by Severus, the man he claimed to trust 100%.

I nodded my head after considering all the possibilities.

Severus just breathed in and closed his eyes when my hands touched his face. I didn't search is mind immediately. When I touched him, I felt my heart breaking but warming up at the same time. I felt his soft skin, wet due to the tears he shed. With a caress of my thumb, I wiped them away and planted a peck on his lips, very softly, barely touching him. But it was enough for him to feel his body shaking and his heart failing on him.

Then, I closed my eyes and focused enough to connect myself to him, like a did a couple of years ago. I can't specifically describe what I saw, it was all too fast to even acknowledge that only a few seconds have passed after seeing years and years of memories, feelings, and thoughts.

When I opened my eyes, tears were cascading down my cheeks. I felt a lump in my throat and it was becoming hard to breathe. That truth hurt more than I ever imagined. The truth behind Albus' death, Harry's fate and everything that happened or will happen are all related to Voldemort's return. It was awful what Albus asked of Severus, but it was brave of him to endure everything by himself.

He killed Albus, though. He really did, and that image will certainly haunt me for a while longer. It is something that I will never forget. But everything was a sacrifice for the greater good. And I must honor my father's sacrifices. I have to make sure his death was not in vain.

"You're the bravest man I have ever met..." I whispered. "I'm so sorry for what you've been through... alone."

He nodded his head.

"It doesn't matter... It doesn't matter, Ana. You know the truth, that is all that I ever wanted," he admitted.

Finally, after moments of hesitation, Severus leaned in and grazed my lips with his. He barely touched me, but I could feel that his lips were warm and wet, and I wanted to feel more, not just the lingering feeling he left me with.

Severus pulled away and looked down, closing his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

I cupped his cheeks and made him look at me.

"You have nothing to be sorry about," I smiled weakly at him through my tears. Severus curled slightly the corner of his lips, but when he was about to talk, we both stopped because we heard my stomach growling. I was starving, and Severus knew that -- that's why he gave a glare with a lifted _I told you so_ brow.

"You should eat," he said. "And do not refuse, otherwise, I'd have to use a freezing spell and force the food down your throat."

That's the Severus I know.

I smiled at him and nodded my head.


	42. Chapter 42

Every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was his death. As much as I understood and forgave Severus, that pain, that painful twist inside of my heart, was too much to bear sometimes. Severus knew that, in fact, he made sure he gave me space whenever he noticed how uncomfortable I looked in his arms.

After reading the letter, after our long and overwhelming conversation and eating properly, we ended up falling asleep on the couch. I leaned against him, warmed up by his arms embracing me, and finally allowed my body to relax, falling asleep naturally for the first time in days. I wasn't tired of crying when I finally drifted away, and Severus, who took his time to fall asleep, just remained there, looking at me and admiring my face as I seemed so peaceful with my eyes closed.

Eventually, he fell asleep too, only to open his eyes a couple of hours later. 

When he looked down, I was still sleeping, breathing very slowly. He decided it was better for me to sleep in my bed, otherwise, I'd wake up with my back sore.

In my dreams, Severus was sitting on the grass with me, reading a book while I rested my head on his lap. One of his hands was holding the book on his eyes level, and the other was caressing my face so tenderly that it made me feel goosebumps on my skin. Often, he looked down, smiling when our eyes met.

 

_"You're so beautiful," he said and all I could do was smile. "I love you, Ana."_

_"I love you, Severus. Forever."_

_"Forever," he repeated, staring into my eyes, almost into my soul.  
_

 

Suddenly, he became serious, his smile faded away, and that's when the nightmare started. Every time I fell asleep during the next three days we spent at Albus' secret hideout, I'd wake up screaming and crying due to the disturbing dreams where I saw horrible images of people I care about dying - horribly and painfully dying. Severus rushed to my side every time I woke up in such a state, telling me soothing things to my ears while he brushed my hair with his fingers.

He quickly brewed several potions he knew, but none of them stopped the nightmares.

I asked him to sleep with me in my bed, several times actually. But after insisting so many times, he continued resisting and refused to lay down by my side, fearing what it might lead to. However, he did stay with me until I fell asleep again every time I woke up from the nightmares. Caressing me and kissing the top of my head.

That dream before the nightmare, though. It lingered my mind for quite some time. The way he said he loved me... And how good it felt hearing it.

"Come back to me," I heard Severus whisper in my ear. We were laying on the couch, my head resting on his chest while he embraced me with his arms. 

I never left his side while we were in that house, and being in his arms brought many questions, especially after such a dream.

I know he was trying to open his heart to me, he did surprise me when he confessed everything he has been doing for the past years, but there was something that I couldn't understand. He said he cared for me so much that he wanted to give up everything, but how much? Did he feel the same for me as I do for him? When he told me those words about protecting me being his priority, does that mean that he loved me the same way I loved him? I mean, you don't need to say the words to feel it, but when you say it, I don't know, I guess it makes it more real? I feel that he deeply cares for me, the question is if he really cares enough to consider it love?

His question snapped me away from my thoughts and I blinked at him.

"You were gawking at me, but your spirit was somewhere else," he said in a soothing tone. "Where were you?"

"My thoughts are mine only," I smiled at him.

"It's maddening not to be capable of reading yours. I can read almost every people's mind, but not yours..."

"Thank God, then," I chuckled, trying to ease the tension and dodge his question. What would he answer if I asked him if he loved me? Well, maybe I don't need to ask him. "I'm... I'm just thankful for being here with you... It's reassuring to know that my father trusted a man that I love so much."

His expression hardened, but his eyes glimmered with affection. Mentioning my father always brings back distasteful memories of that dreadful night, and of what's about to come. He knew he'd be called back to Voldemort's side soon, but he didn't want to abandon me. On the other hand, knowing that my feelings for him are that powerful, and didn't fade away with the latest happenings, it made his heart and mind stronger.

He wished he could just open his mouth and tell me the truth that lies in his heart but he wouldn't know how. Words were never his forte, but he did know how to show his feelings better than explaining.

Severus did notice how the shine behind my eyes disappeared with the absence of a proper reply.

"You know hat I'll be called, eventually," he muttered.

I hummed, disappointed with his response to my words and sad with the fact that I'll be left alone once again.

"I'll be back for you, I just need to figure out how."

"You do what you have to do, Severus. I'll be here waiting," I smiled weakly, the smile not reaching my eyes.

He nodded his head and kissed my forehead, his lips lingering my skin for a few moments before leaning his forehead against mine, with his eyes closed. I, on the other hand, had mine open, looking at the pain in his face, the fear behind his beautiful features. I knew he was scared as much as I was, and that moment I wished I could see our future -- if there's any. At least, I'd be more confident. But knowing that he will leave me when Voldemort calls for him and knowing that he could die at any moment (especially by our friends' hand, who think he indeed turned against us and that is why he killed my father) made my heart tighten inside my chest.

However, I didn't share those fears with him. I locked them inside of my head and tried to handle them all by myself.

That is probably the reason why the nightmares I've had are making me even more stressed-out than usual. 

Yet, the worst was yet to come.

I woke up abruptly one night, jumping out of my bed frightened. My hands fought hard to turn the light on, I was giddy and too scared to even think straight. My vision was clouded with all the tears that kept strolling down my cheeks. My body was trembling and weak as I never felt so much fear in my entire life. Watching him die again, even if just in a dream, felt like someone was ripping my heart directly from my chest. This time, it was worse than the last. It was horrible and painful and I couldn't handle it if it was true.

Without worrying that all I was wearing was a long cotton shirt I found on the wardrobe, I rushed out of my room, stumbling against the walls until I reached the bedroom where Severus was sleeping. I didn't even knock on the door, but when I opened it, Severus just got up from the bed as he sensed something was wrong.

"What happened?" He asked with his eyes widened, taking in every inch of my body until he noticed my swollen and reddened eyes. His heart stung at the sight.

I closed the door and leaned against it. I told him everything I saw in the dream, every detail that was still replaying in my head, over and over again. My hands were still trembling when I buried my head in them. I saw Nagini, and I saw Severus being attacked by it. It was horrible to watch, but my mind made sure I saw every moment of his painful and gruesome death. I felt what he felt, every sharp ache in his body when the snake's teeth met his skin, and when its venom rushed through his veins and intoxicated his blood.

"I'm scared, Severus. I thought I was scared before, but I was not... Now I am terrified. I... I can't lose you. Not you..." I started sobbing, head hidden behind my hands. "I would give away anything but you. You're too important -- more than you should be. I can't lose you..."

Without thinking twice, he approached me quickly and pushed my hands away from my face. With one hand, he forced my chin up and with the other, he cleaned my tears away with the most gentle touch his trembling body allowed him to. Severus looked me in the eyes and couldn't contain his own tears.

"You will never lose me, I promise y--"

I interrupted him by crushing my lips against his, much to his surprise, and my own.

"I'm sorry!" I stopped myself, gasping as I took a step back.

Severus didn't say a word. Instead, he pulled me to him immediately and kissed me passionately, his hands landing on my waist and stroking my back all the way up until he reached my head. Then, he intertwined his hand with my messy bun, taking my hair tie off and freeing my long wavy hair. He loved the way my hair was: beautiful but rebel. Just like me. Curls and waves randomly making my hair voluminous. And strong. My hair looked strong. And so many times he cursed himself for thinking how it must feel to pull it back while he devoured my mouth.

He won't need to imagine it anymore.

My hands landed on his chest, smiling when I felt his heart beating so fast, as mine was. I let them wander his body until I reached his face and cupped his cheek, pulling him closer to me in an attempt to intensify the kiss.

Severus pushed harder me against the door behind me, his hands now traveling down each of my arms in a slow caress, stopping only when they reached my waist. My lips were swollen from the kiss, but I didn't stop. I couldn't stop. Neither did he.

His right hand traveled further down to my tight and pulled it up so that he could fit his body even more between my legs. But it wasn't enough for me. So I jumped to his lap, straddling my legs around his waist.

Severus broke the kiss and looked at me with lustful eyes.

"I cannot control myself around you anymore. Please tell me I am not the only one feeling this," I whispered, finally admitting out loud my most sinful desires for that man. It's weird: days ago I hated him, and now I need to have him entirely.

"You are not, Ana. You are not the only one feeling this..." He admitted while his lips brushed mine so softly. With every touch, I felt my body temperature rising and a burning sensation between my legs. Something that I've never felt before. "I swear to you... I tried to stop it when I acknowledged my feelings. I swear... But I couldn't."

He wasn't able to speak anymore, so he kissed me again, this time more slowly, passionately and making me burn inside. Unconsciously, I started grinding against his pajamas and Severus groaned. He looked at me with a look combining pleasure with concern.

"Don't, Ana..." he whispered. "Please..."

"Why?" I asked, the burning sensation getting more dangerous as my breathing was getting heavier.

"Because I won't stop..."

"I don't want you to stop," I admitted as I kissed him more deeply. 

Severus was no longer in control of his actions as he crashed my body against the door and rubbed himself on me. His pants were getting tighter with the fire igniting inside of him and we both needed to feel each other more intimately.

After a while, he turned us around and walked to the bed, his hands grabbing my ass to support my body weight and to press me closer to him. Smoothly, he put me on the bed and laid on top of me, in the middle of my legs, resuming his hips movements, grinding until we both were not able to endure it anymore.

I grabbed the hem of his t-shirt and pulled it off while he struggled with the buttons of my shirt. When he was finally able to expose the skin under my pajamas, his eyes gleamed at the sight and he felt his heart beating even faster than before. It was all too strange for him, foreign feelings that he hasn't felt before. Of course, he has been with women before to satisfy his needs, but not one that he had so many feelings for. He was in pure bliss, feeling like he died and was in heaven for some twisted reason.

I pulled him to me again and kissed him passionately as my fingers played with the edge of his pants. Severus noticed how eager I was to finally feel all of his skin against mine and took them off for me, along with his boxers, without breaking the kiss. 

I gasped when I felt his erection in my skin. No words could describe that sweet moment. For years we've been playing around each other, feelings growing inside of our hearts, but never giving in to them. That night, it was like all of those accumulated feelings finally exploded and demand to be listened.

Severus positioned himself in the middle of my legs, grinding his hips roughly against my underwear, making a few moans escape his mouth. It felt like music in my ears, a sound that I never heard before... It felt so angelic but sinful at the same time.

"You're so beautiful, Ana," Severus said, at last. "So... so beautiful."

I felt myself blushing and Severus smiled weakly, kissing my lips once again. He looked me in the eyes, his dark eyes filled with lust and affection, mirroring how his heart was feeling. I didn't need words to know the essence of his affections, I just needed to look at him. The way the dim light of the room barely illuminated his skin; the way his raven-hair fell on each side of his face; the way his lips were slightly parted as he panted hard. It was simply beautiful.

My only wish was to be his - it has been a wish that I've been holding to for years now. He has woken up feelings inside of me that I never felt before towards anyone. I never had anyone. Especially not like him. Nor as a friend, nor as a lover. I could only hope that I meet his expectations; I could only hope that this was not only a dream, a pleasant dream.

His eyes were focused on me the whole time, and when he noticed the uncertainty behind my eyes he slowed down his movements until he came to a stop. I furrowed my brows at him, thinking that he was regretting his decision, but, in fact, he was thinking the same way about me.

"Am I going to fast? Do you not want this?"

I widened my eyes at him."No! I want this..."

"What is it, then?" Severus' eyes analyzed my face. "Do not hide anything from me."

"I... I think you should now that... I've never done this before," I admitted, making Severus jump back slightly with his eyes furrowed.

"You're a virgin?" He asked as if he couldn't believe in his ears. I just nodded my head and waited for him to pull away from me at any moment. But he didn't. "You never had anyone before?"

I nodded my head.

Severus gulped and the blood ran away from his face. He furrowed his brows and scanned my figure under him. Then, he nodded his head.

"You are the most beautiful woman I've ever laid my eyes on. How's that even possible?"

"I never wanted anyone as I want you," I said, feeling so embarrassed with that awkward confession.

Severus pulled away and started looking for his wand under his pillow. When he found it, he waved it in the air, mumbling something under his breath. In the blink of my eyes, his bedroom was illuminated by several candles burning, and rose petals spread through the floor and the bed.

I gasped at the sight and Severus finally turned to me.

"You're a wonderful woman, the best I ever had the pleasure to know. And you deserve to feel special and wanted, Ana. If you let me, I'd be honored to make you feel that way."

I looked around us and couldn't help but shed a few tears. No one could ever imagine that Severus was like this inside, he was simply beautiful, thoughtful, brave, and I'd give everything to be with him. At that moment, there were no doubts, fears or regrets. I wanted to give myself to him. All of me.

When my eyes met him, I smiled and pulled him to a kiss. 

"I wouldn't want it any other way."

Severus exhaled air trapped in his lungs. He wanted so badly to have me that he would die if I backed up with my decision. I watched as he waved his wand at me. Without giving me time to ask, he threw his wand away to the bed and told me what he did.

"It's a protective spell. You won't get pregnant while you're under the spell and it will ease the pain."

"That's handy," I smiled and Severus' body fell again on top of mine.

I felt his hand going down to grab his erection. He rubbed it very gently against my slippy entrance and just that feeling of being at the edge of something as extraordinary made me wetter. He didn't want to rush things, though. He wanted to make sure I was ready as I said I was.

"I am going to ask you this one more time, Ana. Are. You. Sure?"

"I don't think I can be able to be away from you for too long. I need you now, Severus."

That was all he needed to hear before pushing himself into me. The last thing he wanted to do was to hurt me, so he took his time as he penetrated me. My walls clenched around him and he closed his eyes in delight. He rested his forehead against mine and pushed himself further, to the point where I started feeling him hurting me. I gasped at the intrusion and bit my lip to stop me from cursing.

Severus sensed how I tensed up and opened his eyes.

"Ssh... I'm here..." He whispered as he did one full thrust and buried himself deep inside of me.

I finally screamed in pain and he was scared. So he didn't move, giving me time to adjust to his presence inside of me as the pain slowly faded. He started moving slowly, flinching because he knew he was hurting me. But my hand pressed against the skin of his back gave him the motivation to continue.

"I'm sorry, I hurt you," Severus said, kissing my lips gently. "I'll be more careful."

Severus slowed down a little, waiting for me to adjust to his size, before increasing his pace. The sensation wasn't entirely unpleasant, and, partially because of his spell, the pain started being bearable. He pulled back and thrust himself in, giving me a few minutes to get used to the foreign feeling. To distract me from the pain, he kissed me several times as he penetrated me gently, but I knew he was fighting urges to be more aggressive.

And when Severus heard the first moan of pleasure coming out of my mouth, he started relaxing and letting himself go. The only thing it could be heard in that house was the fire crackling in the fireplace in the living room, and the sound of our hips crashing against each other in his bed.

Severus couldn't help but pull his body up and admire my figure under him. How he dreamt about these moments several times -- having me fully committed to him.

So that night, he took my innocence and marked me as his. Not for one moment, we thought about the wizarding war, nor the horrible happenings outside that small peaceful house. It was just him and I, together in the bed, falling asleep in each other arms after having a hot shower to clean up our sated bodies.

Tomorrow was another day, but that night, it was just me and him.


	43. Chapter 43

"Good morning," I heard Severus mutter when I regained my senses. I blinked a few times to get rid of that stinging sensation in my eyes. 

I was still in his arms. During the night I didn't even move away, nor had any nightmare, or dreams. It was a peaceful night like I haven't been able to experience for a long time. Looking up at him, I had to make sure I wasn't insane, and that last night truly did happen. And as the memories engulfed my mind, I couldn't help but blush and smile.  _It was beautiful._

"Good morning, Sev," I replied, setting a delicate kiss on his plump lips.

"You looked so peacefully sleeping, I did not have the strength in me to wake you up," he admitted, tightening his arms around me. I rested my head on his chest and heard his heartbeat, feeling myself utterly carefree.

It was late already, but none of us dared to move from that bed.

If we could, both of us would stay like that forever. Frozen in time, naked, clinging to each other. If heaven truly existed, that was it.

"Severus..." I said after several minutes in silence. Part of me had to make sure he had no regrets or that he truly enjoyed it as I did. I heard him humming, proving me he was listening. "Last night -- "

"Last night was the best night of my entire existence," he interrupted me, acknowledging the uncertainty behind my words.

I looked up at him, my hair dropping to the right side of my face.

"Truly?" I asked, noticing how he furrowed his brows at me.

"Truly. Why are you worried?"

I looked down. I tend to neglect how effortlessly he can read me.

With his index finger, he pulled my chin up to look at him.

"I made you mine last night. Undoubtedly you must know -- nothing will change that," I smiled weakly at him, but his expression didn't break. "And if you are concerned about me enjoying myself last night, I assure you, I never felt such a bliss. And it is motivation enough to get me through this war because I crave to feel it again. Several times. Until the end of my days."

I wanted to speak, to say that I love him and that I was his forever, but the piercing look in his eyes and the way he flinched in pain startled me.

"Severus?" I asked, concerned about his wellbeing.

He looked down at his arm and I widened my eyes. His Death Eater tattoo was darker, and it was burning in his skin. Which meant he was being called to his  _master_. 

I looked up at him, completely petrified. That was it. He would have to leave and I'd be left alone for God knows how long. My heart started pounding fast inside my chest and I started feeling everything around me spinning as if I was having some kind of panic attack.

Severus raised from the bed, sitting at the edge, also trying to calm down his troubled mind. I, on the other hand, remained laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, feeling the tears strolling down my eyes as reality took over me.

"I have to go," he muttered before searching for his clothes.

"Don't go... P-Please," I said, sitting on the bed, covering my skin with the white silky sheets.

Severus looked at me, his eyes teary like mine.

"I have to. I cannot let everything we've been working for fail, I cannot have Albus' death be in vain."

I remained silent, so he started putting on his clothes.

"What about my dream?" I said, stepping out of the bed, ignoring the fact that Severus was almost fully dressed, but I was fully naked. "Nagini. I know it was some kind of...  _premonition_. Please... please, don't go. I don't want to lose you too..."

"Ana, it --"

"It was a warning... Like I had before," I looked at him with pleading eyes and he melted completely, pulling me to his arms. "Please..."

He didn't reply immediately though. Closing his eyes, he tried to take a mental image of that moment, of how it feels to have me in his arms... How it feels to have me...

"If I gather a vessel of an anti-venom potion especially made to fight Nagini's venom, and a powerful healing potion would you be more carefree?"

"No," I said. "But there is nothing I can do to make you stay, is it?"

"I am afraid no," he admitted, pulling me to a deep kiss before taking a step back and disapparate just like that. It was better that way, to shorten up the goodbye, otherwise, he knew he wouldn't have the strength in him to leave.

Suddenly, everything became so quiet. Not even the fire crackling could be heard. I was alone in that house again. And all I could hear was my own cry as I slowly slid down to the floor, sitting helplessly on the fluffy carpet. It was as if I stopped feeling anything but pain in my heart. As if that was all just a nightmare, that ended in a pleasant dream, only to be ripped off of me and bring me back to the harsh reality.

I was alone again, and there was nothing I could do.

Not moving, I cried for some time, perplexed why on earth I still had tears to cry.

Shaking my head and cleaning my tears away, I tried to stop myself. There's no point in crying. Severus is a strong and powerful wizard, he knows how to take care of himself. And he did promise me he would have potions with him just in case...  _I hope it's enough._

Raising from the floor, I decided to get a shower and start my day. I didn't know what I was going to do to stop myself from being bored to death, but at least there were a lot of books on the shelves. 

I picked one and sat on the couch, images of last night distracting me from reading it.

How could such an intimate moment be so beautiful? I don't think I could ever be tired of feeling every inch of Severus' soul and body. And now that I tasted it, how could I spend a day without having it? I wished he returned for me soon, unimpaired. I wished he would simply apparate back to the house and take me as his again. But it didn't happen. And for hours I tried to do everything I could to spend the time I had in the house alone faster, but I ended up sighing in despair while I sat on the couch.

Looking back, I couldn't remember when I fell in love with Severus. I took my time to realize the feelings of attractiveness were love neglected by me. I fought hard against it, he was still my mentor when I acknowledge then. The truth is part of me always has loved him practically since the beginning. When I bumped against him in King's Cross Station or when he and Albus, my father, first helped me to uncover my powers. Maybe I fell in love when I first looked into his dark, resentful eyes, lacking love and care. I don't know, love is extremely complicated.

I remember when the three of us were gathering around a bonfire, sitting at the grass. Severus tried to read my mind, and that's when I really looked into his dark brown orbs more than a second. I remember how the flames danced in his eyes. I remember the thought that ran through my mind:

_It seemed like he was made from heaven, even though he resembled more a dark angel._

The images in my mind changed, to the day I connected my soul to Severus' for the first time. How I saw his memories, felt his emotions, knew his fears. I remembered our training sessions, how happy we both felt when I uncovered new skills. Well, I felt happy and showed it, Severus, on the other hand, masked it pretty well. But I always knew how proud he felt when I achieved our goals.

I smiled as I remembered the reason why Severus was bound to pay me butterbeer every time we went to Hogsmeade. He was bothered by Liam's existence. He was bothered on so many levels and I was so unaware of them that only years later I truly realized he was actually jealous. Severus Tobias Snape was jealous, who would have thought?

There were also several times that I swear Severus wanted to kiss me. And there was one memory of one time he almost did. After I discovered my true heritage. He found me working out for hours, completely exhausted but never intending to stop, and he took care of me and my troubled mind. He told me sweet words, admitting that he knew I would never become bad. Admitting that he had seen no darkness in me when he first met me. And then, in a sweet caress to clean my tears, he approached me, panting and anxious, his lips almost grazing mine. All I could feel was the warmth of his plump lips, the scent of his fresh breath, and it was enough to make me climb walls.

The awful possibilities of having such memories remain just that - memories - terrified and suffocated me.

The walls of that house were too tight all of a sudden. I needed to run from that place, to get fresh air, to be free from suck tightness.

Before I knew it, I was fighting the front doorknob, praying that Severus' protective spell was no longer having an effect. Sighing I turned it slowly, almost squealing when it opened.

"Finally," I muttered as the freshness of the river involved me in a peaceful moment.

I walked out of the house, admiring the view in front of me. For days I was locking inside of that house with so many dark emotions that never had the pleasure to admire what truly surrounded me.

The house was truly lovely, but the landscape was even better.

Inhaling the lighter and purer air, I smiled and close my eyes. Walking through the mix of green grass with thin sand. I swore I'd just breathe in the air and would go inside again. Severus would yell at me if he knew I left. But I walked a few more steps forward, wondering if it was safe to get closer to the river. I wanted to touch the water so badly.

Before I knew it, three men grabbed me abruptly, wicked laughs disturbing me at a level I never felt before. They were bad, I knew that, but there was something else. Severus spoke to me about groups haunting wanted people, but those guys were nothing like them, they were more corrupt. And when I used my powers to check their heads, I started shaking my arms in an attempt to release myself from their grip. They were Death Eaters. How did they find me? 

I looked back as they dragged me away, and I couldn't see the house. 

 _Of course, how could I be so stupid?_  They used an invisibility spell to hide the house, to hide me. And I threw it all away by leaving the house, even if just for a moment. They were looking for me everywhere, and once I was out to the world, they found me.

As a freshening feeling took over me, I acknowledge the fact that they were disapparating to somewhere else. They caught me and I was completely alone and helpless.

Severus told me to be careful, and I wasn't. Stupid...

I opened my eyes, knowing that I had to think quickly, to get away from that dark place. I was in some kind of ballroom of those vintage mansions, with ornaments on the walls that once were golden but now were rusty and decaying, and old expensive paintings.

My first reaction was to release myself from the men's grip and use my powers to injure them, breaking arms and noses, hearing screams of pains around me. I was making them fall on the floor, but their painful noises caught someone else's attention. A curly-haired woman with a crazy look on her face that I recognize immediately as I have seen her before. _Bellatrix Lestrange_.

"What's going on here?" She yelled, widening her eyes as she saw me. Waving her wand in a matter of seconds, all I could feel was the floor under me. "Take her to the dungeons, I'll inform the Dark Lord of his daughter arrival."

Suddenly, darkness took over me and I gave in with no strength to fight it.

 


	44. Chapter 44

When I finally opened my eyes, I felt slightly lightheaded and weak. My stomach growled, so I knew I was hungry. Very hungry actually. I tried to get up but I had no strength.

All I could think about was Severus. I wondered if he was in the house looking for me, or when was he going to realize I was kidnapped. Maybe he would hear Bellatrix informing Voldemort and he will come to protect me. But that would cause him to blow up his cover and it would endanger him, which I didn't want.

 _Why did I have to leave the house? Why am I so stubborn?_ This is why Severus was always arguing with me when he was my mentor: because I don't listen! And now it's too late for regrets, I was doomed. I knew I was. Voldemort should be on his way, Albus is dead, Severus was not there, and my friends don't know where I am.

Using my powers was out of the question. I was deeply scared because I was so weak I couldn't use them. I tried to, but it only tired me more. Either I was too vulnerable to use them, or they injected something on me or gave me something to drink while I was knocked out and I had lost the powers temporary or forever.

I might as well accept my fate as I had no way to defend myself.

When the door made a creaking noise, I knew someone was there for me.

 _This is_  it, I thought.

The figure moved slowly in the darkness, and I knew it was a woman. No man moves gracefully like that.

When the light reached her face, I confirmed it was Narcissa Black, Lucius Malfoy's wife, and Draco's mother. She had this almost motherly look of pity, gawking at me as she kneeled to give me a tray of food. She wanted me to eat... That was... sweet.

"You should eat... You will need it," she said in a delicate voice. 

I didn't reply. I stood there watching the pain in her voice, the sorrow in the gleam of her eyes and I knew, I knew what she was feeling, I didn't need my powers. With the absence of a reaction, Narcissa got up and walked away from me.

"Stop blaming yourself," I said, making her halt her pace. Narcissa looked back at me, her brows furrowed. "It is not your fault -- I know your family is falling apart. Your husband is doomed, you're on a thin line, but Draco... he still can be saved... I've looked into his heart, and I know he can be saved."

"W-who are you?" She asked, slightly confused.  _  
_

_She doesn't know._

I guess Voldemort does what it's called compartmentalization of information. No one can spill secrets because not everyone knows about them, which means, when the information is leaked, it is known who could be responsible.

"I've seen Draco's essence, and he is just a young man who needs an opportunity to be good. Give him that chance... I beg you," I said, knowing that Draco still had something pure in his heart. And I'd be the most terrible person on this planet if I didn't try to save him at least.

"You're on the verge of being killed and you worry about my son, who's on the Dark Lord's side?" I nodded my head. "Why?"

"As you said, I'm on the verge of being killed... Draco is still safe."

Narcissa's eyes were filled with tears, but she had to clean then when the door opened again.

"The Dark Lord has arrived," a man said in a serious tone, not giving much time to fight him, as he grabbed me, putting me over his shoulders and taking me to the ballroom we were before. I didn't know how much time had passed since I was knocked out but the natural light coming through the windows made the room darker and scarier.

The man put me down on the floor in a non-tender way and I finally was face to face with the man who made me. The man that claims to be my father.

His clear deranged eyes met mine and for a moment his expression actually melted. Then, the rage was back and he spoke with his hoarse and terrifying voice.

"Ana, my dear Ana.  As all of you might be wondering who this young girl is and why she is so important, I shall clarify that to you. She is my daughter. Blood of my blood," several people in the room gasped, but the people who knew just smirked. "And with her, I will achieve the power I had before my first fall."

He walked closer to me and I took a step back.

"I had conceived her to ensure that my power shall never be lost as long as we both live. And now it is time to take it back," he finished his speech.

Walking away, he approached the man who brought me from the dungeons.

"What I did to her might be an awful thing to do to someone, especially a daughter. But she is not a sack of vegetables to be carried on your shoulders," Voldemort told the man, who started backing away.

"My lord --"

"DO NOT interrupt me," he ordered, making the room freeze. Not even a fly could be heard. "I am the Dark Lord, I am powerful per si, but I am also merciful and I do have my principles. I shall not be the one to harm her myself. I require her death to succeed, her blood must be spilled on the potion Severus is brewing for me."

He walked to the door, ignoring the looks of his followers. Without speaking any further, Voldemort drew his wand and I thought I was fucked. He waved it and pronounce the killing curse, making the man who carried me fall on the floor, the life being sucked from his body.

I gasped at the scenario in front of me, and before disappearing through the doors, Voldemort gave me a wicked smirk with the corner of his lips that shook me to the core. No scary movie could outdo such a terrible sight. 

The room became silent as he left us all in the room.

I was left with Bellatrix Lestrange and two more Death Eaters who had mocking looks in their eyes. They walked to me but halted their paces when the door opened again and Draco Malfoy appeared with his mother.

"Draco," I muttered under my breath, disappointed that he was still with them. 

The scared look in his eyes showed me he was there against his will, that all he wanted to do was to disappear, to run away from everything, but I knew he had no other way. He kept his stare on me, as a way to ask for forgiveness.

"Draco, my dear, dear Draco," Bellatrix spoke in a mocking tone. "You have a new mission."

Everyone looked at her and she laughed, her laughter echoing through the walls and filling my ears painfully - I knew what she wanted to do and I didn't like it.

"The Dark Lord needs her to die," she said with a smile on her lips. She handed him a knife. "Cut her. Cut her deep. Drain her blood. The Dark Lord requires it."

Draco looked at her, then to the knife, then to me.

I nodded my head at him, encouraging him to pick it up.

Hesitantly, he took it from her hand. Bellatrix gave him a push and forced him to approach me. He waved his arm away from her aggressively, sending her an angry look that even such a demon like her feared. She smiled, backed away and let him do what he had to do.

Draco looked at me and walked closer.

"Do it," Bellatrix ordered impatiently.

"Do it," I said.

Draco put the knife against my neck.

"Draco, do it," I whispered. 

A tear strolled down his cheek and his heart rate increased. He was breathing heavily, and his hand was shaking. He wanted to do it because it was the only way he could save the good name of his family at Voldemort's eyes, but he refused to do it because I never made anything wrong. I was always kind to him, even when he was mean. I put him back into his place and never ever was mean to him like other people were. And his mother spoke highly of me just moments ago, when they were alone, before walking to that room.

Draco lowered his hand, nodding his head.

"No..." He muttered. "I can't hurt you."

"Draco..." I whispered, but he didn't look at me. Instead, he walked away, intending to leave the room.

Bellatrix nodded at the two Death Eater and they grabbed Narcissa. Bellatrix pointed her wand at Narcissa and Draco froze.

"Do it, now!" Bellatrix yelled.

"Draco, listen to me," I said. "I won't blame you... You have a good heart, Draco. Twisted by dark magic and greed, but good nonetheless. Do it and save your family."

Draco stared at me, eyes widened, tears running down.

He looked at his mother who was just as he was, teary eyes widened in fear.

Then, he looked at me.

"No. I can't do it."

I breathed out, desperate because I knew how that was about to go. He just signed his death sentence. Bellatrix moved her wand from Narcissa's chest and pointed it at Draco, pronouncing some kind of spell.

Without thinking, I ran as much as I could to protect him, to stop her from killing him and I succeded. The spell hit me and I fell on the floor screaming and squirming in excruciating pain. I almost blacked out as I felt as if all the bones of my body just broke and as if someone was burning me alive.

I felt my body being turned by someone. 

Opening my eyes I saw Bellatrix with a hatred gaze, staring right at me. Then, I saw her raising her knife and stick it in my stomach, very deeply and very slowly. She took it out again and I breathed out loudly, groaning in pain. Another wicked laughter reverberated in that room and it was the worst sound I ever heard in my entire life.

The last thing I saw was her movement as she stabbed me in my chest, right in my heart and then I felt nothing but serenity, and numbness. **  
**

My destiny finally arrived and I fulfilled what I was created for.


	45. Chapter 45

_**NO P.O.V.** _

 

Voldemort returned to his most loyal follower -the man who killed the only wizard that could truly pose a threat to him. He had doubted and questioned the raven-haired man's beliefs before, several times actually, but now he acknowledges where his devotion and loyalty stands. Severus did his job perfectly, there's no gainsaying it. And being a master of potions was a bonus feature, which suggested nothing would go wrong with his desire to conquer the world and free it from blood traitors.

When he arrived at Severus' location, a secluded ruined house a few miles away from Diagon-alley, he had to support his body weight on the handrail. His vision became blurred for a moment, and he would have fallen if he wasn't gripping it.

 _Ana is dead_ , he thought.  _She is gone. My daughter is gone. For a greater good.  
_

A sneer emerged on his face, and he rushed to Severus' side once he felt like himself again. A new sense of courage and determination took over every fiber of his being and he straightened his back as he entered the room where Severus was.

"Severus, my friend," he interrupted the man's thoughts with his hoarse voice. "Is the potion brewed?"

"Yes... My Lord," Severus replied, hoisting his brow up at the dark wizard's happiness that plastered all over his face. Something was not right and his heart started pounding faster.

"Good, good," he said, drawing his wand. "Give me your arm."

Severus rolled up his sleeve to exhibit his Death Eater tattoo. Something was going on, he was now sure. And the fact that Voldemort was there asking him for the potion, was not good. Not at all. The only reason why he would be expecting the potion was if, in fact, he had caught Ana, but Severus knew she was protected in the house. There was no way they would find her,  _unless_...

Admittedly he had felt a tightness around his heart that told him something was happening, something bad, but he chose to dismiss the feeling. He hoped it was his mind playing tricks on him.

When Voldemort called all his followers through his tattoo, he had to hide those questions and emotions in a very profound part of his being if he wanted to keep his head in his neck. All he wanted to do though was to go back to Ana,  _his_ Ana.

The tension hovering that room, filled with terrible people, made Severus realize that he had made a mistake. He could die at any moment, he was well aware of it. And the worst part was not leaving Ana behind. It was leaving her without telling her the three little words he knew she was so eager to hear from his mouth. How could he be so stupid? He and his way of never truly sharing his feelings, maybe he'd be in a better situation at that moment if he had opened his heart before.

That was not the time to think of  _such things_ , he cursed himself. He'd rectify that mistake as soon as he was able to leave that hole.

"My loyal followers," Voldemort started speaking, a pinch of mockery in his voice as he knew most of them only followed him all these years out of fear and not of loyalty. "Today something great had happened."

He looked at Bellatrix who had extracted Ana's blood after stabbing her several times. A deranged woman like her wouldn't kill her at once. She likes to torture and Ana pushed her buttons, so...  _She made her own bed,_ she thought to herself ginning proudly at her masteras she delivered him a small vessel.

Voldemort approached the potion Severus had brewed and let the drops of blood fall.

Severus narrowed his eyes, trying to tell himself that it was not Ana's blood... Otherwise, why on Earth would he put it there? She was safe in the house, was she not?

Then, the Dark Lord raised the vessel with the final potion, shook it and drank it immediately, a fresh and painful wave of energy involving him, making his knees weak and fall to the floor. Some Death Eaters rushed to help him, but he snarled in rage, dismissing them. They jumped back startled, fear already burning their expression, but Voldemort had no intention of killing anyone.

"Since you are so eager to aid me, I will give you the honor to bring me back to health for the next days, I shall lose my powers for a while, but when they are back, I will have illimited power... Imagine, my friends," he said, raising his eyes at the group. "What we can achieve together. Finally, we will clean this planet off blood traitors and we shall raise as the divine creatures we are."

The selected followers bowed to their master, honored but terrified of their tasks. If something went wrong, a word, a look, even their breaths shall be enough for their lives to end.

"The rest of you, act according to planned and wait for my call," he said, dismissing everyone in the room.

He and his three selected followers disapparated to somewhere without indicating where they would be hiding for the next days. Voldemort was weak, but when he achieved full powers, things will get complicated.

Severus must do something to help Harry finding the Horcruxes as soon as possible and he must transmit the information Dumbledore shared with him before it's too late. But he was still petrified to think correctly since he saw the blood drops falling on his freshly brewed potion. Everything else was in slow motion, mute and hopeless. Only one thing caught his attention when he heard the Death Eaters talking to Narcissa Black in ridiculing expressions.

"Since your son wasn't capable of getting his hands bloody, I'm sure you won't mind cleaning the bitches' blood from your own floor." They said laughing.

Bellatrix heard their words and laughed hysterically. Then she looked at Narcissa with a dangerously serious expression.

"Your husband is a despicable man. He is doomed... Your son, Draco, is following his steps. I had to be the one to stick the knife in her heart and drain her blood... For our Lord shall rise by my hands... But I still have faith in you, my dear cousin. Go, make something useful," she said, disappearing immediately. 

Narcissa, who had her eyes filled with tears, rushed out of that place leaving Severus all alone. He was frozen, shocked, but he didn't react. And that didn't go unnoticed by her.

 _Ana is dead?_  He asked himself several times to make sure he actually heard them right. That was not possible, she was safe. Not even Voldemort would be able to find that house. It was a safe haven...

Severus tried to calm down, he must be wrong.

He felt his body burning, a turmoil of feelings evading his heart.  _She cannot be dead!_

Without thinking twice, he disapparated back to the house where he left her a few days ago. Everything was peaceful outside, there were no signs of struggling or anything, and the house was still invisible at the naked eye. Crossing the line of invisibility created by Dumbledore's genius spell, he noticed the front door open and his heart skipped a beat.

Severus ran to the house and searched for Ana in every corner.

"Ana!!!" He yelled, but there was no answer. "Ana!!! Ana,  _please_ , answer me."

He cried out loud, as there was no response. Her sweet, gentle voice was simply not heard and he knew, he knew deep down, what truly happened.

A tear strolled down his cheek and he started panting. 

He disapparated once again and appeared at the front gate of Malfoy's mansion. He had to see with his own eyes, he had to make sure it was true. 

Severus walked slowly through the Malfoy's mansion corridors. The place was a mess, debris and destruction making it even more deadly and dark. Harry and his group had been there a few days ago but managed to escape, and no one had the house cleaned up. Probably they even gave up on keeping its old glory.

He tried not to step on anything as he approached the great door that led to the room where he usually has meetings with the Dark Lord and the Death Eaters. But it was empty. So he searched the house in a rush, opening every and each door, his despair increasing at every empty room he searched in for Ana. 

He had his wand in his hand, ready to fight even the Dark Lord himself if he needed to. He was that mad. But at the same time, there was an unexplainable tightness in his heart and a lump in his throat that made him feel weaker than he ever felt in his entire life.

Severus' hand landed on a doorknob and turned it slowly, taking a deep breath before opening the door completely, revealing a big dark room.

And for a moment, his wand almost fell off his hand and his legs failed on him.

"No... no... no..." He whined as he kneeled on the floor next to Ana's limp body. There was blood everywhere. And it was all hers. He couldn't understand how such a petite woman could have such an amount of blood.

Severus tried to feel her my heartbeat on her wrist but either he was too nervous to do it properly or he couldn't find any.

"Please, don't be dead..." Tears of desperation were strolling down his cheeks like a full river in the rain. For a moment he thought about Lily, and how it broke his heart to see her laying on the floor, lifeless. He thought nothing could hurt him more than that, but he was wrong: seeing Ana laying on the floor,  _dead_ , broke his soul into millions of pieces.

"Ana... Wake up! Wake up..." Severus kept crying, now hugged to Ana's lifeless body, planting kisses all over her head until he reached for her once plump and crimson lips which were now slightly purple. "Please, come back to me... please, I-- I love you. I love you so much. Don't leave me... Not now that I found you..."

He shook her shoulders gently but there was no reaction, so he hugged her corpse tightly with no intention to let her go as her blood spread through his own vests. He would stay like that for the rest of his life if it was needed.

"I promise I'll let go of everything for you. I'll let you in completely. Come back to me..."

But after so many attempts to wake her, he knew Ana wasn't going to wake up. He knew he had lost her forever and there was nothing left to do. Either way, he didn't move; he just stood there, with Ana on his arms, crying and caressing her long hair.

Severus didn't even care about the other presence in the room. He didn't even bother to look at Narcissa Black Malfoy that had entered the room and was watching Severus mourning the kind girl she had the pleasure to meet. At first, she couldn't understand why he was acting that way, but then she heard him proclaiming his love to her and gasped.

She stared at her lifeless body and couldn't help but frown at the twist inside her stomach. Narcissa was never a Death Eater but supported her Death Eater husband with his agenda to follow Voldemorts' beliefs. She, herself, was a believer, but there was one thing more important than anything in this world: her family.

That's why she felt that weird feeling in her stomach: the woman, lying lifeless in front of her was killed because of her own father, rejected from her foster parents, and, most importantly, saved her son from a terrible death, even though she knew who they were and which side they were on.

"Severus..." She couldn't help but whisper.

Severus raised his teary eyes to her, and ignored her, looking back at Ana.

"Severus..." She insisted and approached them. One of her hands went for her pocket to search for something, probably her wand.

"I don't care if you kill me. Be quick, I beg you." He muttered, with his eyes closed and his chin supported on the top of Ana's head. He expected Narcissa to draw her wand and kill them both, but instead, she kneeled in front of him.

Severus looked at her and saw something resembling tenure in her eyes.

"How could a horrifying man make such a beautiful woman like her?" She asked, not minding the frowned look she was receiving from Severus who was not understanding why she was acting that way. Her words were enough for execution if the Dark Lord hears her. "I had the pleasure of crossing paths with her. She knew who I was. She knew who Draco was. And she put herself at risk to save him. She showed him how good he can be, how pure his heart is, regardless of our awful life... That is why he wasn't able to kill her. If it wasn't for her, Draco would've..." She swallowed hard and look at Severus. "Lucius is crazy for acceptance from The Dark Lord. So crazy he would even hurt his own son and sacrifice his family. But not me."

Then she raised a vial with a white-pearl shiny liquid and showed it to Severus.

"The only good thing I got from my family. It's said it has the blood of Merlin itself, with the most extraordinary healing properties. It can tend wounds made by the most vicious beast or even wake up the dead." She took Severus' hand in hers and handed him the vial. "It was preserved until the day it is truly necessary to be drunk."

Severus studied the woman in front of him. He knew her almost all his life and knew how much she loved her family, but he never knew she could simply do such an act of goodness for someone she just met, someone who was against the Dark Lord and her beliefs.

Narcissa got up, took a quick look at Ana's pale skin and her purple lips and smiled weakly at Severus.

"I'm rooting for you, and for her."

Then, she left them all alone, the silence provoking a cold sensation on Severus' body. He lowered his eyes at Ana, a tear falling from his cheeks into her forehead. With a trembling hand, wiped the tear and kissed her skin tenderly.

Looking at the vial, he decided to trust Narcissa.

Ana was dead anyway, what more could it do to her?

"I love you, no matter the outcome," he muttered before opening her lips and pouring the potion into her mouth. "I will always love you, Ana. For all eternity."


	46. Chapter 46

 

**NO P.O.V.**

 

 

Trying not to make a sound, Severus returned to Hogwarts with Ana's lifeless body in his arms.

The tears on his face were now dried but red dirty, as her blood was everywhere over his body. Fortunately, or not, Ana finally stopped bleeding. Either because the potion was effective somehow, or because she exhausted all the blood she had.

Severus wasn't capable of feeling anything at the moment. All his emotions shattered the moment he found Ana laying inert on the cold floor. He mourned for a long time, failing all the efforts to heal her and to wake her up. And when a spark of hope was born as he forced the  _miraculous_ potion down her throat, it subsided completely when she didn't even blink. Her once plump and crimson lips were still purple and bloodless. Her usual warm and glowy skin was sallow and dull. If it wasn't for the faint heartbeat he felt in her wrist, he wouldn't be able to think straight.

Maybe he imagined things. 

Maybe it was his mind playing tricks on him again. But he learned not to doubt his judgments.

He tried to find her heartbeat right after making her drink the potion, but there was nothing there for a moment. He didn't give up, though. He called her several times. He kissed her lips, forced air into her lungs and tried to make her heart start again, but nothing worked and he was starting to lose his mind.

When he noticed the slight movement of her chest after minutes of sobbing with Ana in his arms, he grabbed her wrist and gasped when he felt something pumping in her veins. Something weak and barely perceived, but it was there.

Then, he took her in his arms and went back to Hogwarts, hiding her in his bedroom, allowing her to rest in his own bed.

Even though he was desperate, he wasn't stupid. He knew there was a huge chance she'd die. Ana lost too much blood. And no extraordinary potion would amend that.

"Pomfrey..." Severus murmured to himself as he thought of her. He needed her help. He needed her skills, but he also didn't want to leave Ana alone. She was alone for too long. He wouldn't abandon her when she most needed him.

Drawing his wand he conjured a Patronus, different from what he was used to all his life - the proof he needed to know that his heart had changed his affections. He sent Pomfrey a message through his Patronus and focused on getting hot water and cloth to wash the blood off her body.

Ten minutes later, there was a knock on his door. 

He didn't even ask who it was, he knew it was Pomfrey. So, he opened the door and rushed her inside without even explaining why he called her.

"What the bloody hell is happening?" She asked slightly startled, slightly irritated by his behavior.

Severus didn't reply. He forced her to his bedroom, knowing if he said out loud what happened, he'd breakdown.

When Pomfrey finally laid her eyes on Ana, she gasped and covered her mouth with his her hands in shock, the horrible and bloody sight terrifying her.

"What happened to her???" Pomfrey asked Severus, but not daring to look away from her.

"The Death Eaters got to her and killed her," he simply said. "I found her dead. S...Someone gave me a very  _powerful_ potion -- it -, apparently, it has healing powers beyond imagination."

"Nonsense. If she was dead... no potion would revert it," Pomfrey said, approaching Ana's body. Taking her wand out, she analyzed her body and tried to discover all her wounds and their severity. And when she felt the weak heartbeat, she took a step back. " _Impossible_... She lost so much blood... How is she even alive?"

"You h-h-ave to h-help her," Severus supplicated, which made Pomfrey look at him with a sad grimace.

"Severus, you have to be ready for the worst... I -- I don't think she's going to survive," she continued telling him the worst-case scenarios, trying to prepare him for the possibility that she could never wake up again, but Severus didn't hear her. He didn't want to hear anything about it, even though he was well aware of what might happen. But when Pomfrey rushed out of his chambers to gather everything she needed to help Ana heal, he leaned against the wall and punched it, releasing a cry he was holding for too long as he slid down to the floor in hopelessness.

When Pomfrey returned soon after, he didn't even move from the floor.

She looked down at him, surprised by the show of emotions from the cold-hearted man she was used to seeing.

Pomfrey put everything on top of Severus' bed and looked at Ana. Then, she looked at Severus and sighed.

"Since I laid my eyes on her I knew she was special. She was honest and humble. And she had... this - uh - this desire to take care of others without requiring anything in exchange... it's not every day I see people like her, and I do see a lot of people every day," Severus didn't reply, but he nodded his head, acknowledging her description of the woman he loved and lost without telling her his true feelings for her. How stupid he was.

With a scissor, Pomfrey started cutting her clothes to expose her wounds.

"Severus, I'll need you to leave. I'm going to wash her body and tend her wounds. Please bring me clean and comfortable clothes from her chambers," she said.

"I - I can't go there. No one can know she's alive," he said.

Pomfrey frowned and looked at him in a curious look.

"I cannot tell you much, Pomfrey. It is already a danger that you know about her presence here," he simply replied, stepping out of the bedroom.

For days Pomfrey visited Severus and took care of Ana. She used the rarest and most expensive healing potions and ointments she had and Severus even bought the best he knew about, spending whatever money they cost. There were no limitations when it came to bringing her back to life. But Pomfrey still hasn't' seen any sign of progress as the first week went by.

Still, she went there every day, several times per day even, healing her, washing her wounds to avoid infections and making sure Severus was taking good care of her. Knowing she wouldn't wake up (at least not that soon), Pomfrey made sure her blood received the nutrients it needed to make her body have the tools to fight for her life.

Severus watched as Pomfrey spent hours in his bedroom, taking care of Ana. He also watched her desperation as she had no results and left his chambers with her head down.

He'd go to his bedroom, sat at the end of the bed and simply remained there for hours until his headmaster's duties required his attention. 

It was hard for him to conciliate being the headmaster, try to control the school and protect it against the Death Eaters wandering around, punishing the students in the most terrible ways. Several students had abandoned the school because of those abuses and Severus had to take control over them. Besides that, he still had to take care of Ana and pay attention to any improvement, even if it's very small.

"Severus," Pomfrey called his name as she noticed how he was lost in his thoughts, his eyes glued to Ana's body lying in his bed. He has been sleeping on his couch because he didn't want to be discourteous, but he wanted so badly to have her in his arms again, looking up at him with the lovely gleam behind her eyes. He missed it... He missed her so much that it was destroying him inside, and she was right there, in his bed. "Severus... maybe we should move her to another place, where she can have healers and nurses taking care of her at every hour --"

"-- No! She cannot leave. It is unsafe for her," he objected, getting up from the edge of the bed and approaching Ana to brush her hair with the tip of his fingers, trying to stop his hands from shaking.

"What mysterious secrets are you hiding, dark man?" Pomfrey whispered as if she was asking it to herself.

"It is safer if you ask no more questions..." He looked up at her with a hard mask. "Our minds are fragile and can be easily accessed by anyone with the power to do so... Knowing Ana is still lingering here is too much risk to you... To me... And to  _her_..."

"Are you referring to... You-Know-Who?"

Severus nodded his head and looked back at Ana.

"Obliviate me, then. Change my memories," she said all of a sudden, making Severus snap his head at her in confusion. "I want you to do it because I want her to survive. I don't know if she is going to be healthy, I have some serious doubts and it pains me to watch her like this every day... I want her to survive and be the best healer I have ever met..."

"She has too..." Severus whispered, his voice breaking.

"So, obliviate me, then. Make me help you without knowing it's her," Pomfrey said. "Do it, now."

Severus didn't hesitate.

He erased the past few days from her memory and made new memories, making her believe she was helping Severus heal a friend who was severely wounded. Pomfrey wouldn't remember the horrible condition Ana was, nor the hours she spent taking care of her.

He was alone when Pomfrey left after he obliviated her and for some reason, the silence was harder for him to bear. Severus was alone and that is never good. That's when he listens to his head, telling him awful things about who he was, the darkness of his past and how he would never be happy because he is not meant to be happy; The voice that tells him Ana was doomed because he was in her life and that if she wakes up, she will soon see him for what he truly is: an evil soul. And she will eventually figure out she did not love him and never will.

Before he knew it, he had assaulted his own stock of Whiskey. It has been locked for years as he was used to drinking it very often a few years ago. Then, he realized drinking wouldn't make his pain go away and he locked all the bottles away. Until that day.

With a cup in his hand and the bottle in the other, he entered the bedroom and sat on the floor, right by Ana's side.

" _Cheers_ ," he muttered to no one, drinking a whole glass of Whiskey. 

And for hours, that was what he did. He sat there, emptying the bottle of expensive Whiskey someone gave him. He didn't remember who gave it to him, though, but may Merlin bless such soul.

When he fell asleep with his head against the mattress, his thoughts finally gave him some peace. There were no dark dreams or thoughts. Severus simply dreamt about Ana, about her beautiful shiny eyes, gleaming at him with love. It was such a perfect dream, such a perfect hope. He didn't need much. All he needed was her by his side, far away from that horrible life. That was all he wanted and that was all he dreamt at night.

For another week, Severus drowned himself in alcohol.

He'd wake up with a headache and bad humor. Then, he'd wash Ana's body with Pomfrey's healing oils, cursing himself for admiring Ana's fragile body and wishing she was awake to look at him while he tenderly kissed her skin. But her eyes remained shut and he had to stop such thoughts and desires. Even in such a deadly condition, Ana was beautiful, attractive and she made him feel fire through every fiber of his being. If she only knew what she provoked on him... If she only knew what he wanted to do to her...

Dismissing his out of control mind, he'd finish cleaning her and would go take a shower, starting drinking in the morning. 

Eventually, he'd smash his glass against the wall, hating himself for Ana's condition and his own. Then, he'd repair the glass and continue drinking.

Outside of the walls of his chambers, he'd be gloomier than ever. No one could talk to him if it wasn't truly necessary and he even broke the nose of one of the death eaters who were in Hogwarts just because he laughed. The sound of happiness made him explode. There was nothing but rage and sorrow inside of his heart, and nothing was enough to make him less pained.

At night, he'd go back to his chambers, would sit by Ana's side and talk to her, or read, or simply admire her.

He noticed some differences in her every day, but he thought the alcohol was responsible. But she had more color in her face, she was still pale, but her cheeks were almost crimson,  _as usual_ , her lips were plumper and were purple no more.

Fighting against himself, he lost, and he leaned in, brushing his lips against hers. He planted several kisses on her lips, sobbing as she didn't kiss him back. He cried, cupping her cheeks, kissing her over and over again, telling her how much loves her. But she simply didn't wake up.

"Wake up, love. Come back to me," he begged as he stared at her closed eyelids.

He searched for his wand and threw a bunch of spells to wake her up, but none of them were efficient. So, Severus threw his wand away again and hugged Ana for hours, crying and telling her how much she meant to him. Telling everything he wished he could have said. 

Pomfrey's words lingered the back of his mind.  _She might never wake up, Severus... She might survive, but how much is she going to live? Is she going to be the same? Will she keep her mind intact? Will she stay in a comma forever or in a vegetative state?  She lost so much blood... It's more likely that she will have brain damage. And what then? What will happen?_

He knew she was right, but she didn't want to believe in such fate. Not after everything!

The memories only made it worse. The memories of the first time he met Ana. The first time he looked into her eyes. He remembered every moment he spent with her, and that was his curse. Such prized memories kept playing on a loop in his head for the past years, making his heart yearn for her. He almost kissed her several times before. Fighting against his desires, he was able to hide his feelings for a long time. But when Ana kissed him after they had dinner with Albus and Minerva, he was never able to hide it anymore. After that, all he wanted was to feel her lips against his. And now, he might never feel her warm and lips moving in sync with his.

Groaning, he hopped out of bed.

It was frustrating for him the fight against his thoughts. He didn't want to believe she was not going to come back to him. It wasn't a possibility for him!

 _Another day, another failure_. That was his last thought before closing his eyes on the couch, defeated by tiredness and grief. 

 _I am not going to give up_ , he'd tell himself.  _She has to come back to me._

And then, he'd fall asleep, tears drying on his skin until the next morning when he'd do it all over again, hoping that day might be different.

 


	47. Chapter 47

I opened my eyes, feeling odd.

I couldn't remember why I have been asleep in the first place. I didn't remember what happened nor where I was. My body felt strange... Like it was in the process of learning how to function properly.

My first thought was about the nightmare I had. I saw Voldemort and the Death Eaters. I saw a lot of things that I wish I hadn't seen. It was strange because the thought of such images paralyzed every inch of my being as if I was in a pure state of terror and I couldn't even move a single finger. It was like my body was not my body anymore. 

The skin on my face seemed strange too. I could feel tears drying on my cheeks. And my eyes were sore as I tried to open them and inspect my surroundings. Everything around me was blurred and dark as I tried to get used to the dim light of that place. So, I blinked several times, until the lights didn't hurt me anymore.

My next decision was to move, get up, do something.

At first, my body was throbbing and hurting in every inch and I felt tired just for trying to make it move, but eventually, I managed to slightly move my fingers, curling them up. A small victory, for whatever reason. Then, a few minutes later, I moved my hands and my arms, groaning as if I was heavy lifting. Slowly, my body seemed like it started to wake up as I felt other parts, like my legs, my tights, my stomach, and my chest...

That is when I gasped in horror.

That pain...

The last images on my mind were Bellatrix's face, her knife, and the pain she inflicted on my stomach and on my chest. The same pain I was feeling at the moment. It burnt my skin and all I could do was whine, try to make an audible sound. But I was too weak.

Eventually, my hands touched those throbbing spots and that's when I felt several bandages covering my skin and realized:

_It wasn't a nightmare!_

I desperately tried to move or talk, but my body was still trying to react to my commands.

I was stabbed.  _Several times_. Torturously and with no compassion.

My mind replayed everything, now as a memory of what truly happened and all I could do was cry.

How I was still alive, I didn't know. Well, I didn't know if I was alive in the first place. But I fought hard to figure it out as I continued to force my limbs to become alive and do something. For ten minutes I forced my mind, to see if there was anything left of my strength to get up. 

My left leg moved slowly and fell off the bed. Then, the second leg moved and followed the other to the floor. I used my right arm to raise my body up, not wanting to move the wounded parts too much.

Several questions popped my mind at the moment. Did Voldemort achieve his goals? Where we at war? If yes, are we winning, or did we lose already? Most importantly, how long have I been out?

I started to see more properly under the dim light and I recognized the robes in the corner of that room.

"Severus..." I whispered as I realized from whom was that room.

A sudden feeling of relief washed over me and a wave of strength made me try to get up.

 _Hogwarts. Those were his chambers in Hogwarts_.

As soon as my feet touched the floor and supported my body weight, I realized how weak I was and almost tumbled down. I cursed myself for not being able to walk straight, acknowledging it was something that we took for granted, so I held on to any furniture that I could find and walked out of Severus' bedroom, whishing that he was the first face I see.

An eerie smell lingered in the air and I couldn't decipher what it was, but I ignored it and continue my slow walk. There was also this unsettling stillness that caused shivers down my spine.

Severus heard a noise coming out of the bedroom, but he had no strength to move from the kitchen. He thought he was crazy, as he heard my voice, softly calling his name. Probably the fact that he has been locked inside of those chambers with my almost lifeless body had made his mind go insane for good and he was at the point where he starts imagining things that weren't there. But when he heard the noises again and saw the bedroom door opening very slowly, he gulped and almost fell to the floor as all his strength seemed to abandon his body.

He simply stood there, leaning against the kitchen furniture, waiting.

It couldn't be me. He just saw me one hour ago. He woke up, did his new morning routine for the last weeks, cleaning my wounds and the rest of my body, taking a shower and wandering through the castle to check if everything was ok. Then, he came back to his kitchen to prepare a simple breakfast to calm down his stomach. I was still unconscious when he left that morning. How could it be me?

Maybe someone sneaked into his chambers.

Maybe the Death Eaters found out her body and finished the job and now they were coming for him.

Maybe he went crazy.

Then, the image of a very weak me finally awakened and walking lightened up his cold and broken heart. The shattered pieces of his soul immediately came back together and he felt his mind healing for a moment. That sight was the most relieving and scary image of his life. Probably scarier than when he found me lying dead on the floor. I was pale, significantly thinner, but  _undeniably beautiful_ , he thought to himself.

He saw me as a fragile little porcelain doll that could break at any moment and losing me scared him more than ever.

"You shouldn't be out of bed." The unrelenting voice of Severus Snape startled me and I almost fell on the floor. He was quick enough to grab me and escort me to the comfortable couch of his living room, his eyes staring at me in disbelief.

Severus kneeled in front of me slowly and quietly, his hands clutched around my pale hands, and his eyes glued to mine. I couldn't help but notice how they were filled with a grave gleam of concern and tiredness... and I could swear that they were puffy and red from crying. 

_Severus Snape doesn't cry. Does he?_

There was also this unusual behavior and a strange posture he was trying to hide, something that truly bothered me. _  
_

"What happened?" I asked weakly. My throat was dry and it seemed like I've been asleep for months because talking was really hard and uncomfortable.

"You -- don't remember?" He asked, blinking at me slightly hesitant.

"Yes... Vaguely." I touched my heart, where I was wounded, showing him that I remember what happened. I pulled my t-shirt down to look to my own chest -  _by the way, it wasn't my t-shirt. It seemed one of Severus_ -, took the bandage off and saw a scar just over my breast, instantly panicking at the extent of the wound.Then I pulled my t-shirt up to see the rest of them and Severus stopped me, by placing his hands over mine. "How long have I been out?"

Severus looked down, voiceless.

"Severus," I called and he raised his head, his teary eyes taking me aback.

"A month... I -- I didn't even know if you would wake up or - or if you'd be you... It's a miracle that you're alive and walking..." He then avoided my gaze, looking everywhere but me, probably trying to conceal his tears. He told me everything that happened after he found me, how Narcissa helped me -  _As I thought: she's not a bad person -_ and how he's been taking care of me, along with Madame Pomfrey, without anyone knowing it.

"So, everyone thinks I'm...  _dead_." I eventually said after a brief moment of silence while I was processing the information, and Severus nodded. "... And you've been taking care of me and fighting a war while being hated by everyone?" He nodded again, and an unreadable expression formed on his face. It as a mix of sadness, tiredness, relief, anxiety, and nervousness.

"It was all for yo... -- You have bewitched me... --  And if it wasn't for Narcissa..."  He wasn't able to finish any of his sentences, as it seemed like it was too painful for him to speak properly. I was trying to find the right words to express my gratitude, but Severus got up before I could say anything, heading to the kitchen. "You need to eat."

"Severus..." I called and he ignored.

"Something  _soft_..." He talked lowly while moving things in the kitchen abruptly, knocking things down, hitting them hard against the surface of the table. I heard him groaning in wrath. "I don't even know how the bloody potion works, I feel ignorant and incompetent!"

"Severus!" I called louder and I caught his attention when I tried to get up from the couch. "I'm alive, thanks to you. It's ok now, it's--"

I was interrupted by his abrupt approach, as he rushed to my side and grabbed both my shoulders.

"You don't understand, do you? It is not ok!!! You...  _died_!" He looked me in the eyes while a sob escaped his mouth. His gaze was penetrating and overwhelming as it seemed like he was trying to find something in my eyes, and when he couldn't, he growled in frustration. "I failed! I failed to protect you and you died... You w-w-were there, laying lifeless for weeks!"

"I'm here." I freed myself from his grip and cupped his cheeks. He flinched at my touch but didn't pull away. Instead, he closed his eyes and let a tear escape his eyes. 

"I lost you..." He muttered and I nodded, prepared to protest, but he proceeded to talk. "I realized that moment how much you mean, how much I need you in my life... It was much more than I thought, more than ever thought possible... I love you..." He admitted, making me widen my eyes in surprise. "I --  _I love you_..." He repeated as if it was strange to hear himself saying out loud. "I never thought I'd say this to anyone, but I do love you, so much... And -- and when I arrived at the mansion... it was too late... I lost you."

"You didn't..." I whispered, feeling overwhelmed with his confession and planted a soft kiss on his lips to make him feel the truth behind my next words. "I was yours since the beginning, Severus. You can never lose me. I love you too, I always did." I kissed him again and it seemed to finally wake him up from his trance as he pulled me by my waist very carefully and deepened the kiss.

That moment we forgot about all the problems, all the pain, and loss, and we gave in to our love. I wasn't expecting him to break the kiss so soon, I was really into continuing the kiss for a long time. But it seemed like it was causing him more sensations than it was supposed to. And he felt embarrassed about it. I was awake and healing but I was still severely wounded, he couldn't simply give in even though both of us were eager to be in each other arms again.

"I'm sorry..." He said leaning his forehead against mine. "If I don't stop..."

"It's ok." I smiled, planting another quick kiss on his lips.

"You should eat now, Ana. And you're going back to bed." I groaned in frustration and he gave me a harsh look, making me roll my eyes.

Severus made sure I was well enough to be left alone on the couch and walked to the kitchen to finish what he was preparing. He made tea and gathered some butter cookies. He said I needed something soft to my stomach, it has been too long since I ate and he didn't want to make me sick. 

While I ate, Severus told me everything that happened while he was away, brewing the potion for Voldemort and while I was recovering. He has been trying to help Harry Potter without uncovering his true loyalty and it has proved to be really hard, as Harry and his friends simply vanished a few days ago. 

It was hard for me to hear him speaking about the war and knowing there was a chance that none of us can survive. I wondered what would Severus say if I asked him to run away with me, without looking back. Probably he'd say I was insane, but I wondered... 

For the next days, I remained hidden in Severus' chambers, healing, hearing his news about the upcoming war and feeling frustrated because I couldn't help if it happened at any moment. The thing that was truly making me feel angry was the fact that I still hadn't been able to properly use my powers. I didn't even know if I still had them. I felt nothing. Like an emptiness in my head that I couldn't perceive what it was. Not that it hurt or anything, it just felt weird.

Severus noticed how bothered I seemed sometimes, but he never really had the courage to ask me why I seemed so distant sometimes. One night, when both of us were laying on his bed, my head resting on his chest and his arms around me, pulling me closer to his body. The way his hand stroked my skin over my shoulder made me shiver. It always makes me shiver. Severus has been taking care of me and treating me tenderly like I was the most fragile thing in the world, which only ignited more feelings inside of me.

When I shared my concerns about my powers, he furrowed his brows and looked down at me.

"Why would you think about your powers when you're still healing?" He asked me what seemed like an offended tone. As if it wasn't my place to think about such things. It kinda irritated me, but I dismissed those thoughts.

"I feel like this war is going to start at any moment, and I need to be prepared," I stated, pulling myself up to look at him.

"Ana, you bled to death. It is a miracle you're here," Severus replied and I noticed a stressed tone in his voice. He pulled himself up too, supporting his weight on his elbows.

"You are right," this made Severus furrow, even more, his face. I was agreeing with him, which is something that rarely happens. "-- and I've learned that everything happens for a reason. If I'm alive, it is not to stay in your bed all day," I replied, crossing my arms.

Severus sighed and lowered his head as if he was giving up. He knew that it was strange having me agreeing with him... It would be too good to be true. He pulled me down with him, cupped my cheek and made me look up to his beautiful brown eyes, speaking in a low tone.

"Not that I mind having you in my bed all day, but I know you're right... I -- I simply cannot endure losing you again," he confessed, the humbleness behind his now soft voice touched my heart. I released one of my hands from his grip and tenderly stroked his cheek.

"You won't lose me, I promise you --" I stopped for a moment as an image, or some kind of vision clouded my mind. It was almost a memory, a warning of something I've been warned before. 

 _Nagini_...  _Severus..._

I winded my eyes and the memories of such a nightmare, slightly pulling away from Severus' arms.

"What is it?" He asked worriedly.

"I -- I... D-do you still have the healing potion and the anti-venom with you?" 

Severus eyed me for a while, wondering why on Earth I was aking such a question at a moment like that. Even himself had forgotten about the nightmare I had a few weeks ago and the warnings I gave him. As he promised that night, he did gather such potions, and he had them with him all the time. When he promises something, he intends to keep it.

"I do," he said. "I promised you I'd have them with me and I do."

He opened his robes and showed me the small vessels carefully hidden.

"Thank you," I said, even though I wasn't completely assured that he was going to be alright. 

"But you shouldn't be worrying about such a thing. You should be resting --" As I was prepared to protest, Severus raised his hand to dismiss anything I was about to say. "As you said before, war can start at any moment. You need to rest to be prepared."

I narrowed my eyes at him, knowing he had used my own words against me. There was nothing else I could say to stop him from carrying me to his bed, so I simply kept myself closer to his body and allowed his scent to sway me and guide me to a peaceful sleep.


	48. Chapter 48

For one week and a half after I woke up from the almost lethargic state, I remained hidden in Severus' chambers. He was now the headmaster of Hogwarts, Voldemort himself commanded him to take such a position and be helped by two other Death Eaters. Severus away was most of the time, doing the headmaster's work and also wandering the corridors to prevent those two monsters from harming the students. 

Several times he returned to his chambers mad because they physically punished some students. They needed no reason to do such a thing, which angered Severus even more.

Voldemort was getting ready every day, gathering more forces to attack the wizarding community and take over the fate of the world. According to Severus, it is just a matter of time until he decided to go through with the attack. Only if he knew where Harry was, he could do something to help him. Time was ticking and the boy didn't even know the truth about his scar, about his connection do Voldemort, about everything. That was infuriating Severus even more and there was nothing I could do to help him relax.

I cooked dinner for him, much to his displeasure. He said he should be the one doing those things to me since I was still healing, but I ignored him,  _obviously_ , and repeated the gesture over and over again.

Being as respectful as he is, Severus refused to sleep in the same bed as I did. He gave me his bedroom while he slept on the couch, even though I almost begged him not to do such a thing. It was his bed, after all, I was the one that should be sleeping on the couch, but the truth is that we wouldn't do something we didn't do before, right? So, why wouldn't he simply lay and sleep with me?

Maybe he was just scared that he might hurt me, maybe he didn't want to push me to my limit. And I loved him more knowing that he would put my wellbeing fist than his desires.

One day, Severus was called in the middle of the night. Someone knocked at his chambers' door and I overheard him arguing with one of the death eaters.

Then, I heard him slam the door and I peeked through the bedroom door.

When I realized he was alone again and saw his fists clenched against the door, I walked to the living room.

"Sev... What's wrong?"

"Potter... He was seen in Hogsmeade. The Dark Lord is coming."

I froze, not knowing what to do. All I could do was walk to him and take his fists off the door and hug him, burying my head on the crook of his neck. Without speaking for a long moment, we stood there, just feeling each other embrace and comforting our troubled minds. Severus would be called soon, Hogwarts would be under attack, students and staff will probably die and there was nothing he could do...

Me, on the other hand, I still had no signs that my powers were back. Maybe I lost them for good, or maybe I was still too weak to use them... And that concerned me deeply... I would be useless in this war.

Severus pulled away from me, as something popped his mind.

"Of course, how could I not remember that before?" He said out loud, pulling away from me and rushing to his small personal storage. I heard him moving things, knocking a few vessels to the ground and when he left the small storage room, I noticed he had a few potions in his hands and a petal of the rare Lotus flower he had there. I remembered him saying something about having special traits, capable of healing almost any wound if properly prepared.

I had no idea why on earth he was using it if it was so rare.

"Sev --"

"I must go, Ana. I must go to the potions room, I beg you not to wander and put yourself in danger. I'll be back as soon as I finish this," he said, rushing to the main door.

I walked behind him and stopped him before he opened the door.

"Severus, what are you going to do?"

"A tea," he said nonchalantly, looking at me. 

"A tea...?"

"Yes," he said. "For you."

I blinked at him.

"You're rushing out of your chambers tonight because you're going to make tea?"

"Special tea. To help you heal faster. And maybe, just maybe, there's the possibility of rushing your powers to be back. I do not want you defenseless when I leave."

I immediately pushed him gently to the door.

"Well, then, go!"

Severus smirked at me, pulled me to him by my waist, and, without giving me an opportunity to speak, he pressed his lips against mine, kissing me passionately for a moment before rushing out of his chambers and leaving me alone, bedazzled by his delightful lips.

_Damn..._

I sat on the couch, waiting.

For hours.

It was late and I was tired, but I needed to know he was ok. So I waited. And waited. Before I knew it, I was searching for his bookshelves for something interesting. There were books about Potions and Potions and more Potions. There were also books about dark arts and dark magic. Lots of them actually. Too many.

I should have a conversation with Severus about them. I have no idea why on earth he had those kinds of books on his private library.

Severus had shared with me his interest in the Dark Arts before, which only increased as his hatred towards the Marauders developed to something darker and consuming. When he was studying in Hogwarts, as Lily grew apart from him, he joined the Slytherin's bullies, his heart stained in darkness as time passed by. Eventually, he was recruited to join the Death Eaters, and as a way to have Lily's affections back, he did join them. His use of Dark Magic was frequent by the time, and he did a lot of things he now regrets more than anything. 

When she died was Albus, who became his closest and only trusted friend, who vowed to never talk about his love for Lily if he protected Harry. Dark Arts, according to his promises, were never used by him again, except when he used the killing curse to kill Albus...

Such memories replayed in my mind in a loop and, for a moment, I didn't know when I'll forget Severus killed Albus, my true father. I probably never will... Only time will tell me.

A bunch of thoughts flooded my mind, creating questions and doubts about the situation we were living at the moment. The war, the deaths and everything that will happen that will decide our future. I mean, it's a turning point in our lives and, if we both survive this fight, how will things turn out after? The school, Severus' reputation, his love for me... How will our relationship evolve, if it is a relationship and if it is to evolve?

I had no doubts about my feelings for him, that's for sure, but my hope was that he stays true to his feelings after the war is over -- if it's ever going to be over.

I sighed, picking up a random book from his shelf. 

Not that it wasn't interesting, it could be, for someone who's interested in the healing properties of dessert rare flowers. Severus does have a special passion for rare flowers, that I can tell. I tried to divert my mind from such thoughts, such doubts, but it was hard for me not to think about them. I've been close in his chambers for two weeks, and most of the time I was alone. I had a lot of thoughts going on.

The door suddenly opened and Severus rushed back in.

A vial was in his hand.

He walked to the kitchen, picked a mug and some water and mixed it with the content of the vessel.

"Drink it," he said out of breath as if he ran from the potions' classroom to his chambers.

"Uh, ok, I trust you not to poison me," I said, which made him roll his eyes.

"It's perfectly brewed," he reassured me. "You can drink it."

"Modest man," I mocked him as I approached the mug to my lips. I flinched. "It's hot."

"Stop whining, we won't have much time to blow it colder," he replied.

"Jeez, calm down man, you're making me more nervous than I already am," I said, blowing some fresh air to the tea for a while, to make it less hot. "Cheers," I said before drinking it till the last drop.

I made a grimace at the taste and Severus curled one side of his lips. 

"Sorry," he said. "It does not smell good, it must not taste good."

"No shit," I said, making another grimace. "I'm not feeling anything different."

"It takes time, I'm sure," Severus replied, taking the mug to the kitchen.

 _You're sure? It means you still have a percentage of doubt._ I thought to myself, not wanting to bother Severus by saying it out loud. The fact that I didn't say it, didn't mean Severus didn't acknowledge my fear.

"You do trust my brewing skills, do you not?" He asked, a pinch of mockery masked behind his gruff tone.

"I do... I do..." I smiled at him, but it didn't reach my eyes. Severus is always so perceptive and knows how to read me, so it was pointless to hide my thoughts from him. "... But I'm at a point in my life that I am not sure of what to think, what to believe in, or what to feel," I said and noticed Severus' expression hardening for real. "This is such a turmoil of emotions, I don't know... I don't know..."

"What do you not know? Ana, you can share your worries with me," he said, a clear grimace of worry flashing through his face. Severus approached me and pulled me to a hug. 

"Everyone thinks I'm dead. I'm locked in here, alone most of the time... It... it takes a toll on my mind, I guess..." I admitted out loud. I was doubting everything I believed in, but I was afraid to share it with, for some reason. "If we win, if we end this... what then? I mean, how is life going to be? What am I going to do with my life? Albus is dead, the Weasleys would be too busy taking control of their lives, and I - I -"

"-- and you have  _me_ ," he said, furrowing his brows and pulling away to look down at me.

"You say that now, but after this is all over, I'm sure you'll have a lot to handle and figure out. I mean, uh, e-everyone thinks you're on Voldemort's side, everyone thinks you're a t-traitor, b-but this school still needs a p-proper headm-a-aaster, which I'm certain it's y-you, and y-you have a life to take care of, to - to," I stuttered, and noticed how Severus' hard expression dropped and a weak smile appeared on his lips. "Why are you smiling?" He didn't answer and his smirk grew larger. "Stop mocking me!"

"I am not mocking you," he said, planting a soft kiss on my lips. "I am enjoying the way you think I will put you to the side when this is over -- Are you really that daft, Ana? "

"Excuse me??? I --"

Severus pressed his lips against mine to shut me, which, I must say, it worked.

I opened my eyes at him, bedazzled.

"I made you mine. Only death will tear that down," he said. "When this is all over, if we both survive, of course, I want you by my side, for the good or the bad, if -- you want to."

I gulped, smiling shyly at him.

"Really?"

"I promise you," his smile ended up vanishing from his beautiful face. "I must go now, Ana. We're getting into a critical point here. The students are now being escorted to the Great Hall."

"Why?" I asked as he pulled away from me.

"I have to find Potter," he said, walking to the door. "I need to speak privately with him and share what I know. Only then we will have a chance to win."

"What if you can't be alone with him? How will you --" He showed me a small vessel with a transparent liquid. "What's that?"

"Tears. My tears. My memories," he said. "Everything I have in my mind will now be on Potter's reach. I hope this works. I truly hope we're able to survive and be together, Ana. Nothing would make me happier. I love you."

"I love you," I said, tears strolling down my cheeks as I watched him close the door. "Stay safe for me."

"You too," he simply said before closing the door.


	49. Chapter 49

I woke up panting, Voldemort's voice still haunting me.

What I thought was just a nightmare, was in fact, real. Voldemort was speaking in my mind.  But not just for me. It seemed like he was speaking to more people... to Hogwarts... the students. Something was wrong...

My thoughts were snapped away from me as I heard a lot of noise coming from the corridor. It seemed like people were running, rushing through the stone floor, talking in hurried tones, some were just yelling.  _Did the war just begin? I just have been asleep for, what, half an hour?_

After Severus left the chambers, I felt more peaceful. Maybe it was because of his lovely words, maybe it was because of the tea. Who knows? The truth is that I was relaxed and when I leaned back my head against the couch in his living room, I closed my eyes and drifted away. But after a while. I felt something burning in the back of my mind and I heard his voice... It was like it was e everywhere: in my head, on the walls, on the floor... It felt like I woke up in hell.

I got up and walked to the front door, reluctant about opening it and peeking.

Last time I opened a door, things didn't go that well...

I opened it anyway.

There were students and staff running through the corridors like they were looking for something. I furrowed my brows and tried to hear what they were saying. It was impossible, the noise was too loud and aggressive to my hears. My hearing was ridiculously powerful and painful.

I widened my eyes when another pair of eyes glanced in my direction. The features of that person became oddly pale as if I was a ghost.

Minerva rushed in my direction and I tried to close the door.

_I fucked up, again._

"Ana!!!" She yelled, waving her wand to stop the door from closing.

She burst it open and scanned my body with her eyes.

"I was told you were dead!!! That Bellatrix Lestrange killed you! What -- how??"

"It's true," I said, feeling my cheeks grow red.

"Then, why are you alive? And on a traitor's chambers? Wearing his clothes!" She said in an offended tone.

"He is not a traitor," I objected, pulling her to Severus chambers and closing the door behind her.

"He is," Minerva sternly stated.

"No -- "

"Are you on his side? Are you a traitor too?" 

I opened my mouth in shock.

"I'm on his side, but I am not a traitor, nor Severus."

"Did he killed Albus or did he not?"

_Well..._

"He did --"

"He is a traitor, then. And you're on his side?" Minerva huffed angrily.

"Minerva --"

" -- Albus took care of you. He bought you here to Hogwarts, he helped you discovering yourself --"

"I know, but --" I tried to explain to her what happened, but she didn't shut up.

"He adopted you, Ana!"

And I would always be grateful for his act of kindness. I will never forget what he did to me, how he became a dear friend of mine in that small coffee shop in King' Cross station and how he embraced me in his arms and called me his daughter years later.

"I KNOW! I KNOW! Severus killed Albus, and -- " 

"And he is a traitor!"

"For God's sake woman, would you just listen to me!?" I was completely angry because she simply didn't want to understand what I was trying to tell her. I had to raise my voice to call for her attention. "Severus is on our side, please, please trust me."

Minerva looked at me with a harsh look, but she closed her eyes and sighed, not desiring to continue such an argument.

"How are you even alive?"

"I can't tell you that yet," I said. "But Severus took care of me while I was healing."

"Did you really die?" She asked, doubt still lingering her voice.

"Yes. I was dead when Severus found me. And I will tell you everything that happened when this is over... But please, I can't tell you anything else. It's already a danger for you, knowing I am alive. Please, just -- trust me and trust the brilliant mind my father had."

Minerva looked at me, her brain telling her not to believe in me, but her heart begged her to give me the benefit of doubt.

"... And you can't tell anyone I'm alive."

"Why?"

"Because I'm still gathering strength, trying to get my powers back to me, so I'm completely helpless in time being."

"I can make a few protection spells to Severus' chambers," she said, drawing her wand.

"He already did that," I said immediately, making Minerva stop and look at me.

"There's nothing much I can do now, is it?" She said after a moment, a sad frown taking over her features.

"No, I'm afraid not... Why is Harry here?" I asked since I couldn't understand why I couldn't hear properly what the students were saying in the corridors. It was like they were talking so loud that it echoed through my ears, making their words utterly nonunderstandable.

"He is looking for something to help defeat you know who."

"What is it he is looking for?"

Minerva stared at me blankly, a strange grimace in her face.

"He -- he doesn't know."

I furrowed my brows and she sighed, knowing how stupid that sounded.

"Didn't Albus leave him any clue about what it might be?"

"You know Albus even better than I did," she said. "What do you think?"

"Yeah, you're right..."

"I should be going, to protect the school," she said. "I truly hope you're right... Take care of yourself, Ana."

"You too, Minerva. Thank you," she turned around and I called her name, making her stop. She turned around, lifting a brow and stared at me, waiting for whatever I wanted to say. It was strange, I called her with no intention behind it. It was like someone spoke for me. "I -- When... when you see Harry, please tell him t-to..." There was something on my mind, but I couldn't figure it out. My head started spinning and I had to sit down on the couch. 

"Are you feeling alright?" She asked, approaching me.

I felt my heartbeat increasing very quickly, and it was getting hard to breathe, but there was no way I was going to keep Minerva from protecting the school.

"Go -- tell Harry to speak to L-l-luna. She knows..."

"What?"

"Go! Tell him that. I don't know why. Just -- just go."

Minerva rushed out of the chambers slightly reluctant. She noticed how pale I turned in an instant, as it seemed that I lost all the strength in my body. Maybe I was still recovering from whatever happened to me, but, even though she was worried, she had a school to protect. She had to fight by her friend's side, no matter what the costs might be.

Taking a last look at my fragile figure, she forced herself to close the door and proceed with her goal. 

I was left alone once again, the noise that was coming from outside intensifying by the second. It was maddening and painful at the same time. I felt as if my brain was on the verge of exploding, my body was burning as if I had a fever. My head was spinning aggressively as I felt my body floating. I was drifting away again, but I knew I wasn't falling asleep... I was blacking out.

With a hand on the side of the couch, I tried to drag my body and lay carefully, but I lost every last pinch of strength I had and everything became black.

My body was completely cold, but I didn't feel it. It was going through a change in its essence, but I was not aware of it. A wave of energy messed with my heart and my brain and, part of me realized it was messing with my soul too... Not in a bad way, though. I felt a peaceful sensation like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. So, it was a pleasant feeling.

I saw Severus in some kind of dream. 

I didn't realize what was happening immediately. I just felt his essence, his soul. He was fearful and bothered, and he was speaking to someone. I called his name. Several times. I tried to see him, to look for him, but all I could see was a boat and water. 

Then, a feeling of danger took over me and I forced myself to wake up from that illusion.

Panting, wincing painfully, I managed to open my eyes and acknowledge that I was awake. Then, Voldemort's voice was heard once again. He was retrieving his forces, ceasing the battle for now, as long as Harry presents himself to die. Hearing his voice is troubling enough, but hearing it in my mind felt like Lucifer himself was speaking to me.

I got up slowly from the couch, feeling something different in my body. I was stronger, that I could notice. What I wasn't prepared for was the excruciating pain in the back of my head as I started to listen to several voices in my head. Scared voices, worried voices, sad voices. People were crying, telling reassuring things to their loved ones. Others were planning alternatives to flee. Others were speaking of turning to Voldemort's side if they lost the war.

 _Thoughts_.

I was hearing thoughts.

I war reading minds. Loud minds. Desperate minds.

Something was happening. I had my powers back, as I noticed things around me shaking and shattering on the ground. I didn't understand why they were out of control. Why was I hearing everyone's thoughts if I was well trained to control the mind reader thing? Severus taught me well how to dominate it and hear only what I want to hear, or what's important, so I on earth was I hearing all of them?

When the stinging feeling returned at the back of my head, I felt my legs giving in and I screamed. I screamed as loud as I could, my hands grabbing my head to stop such excruciating pain.

It didn't work, though.

I crawled to the main door, trying to get help.

When I finally managed to get up, stumbling through the walls, I opened the door and halted my pace.

The superimposed noise stopped and all I could receive was a feeling of imminent danger and I paid attention to it.

I recognized the essence of such a soul. How couldn't I? Severus was connected to me in various ways, some we don't even understand, but I knew in my heart that he was in danger. That suffocating feeling told me something bad was happening to him. I had no air in my lungs, and I felt pain all over my body as if dark energy was boiling through my veins.

Without thinking, I started running through Hogwart's corridor, the feeling intensified.

Ignoring the gasps and screams as people noticed that I was alive and running, I followed my instinct. The feelings I was receiving were like a radar. I knew I had to follow it to find the source. My powers were back, I knew that for sure. It was painful to me though but I had to continue, so I ran as fast as I could crossing corridors and gardens. 

When I reached for the exit, I halted.

The exit was blocked by debris and dust. Huge blocks of stone and frames were on the ground. But I still had to walk through that doorway, I had to...

Suddenly, those piles of stones exploded... I forced my mind to find a way to make me go through them and all I could think about was opening a hole in the middle.

" _Holy shit!_ " I said to myself. I was blowing shit up!!!

"Ana!!!" I looked back and saw my favorite trio, Hermione, Harry and Ron, the three of them looking at me with confused looks. I ignored them, and as soon as I was able to go through the hole, tripping in the stones, I continued to run. I ran down a hill and stopped with eyes widened when I saw the boathouse...  _Water_...  _Boats_... 

Severus was there, I was sure.

I almost fell down the hill as I ran as fast I could. 

The imminent danger feeling was stronger and more unbearable, but I tried to overlook it and fought hard to approach the source.

When I finally entered the boathouse, I almost screamed. The sight in front me made me lose my ground and I fell on my knees.

There was blood everywhere. Severus was pale, fighting to breathe, tear running down his cheek. He was trying to reach for two vials on the floor that rolled away from his hands and where painfully far away from his reach.

 I recognized them immediately. The potions I begged him to carry around...

I reached for them and approached Severus. Lifting the two potions in each of my hands, I showed them to him.

"Which one first?" 

Severus looked at the one on my left hand and I pour it into his mouth.

"Ana?" I heard Harry's voice on my side. Severus looked at the boy and soon after Hermione and Ron were there.

I ignored him and gave Severus the other potion, which he drank immediately. Tossing the vials to the floor, I cleaned the tears from Severus' cheeks and sobbed.

"Please, don't die..." I whimpered.

"What happened?" Hermione asked.

"I think... Nagini attacked him..." I looked at Severus' dark pleading eyes, and I knew he was trying to tell me something. I didn't realize what it was, but I focused on him only. "The potions... They were supposed to do something..."

I held Severus' wrist and his heartbeat was very weak. I could barely feel it.

"It - it's not working," I whimpered. 

"Maybe... maybe it's too late," Hermione said.

"No... No, it can't be... I wouldn't be here if it was too late... I --" Severus looked at Harry and then back at me and I realized he was trying to tell me something. I didn't need more than a second to acknowledge what he needed me to do. "Is it in your robes?" I asked and Severus nodded very slowly.

"What?" Ron asked.

I searched for the vessel with his tears, his memories, what he needed to share with Harry. That's what mattered the most to him at the moment and all I wanted was everything to end as fast as possible. Placing the vessel in Harry's hands, I looked up at him with pleading eyes.

"Go to the Pensieve. Now. It is critical that you see them... Only then you will know how to defeat Voldemort," I said and smiled weakly when Harry stroked my hand. "Go!"

The trio got up immediately.

"What about you? It's dangerous to be here. Someone could come in and kill you both," Ron said.

"Let them come. I won't leave Severus," I said, not moving. My hands were brushing his hair back, as my eyes were glued to his at last.

"It's too late for him," Ron said. "It's not too late for you, Ana --"

"Then, I'll die with him," I said.

"Ron, let's go," Hermione said immediately, trying to pull him with them.

"Why???" He asked out loud. "He's a traitor!"

"BECAUSE I LOVE HIM!" I yelled, feeling the tears burning my skin on every inch they strolled down.

Silence hovered the boathouse, as the trio abandoned it, leaving me alone with the love of my life, who was dying slowly. I couldn't let that happen... Not now...

I sill remembered everything Madame Pomfrey taught me. The healing techniques we developed together. I had my powers back and they were more strong than ever, but still, I only healed small wounds, never fatal ones.

I had to try, though. I had to.

For him. For  _us._

I focused on his supplicating and pained eyes and closed mine, trying to find the essence of my power in my soul. Everything seemed amplified. It was like I could feel the floor under me, the air blowing my hair, the water flowing through the river. I could hear the mermaids on the black lake, whimpering and screaming, scared of what was happening on the surface. They were hiding under the darkness of the water, where the light couldn't hurt them. I could even hear my heartbeat. I could hear the weak heartbeat coming from Severus' heart.

I tore his robes and his shirt open, resting my hands on his crimson tainted skin and felt him - I felt his soul.

"Ana..." Severus said his first words, fighting against the aching sensation in his throat.

"Let me focus..." I whispered, my voice breaking as all I wanted to do was cry.

"Ana... please... before it's too late... Please... I love you, I love you..." He tried to tell me how much I meant for him, but he couldn't say perceptible sentences.

"I know, but you're going to tell me that several times after we win this war, please, fight for me. Let me help you now..." I opened my eyes to look at him through my tears and I finally felt like I was being pulled to him. Like I was in his body, feeling every inch of skin, every point of pain. I could identify the wounds. And once I was sure of them, I focused on healing them.

It was exhausting and I fought not to blackout. It wasn't time to faint or be weak. I had to be strong for him. I was alive for a reason, and if that reason didn't include Severus, I didn't care. I was going to save him, no matter the cost.

The anti-venom was still trying to heal his blood and the vital organs that were already affected by the deathly poison. 

I enhanced its capabilities of healing and it started running quicker through Severus' body.

Draining all my energy to his wounds now, I focused on closing them, healing the most severe first.

Severus felt his body less heavy, strength already coming to him. With one hand, he supported his body and pull himself up, seating more properly against the wall, straightening his back.

Then, he coughed, as the air was entering his lungs correctly.

"It -- it worked," he said as if he didn't believe in the potions and in me. "It worked."

I focused on tending the less severe wounds now, and it was quicker than before. My hand left his chest and I rubbed my temples, panting and sweating.

"Voldemort ordered his followers to retreat until Harry turns himself in," I said, searching for answers in Harry's mind. I was still out of breath, not believing what I just did. "And he knows the truth now, Severus... He left the Pensieve now... I think... Yes, he is going to Voldemort..."

"Your powers..." Severus said, trying to breathe more properly. His body was still healing, the potions he drank were still working.

"... Are back...  _Strangely_ more powerful..." I said.

"The tea..."

"I hope this is the most powerful I can get, I'm going insane..." I explained what was happening to me. Everything was so peaceful. Like, the war wasn't happening, like we weren't in danger, like Severus didn't almost die. It was as if it was just the both of us, spending time together, talking about random stuff. Severus heard every word, nodding his head and making the frown he usually makes when he tries to find an answer to something. The truth is that he didn't know what were the true effects of the Lotus flower, how powerful I could get, what were the consequences. Would I be that powerful forever? Or was it just temporary?

None of us knew what to do next.

Harry was going to Voldemort.

He was going to be killed.

 _What, then?_ There was only one Horcrux left. Harry realized he had to die, but the snake, Nagini, was the remaining Horcrux. After that, Voldemort could be defeated. But who would be powerful enough, or fearless enough to fight against the greatest and darkest wizard? I wouldn't allow Severus to do it, there's no way I was going to risk his life. Not after what he's been through. 

I needed to be face to face with him, but I wouldn't also be the one to defeat him.

So, what then?

"How are you feeling?" I asked him.

"Better," he said, trying to get up. I grabbed his arm and helped him get up. "How are you feeling?"

"Like shit, but I'll live," I said, smirking at him, somehow finding such words absurd but funny considering I actually died a few weeks ago.

Both of us walked back to the castle, stumbling and with great difficulty in walking. The once prominent and glorious school was now in flames, falling in pieces. Part of it was destroyed and had smoke flying through the air, the other part was terrifyingly quiet.

Severus had the same feeling as he looked up to the castle and shivered, pulling me closer to him for comfort.

We were holding on each other for support, the two of us still recovering from fatal wounds, but we would never turn our backs to that battle. Looking at each other, we leaned in and kissed one last time before rushing uphill to finally join the fight on the right side, without hiding our true self and where our loyalty stands for.


End file.
